lucid

I close my eyes and feel large hands moving across my stomach. The changeover must have happened so quickly and undetectably, I'm slightly surprised, yet pleased. The hands are not threatening, they seem to be almost searching. I grasp the hands and pull a being into my other bedroom. It's night so all I can see is the dark outline of his figure. "Who are you?" I ask inquisitively. He responds, but I'm unsure of the name he gives. He spoke softly, and he had a thick other wordly sort of accent that I've never heard before. His name sounds something like Astaroth. His skin is soft and smooth and he appears to be completely hairless. He embraces me and I run my hands over his back...wings. He kisses me passionately, and I notice his teeth are sharp and pointy. A demon. He asks for my body. I consent. Then he asks what I want in return. I've never been asked this before and am not sure what to say nor can I think of anything. Then I telepathically send him an image, he nods, and we spend several steamy minutes together, after which he fades into the darkness and I wake up.

I enter a lucid dream and I'm flying through darkness. I am determined to have an enjoyable experience so as I fly around I begin trying verbal commands like, "sun come up" or "daylight now". But none of them work, so I starting singing. I make up a cute little song and add in phrases involving sunrises and with feeling I sing, "let the sun come up". I'm basically just using verbal phrases in song form. My subconscious likes it. Perhaps he is grateful for my creative attempt, and the fact that I am asking, instead of forcing. Forcing never works with the sub.

Now I'm flying in bright daylight over an icy ocean of arctic blue glacial waters. I change the song and start singing about warm Caribbean waters, and suddenly the glacier breaks apart and the sea froths and foams and dark debris flies everywhere. This was a scene from some horrible flood. But it was only a changeover. After a few seconds pass, the water is turquoise like the Caribbean and there are beaches formed from the glacial ice. It is so beautiful and amazing just flying through this scene and watching these transitions occur as I sing. My subconscious seems ready to give me anything I ask for. I sing for a beautiful lagoon, and immediately I watch as the sandstone is carved from a cliffside, the debris shooting straight into the air and into nonexistence. The water surges up and over the cliff, and when it recedes there is a beautiful lagoon with waterfalls flowing into it. Plants, trees, and flowers spring up around it. I just float in the air, and watch this amazing site, ready to plunge into the warm waters. But my alarm wakes me up. Snooze.

I re-enter a lucid dream, but it's different. I'm in some sort of mall, but this mall has the most beautiful interior decorating I've ever seen. Each store has displays set up that are so intricately beautiful. They use color and light to make the customer's eye dance around the store. I had barely a moment to state in awe at this scene, when...again alarm goes off...snooze.

I wanted so badly to get back to that store in the mall to take a mental picture of the gorgeous display, but instead I'm in a different place. Or a different time. It's a mall...but there's only western stuff...and it looks like the old west. I'm dressed up as a cowboy, my hair is hidden and tucked up under my hat. The people tending the store in this mall don't look too pleased to see me so I say, "I'll see you boys later," then I make a bull sound, and go charging off toward a wooden wall, head first. Apparently I don't make a very good bull, because I just hit the wall hard and fall to the ground.

My head is aching but I'm alright, I'm more bothered that my boots got all dusty, so I wipe 'em off a bit. Two large men walk over to me, I see they're carrying rifles. The light is behind them so their faces are in shadow but I can see one has long greasy hair and the other is bald. "Howdy," I say, "I'm Dirty Nina." and I take off my hat and let my hair fall down. "You boys are mighty good looking," I say, trying to hide the sarcasm. The bald man walks closer and leans toward me. I can see that he has bandages over his eyes and he's looking really angry..."Well that's just fine little missy, but we got a debt to settle." He smiles, and I see a nasty toothless grin. The dust begins to settle and I need a plan, I see the spurs on my boots glinting out of the corner of my eye...but just then...my alarm goes off. And I have to get up or I'll be late for work.

Very frustrating, this dream was going to be mighty awesome.

My parents decide to move because our current house is too large and they can no longer afford it. We are in the car on our way to the new house and my mom is going on and on about how they have now found their dream house and I listen eagerly. When we pull up to the new house I realize that it is our old old house. The one we moved out of when I was 12. Are they joking? They couldn't seriously want to move back here, could they? I watch them start unloading things from the car. The moving truck is parked outside. Oh my god, they are serious. I start shouting frantically, about how little and ugly this house is and that I do not want to go back and live in my old tiny bedroom. I am utterly in shock that we are actually moving back here. We're moving backward through life. I want to cry.

I follow them inside the house and everything is just as I remember it. It's as though I never left. I wander through the house, feeling utterly depressed. Then I realize...wait...this can't be right. There is no way we could be moving back here. This must be a dream! But, I don't become lucid.

Instead, I spend the next five minutes having a discussion with my mom in the tv room of the very same house about a dream I had where her and dad decided to move back to our old old house. I explain this horrible dream to her, in vivid detail, for several minutes. Suddenly I see a large green bug on the carpet where I was laying down. My mom was sitting in the gray lazy boy chair. The bug jumps on me, is it praying mantis? I freak out and fling it away. I continue on with explaining the dream to my mom. But...wait...wait...a minute...

"We're still here...in the old house..." I pause and think, "which means, that this is a dream. It is. It must be!"

Mom looks at me questioningly.

"Here, I'll prove it to you." I walk over to the window, pull up the shade and open up the window. I climb onto the window ledge. Wow...deja vu. I think to myself that I have definitely jumped out of this window in a lucid dream before. But how could that be? I didn't start lucid dreaming until I was 18...right? Maybe I was just remembering a lucid dream I had years ago in which I had dreamed that I was lucid in my old old house. Yes, that makes much more sense. I jump out of the window, but it is nighttime and I have trouble flying. I make it to the ground safely. My mom jumps out of the window after me. She just falls and lands hard on the ground.

"You were supposed to fly," I tell her. We are both obviously disappointed and I can see that she is still not convinced it is a dream. "Here, try this," and I show her how to do the nose plug RC. She holds her nose closed and takes a deep breath. "Can you breathe?" I ask her. "Yes" she says, and I am finally satisfied in proving to her that this is a dream. "Look," I say, and direct her attention to a gorgeous city skyline at sunset that I had just created. She is astonished. "Let's go to the city!" I exclaim, and beginning running to get my speed up to fly. "Just fly. Watch me, watch how I do it..." I see her running behind me and the dream quickly fades.

I wake briefly and remain motionless. DEILD.



I reenter a lucid dream and find myself in a crowded mall with RP (though I kept calling him Cedric in this dream, Edward in the dream from a few days ago...btw why do I keep dreaming about him? I'm not a Twilight fangirl). We were running through the mall because we were being chased by a bunch of men. They were trying to take him away from me. We were clinging onto each other and these men kept grabbing him and I would pull him out of their clutches. At one point I lifted him into the air and was holding him high like a balloon so that the guys chasing me couldn't take him away. It was slightly ridiculous. I don't know why we were being chased, or why I couldn't fly, or make the men go away. It was frustrating to have so little control and I was truly battling with my subconscious. They were like secret service.

Eventually I made it out of the mall with Cedric. We stop to catch our breath outside, but I know that the men are close behind, so I encourage him to keep running. We run for several more minutes until I feel that we are safe. We find an empty house and head to the bedroom where we have sex for the first time, as if we're both virgins. Well, in the dream, we were. Except it was incredibly wonderful instead of awkward and unsatisfying. But the dream fades.

Wait. DEILD.

I'm back in bed with Cedric. The dream is there one second and gone the next. I cannot stop it from fading. I try again and fail.

Shit...I think to myself. My REM is spent. This REM period is over. I can always tell when this happens. Then I remind myself that I've read that people also dream in NREM, so I don't give up completely, and I try to continue the dream into NREM. I was successful for a while, but the dream quality was so incredibly poor and faded out. It just was not immersive or realistic and I realized that it wasn't worth the effort of fighting to stay conscious, so I let go.

Non-lucid Dream.

I'm in my grade school cafeteria and it is the end of the year banquet. The people there are all from high school though, not grade school. I look around in amazement and wonder what the hell all these people are doing here. These are people that are in college now, or out of college and have families. Why the hell are they sitting through this boring school banquet!? I interrupt the principal and ask why we need to be here, amongst a few other things.

"Well," she begins, "first of all I don't know why I am having to answer a two part question..."

"Would you like me to rephrase the question?" I ask derisively. I look around. People are giving me evil looks, and no one looks amused. "What is wrong with you people?" I shout, and then take my seat and sulk for a bit. Then I get up and walk to the back of the cafeteria to find out what sort of food they are cooking. My mom is there, working as a lunch lady. But it's my mom from like 20 years ago when she was a lot heavier. Her boobs are enormous and she's wearing a sweatshirt that says Notre Dame on the back. It said something on the front too but I can't remember. What I do remember though is that all my friends for some reason like her more than they like me. I'm not happy with the entire situation and decide that I'm going to leave. The dream ends soon after.

Thanks to Oneironaut's avatar I had a lucid dream with Blade in it.

It was a chilly and rainy night and I was walking through the streets of an unfamiliar city. I sensed eyes watching me, all around me...some sort of creatures lurking in the darkness. They were making horrible moaning sounds and reminded me of the creatures that come to take the bad guys away in the movie Ghost. I begin to feel panicky and at this point realize that I must be dreaming. But before I can do anything to change the dream scene, I see a headlight and hear a vehicle skid to a halt in front of me. The dark creatures slink back into the shadows, and I see a motorcycle that looks a lot like Fenrir surrounded in a cloud of smoke and misty vapor. As the mist clears I see a man dressed in all black. Blade. My curiosity peaks, and I decide to let the dream play out instead of attempting to control anything.

He speaks in a deep, soothing, yet frosty monotone voice, "Are you hurt"

"...no"

"Then get on."

I climb onto the back of the bike and wrap my arms around his waist, noticing how incredibly hard his body is as my fingers move over his chiseled abs. But before I could barely register this strong attraction, he does a burn out spinning the bike around and we speed off through a cloud of smoke.

I tighten my hold around him as we speed through the city streets and out onto a more suburban sort of landscape with lots of trees and houses. I tilt my head back and look up at the dark sky full of clouds tinged with the faintest reddish orange glow around the edges, leftover from sunset...drinking in the chilly air as it whips the hair around my face...just relishing the moment and enjoying being lucid...allowing the dream to have me instead of me trying to have the dream.

I lean closer to him and rest my head against his back. ...Comfort. Suddenly I realize that I recognize the neighborhood we are in...and he stops just outside my house. Myold house. Why were we here. I looked fearfully at the large and beautiful house, with the perfectly manicured landscape.

"But there's something evil in there," I said to him, not wanting to let go. "I don't know where it came from or why it's there. I loved living there." I could hear a desperate and apologetic pleading in my own voice.

"That's why I'm here." he replied coolly.

"Who are you?" I asked.

No response. He puts the kickstand down and turns the bike off. I have no choice. I let go and climb off the bike, still looking at the house, frightened of what I might see. He walks confidently and purposefully in front of me and we enter the house. I glance toward the master bedroom, but realize that...no...now is not the right time.

We walk across the spacious living room with high vaulted ceilings and windows casting light and shadows upon the now empty house. I stop at the top of the stairs leading down to the basement floor level. He notices my apprehension and looks me in the eye questioningly.

"It's...down there," I tell him.

He walks down the stairs and, upon reaching the bottom looks back up at me.

"I'll be right back...I promise."

I think to myself, "no, you won't."

I wake up feeling very confused.

I really wish I would have had time to write my dreams down this morning...now I feel like I have forgotten so much.

I became lucid in this underground club that was pretty empty except for a couple of female bartenders and cocktail waitresses. Immediately upon becoming lucid I was ecstatic and walked up to the cute girl bartender. Now that I think about it...I have to stop and wonder what happened to my morality. I walked up to her and said something along the lines of, "mind if I fondle your breasts a bit?" and without waiting for an answer I just started grabbing her boobs and sort of laughing about it. She didn't seem to mind too much though. I looked across the room and saw a group of guys just hanging out around this large hole in the floor. It was a circular hole, maybe 7 feet in diameter...and there was a railing all around the edge of it. The guys were just hanging out and having a drink, leaning against the railing. As I walked over I noticed that the hole was completely black...there was nothing but darkness...like a black void or bottomless pit. I decided to show off.

I climbed up so I was standing on the railing and proclaimed, "hey, guys! look what I can do!" ...and I climbed over the railing and stepped out over the hole and just sort of hovered there for a few seconds. They were all very impressed and watching what I was doing. But then...I began to slowly sink down into the blackness. Shiiit! I thought. I tried to fly up out of it but I couldn't. There was nothing beneath my feet and I was just slowly sinking into the darkness. Sooo I decided to just go with it and see what I could find in the darkness. I tried to think that there would be a basement to the club down there and tried to form a club around me but I couldn't. I was completely immersed inside the black void. I floated around...again trying to form some sort of dreamscape. But all I could form were very vague outlines of shadowy people, just barely discernible in the blackness. Damn. I was getting annoyed...floating around in nothing. It felt as though, my consciousness had sunk into blackness. As though, my brain had stopped doing whatever magical thing it was doing before to create these beautiful dream images. Ah ha! I realized what I needed to do.

I needed to stimulate a certain part of my brain. So I focused my attention and tried to stare out of the top of my forehead. There was a straining sort of pressure at first...then I felt the buzzing start up disk...and images and colors began to swirl around me. Suddenly I was enjoying a new vivid dreamscape. It gets a bit blurry here, as I was with some old friends. But at some point in the lucid dream, a certain famous and very attractive celebrity showed up. Let's just call him E for the sake of not naming names.

We spent a lot of time together and then decided that we wanted to share a dream. So we laid down and went to sleep, and I found myself in another dream. It took me a little bit to find him again. This was an extremely long and involved lucid dream but I can barely remember any of it. At first I think I had sort of lost lucidity. But when I saw him again I said, "I can't believe this is actually happening." And he said...in a sad way...."it's not. It's just a dream." I laughed, and at that point and remembered that it was our dream and regained my full lucidity. There's one part of the dream that I remember... There was a beautiful sunset. We were by the sea. He was holding me like he never wanted to let go, and kept saying that he was afraid of losing me. I kept saying, "I wish this was real. Why can't this be real. I don't want this to be a dream." I remember this ridiculous amount of beautiful sadness and melodrama about the whole situation.

I don't remember at what point or why we agree to wake up...but I think it had to do with the fact that I wanted it to be real and I knew it wasn't. But we decided to wake up. Now this part is shocking to me...because I thought I would just wake up into the real world. But when I woke up, I woke up into the dream I was in before. The same one. I was in the same room where I had laid down to go to sleep to dream with him...except he was gone. I didn't see him again after that. I remember being really confused, because I had just...without any doubt...had a dream within a dream. Without even meaning to...and after having told people that I do not think it is even possible, and that Inception is just a movie. A move that I don't even like! It's like my subconscious was out to prove something to me. Which is that...it is very possible to have a dream within a dream. So I will just shut up about Inception from now on.

I remember floating down by a beach and I saw a pirate ship. Oooo I got excited. I'm going to meet Captain Jack Sparrow! I ran down to the pirate ship and climbed aboard. It was completely empty so I walked to the cabin and opened the door. Right as I opened the door Captain Jack walks out and gives me this look. Ok, you know...the Jack Sparrow look. I wanted to laugh. He was so sexy I wanted to kiss him. I remember thinking that he might smell though, because he's sort of dirty. I think he said something to me and I went into his cabin with him. I think I woke up shortly after.

I had some lucids last night but I didn't get them into my long term memory. I only remember this little fragment where there was a beautiful snowscape, everything was crystal white and covered in snow. And I was flying past when I came upon this amazing tree. It had dark brown bark and huge pink flowers or fruits the size of regular balloons, and they even looked a little like balloons. I saw that some of them had fallen from the tree and were laying on the snow, deflated. The pink looked so pretty against the bluish white backdrop of the snow. I'm a little disappointed that I can't recall more. I know there was large open water involved, and I was swimming through cold water with other people. I remember things swimming past my legs and I was worried about creatures with teeth being in the water.

I spent awhile lucid/OBE so parts of it are sort of a blur. I remember slowly slipping off my bed, as if my ankles were slightly hanging off the bed, and it was angled downward. It was as if I were laying on silk sheets...I slowly slid down off the front of my bed. As I slid, my feet and lower legs actually went under the bed. So when my chest and head were sliding off the bed, the bend in my back caused me to be sort of propelled forward. I put my hands out in front of me because I thought my head would hit the floor, but it happened so incredibly gently and slowly.

When I finally was face down on the floor, most of my body was under the bed, and the ground beneath me began to turn transparent. It was so dark though, not much different from being in the void. I couldn't will a dream scape to form around me, so I just watched and was patient and waited to see what would happen. The floor beneath me turned from carpet to wood...then suddenly it was an old wooden cabinet.

I opened one of the drawers and it was full of cards, but they were all used and had writing on them. I searched through until I found a blank one. I found a pen in the drawer and on the card I wrote in large letters "Sido" (arabic for grandpa) ...and then..."we miss you and love you very much". I don't know why, but I thought that somehow, somewhere, maybe he would get the message. Suddenly the dream transformed around me and I was outside my house floating in the darkness. I decided to write Sido's real name on the card, then I tore it into pieces and let it fly off into the wind, along with my deepest love and good energy.

I then decided to visit my mom and attempt to maybe enter her dream or something, I'm not really sure why the thought struck me. For some reason I was having real trouble traveling...it was as though I was just a spirit, without a body, so I was weightless and could move through anything. This made flying very difficult. I was hanging onto a tree outside my house (which was decorated in beautiful white christmas lights, so it was really a gorgeous scene out there in the snow and darkness) and I moved into a crouching position and pushed off of the tree and tried to propel myself into the part of my house where my mother would be sleeping. It worked.

I found myself floating through the bed. I was surprised to find Alma, my aunt's gorgeous siberian husky-wolf-dog, asleep next to my mom. Alma saw me right away of course and gave me a warm welcome. I gave her pets and hugs and kisses and then I heard a growl to my right, in the direction where my mom was asleep on the bed. I wondered, there can't be two Alma's here, can there? I looked over but nothing was there. Then I heard the noise again and realized that it was my cell phone ringing on vibrate. At first I was frustrated, because I was worried it would wake me from my lucid/OBE...but then I started wondering why someone was calling me in the middle of the night.

I could tell by how dark everything was that it was still very late at night. So I decided to wake up and see who was calling. It took a few minutes for me to sort of "return" to myself and get my bearings. After a minute I looked at my phone, but I had no missed call. I was very confused. As certain as I was that I was just in a dream, I was that certain that the vibrating cell phone was not in the dream but very real. I wasn't sure what to make of the situation. Then I realized that it was 4am and my mom had to be at work at 5am which meant she was probably already awake, as she likes to get to work a half hour early most of the time.

I walked downstairs to get a glass of ice water, and I noticed that my mom was still asleep. Odd...I thought to myself. By then it was 4:15. I went into her room and whispered her name. She woke up. I asked her if she had to be at work at 5 and she said yes and asked what time it is. I told her and she checked her alarm clock and apparently she had turned it off in her sleep. The funny thing is that had I not gone down to check and see if she was awake, wondering what the alarm/phone ringing meant in my dream, I wouldn't have woken her up and she would have been late for work. I don't know if it means much, but it's interesting nonetheless. I should also mention that this was the first and only time I'd ever done this, so it's not as if it's a regular occurrence...making it even more of an interesting synchronicity. Definitely the first time I've had an OBE where I "slipped" off and under my bed. That was a strange experience!

I was at a friends house, which was somewhere in the country, sort of in the middle of nowhere...though the area wasn't deserted. They lived in a rural suburb of some sort...but the houses were built on cliffs and were old and crumbling. As we drove up to the house, we had to wind our way around a cliff face and I looking up and saw all these magnificent old houses in various styles of architecture: gothic, rococo, art nouveau...and it looked as though they would fall apart at any minute. As though they had been battered by years of sand and wind raking against the cliff faces. I remember putting my hands up over my head to avoid getting hit with anything that might fall.

Once we reached the top however the land changed very much and became more flat, like the countryside. I remember being inside this friends house when everything just started flooding. The water was pouring in...it was clear, bright water...and I went outside and saw rivers of this gorgeous water flowing over all the land. We lost our footing and got swept up in the current. The water was flowing like a river over the roads, and it was several feet deep, as though some invisible barriers were keeping the water in the road.

Once I hit the current I realized I was dreaming...and swam like a dolphin moving quickly with the water, through the streets...as they curved downwards, and went under bridges and railroad crossings. There were lots of other people in the water too, and they were sort of floating along like it was a lazy river.

Then I noticed something dark in the water...it was coming after me. But what was it? It could swim faster than I could. I kept watching it, just thinking to myself that I could fly away if I had to. Then I remember that I have had trouble flying out of water with strong currents, and that I would sometimes get pulled back into the water. So before the dark thing got closer, I willed myself to float up and out of the water. It worked, though my feet were still skimming the surface and the dark had come out of the water now, it looked like a man. I turned my head toward the sky and flew away...waking up shortly after.

I enjoyed the dream so much that I decided not to move a muscle upon waking, and used the dream re-entry technique (or as I call it, instinct, which is what most "techniques" on this site basically are). I immediately entered a new dream...or wait...was it the same dream. I was back at the friends house, but the flood water was gone. What remained however was an enormous swimming pool, full of crystal clear water. The landscape looked like the american south west, I guess, not having been there. But it was sort of a rocky desert.

My sister was relaxing in the pool. Suddenly it was as though we were on vacation. She turned around and gasped...and I did the same...as we looked at one end of the swimming pool we saw that the waters flowed down a very steep slope and into, what appeared to be...a cenote...way down below. A cenote is an underground cave or sinkhole full of water (we went snorkeling in these before in mexico) The sun was shining on the water and rocks down below and suddenly the waters of the caribbean were beckoning me forth and I dove down into the cenote.

I think I woke up shortly after. I again tried to reenter the dream, and I believe it worked, but I don't think I was lucid, or I forget what happened. After that I had a few nonlucids.

I wish I could remember more. But I do remember how incredibly happy I felt swimming around all night...I love water.

It's been awhile since I had a real lucid. Yesterday it started off with me getting a bedtime visit from my demon. There are some really beautiful memories from that lucid dream that I would love to paint if I get the chance.

Last night I was lucid most of the time, but I also forget a lot of it, due to sleeping aids and such. At one point I remember flying around searching for a friend of mine that I really wanted to see. I realized that shouting their name wasn't going to get me anywhere, so I attempted to try the linear acceleration technique to see if I could enter their dream (has worked in the past). But this time it was different. The actual process of the flight was so much more real, it felt hyperreal...and I attempted to accelerate to a speed that was as fast as I could possibly go.

I like the idea of ripping through the fabric of space time to enter another person's dream. But this time, when I hit my limit, which was at or around light speed (I think), something different happened. I didn't rip through anything and wind up in a new dreamscape...instead I felt my body...the tips of my fingers...began dissolving away...as though I was moving faster than light speed...and I was leaving molecules behind. It was so strange because it actually physically hurt. The tips of my fingers felt like they were dissolving away, or ripped off...and there was a stream of particles flowing behind them. It was happening all over my body, but my hands were out in front of me so I could see them slowing dissolving away as I reached my speed limit. I stopped accelerating because it was really painful, and I knew something was not right.

After I stopped accelerating, I just let myself float through the darkness of space and it took me a good five or ten minutes to recover. It felt like I was slowly pulling myself, my particles, back together. I was absolutely exhausted, my brain was hurting a lot, and my heart rate was up. But I couldn't wake up or move, not because of sleep paralysis, but only because I did not have the energy to.

Imagine being in a lucid dream...and realizing you don't have the energy to wake up? It was so strange, I've never experienced anything like it. I don't think I will try that technique again. Even for awhile after I woke up I didn't feel right. I was completely drained. Literally had to roll out of bed. I'm starting to wonder if I was ripping my astral body away from my physical body or something...but in a way that...was somehow bad.

Also, I noticed that while I was accelerating my brain was vibrating really strongly at the crown. The top back...I could feel those neurons firing like crazy (I guess that's what it means when you feel vibrations). So it could be connected to the crown chakra (which I think is your bodily entrance/exit point)...or to a certain area of the brain that was firing at the time.

I find myself flying through a dreamscape, that is very vivid and yet closer to hypnagogia than an actual dream. I see gorgeous places and I start thinking how to paint them in my mind, because at this point I know that I'm not awake, and honestly I don't know exactly where I was. Somewhere between dreaming and awake I suppose. In this place I can paint beautiful things. Everything and anything that I think suddenly manifests, I am in control of what I am seeing. Like I am conducting and controlling the hypnagogia somehow. Each image I see is so incredible, that I take a moment to memorize it, and observe it's finest details. It has an infinite resolution. I know in my heart that I can paint such things as I see them in my mind, and I become sad that I can not so clearly see...truly see...when I am awake. I test myself. I imagine a group of people and I pose them in different ways and observe them at extreme angles as if I were below them looking up, or above them looking down. The perspective is all perfect, and I tell myself that I need to remember this when I wake up. How to see...while awake. How to tap into this place of pure inspiration. Either my own subconscious or the whole of the collective consciousness. Perhaps this is akashia. I examine every detail and notice things I never noticed before, like the structure of the big toe, and how the heel looks when viewed from a certain angle. Then I go on to imagine the most beautiful scenes I can think of. I don't even have to try, I just think, "imagine something beautiful" and it happens, and what I see is so stunning that it would bring me to tears. Not only because of it's beauty but also because I know that I could never create anything so masterful, so absolutely divine. I am the tortured artist, blessed with visions of beauty beyond measure and compare, yet without the skill to be able to recreate such visions on paper or canvas. The frustration of knowing that these things are here...in my head...inside me...and yet I cannot see them while awake. I cannot use them to help me to create. Instead all I have are vague impressions, outlines, misconceptions about form and shape. True testament to how I live my life.

Oh nameless disembodied spirit of hate and rage. Does this demon exist within me? What is this entity that terrifies and tortures me so. Formless. Shapeless. There are no words that can describe such a thing. Is this what evil means? Something born into this world out of rage and hatred, which exists only as a shapeless shadow, blacker than any black existing in the realm of reality. Something from which no light returns...a black hole. Sucking you in...devouring...your soul. Can such a thing truly exist within me?

Recently I have been having recurring dreams about my old house, and more importantly, my old bedroom which, in these dreams, is violently haunted. These dreams have been getting worse, I have absolutely no idea what is causing them, but I have never felt terror like this before. Even in my worst nightmares. I have never encountered something so purely evil and unable to escape from, even when lucid.

I lived in this house from the age of thirteen, up until we moved about 5 years ago. I had been dreaming that my old bedroom was haunted for awhile, but only recently have the dreams turned into full fledge nightmares. The following are three (out of many) such nightmares I have had recently involving this haunted room.

My bedroom was empty, everything had been placed into the moving truck, and I go back down to my bedroom to get the last few things. I walk to my bedroom, which is in the basement, and just as I get to the open door...it slams shut in my face with such an intense force that I stumble backwards. I think to myself, that it is haunted, and that there is something very evil in there. But I need to get my stuff, and I don't want to be afraid. I think it is best to master my fear and enter the bedroom. When I go in, it is completely empty, just bare wood floors. I get to the center of the room and the bedroom door slams shut behind me. It is so loud that I am already very terrified because I know that something is very angry. I turn around to look towards the door and I see a shadowy blackness...immediately I am filled with terror. I can sense that this thing is pure evil. It screams...the loudest...most horrifying demonic moan and I make a run for the door. I am knocked down by some invisible force, the shadow still shrieking in my ear and echoing so loudly through the empty room. The closet doors are slamming closed over and over, the windows shatter, the ceiling fan is rocking about wildly above my head. I start screaming. I tell myself it's just a dream, and that I can't be here, because I have a new bedroom now. So I desperately try to think about my new bedroom, so that I can wake up from this nightmare. But I cannot remember where I am sleeping. I am semi-lucid throughout this whole experience, but I am unable to fight this evilness and terror that I am filled with. I eventually make it to the door but it won't open. I keep trying and eventually I get out and slam the door behind me. It stays shut and I run for my life.

I am in my old bedroom alone. It's empty. I know that I couldn't be there and become lucid. But despite the lucidity I am not overjoyed, and surprised to find myself in that bedroom. I feel the darkness closing in around me. "No." I say to myself, and try to will it to go away. But it persists. This is not a thing I have any amount of control over. I try to think of different ways to expel the evil from this room, but I am suddenly being pulled towards it, as if by a rope coming out of my stomach. There is a tugging sensation and I cannot fight it...it is not physical...it is spiritual. I feel myself separate from my body and float into the blackness. I am completely overcome with the darkness and feel myself become filled with that same rage, that evilness, that hate...and everything goes black. I wake up crying.

In my dream last night I found myself in my old house, in the basement, which is a common place for me to be in dreams. I walk over to my bedroom, completely forgetting that I had sworn never ever to go back there. Forgetting that it was inhabited by the most evil demonic spirit hell bent on torturing me. I open the door and immediately it slams back shut, but it slams on my fingers. Four fingers of my right hand are caught in the door. It all comes flooding back to me, the evilness that exists in there. I become terrified. I'm pulling my hand as hard as I can but I can't get it out. The door won't budge. It's only a matter of time before the evilness opens the door and sucks me in, and then I will be trapped in there again with it. I am absolutely panicked. I consider cutting my hand off, but I don't have a knife. I pull so hard that my fingers start to rip off. The door opens and I fall backwards. Hovering in the doorway is the darkness. I get up and run as fast as I can. But the evil pulls at me like a magnet. It pulls at my spirit, my soul. I feel myself start to get disconnected from my body...because my body continues to run away. I focus on staying inside myself, and get up the stairs. I find a bottle of holy water and spray it everywhere. I dump it out forming a circle around me. My little dog is near my feet. I grab him and toss him into the empty bedroom beside me, hoping to keep him safe. Then I see...something...crawling it's way to the top of the stairs. She looks like the little girl from the Exorcist. I knew this wasn't the evilness, it was just something that manifested out of it. Like a side effect. This girl did not frighten me even though she looked very scary. But after that evil, it would take much more to frighten me. She tries to attack me but I grab her and shake her and I shout things that I cannot remember. Like, "look what you've done. Look what you've become. Now everyone can see the real you. Now you look on the outside how you are in the inside." I don't know what I was yelling or why. Then I threw her from me and she crumpled into a heap and took on the appearance of an angler fish. Demonic eyes and huge sharp teeth, amidst a black mass of clothing and tangled hair. It looked dead. I knew the evil was still in the house, in my room, so I left the house.