non-lucid

Just woke up from a very cool dream about a not so distant future flying structure that can house millions of people in emergency situations. It's shaped and moves horizontally like spindle with three orbiting rings, sort of like a space station. It can remain inside our atmosphere and make large circles around a disaster area for extended periods of time, or enter outer space if needed. It has capability of traveling very fast or sort of hovering, similar to a flying saucer. It can travel to any part of the world very quickly to reach the cite of an emergency and board people very fast. Though I never saw how people boarded the craft. It's like a giant mobile relief space/aircraft equipped with state of the art hospital facilities as well as being a mobile city, with restaurants, theaters, shopping, and living areas.

In my dream a huge tornado devastated a city built up along this huge cliff over the sea, and the infrastructure was severely damaged. The areas that weren't wiped out by the storm were in danger of collapsing into the sea. So the satellite, which was what I called it in the dream, flew onto the scene and quickly loaded people to get them to safety or the medical care they needed. The craft not only provides emergency medical care to injured survivors, but also removes anyone else, injured or not, from the disaster area...keeping it uncluttered and providing the opportunity for quicker rebuilding of the damaged areas.



It will take action and come to the relief in any disaster situation, natural like storms, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis...but also terrorist attacks and such. Keeping injured people and survivors clear of ground zero affords better rescue efforts and more efficient clean up and rebuilding by government services. Somehow I have no doubt that something like this will exist in the not so distant future.

I was aboard the craft, sitting in a huge open space that was sort of like the food court at the mall, but larger and fully lined with windows to see out to the clouds. An enormous movie screen was playing the latest pixar movie, while other smaller screens on the side of the large screen had such things as sports, news, etc. for others to watch. Everything was very clean and bright and futuristic.

My parents decide to move because our current house is too large and they can no longer afford it. We are in the car on our way to the new house and my mom is going on and on about how they have now found their dream house and I listen eagerly. When we pull up to the new house I realize that it is our old old house. The one we moved out of when I was 12. Are they joking? They couldn't seriously want to move back here, could they? I watch them start unloading things from the car. The moving truck is parked outside. Oh my god, they are serious. I start shouting frantically, about how little and ugly this house is and that I do not want to go back and live in my old tiny bedroom. I am utterly in shock that we are actually moving back here. We're moving backward through life. I want to cry.

I follow them inside the house and everything is just as I remember it. It's as though I never left. I wander through the house, feeling utterly depressed. Then I realize...wait...this can't be right. There is no way we could be moving back here. This must be a dream! But, I don't become lucid.

Instead, I spend the next five minutes having a discussion with my mom in the tv room of the very same house about a dream I had where her and dad decided to move back to our old old house. I explain this horrible dream to her, in vivid detail, for several minutes. Suddenly I see a large green bug on the carpet where I was laying down. My mom was sitting in the gray lazy boy chair. The bug jumps on me, is it praying mantis? I freak out and fling it away. I continue on with explaining the dream to my mom. But...wait...wait...a minute...

"We're still here...in the old house..." I pause and think, "which means, that this is a dream. It is. It must be!"

Mom looks at me questioningly.

"Here, I'll prove it to you." I walk over to the window, pull up the shade and open up the window. I climb onto the window ledge. Wow...deja vu. I think to myself that I have definitely jumped out of this window in a lucid dream before. But how could that be? I didn't start lucid dreaming until I was 18...right? Maybe I was just remembering a lucid dream I had years ago in which I had dreamed that I was lucid in my old old house. Yes, that makes much more sense. I jump out of the window, but it is nighttime and I have trouble flying. I make it to the ground safely. My mom jumps out of the window after me. She just falls and lands hard on the ground.

"You were supposed to fly," I tell her. We are both obviously disappointed and I can see that she is still not convinced it is a dream. "Here, try this," and I show her how to do the nose plug RC. She holds her nose closed and takes a deep breath. "Can you breathe?" I ask her. "Yes" she says, and I am finally satisfied in proving to her that this is a dream. "Look," I say, and direct her attention to a gorgeous city skyline at sunset that I had just created. She is astonished. "Let's go to the city!" I exclaim, and beginning running to get my speed up to fly. "Just fly. Watch me, watch how I do it..." I see her running behind me and the dream quickly fades.

I wake briefly and remain motionless. DEILD.



I reenter a lucid dream and find myself in a crowded mall with RP (though I kept calling him Cedric in this dream, Edward in the dream from a few days ago...btw why do I keep dreaming about him? I'm not a Twilight fangirl). We were running through the mall because we were being chased by a bunch of men. They were trying to take him away from me. We were clinging onto each other and these men kept grabbing him and I would pull him out of their clutches. At one point I lifted him into the air and was holding him high like a balloon so that the guys chasing me couldn't take him away. It was slightly ridiculous. I don't know why we were being chased, or why I couldn't fly, or make the men go away. It was frustrating to have so little control and I was truly battling with my subconscious. They were like secret service.

Eventually I made it out of the mall with Cedric. We stop to catch our breath outside, but I know that the men are close behind, so I encourage him to keep running. We run for several more minutes until I feel that we are safe. We find an empty house and head to the bedroom where we have sex for the first time, as if we're both virgins. Well, in the dream, we were. Except it was incredibly wonderful instead of awkward and unsatisfying. But the dream fades.

Wait. DEILD.

I'm back in bed with Cedric. The dream is there one second and gone the next. I cannot stop it from fading. I try again and fail.

Shit...I think to myself. My REM is spent. This REM period is over. I can always tell when this happens. Then I remind myself that I've read that people also dream in NREM, so I don't give up completely, and I try to continue the dream into NREM. I was successful for a while, but the dream quality was so incredibly poor and faded out. It just was not immersive or realistic and I realized that it wasn't worth the effort of fighting to stay conscious, so I let go.

Non-lucid Dream.

I'm in my grade school cafeteria and it is the end of the year banquet. The people there are all from high school though, not grade school. I look around in amazement and wonder what the hell all these people are doing here. These are people that are in college now, or out of college and have families. Why the hell are they sitting through this boring school banquet!? I interrupt the principal and ask why we need to be here, amongst a few other things.

"Well," she begins, "first of all I don't know why I am having to answer a two part question..."

"Would you like me to rephrase the question?" I ask derisively. I look around. People are giving me evil looks, and no one looks amused. "What is wrong with you people?" I shout, and then take my seat and sulk for a bit. Then I get up and walk to the back of the cafeteria to find out what sort of food they are cooking. My mom is there, working as a lunch lady. But it's my mom from like 20 years ago when she was a lot heavier. Her boobs are enormous and she's wearing a sweatshirt that says Notre Dame on the back. It said something on the front too but I can't remember. What I do remember though is that all my friends for some reason like her more than they like me. I'm not happy with the entire situation and decide that I'm going to leave. The dream ends soon after.

My dreams were long and vivid and I spent awhile in hypnagogia, flying down suburban streets with old dilapidated houses. But my dream recall upon waking lately has been awful for some reason, even though I spend time recalling my dreams just after having them to insure better recall upon waking. For some reason I keep forgetting anyway.

The first dream I really remember involved a classroom situation. We were in lab, but it was several times larger than a normal lab. Somehow I managed to break some glassware and a piece of glass got lodged in the cuticle of my right hand. I remember walking around the classroom with my middle finger covered in blood, and for some reason I wasn't doing anything about it. I remember using tweezers to extract the glass chunks from the nail bed, and after wards there were chunks missing from my finger. It was actually rather gruesome and I remember thinking how unfortunate it was that I was going to have this ugly damaged finger forever.

I went over to a sink to rinse off the blood and when I turned the faucet instead of water this thick yellow vapor sprayed out into the room. It was a caustic, noxious gas...and I remember thinking something in my head about sulfuric chloride gas, although I was obviously getting mixed up between sulfuric and hydrochloric acid. Anyways, this gas set off some sort of alarm and caused everyone's faucets to start emitting this same gas like some kind of chain reaction. People were dropping and like flies and the professor was trying to evacuate everyone. I just remember feeling really stupid because I had caused it to happen, but I was just trying to escape the gas as well which I could feel burning my eyes and lungs.

The dream sort of transitioned into this other dream involving, once again, the guy from Ink for some reason. Except in this dream he was actually my cousin's ex husband. Thinking about it now, I can sort of see the similarity between the two and can understand how my mind might have connected them. In the dream he was this important executive running some advertising company, and he had asked for my help in doing some design work for him. I remember hearing his voice, just like the guy from the movie, and it was so calm and soothing...and somehow also seductive. There was a lot going on in this dream, but it gets pretty mixed up. My cousin and sister were there at some point. At another point me and him were in my old dorm room having sex and I remember feeling guilty because somehow in the dream he was still married to my cousin. Even though he told me they were divorced. Anyways...typical weird dream. Wish I could recall better.

My dream began at my ex's house, though I didn't recognize much of it. He was apologizing for getting me sick. People were walking through his room and leaving through the window, and I remember thinking how odd it was. I tiptoed on the border of lucidity, but I don't think I crossed over. Suddenly I found myself in another house...in someone's living room. It was O's place. It was night and he was sitting on this dark leather couch watching tv. I walked over and curled up next to him. It felt so natural, as if this was something we did every night. Sexy details omitted. We laid together on the couch, and I just remember feeling content and protected.



The dream changed and I was in a scene from a movie, still just barely on the border of lucidity. I watched as the main character from Ink spoke to someone in the street. He was standing outside his car, as though he had just been in an accident. He was speaking slowly and seemed very sad. Although he wasn't dead, the view kept focusing in on his nose. I remember making a comment to someone next to me that I couldn't get over the fact that he was wearing a false nose. I think I was speaking telepathically with Edge, although he wasn't really there with me.



The scene transformed again and the same man was flying at incredible speeds through space. The stars were leaving trails of light behind him. He had one fist out flying superman style, the other arm was also out in front of him. It moved backward as he put is hand forward and began collecting energy with his hand as he flew. He was summoning energy from all around him and I could see a cloud of glowing blue light, like lighting, forming in front of him. There was a tremendous amount of energy in that blue light. He was fighting something. I couldn't see what it was. It may have been his own shame. The cloud of energy exploded and the darkness of space was lit up like a supernova in every color. I could feel the light reflecting in my own eyes, and reverberating throughout my entire being. It was there. Knowing.

Suddenly his entire body became superimposed with grid lines, as did the universe around him. He fell and landed with an enormous thud into a world made up of grid lines, almost pieced together like legos. There was a soft glowing blue ambiance. He had transformed into a huge inorganic sort of being made of these grids and blocks. He was still fighting...something. But the whole time I just watched and contemplated the beauty of the scene. I remember thinking how amazing it was...lucid dreaming...and how difficult it was to help others who haven't experienced it to understand. I remember thinking that *I* had flown through space and collected that energy cloud...which burst into a supernova in space. I remember thinking how different it was to actually live the experience rather than merely imagine it. It was just so beautiful. I remember thinking that they'll never understand.

I found myself in bed at my old house, laying on my stomach with my face in the pillows. I heard someone enter my room.

"Is it you?" I asked.

The mattress moved as he sat down on the bed. As usual, I was nervous. He leaned over me, and in a dark voice full of malicious amusement he whispered into my ear.

"I'm not your blue friend*."

My nervousness transformed into fear as I felt him climb on top of me. I lifted my head slightly to look at his hands closed around my wrists. They were black. Jet black. A color nothing human could be. And I could sense the darkness flowing through him. If I believed in evil then he would be it. But evil implies the sense of something, however wicked, while he was nothing. Emptiness.

I didn't dare try to see anymore.

Fear paralyzed my body.

Pleasure released my mind.

Not a typical sexual pleasure, but something more intense. Something deeper. At the base of my spine. Like a furnace.

Who or what he was didn't matter...only the feeling mattered. Aware that at any moment the situation could erupt into sheer terror, I was careful not to appear to struggle from his grasp, and the delicate balance of pleasure and fear was maintained.

At times he spoke to me, though I can't remember what was said.

And then, as suddenly as he had come, he was gone. I found myself alone in my bed once again. But soon another came. At first I was, again, fearful. But this man was light skinned, almost glowing, and I found that I was able to look at his face. He was handsome and kind and sought only to comfort me. He offered his hand and I took it, and we dissolved into another astral plane. I know there is more to the dream but I can't remember it.

*The blue friend he is referring to is some incubus-like being that has visited me on several occasions.

Oh nameless disembodied spirit of hate and rage. Does this demon exist within me? What is this entity that terrifies and tortures me so. Formless. Shapeless. There are no words that can describe such a thing. Is this what evil means? Something born into this world out of rage and hatred, which exists only as a shapeless shadow, blacker than any black existing in the realm of reality. Something from which no light returns...a black hole. Sucking you in...devouring...your soul. Can such a thing truly exist within me?

Recently I have been having recurring dreams about my old house, and more importantly, my old bedroom which, in these dreams, is violently haunted. These dreams have been getting worse, I have absolutely no idea what is causing them, but I have never felt terror like this before. Even in my worst nightmares. I have never encountered something so purely evil and unable to escape from, even when lucid.

I lived in this house from the age of thirteen, up until we moved about 5 years ago. I had been dreaming that my old bedroom was haunted for awhile, but only recently have the dreams turned into full fledge nightmares. The following are three (out of many) such nightmares I have had recently involving this haunted room.

My bedroom was empty, everything had been placed into the moving truck, and I go back down to my bedroom to get the last few things. I walk to my bedroom, which is in the basement, and just as I get to the open door...it slams shut in my face with such an intense force that I stumble backwards. I think to myself, that it is haunted, and that there is something very evil in there. But I need to get my stuff, and I don't want to be afraid. I think it is best to master my fear and enter the bedroom. When I go in, it is completely empty, just bare wood floors. I get to the center of the room and the bedroom door slams shut behind me. It is so loud that I am already very terrified because I know that something is very angry. I turn around to look towards the door and I see a shadowy blackness...immediately I am filled with terror. I can sense that this thing is pure evil. It screams...the loudest...most horrifying demonic moan and I make a run for the door. I am knocked down by some invisible force, the shadow still shrieking in my ear and echoing so loudly through the empty room. The closet doors are slamming closed over and over, the windows shatter, the ceiling fan is rocking about wildly above my head. I start screaming. I tell myself it's just a dream, and that I can't be here, because I have a new bedroom now. So I desperately try to think about my new bedroom, so that I can wake up from this nightmare. But I cannot remember where I am sleeping. I am semi-lucid throughout this whole experience, but I am unable to fight this evilness and terror that I am filled with. I eventually make it to the door but it won't open. I keep trying and eventually I get out and slam the door behind me. It stays shut and I run for my life.

I am in my old bedroom alone. It's empty. I know that I couldn't be there and become lucid. But despite the lucidity I am not overjoyed, and surprised to find myself in that bedroom. I feel the darkness closing in around me. "No." I say to myself, and try to will it to go away. But it persists. This is not a thing I have any amount of control over. I try to think of different ways to expel the evil from this room, but I am suddenly being pulled towards it, as if by a rope coming out of my stomach. There is a tugging sensation and I cannot fight it...it is not physical...it is spiritual. I feel myself separate from my body and float into the blackness. I am completely overcome with the darkness and feel myself become filled with that same rage, that evilness, that hate...and everything goes black. I wake up crying.

In my dream last night I found myself in my old house, in the basement, which is a common place for me to be in dreams. I walk over to my bedroom, completely forgetting that I had sworn never ever to go back there. Forgetting that it was inhabited by the most evil demonic spirit hell bent on torturing me. I open the door and immediately it slams back shut, but it slams on my fingers. Four fingers of my right hand are caught in the door. It all comes flooding back to me, the evilness that exists in there. I become terrified. I'm pulling my hand as hard as I can but I can't get it out. The door won't budge. It's only a matter of time before the evilness opens the door and sucks me in, and then I will be trapped in there again with it. I am absolutely panicked. I consider cutting my hand off, but I don't have a knife. I pull so hard that my fingers start to rip off. The door opens and I fall backwards. Hovering in the doorway is the darkness. I get up and run as fast as I can. But the evil pulls at me like a magnet. It pulls at my spirit, my soul. I feel myself start to get disconnected from my body...because my body continues to run away. I focus on staying inside myself, and get up the stairs. I find a bottle of holy water and spray it everywhere. I dump it out forming a circle around me. My little dog is near my feet. I grab him and toss him into the empty bedroom beside me, hoping to keep him safe. Then I see...something...crawling it's way to the top of the stairs. She looks like the little girl from the Exorcist. I knew this wasn't the evilness, it was just something that manifested out of it. Like a side effect. This girl did not frighten me even though she looked very scary. But after that evil, it would take much more to frighten me. She tries to attack me but I grab her and shake her and I shout things that I cannot remember. Like, "look what you've done. Look what you've become. Now everyone can see the real you. Now you look on the outside how you are in the inside." I don't know what I was yelling or why. Then I threw her from me and she crumpled into a heap and took on the appearance of an angler fish. Demonic eyes and huge sharp teeth, amidst a black mass of clothing and tangled hair. It looked dead. I knew the evil was still in the house, in my room, so I left the house.