Mydera

Dream One: I'm walking across my aunts yard to my Grandpa's house (same Grandpa's house pig guy tried to start a fire the other day and I blew up at K) I see a group of five people hanging out on and around the porch. The porch is like it was when I was a kid, open to the outside (they made it a closed in porch when Grandpa's cancer got bad) I get closer and see that the people are the music duo Blood on the Dance Floor, and two guys and a chic that must be their fans or friends or something. They say hey, and even though they ask my name and introduce themselves, they treat me like I belong in the conversation just as much as everyone else. I tell them it's cool to meet them, some of their music isn't too bad. I don't know their names, but the cuter, chubbier one offers to give me an autograph, but I don't have any of their cds, I download their music w/ DRM rights from my ISP's music program. They say that's cool, and just give me a cd with an autograph. Cool. Then I turn around and see a mirror. I'm wearing a tunic, belt, and green hat like Link form the Legend of Zelda. I'm really confused by this. Someone else shows up then in matching Link cosplay. I'm asking "wait, why am I in links clothes?" and every laughs and says I must be too stoned because I've been wearing the cosplay the whole time. I keep trying to tell them I've never done drugs before and never plan on it, but they are all just laughing and goofing off. That's not the end, but it's all I can remember.

Dream Two: I'm at the house my mom lives in. It's a HUGE house, and in waking life she wants my husband and I and my Grandmother to move in with us. There's a male presence, he doesn't say anything as far as I can remember, he's just there watching over me. It's got to be Vesta. I spent some time last asking that he come give me some advice since I've given up on being lucid while I'm so stressed. I can't even remember to do reality checks with everything else in my brain :/ Anyways, I'm thinking about moving there and how maybe I made the wrong choice telling my husband no. Then I try to do some magic, I want to do something with a bracelet that will help me with my dreaming. I find I can't draw power or anything. I feel like my magic is blocked or drained away by the place (not surprising as my mom is a self proclaimed psychic vampire :/ ) and I'm even more sure this option is just wrong. Things are good where we are now. I'd just gotten away from mom's stress when I had the dreams that led me to finding dream views, but then the stress started again and the dreams that helped me find interesting things stopped. If I move then I won't feel like I have any power anymore, because her and the stress and problems she creates for me and my family will only be worse. There's a reason why I avoid seeing and talking to her even though she's only twenty minutes away. Upon realizing this in the dream, I wake up.

Warning, begin rant. Another night of stress and barely being able to sleep. I'm up five hour early again. Still arguing with my husband about moving, with no end in sight. Plus, I'm tacking on the added stress of realizing that dreaming has become almost meaningless for me. I don't know when it started, probably around November/December when we started having outside stress from my family and my nightmares starring my mom began... But my dreaming has shifted from being a deeper, more enlightening and all together exciting experience to feeling shallow and pointless. I should have taken note of this earlier, but looking back at my book of discovery the last few days has reminded me how my dreams used to leave me waking up feeling mystified, and yet enlightened. These days they feel like little band aids to patch all the problems I have in life, and not at all spiritual or enlightening like they did before. I rarely see K or Vesta, and when I do they're merely trying to calm me down and make me feel better. There are no more dreams that feel like lessons or tell me what to look for when I wake up. I rarely do more than mundane superficial crap in any of my dreams anymore. Even Lucid dreaming, which I had originally hoped would help me find some of the answers I'm searching for isn't working. The few times I have been lucid, I haven't actually looked for any of the answers I intended to find. I get excited and run around like a smitten puppy looking for K instead of even thinking of the answers I want to find. I know this stress will pass eventually, but right now I feel like I'm on the wrong track and need to turn around and get back on track. /Rant