• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

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    1. Impersonating a toddler

      by , 01-18-2012 at 07:37 AM
      I basically dreamed that i was at my sister Krissy’s talking to her and my other sister Tanya and i was told that i needed to impersonate a 2-3 year old kid during a trial. I was never told what he had seen or why i needed to testify for him, but the dream involved me impersonating this kid (or trying to. I didn’t do a good job)

      I asked my sister Tanya what the kid’s name was, and she told me it was Bam, then she started to laugh. She then handed me an ID with the word BAM written on it in red ink. However, BAM was just a nickname at his real name was almost impossible to pronounce. He apparently had some shitty parents that wanted to give him a terrible name. (The name tag also acted like a score card, tallying up points for the number of random letters and consonants in a persons name. His name was worth a lot of points)

      So my mom and I collect the kid from the parents house, and he is in the backseat of her van. We are in a mall parking lot but as we go to drive away I realize that his seatbelt isn’t on, so i get out and put it on for him (which was a struggle) and as i’m getting back into the front seat two homeless women are standing near the front of the van talking with a dog blocking my door. Frustrated of waiting ii tug on the leash a bit, get the dog out of the way, then get inside the van, and as we are driving off i hear the one homeless lady insulting me for grabbing the leash. This was strange. She was pretty much whispering and i heard her from within the van perfectly.
      Wanting to correct her, i tell my mom that i was just moving the dog out of the way of the door and that she should repeat that to the women outside. She does, but they make no sign that they heard my mother, so we drive off.

      I then make a comment in frustration, saying “well, i was trying to help them. I could have just kicked the dog in the face”, but then i feel ashamed of myself for saying that and i go quiet.

      My mom, the baby and I arrive at my grandmother’s and I am given some clothes to change into so that i may resemble the baby. The clothes end up being a white tracksuit that rappers and drug dealers wear. I ask my brother (who is driving us to the courthouse) about this, and he says something along the lines of “Gotta represent”, then he pulls on the tracksuit that he is also wearing.

      We arrive at the courthouse and I become very nervous. I know i have to impersonate this kid, but i have no idea how the kid acts, i don’t know what his real name is, and i have no idea what i am even supposed to say. Luckily the “courthouse” is really just a large, circular area, with an inside and an outside, that in some ways resembles my grandparents place.

      When we arrive the apparent judge tells the family that we can play videogames in the games room. I look in and see that they have an xbox with a kinect set up. Part of me wants to play it, but i realize that I am supposed to be impersonating a toddler, and toddlers don’t play Xbox. I am a bit saddened by this. I then stand by the van which has shrunken down in size to the point that i wouldn’t be able to sit in it and speak to my family, trying to avoid anyone from the courthouse. The judge i remember wanted me to make a statement, but i was worried about fucking it up.
      The dream get’s a little fuzzy around here but at some point this person who was at the courthouse is trying to ask me some question. (The man is played by the heavier, taller kid from Rookie of the year. He also played the clerk who denies selling the kids alcohol in Camp Nowhere)

      Not knowing how to respond, i flee around the courthouse, outside into the swamp area, and he pursues me. There is even an instance where he looks out one of the large windows in my grandmother’s house, and his head is massive, taking up the entire window.

      I flee into the yard and see my brother, so i follow him through a path that is blocked with a bush, so we have to bend down real low and shuffle under the branches. It’s at this point i think to myself, “Hey, this shit sucks, but at least it is a new experience. My life should feel longer now because of it...”

      While shuffling under the bush I accidentally step in cat shit in the grass and become extremely frustrated. It also ends up on my hands so i go inside to wash them with dishsoap, passing by my aunt Darlene sitting in the yard holding the real baby. Why they would bring the real baby there when i am supposed to be impersonating him is a complete fucking mystery, so i walk past annoyed and am once again confronted by the guy trying to ask me question. I try and flee for probably the 3rd or 4th time but am unable to, and he asks me a few more question. I am not sure how the baby would respond, so i try and escape again, and that’s where i think i woke up.

      -One thing i remember that was strange was the dude who was asking me questions had a hard time going into the water to chase me. He was afraid that he’d absorb the water and ruin his clothes. I then hacked up and spit into the water and said “my family is better suited for the swamp”. I don’t even know what the fuck that means lol
    2. Fall TV Preview and Theater dreams

      by , 01-18-2012 at 07:25 AM
      it was the fall preview for tv shows and every show i watched i would become trapped in. One was a paranormal research show like ghosthunters and there were a couple ghosts from the 1920's (with green hair) who were going around abducting children from a mall parking lot, and i was in charge of catching them in the act. the male ghost was actually the actor who played lloyd from dumb and dumberer when harry met lloyd, and the woman ghost was played by the girl who played Tonks from the Harry Potter movies.

      i was sitting on a trashcan with a bunch of blankets looking out for them, but then i got distracted, and decided to watch porn on the TV i had. Then i realized people could see me, so i turned the tv towards myself and covered myself in blankets (while on the trashcan in the middle of the parking lot). Then the ghosts appeared, looking creepier than hell, surrounded by a bunch of kids they were going to abduct, so i switched off the TV with porn immediately. Then the kids surrounded me and were saying they wanted to watch cartoons, but i couldn't turn the tv on because i wasn't sure if the porn was still playing. couldn't take that chance, so i made up an excuse that the batteries in the remote were fucked.

      So then my nephew appears, holding a fresh pack of fucking batteries all the while Brian is there asking me if the show was any good. Then the woman from in the porn appeared, asking me why i turned her off. It was like FUUUUU. i had to wake myself up, like i used to do when i was having nightmares as a kid. the dream was too frustrating. I just wanted to watch porn while sitting on a trashcan while hunting ghosts goddamnit!

      but yeah, there was a few tv shows i ended up in. One was like heroes where a bunch of people had super powers. There was one part where a guy was trying to teach himself to fly by jumping out of windows. the strange thing is that this show changed while i was watching it. went from being a moody science fictiony drama to a Comedy show with Michael Keaton. He kept jumping out of windows and flapping his arms in an idiotic fashion, and there was one part where he kept teleporting around in a room filled out with christmas decorations. It was all very confusing.

      OHHHH, just remembered another part of the dream.

      I was at some kind of a fair in the middle of winter. there was snow and large crowds of people. I was with a few friends i had never seen before and we decided to go into a theater that was at the fair (?) to watch a movie. Once inside the movie theater was Huuge. like a large opera house with multiple upper decks. I found my seat, sat down, then was immediately interrupted by my brothers ex (who is still a family friend) who wanted to get some munchies. So, i followed her out of the theater and into a fancy dining room in a highclass restaurant. it was mid morning and this grey, over cast light was spilling in through the windows.

      so we are standing there looking at a large table covered in food when my brothers ex notices a wasps nest located directly above the snack table. so she grabs a stick and knocks it down. then we notice another wasp nest (that is under construction liek the second deathstar, with pieces missing and shit) as well as a half dozen smaller nests. She tells me she'll take care of them then hands me a paper bag (the really narrow ones that go around bagets) filled with popcorn. then, before i can leave, she hands me a ball of hash that is wrapped in a bunch of popcorn, and she tells me to conceal that in the popcorn tube.

      paranoid as shit i head back into the theater that is now completely packed with people. Everyone is jumping around in their seats, making as much noise as possible, rambunctious as all hell. it was like the movie gremlins. I sit down, start eating my popcorn all the while trying to conceal a large ball of hash packed popcorn inside a paper baget tube that is steadily ripping down one side. FUUUUUUUU.

      Eventually i run out of popcorn (why i ate the popcorn when it was the only thing disguising the hash ball i'll never know) and now it's just me sitting in the seat all paranoid. Then, from my right side i see an usher making his way up the aisle that is twisting and coiling in all directions. it's at this point i realize that the theater seats are secured to the side of a large cliff and the screen itself is just the sky. The usher continues on his path, up the winding aisle staircase, turning left, straight, right, straight left ect, all the while i am desperately pleading to myself that he doesn't stop and confront me.

      yeah, he does of course. and it wasn't an usher... It was a COP! this sly son of a bitch grabs my wrist and tells me i am under arrest as more police officers hidden amongst the crowd begin springing up. D:

      the usher disguised as a cop grabs my neck and begins to lead me out when suddenly i hear maniacal laughter issuing from the back. i look back towards the doors i entered and the laughter is coming from my brothers ex. "whaaa?" i think to myself. She proceeds to tell me it was all a setup, and that she was working with the police the entire time and the wasps nests and everything was all an elaborate scheme.

      What the fuck...

      So yeah, i am about to call quits on this dream and wake myself up when suddenly a loud gunshot crack is heard and my brother's ex collapses. i continue to be lead up the aisle, extremely confused, when SAMUEL L. FUCKING JACKSON appears, dressed in his nick fury outfit (complete with eye patch) and he proceeded to tell me that my brothers ex was an agent of theirs that went rogue, yadda yadda yadda, i've fucking had it with this shit! so i woke myself up lol.
    3. Batman meets Mario

      by , 01-18-2012 at 07:16 AM
      Alright, i had a weird dream. Going to write out what i remember lol

      basically i decided to visit my sister’s house, so i’m in her living room, and we are both sitting watching the tv (the couch is comically oversized, like we are kids) and one of her cats comes over on the back of the couch. I try petting it and it attacks me. Undeterred, i pull the cat off the back of the couch, hold it in place and begin petting it again. The cat struggles against me holding it, trying to attack me, and i suddenly realize that if i let the cat go, it is gonna fuck my shit up. Like without a doubt. It’s gonna go for my balls or something.

      so I keep struggling with the cat petting it and eventually it calms down. Thinking i’m in the clear, i go to let it go, and it glares at me with an expression that basically says “keep petting, bitch”. So, feeling a bit violated and unappreciated, i toss the cat across the room so it can’t turn around and swipe me.

      Cut to me watching a scene from the new Batman game. Apparently it’s the forth of july in Gotham, and batman is trying to get to the scene of a crime, but he must go through a large opera building that is filled to the brim with carnival performers and clowns all playing the American national anthem.

      So already from this setup, i know the villain is the penguin (because he always employs freaks as his henchman) so i watch batman move through the thick crowd, keeping an eye out on the faces of the carnival people, looking for the main villain. Then batman, as if he just suddenly remembered that he was the fucking batman, shoots a zipline up to the rafters of the enormous building and crawls out through a window.

      Batman walks out to the edge of this building, the camera in my dream pulls back, and i see gotham city at night blanketed in shadow with thousands upon thousands of red, white and blue streamers fluttering everywhere. Then batman crosses to the other side of the building, the music begins to build, and he jumps. As he plummets, he suddenly uses his cape to glide, the music itself swells, and as the camera pulls back, i can see this mass of red and blue flashing lights in the distance. Above them, two huge balloons bob loftily in the sky, and a corpse hangs from each one. All the while, this amazing danny elfman-esque music is playing. I wish i could somehow reproduce the exact imagery to show you lol. It was insane.

      Suddenly, my brother, sister, her friend bev and his friend Ashley are leaving in a jeep. My brothers driving. As we are going along, me in the backseat, i’m going over how beautiful i thought the scene i just saw from batman was, with the music, and the haunting image of the balloons set against the skyline. Ashley doesn’t really believe me, so i replay the scene for us again, but this time, as batman is falling, you can see that the street and other details are really rough looking, like i had made it in photoshop. “oh, nevermind”

      the jeep continues on with my brother driving and me sitting in the back. I’m just sort of staring out the side window when suddenly a giant leopard appears in the center of the road. Now i start freaking out, remembering the cat that was being vicious (and a little domineering) earlier in the dream. So i’m screaming my ass off, and my brother, totally unimpressed by the massive fucking feline tells me to shut up and we continue driving.

      We get to a motel to drop everyone off, and my brother stops in the parking lot right in front of the building. Ashley, bev and my sister get out, and i go to switch to the front seat, believing it will be larger. As i exit, a group of elderly Asian men descend upon the vehicle, believing it to be a taxi. I fight through the crowd, knock a few of them down (It’s them or me!!) and hop in the front seat.
      Suddenly the front seat is friggin’ tiny, and my knees are sitting above the dash, pressed against the windscreen. Fuuu

      my brother and I start driving again and the world itself slowly begins to change from the gloomy gotham city like backdrop to a bright and cartoony one. We drive down into a tunnel and everything becomes really blue. It takes me a moment to realize that the tunnel itself is completely transparent, and we are underwater. I watch the schools of cartoony fish drifting serenely amongst the kelp and seaweed, and i suddenly wonder how strong the glass tunnel is.

      My brother turns around in the tunnel, backs up, and not paying much attention, he backs through the tunnel wall without any resistance, and i realize that it isn’t glass, but a transparent force field or something. I’m about to yell at my brother for almost flooding the vehicle when suddenly, no more than ten feet away, i see the Giant leopard again in the water, now wearing a fucking scuba suit...

      Holy Shiiiit, i start freaking out yet again, and my brother and I speed away. It’s at this point i realize that i am in a Mario game. Billboards advertising Mushroom Kingdom condominiums and Koopa brand Corn Meal litter the 1920’s esque city. It’s like the tim burton, noir version of gotham has merged with the Mario world. It’s really strange.
      So i exit the car, and go stand in this line up outside of this huge walk-in microwave (????) and i shovel some koopa cornmeal out of this container with cartoon animals on it. I think i eat it, and then i start walking around.

      As i’m walking around, i suddenly realize i have a tablet computer, so i turn it on, and i am met with a picture of the galaxy with a silhouetted planet in the middle, the letters MMM written over top. Wanting to “pause” the game that i am in, i go through the menus and fail to find the option. “Great,” i say to myself, “I am stuck in the tutorial.”

      I continue messing around with the computer when suddenly a robot version of Mario appears on the screen with a cup and five dice. The computer’s avatar explains to me that i need to save the princess with the power of numbers or some shit, and yadda yadda yadda i start rolling the dice a bunch of times. Annoyed that i am not listening, the computer tries to reprimand me, so i tell it to go fuck itself, and i continue rolling the dice again.

      This is what you would call a “Bad” idea. This pisses of the computer, and i mean it is PISSED. OFF. It’s eyes begin to glow red, and the screen becomes pixelly and distorted, and the avatar takes on this menacing tone. It looks at me and says “You want to see the full breadth of mah power?!?!” and i’m thinking, “naaaaah” and it’s like “shut up puny mortal!! Witness my majesty!!”

      suddenly the dice shake up on the screen and stop, revealing the numbers 5-4-3-2-1 . now I’m pretty unimpressed, and a little disappointed. “That all you got? You can make the dice come up whatever you want? Big deal.” The computer just smiles, and off in the distance i can hear a mechanical whirring noise steadily growing. And the computer just stares at me smiling.

      A few minutes pass with the whirring noise growing, and suddenly I understand what’s going on. Seeing that i understand, the computer begins to laugh viciously. “those weren’t just random numbers...” i say coldly, “that was a countdown...”

      “YESSS!!!” In a crazed mechanical voice, “NOOWW DIIEEEE!!!” Suddenly the view changes to a first person perspective with a crosshair, and i watch as the computer begins targeting mushroom kingdom skyscrapers and firing upon them with missiles. The scene erupts into chaos, and as a train passes by on an elevated track, the computer targets it and destroys it. I remember hearing all the little toads crying and screaming in pain and thinking “What the fuck kind of Mario is This?!!?”

      Then off in the distance i see a small blip. It continues moving across the sky, growing larger and larger, and suddenly i recognize it as an incoming missile. I bail from the seat of some vehicle (not sure where it came from) just as the missile hits it, destroying it and the computer.
      Victory! I walk back over to the walk-in Microwave (big WTF on that one) to buy some victory cornmeal, but i quickly discover that the company that made the cornmeal was destroyed in the attack, and now the food of choice is Rice meal. I just have enough time to see that the koopa cornmeal logo has changed when i abruptly woke up.
      Seriously, no fucking clue where that dream came from lol.
      Tags: mario batman