memorable

This was one of the most powerfully frightening and sleep episodes to date.

I'm floating in a sensory deprivation tank. I chose to do an hour and a half session since it had been a long day. This experience happened in the later half of the float.


I'm listening to music. It's sort of a slow, funky R&B beat with a man singing directly to me. He has a wonderful, deep voice that sent me deeper into my comfort zone. I realize quickly that this isn't the wake up music for my session, it is all in my head. I smile, or at least I think I do, and continue listening for a whole, beautiful minute. It's amazing what your mind can create in sensory deprivation.

The music fades and a twitch brings me back to present. "That was wonderful," I thought. "That's more than enough to write about."

Reflecting back on all this, I now know I experienced a false awakening, and a very convincing one at that. So, in my false awakening:

I'm going to flip onto my stomach for the last 30 seconds of my float (sometimes when I know I'm about to get out of the tank, I lay face down for as long as I can hold my breath. It feels good on my back). My extremities feel numb, but I manage to flip over. I soon realize I'm paralyzed. I have no control over my legs or arms and worst of all, my face is under water. I begin to panic. A hot rush of survival fear rushes me through my situation. My mouth is muffled by water and my arms can't find their way to bang on the wall for help. I'm going to die. I hold my breath as long as I can until I realize there is no use fighting it anymore. I have to inhale. I choose not to have my life flash before my eyes, since I knew inhaling the super saturated salt water would burn out any sentiment I could gather, so I just decided to go for it. A moment of courage. With all my strength, I take a mighty breath. Farewell.

Woosh. I'm back in my real body, frantically trying to catch my breath and calm my nerves. I knew exactly what had happened, having experienced false awakenings and sleep paralysis before. Never have both happened simultaneously. I was rattled, I still am.

I accepted death. Rather than inhaling the salt water, I took the most refreshing gasp I've ever tasted. It was beautifully humbling experience.

I had my first lucid dream in a while last night, and I was having some difficulty getting to where I wanted to go in the world. I tried closing my eyes and spinning, but that didn't seem to help me whatsoever. I tried something I've personally never heard of before, I'm sure its not just unique to me, but I went on a computer and looked up pictures (kind of like Google images). I kept scrolling through the pictures until I found one I liked. Then I just soaked myself into the picture, kind of like it was a portal to a new world, and it worked!

I did it several times and ended up in multiple scenarios with people I didn't know and places I've never heard of. It was one of the more exciting lucid experiences I've ever had.

I was this kid I know, Steve Loreo, running from the cops (I ran by about 20 of them without them knowing it was me they were looking for). it started on my college lacrosse field through the woods to a new place with janitors, cement paths, and rustic looking stairs and steps. I had to run backwards on the hot pavement to help melt the soles of my shoes for some reason. Pete Postlethwaith, the guy who played Hitler in that recent movie, was following me around, trying to find me. We robbed a bank together. His persuit of me was narrated, almost movie-like inside my head. I was sweating and stabbed some guy in the back with a throwing knife. then met up with Pete, he told me the story.

Feelings included being extremely anxious, scared, and an adrenaline rush feeling.

Last night I had two dreams, both non lucid, that I remembered. The first was at some sort of bike class with chris towne's mom riding down marshwood jr. high's hill in the way of some car traffic and other bike riders. The ride ended at Shapleigh school's track. Before pulling into the parking lot I put on a blinker to signal I was turning. I remembered that i had a second guess as to whether or not bikes had blinkers, but apparently I accepted the idea and kept riding. "strange" is what I wrote in my dream journal by my bed the moment I woke up. I then tried to bunny hop the three foot fence but couldn't. I remember it was raining, probably because I had to pee. Emotion wise, I felt very self conscious of my riding and wanted to make sure that I wasn't getting in anybody's way.

The second dream was at a hockey rink with a number of people I know, josh richards, brenden, jeremy plante, chris grassie, jared pabis, coach klepacki, coach toomy and a few more.. Grassie made everyone on the ice dull their skates on the bench as a punishment, I pretended to dull them, but half heartedly did so. We had tennis balls and were taking slap shots off a wall, collecting the ball, and then sniping top shelf. I was team red in what looked to be a group of 5 teams or so total. I played against nate tembi, whose grampa died and he was talking about it while we competed next to each other. My mom was watching behind the glass, like she always does in real life. I remember scoring: low glove side off the side of the post, it made me feel good, confident, and a little relieved.

Last night I had a dream that my mom came into my room for some reason at 2 30 in the morning. Then I told her mom, I'm dreaming..Actually we both are! And I became lucid for a few seconds. Then I went on the hunt for a quarter to show her that I could make it levitate. But by the time I got downstairs, the there were some kids I know trying to play a trick on me, and I think that took my complete attention off of being lucid, because I never got to flex my powers. I actually remember also riding on a bike with my friend later on, thinking to myself "anything is possible" and tried to sit sideways on the seat and pedal. but I fell, so I clearly didn't have the confidence that I would have if I was fully lucid. I even told some people in my dream about this. I said my mom woke me up at 2 30 ect and that usually when you wake up at that time of night, you are in the middle of a dream and thus become lucid. but I couldn't successfully get my mind to buy into the whole lucid idea. Very close though. Only lucid for maybe 1 minute.

So its been a while since my last DJ entry, last night I had a pretty memorable dream so I figured I'd get back into the groove of things. I wasn't lucid. I was in a building that was both my college dormatory and my own house at the same time.. hard to explain, but it made sense at the time.. Anyways I found a thin metal pole which had a small flame at the bottom of it, and I proceeded to take the pole and light everything paper around me in the basement of this building. I then gathered my own belongings and went off to look for a fire alarm to pull, so I could seem innocent. Its my first arson dream, it was pretty fun. Very memorable.

Last night I had a LD where I was in a gymnasium-type setting with three of my college roommates. I was showing off to them my LD powers. I had a nice, shinny quarter and 4 balls increasing in size from a golf ball to a tennis ball to a soccer ball to a physio-ball. I was using my hands out in front of my body to push the objects away from me and then pull them back in (without touching them). I found that the larger the object, the harder I had to strain. I also practiced levitating the quarter and that came fairly easy

This is the first time I purposely demonstrated my powers in LD. It was quite the experience.

Last night i was in this house I've never been in before that was absolutely filthy. Dirt and cobwebs everywhere, cluttered, and there were holes in the floor. I was there with my mom, dad, and a dog that had died a long time ago. We were looking around and climbing up into the house when I saw my dead Grandpa up about 2 floors above me. I didn't say anything to him, he was supposed to be dead. My dad was clearly upset about being there, so I offered to leave with him. When we were all walking away from the house, I asked what was going to happen with grandpa. My parents told me he would be dead within a week..

So I've been on a little bit of a dry spell with LD's. Haven't had one in several months.. But last night I decided to set my alarm for 6am and take a vitamin B tablet and go back to bed to see what happened. I had 2 LD's before 7am. They were awesome!

They kind of blended together, as they were back to back with a false awakening in between. The first one I was laying with my ex girlfriend in a tent, and realized, why is it that I'm sleeping with you? I became lucid and somehow got to my dorm building at college fully lucid. I was really excited and sprinted around to try and find someone to talk to. After about 20 seconds or so I found a group of people I recognized and struck up conversation. They were talkative until I brought up the subject of dreaming and the fact they were in my dream. They ignored what I was saying so I tried to prove it to them. I saw a group of girls and told them to get naked and sure enough they did, and my DC's were still quiet.

*False awakening*

Then I was back in the same dorm, and looked for this girl I was seeing in the past and found her. We started kissing and i made the mistake of shutting my dream eyes. When I opened them again I lost my lucidity and was shocked that the blonde hair blue eyed girl was now black, but I wasn't in control anymore so I didn't think anything of it. It didn't strike me as odd that she had a tail either..

It was GREAT to finally break my dry spell, it's been too long. In the meantime, I'm going to keep doing the 6am and vitamin B routine. Dream on.

I was in my room with this girl I'm pretty attracted to sitting on an air mattress while she was on my bed. We ended up hooking up, and It wasn't as good as I imagined it would be with this girl, and after I was called downstairs. I was looking for my clothes, but it was too dark, so I tried to turn on the lights, but of course the light switch didn't work. I wish I had make the connection between the light switch not working and the dream world, but no luck. Then two cats brushed across my leg and walked into my room as I was leaving and started eating the crumbs out of an empty pizza box that was apparently there the whole time.

We were having a conversation, yet she was the only one doing the talking. It was like she knew what I was thinking and responding to that.

I remember driving a car on the water to see a huge bridge I usually drive over from below being under construction and only half completed. I drove to the base and a guy was fishing from the very tip tip of the bridge, where I wanted to go, but couldn't because I couldn't fly. I was pissed because my car wasn't capable of flying to the bridge so I went home to do some work. I tried creating a word document that simply said "I am Lucid" about 100 times and saved it on a flash drive so when put in the same situation, I would remember to access the file and see that I was dreaming. All this cleaver thinking, and I didn't even realize I was in a dream in the first place. My mind wanted to become lucid, but couldn't detect the bizarre aspects of the dream world around me.

Frustrating when I woke up..

I was riding in the back of a car looking out the opposite window of where I was sitting, and I saw a huge wolf looking in right at me. I was so scared at this sight that I became lucid in the process of coping with the fear. I then proceeded to close my eyes, imagine changing the wolf into something else, and reopen my eyes. The head of the wolf started to take on the form on an old bearded man and all the color in the dream reverse (kind of like the negative of a photograph). I felt myself coming out of the dream, so I tried a technique I had heard of to keep a dream going.. I shut my eyes and spun my dream body and reopened my eyes. I didn't end up in a new landscape like I pictured I would. Rather I ended up in a geometric world full of lines and shapes that seemed to be caving in on itself and the color was still negative. I awoke soon after, the dream couldn't have lasted more than a minute or two, but it was very cool to actually be able to harness some powers in my dream state that are impossible to achieve in real life like changing the form of another creature and jumping to a new place without tradition means of transportation.

This was the first lucid dream I've ever had:

So I was in another dream, and I awoke into my bed and remembered to think "next time I'm dreaming, I'll realize I'm dreaming." Then I was floating in pure whiteness and said that thought out loud to myself. Instantly upon doing so I was hit with a full body rush similar to intense shivers and tingling throughout all my extremities and I burst through the clouds and began my descent down towards the ground, fully lucid. Not having any previous flying experience I decided to experiment how exactly flying is done. I would describe the sensation to swimming, where treading with your arms will direct you in the path you want to go. This was the happiest I have ever been as i felt the wind whipping through my hair and could see the ground rushing underneath me.

Then I saw a large pack of wild animals, some wolfs, deer, moose, and others all charging in a heard below me. I stuck both hand out in front of my face and directed the momentum and path of the herd to my exact liking and laughed out loud while doing so (I've never felt so empowered and free in my life). I continued to fly after the herd had disappeared out of sight and flew up just about a tree line. There I saw a random telephone pole and perched right on top, out of breath. I remember thinking to myself, "gee, I've never free fallen before.." and then I put my arms straight out to the side and fell backwards off the telephone pole all the way down to my bed where I awoke THRILLED at what I had just achieved. I would classify this as a life changing dream/event.