false awakening

I went out to work in the morning and when I came back (only a couple of hours later), I decided I should go to bed. I didn't feel like it, but I knew I was super tired. So I did, and did SSILD for a little while. But I couldn't even fall asleep. Then, later on in the afternoon, I felt really tired, so I put the radio on and went to bed. After a little while, I had a feeling like I was coming out of something very deep, everything was dark and the radio sounded funny, but then I felt like I was rising up out of it and I came back again.

Then I fell properly asleep. However, I wasn't aware that I'd fallen asleep (you know how when you have a nap and you feel kind of disoriented and you're never sure if you've slept or how much you've slept?). It was like that. I felt like for so long I just couldn't fall asleep, but I was half asleep for sure, and just day-dreaming. At one point, I lifted my head up and looked out of the window. I didn't know it then, but I was dreaming (unfortunately, I haven't been doing my RCs recently and so I never thought to do an RC after I'd 'woken up'). The other odd thing was, was that the sky outside was concurrent with how it should have looked in real life and there was all the condensation on the window that has been there today IRL. I'm just mentioning this, because I'm impressed at how very real the FA was. My vision was a little grainy and I couldn't hear the radio very well. This happened a couple of times.

Then I was really dreaming. I was walking through my apartment and my housemate was in her room with one of her friends and I thought, "Ohhh, damn, she's back already." (Again, this is pretty much real life, except she's not back yet. And everything was so realistic, nothing really bizarre and random like most dreams). I ran to the fridge and then back to my room, still not aware I was dreaming. I was back in my room and up on the wall I saw a little cupboard with the door slid half way open. I thought, "Who opened that?!" (Except I don't have a cupboard). Then I realised it was my bookshelf. THEN, my bookshelf had changed shape and was in the middle of the room, but apart from that, everything was exactly as it should be, right down to how my room is lit. I was looking at the books on it and I saw five new books that were not there before and are not there IRL, because they're back home. They were some of my favourites and I got really excited. I was like, "Hmm, wait....what..? Mum...?" And then it clicked. I looked at my hand and I had all these fingers and I suddenly felt there and conscious. It was pretty cool, but I suddenly had the most bizarre reaction. I started panicking and saying, "Wake up! Wake up!" Then I thought, "What am I doing?" and started rubbing my hands together. That didn't work, everything went dark and drifted away and I woke up and realised that I'd had some FAs. So 2nd LD and I ballsed it up again. Well, gotta keep on trying!

Lula x