Ruesia's Dream Journal

I had this dream the first week in June. My grandmother passed away on May 28th, 2011.

From the point of view of my Grandmother...apparently I was in Modesto. I was at an apartment complex/condos and was climbing the stairs. I began to try to put the key in the door, but it wasn't working. I was confused and kept trying. I began to knock on the door and ask to be let in- my key wasn't working.

From my point of view I came up the stairs and saw my grandma at the door of the apartment. Tears sprang to my eyes and I walked over to her. She was trying to get into the door but her key wasn't working.

"The keys not working" she remarked curiously and kept trying. I was astonished and stood there with tears in my eyes. I reached forward and touched her hand. She was REAL. I suppressed a sob and said, "But Grandma, you're dead".

And she smiled at me and replied, "No I'm not. I'm still here."

She then asked if she could have a taco and I noticed I had a Taco Bell bag in my hand. I told her of course and then I turned the knob and walked inside the door. Inside my grandpa, Uncle Les, and Uncle Mike were there. They were all solemn and sad and barely looked up when I walked in.

I was crying and Uncle Les noticed that I didn't look sad. I was staring at my grandma as she walked in and tried to talk to my Grandpa. She asked him something, I can't remember what, so I asked for her and my Uncle Les came over and said "Is she still here?"

I was afraid- afraid they'd think I was crazy and afraid they'd be mad I was talking to her, but I nodded. He smiled and said "I knew it".

"I can see her, she's here still" I said gently and my Uncle Mike walked over and started to talk to me.

--

I woke up. Even at her funeral, this dream made me smile-- because in my heart, I can feel that she isn't gone. I looked at her body and laughed and almost said "This isn't here...she's not gone. She's still here!" I'm not sure why I am so certain she's still here- but almost a month later I still don't feel like she's gone. Maybe its my body's way of protecting itself through denial.