lulapace

I remember a little dream I had this morning. I woke up around 9 and then went back to sleep. I think that was when I had it. It wasn't very nice and it's left me feeling really deflated.

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The first thing I remember was everything was covered with water; it went up to the sky and the houses were completely covered. It had only just happened and I was at my mum's house. I swam down to find her and the cat and they were both alright; they had one of those really old-fashioned diving suits. Then all the water was gone and I was running from the house to the little road at the front and back again. I had a really nervous feeling all the time, like I was late for something. It was eating me up and I couldn't put my finger on it. Then I was back in the house and I realised I had to go get the bus for college, but this is their new house and it's miles away from where I went to college. It was also the middle of the day and I had this feeling like I was american. I'd been in college in a previous dream (or maybe the same one) and been given some homework to do. I was running around the house looking for it and I found this piece of paper with all these boxes on and I realised I hadn't filled any of it out and I was late and it was the most important thing ever. I knew my mum was going to be really angry with me and for missing the bus. But it just kept getting later and later, but it was so sunny and I knew it was the middle of the day, but it didn't matter anymore. I went into the bathroom and my mum said that cat wanted to come in as well, because she was sad and needed company. She sat there slumped in a corner for a minute and then she went to eat.

I went outside and everything looked kind of fiery. There were so many bridges and big roads that I had to climb over. Then I was with my best friend from college. We were in a boat or something, but we were studying and she was behind. We had to do all these mad obstacles. The water was black and looked like oil and all the surfaces were hard and concrete-like. I fell in a couple of times, but they kept saying I was doing really well. She had to go back and do it again, and they wouldn't let me go with her. I was with this guy at the final part and I had to hold onto this rope and swing over all the black, oily water and grab another rope and land on this concrete landing (kind of like Total Wipeout). He showed me how to do it and he went way too far and fell in the water, but then the was back again. I kept imagining doing it over and over again, but I was too scared. The bit we were on was sloped, but it wasn't sloped downwards, it was sloped upwards, so I would have to climb up this slope and then try and jump. I kept saying to him, "There isn't enough room, I won't have enough momentum." And the other rope kept going further and further away. And he just sat there and said, "You can do it. I know you can." But I didn't feel like there was any conviction. Then the rope I was holding snapped off and he said, "How could you have broken it?" And he was rummaging around for more stuff and he found some paper and said, "Will this do?" I said no and he said, "Fine, we'll have to go buy some more. I'll take you out for dinner." We sat there for a little longer and the water bubbled a bit and then we went, back to all the bridges and the sky was fiery.

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I feel like a lot of these experiences have parallels with things that have happened in my past. It all made me feel hugely inadequate and sad though, like I haven't felt in a while.

Lula x