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    Amurehna

    I have no idea what just happened.

    by , 11-15-2014 at 07:21 AM (754 Views)
    I wasn't feeling well so I took a nap. Usually when I have false awakenings, I become lucid and get annoyed by them. This time they were almost seamless but no less frustrating and very confusing. Of course they were also...leaning towards horrific, but at least it was interesting horror. Most of it anyway. The waking bits will be in this color.

    I shift restlessly in bed, my head hurts and I'm just warm enough to feel cozy. I sit up, startled by a noise, and toss the blankets aside. My dog has decided to poop on the bed. It keeps getting lost in the blankets at the foot of the bed before falling to the floor.
    From where I'm laying I can see the computer screen clearly. Frustratingly my queue into WoW still reads 5055 in queue with a wait time of 641 minutes.
    The screen blurs and I refocus my eyes, the message now says I've been disconnected. I hear my boyfriend talking to me from the other room and I express my dismay at being disconnected and punted to the tail end of a ridiculous queue.
    I focus again and it becomes the queue screen once more.
    I get out of bed, and my room is suddenly without furniture and the bed stripped bare. When I turn to look at it from the door, the mattress is laying at an angle having been tossed off the boxspring. I look down at my left hand and realize there is blue glitter all over three of my fingers. I wonder where the hell it came from and when I look around the room in confusion, I see that there is blue glitter everywhere. I stomp out of the room and into the kitchen. My boyfriend is standing in the laundry room. He asks what the hell is on my hand, and I ask him why there's glitter covering my room. He insists there isn't any glitter in my room. I pivot on my heel...shifting in bed, uncomfortable. My head pounding... I crawl out of bed at the behest of my boyfriend who is calling me into the other room. I pass by the mirror on my wall and it's like I'm looking at my sleeping body, my eyes flutter, I can barely keep them open. I make my way, slowly, into the other room. On my knees. I stand behind his computer chair. He keeps talking about how much fun he's having playing the expansion, I'm irritated because I can't even log in. He eventually asks what's wrong with me, I say that I think I'm still asleep. The world tilts and I'm laying in bed. I get up and go into the kitchen, thinking I'll make a cup of coffee. All the lights are off. Nothing feels right. Then the section of counter behind the coffee machine splits, peeling away from the wall. A sudden gout of water sprays from misplaced plumbing and I scowl, realizing I'm still dreaming. Dream logic interferes and I throw my coffee cup onto the ground, shattering it. My boyfriend enters the kitchen, asking what's going on then immediately ignores me in favor of making a milkshake...he opens the freezer, and sets the blender inside. He thinks better of that for a moment, and sets it inside the refrigerator part, and sets a command for the refrigerator to make a lot of ice for the shake. Then it's back in the freezer, full of ice cream and ice, and blending.
    "You know what would taste awesome in there?" I ask, reaching into the freezer to grab a container of ice cream I bought in WL a week ago. The lid falls of and apparently the contents have melted because it all just spills out while I'm trying to retrieve it for him. I step back, confused. I'm still dreaming. I know it. The evidence is clear now, my dog doesn't look like my dog, the laundry room is now a dining room with a long table piled high with junk and small animals, one of which is a white chihuahua with red hearts dyed on its coat.
    ....I'm suddenly laying in bed after a moment of vertigo. I'm sleepily clutching the blender bowl in one hand and fishing around inside for ice chips, which I eat. I'm half asleep, I feel so lazy and gross. I drift further into sleep.
    ....I'm laying on the edge of the bed. M is a girl from work. In WL I'm incredibly straight, as far as I know she is too, but that for some reason doesn't always transfer to my dreams. Especially this fuckin' weird thing that just happened in my subconscious. Anyway. She is suddenly there and naked, telling me to scooch over so she can lay beside me. I'm at least still wearing my clothes. I turn on my side and she spoons behind me. She runs one hand down the front of my body, complimenting my figure. Then she slides her other arm under my body, and I don't even know what the hell she did here. It was like she strung a cloth rope around my upper body, between my shoulderblades...like a cinch? And then she quite suddenly wrenched it tight with an utterance of extremely mean words, causing me bend backward like a bow with sudden agony. I cry out and writhe, begging her to stop, wondering if I'm saying any of this out loud and if my boyfriend is going to come into the room to find me acting all crazy.
    There's a fragment about watching a horrifying cartoon. It is vaguely reminiscent of Spongebob, but there's a talking snail and another creature I can't remember. They are underwater, staring out into a seaweed field. Something terrible is happening, but they don't fully comprehend the ramifications until the snail says, "I'm bleeding from my pores!" and immediately I see red welling up through his skin and his cartoony expression of horror.
    I am once more, in bed. My boyfriend comments on the random dog feces at the bed's foot. I may also have stepped in it.
    I am laying on some sort of chair dressed only in my undergarments, there's some sort of tray or table over my abdomen, like a dentist's chair. My boyfriend is hovering over me. I can't recall why. I look down at my right leg and see a livid vein from my knee to almost my pelvis. I comment aloud that it doesn't look normal. My skin starts to...ripple and bubble and then I am shaking, then convulsing. I gasp that something is wrong. For a moment I think my boyfriend is going to call an ambulance for help...instead he just forces me to the hard surface of the chair, restraining me while I thrash.

    This part actually has a story. I see a young woman with dark hair in a hallway, she's carrying two bowls of food. One for herself, and one for her roommate. Before they bunked together, they hadn't known each other, but they were both from the same country and had similar interests, and were both foreigners here. She knocks on the door, seeing a weight set in the corner. Her roommate is supposed to be a workout junkie, but this set is pristine, appearing completely unused. It feels like this is supposed to mean something, but I can't figure out what. Roomie opens the door and I find her, predictably, with a local boy. This feels like an introduction to a horror movie, the turning point where the viewer can tell that the story will twist into something terrible. For a moment I see the room over her shoulder, then I am her again.

    Everything is dark, I have lost my chance to change my path. I have made too many mistakes and I have somehow resurrected without my memories. I have one last option. A last resort. I am newly made into the dark haired girl, having died and been sent here to another layer of existence. Without my memories, there's no point. In one violent, desperate motion, I kill myself. I see her from the outside, her/my spirit standing over the corpse, taking the head between her/my hands. The scalp opens revealing the brain. She lowers her mouth to a metallic, rectangular slot. I am horrified for her, but it is the only way and there is so little time. She speaks the name of her previous incarnation and fixes the ghost of that person into her mind. "Mina." She says, then draws a breath, closing her mouth over the slot...sucking.

    There's a lapse. I am a new incarnation and I am Elsewhere, in a room full of tall patina-covered copper statues. It is a temple. There's a man speaking, the statues come to life and all head in opposite directions, taking different exits. I know I am supposed to choose one who will lead me through this...nameless Elsewhere. One of them is a particularly roguish man. I follow him outside, rushing to catch up. He flashes a self-assured smirk as he rounds the corner. I call for him to wait up.
    "How could I possibly have predicted that you would choose me. Again." He says.
    "No one knows the Elsewhere like you do." Flattery will get me into his good graces, I know. He does too.
    "That is so very true. Come along."
    The outside of the temple is bright and airy, the pathway is zigzaggy without any sort of walls or railings, and we are very high up so it would be very easy to fall off. A confused spirit confronts us, demanding for us to answer a question. I don't recall what she says to me, only that she is unsettling and she is only really intent on waylaying me, my guide is not so affected by spirits and has no concern for my well-being. I know how I'm supposed to deal with her, and I can't let her touch me or I'll be sent back to the beginning of the maze, and all the guides will be gone.
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    1. CanisLucidus's Avatar
      From where I'm laying I can see the computer screen clearly. Frustratingly my queue into WoW still reads 5055 in queue with a wait time of 641 minutes.
      Okay, I'm like 5 lines in and already being educated about something. I had no idea that there was such a thing as a wait queue in WoW. (I enjoy video games and I'm even in the business myself, but I've still not done more with WoW beyond watch friends play over the shoulder.)

      Was this part a false awakening or were you seeing real information on the screen? If I understand correctly... this would be how long you're waiting to just log in? 10 hours?

      And what a crazy collection of false awakenings! I'm not sure this was all that fun for you, but it makes for a good read seeing the way that dreams naturally flow and chain together. The series was shot through with lucidity the whole way, too. It was interesting how it seemed to irritate you to realize that you were still dreaming. Do you know why you found it annoying in the moment to realize that you were dreaming? Do you feel like you have any mental associations with lucidity that are less than positive?
    2. Amurehna's Avatar
      There isn't usually a queue, it was release night for a new expansion. Unfortunately, every level 90 in WoW existence converged on the portal into the next zone and the world server kept crashing. There was so much lag and so many people that you couldn't SEE all the other people, they wouldn't load in. So they took down the servers and set a population cap that resulted in obnoxiously long queue times. On Friday when I tried to log in, my queue started at 5899. I started the queue at 5:40pm and waited so long that by the time I was under 500, I had to go to bed and that was at 12:30AM. They've fixed it now, but that was the real queue screen. Horrifying, isn't it? hehe The time on it wasn't definite, that damn thing kept fluctuating every few seconds, from 23 minutes to 920 minutes. o.O

      As you know, dream emotions are so complex. There's so much conveyed in just a moment that it's hard to explain them. I felt confused and slightly wrong, and not so much that I had been fighting to wake up--but...eh, like lazily drifting to the surface of a pool to get air, just to slowly sink under with the surface so close. So realizing I still slept was still asleep was just disheartening. I wish I could see these occurrences as an opportunity to do whatever I wanted...I suppose I'm too much of a pessimist.

      Do you feel like you have any mental associations with lucidity that are less than positive?
      I'm just always so tired, I rarely have dreams and even my lucids are nightmares, I can't seem to get a handle on it enough to change big things. The dream is still too heavy. All I get are the barest threads of lucidity. If I'm really lucky and I become lucid during a nightmare, then I can sidestep most of the crap my subconscious produces. More often than not I am aware enough to fully understand just how horrifying it actually is.
      CanisLucidus likes this.
    3. CanisLucidus's Avatar
      Ohhhh my goodness. 920 minutes sounds like it has to be something out of a bad dream. Should just be something out of a bad dream! One of my partners later wound up telling me a tale of woe very similar to yours about expansion night!

      I'm just always so tired, I rarely have dreams and even my lucids are nightmares, I can't seem to get a handle on it enough to change big things. The dream is still too heavy. All I get are the barest threads of lucidity. If I'm really lucky and I become lucid during a nightmare, then I can sidestep most of the crap my subconscious produces. More often than not I am aware enough to fully understand just how horrifying it actually is.
      Maybe this changed. I certainly believe that it can! I know that some of your dreams are beautiful and pleasant, or at least they used to be.

      What would happen if you went to bed with a strong intent to experience overwhelming beauty and joy in your dreamworld? Doesn't it seem like there's a good chance you'd find just that?

      I just know that dreams are ruled by our emotions, desires, and expectations. Maybe if those take just the right shape before bedtime, you'll start gaining your dreams back.

      What do you think?
      Amurehna likes this.
    4. Amurehna's Avatar
      I'm sure you're right. I've just worked myself into a dark mental state and it's been very difficult finding my way back out.

      Maybe I can use my few kind dcs as a catalyst. Sometimes they show me that things don't have to be so terrible.
      CanisLucidus likes this.
    5. CanisLucidus's Avatar
      Maybe I can use my few kind dcs as a catalyst. Sometimes they show me that things don't have to be so terrible.
      I think that sounds like a great idea! Your mind is their home, so they're always there with you. I agree that these old friends could remind you how much light and beauty you can have in your dreams.