Snacks From the Butler's Pantry

My brother, Patrick recently committed suicide. His depression was too much, so he swallowed his pet beta fish and then drowned himself in the bathtub. After his funeral, I spent the night at his fiancee's house to comfort her. She was totally devastated. We sat around the dinner table reminiscing and telling stories about him. In the smoke coming off the cooking fire, the stories began to come alive. It was as if my memories of my brother were being projected into the smoky air. The more we talked, the more substantial these images became. Soon, I could see the ghostly outline of my brother sitting at the table laughing with us as we exchanged stories. As I ended my tale, he picked up the conversation. He told us the story of what became of souls as they entered the underworld.

Each person's life on Earth is mortgaged against their soul. As you live your life, you slowly repay your loan. A complete life will win you ownership of your soul. A life cut short, or left unfulfilled, will return your soul to the king of the underworld. Suicide is the quickest way to default on your loan. It wins you eternal slavery to the Underworld King.

My brother needed my help. He needed me to make the journey to the underworld, and rescue his soul from captivity.

As he finished his story, I reached across the fire to embrace his smoky reflection. As soon as I touched his shade, I felt myself pulled into the underworld. I instantly recognized the feeling as that of falling through the void into the dream world.

I fell into a room in an old abandoned castle. Waiting for me was my Dream Guide, a short, disfigured man dressed in rags. He was 2 feet tall, and was gruesome to look at. He had won his dream guide powers by defeating lesser demons and implanting them into his body. He had countless lumps under his clothing where he had grafted the creatures into himself. His brain was half exposed, and he had a small demon crudely sewn into the slimy tissue. It was a sex demon, and it was furiously fucking his brain. Every time it climaxed, it would impart to him knowledge of the underworld. He had a second demon head protruding from his shoulder. It's mouth was stitched in a way so it was always open, waiting to devour any soul that got too close.

We were immediately attacked by the underworld king's armies. They shot us with arrows that would turn us to stone. Several of my Dream Guide's demons were killed in the fight, but I managed to escape by jumping out the window into a courtyard pool. I met two other ghosts. They were the spirits of virgins sacrificed to the demons. I freed them by having sex with them so they were no longer virgins. Together we hid in the catacombs under the castle. I discovered that my lucid dreaming tricks worked in the underworld. I hid us from a hideous demon called "The Janitor" by creating a screen of light that would make us invisible.

The Underworld King sent his armies to find us, but my lucid powers were too much for them. They each returned without success. He would not accept failure, so each army that returned would be immediately destroyed. This caused many of his armies to abandon him instead of returning empty handed. I gathered up his scattered forces, and convinced them to help me overthrow the tyrant.

We had an epic battle as we laid siege to his castle. My dream guide led an army of demons, and I led an army of ghosts. We took the castle, and freed all the enslaved souls. I decided to stay as the new king. Seeing the similarities, I decided to remove the boundaries between the dream world and the world of the undead. This way, the souls could communicate to their loved ones through dreams.