Schmaven's Dream Journal of Randomness

I'm on the top floor of my house, at night, with a group of friends. We're holding off a small zombie invasion of currently unknown origin. They keep coming up the stairs at us. We fight them off with boards with nails in them, whacking them as they approach us. After a few dozen of them come at us, I see Satan in the downstairs living room, looking up at us, observing our efforts.

I suddenly have to go to the bathroom, but instead of using the upstairs bathroom, I decide to go downstairs and use the one on the middle floor. I run down the stairs during a brief lull in the zombie assault, and find the bathroom near the kitchen. The door to my mom's bedroom is shut, and it is rather dark down here. As I unzip my pants, I begin to question my decision to not use the upstairs bathroom. Also, my cat, Cuddles tries to drink the toilet water as I'm peeing.

I push him away with my foot, and then flush the toilet. I notice his water bowl in the bathroom, with kitty litter on the bottom of it. I hear another wave of zombies rallying downstairs in the basement with Satan for another assault upstairs and begin to worry about being separated from the group. I grab my cat's water dish, and fill it up quickly in the kitchen sink. I put it down next to him, and plop him in front of it after moving him away from the toilet again, and he happily drinks the fresh water.

I run back upstairs to where everyone is preparing for the next zombie attack. Tyler is sorting through a bunch of student IDs, along with some other people. Somehow, the student IDs involve more people coming to help us. My phone rings.

I'm now in the hallway, outside my room, and I see Satan again, glowing red, at the other end of it. Between us are a large group of zombies, slowly staggering towards us.

While trying to stay awake, but falling asleep every 30 seconds...

~I'm standing in Brennans pub, filling up a cup with soda from the fountain. I notice a girl is standing nearby.

~I'm standing up, holding a giant blue freeze pop over my head, dripping the tasty juice into my mouth. Once drained, I push it up and bite a chunk off.

~I'm looking down at the frisbee I'm holding in my hands

~I'm walking past the electrical engineering lab doorway, and look inside to see a table in the first room up against the wall.

~I'm walking around outside, it's sunny out, I hear birds chirping, and see some fly past me.

~I see David wearing a green jacket, a bandanna type hat, and dreads, he's smiling.

~I'm walking past one of the physics buildings, with my right hand out stretched, feeling the bushes pass underneath it as I go by. It's dark out, but the road to my left is well lit by the lights.

~I see a blue, red, white, gray, and pink, spiral pattern slowly spinning in a glitteringly black background.

~I see a streak / flash, sort of like lightning, only more colorful, and in a completely black background.

After each one, I wrote down what I could right away. If I waited more than a few seconds, I would forget what the dream was about. None lasted longer than 2 seconds.

On an island with some French people. I overhear that if we can get to the other side of it, we'll be rescued. We walk in a direct path towards the center of the island, but overhear that it's quite the hike. We come across a large fence with a very furry thing that has some sort of an orifice aimed at us. Looking around the fence, there are more for as long as the fence is visible.

A girl with us tells everyone not to go any closer because it'll gas them, and we all stop. She takes one more step towards it to get a better gauge of the situation and the giant moving fur ball farts out a massive green cloud of smoke that quickly engulfs her.

My perspective is now from her point of view as she says, "It's pointing behind us, it wants us to leave." She sees an x-ray-esque view of the fur ball creatures. I can see that within the fur is a massive skeleton hand, with one finger outstretched pointing, and gesturing for us to leave.

We turn around and go back, but a lot of the fur creatures follow us, looking like floating skeleton ghosts surrounded by a translucent blue blob from the skeletal vision. They stop 10 meters outside the gate and make weird gestures towards the ground. Hundreds of skeletons then rise out of the ground from under them in shallow graves.

We stop on the ridge of a nearby hill, and watch helplessly as they all approach us, with some non-skeleton people leading them at us. I see a man with a bucket walking towards us. A woman tells them to "stop in the name of god." and looks up at the sky expectantly for something to happen. Everyone stops for a moment in anticipation, except the man with the bucket. He empties its liquid contents onto the sand and lights the pool on fire.

Reaching into his pockets, he pulls out what look to be unlit Molotov cocktails, with a look on his face that indicates he is going to throw them into the fire. Before he gets the chance to, I run over and tackle him. I hold him in a choke hold and ask, "Didn't you hear the lady? No one come any closer!" as he struggles to get free.

I'm in a driving car, with my mom's boyfriend, on our way to see my mom's new house. We drive through some windy roads through the woods. Going around a familiar corner, I tell him, "I was going 50 mph on this road one time, and this corner nearly killed me!" as he slows down to 25 mph for a sharp bend in the road. "Don't tell me stuff like that, that you haven't told your mom." he tells me. I say to him, "Alright, it was when I was learning to drive though."

Ahead of us, I see a huge hill, on top of which is a house. "That's it." he says as we drive closer, and pull up the driveway to it. It looks very similar to our old house [our current house], only the hill it is on is very steep. We have 1 neighbor very close by, within spitting distance, but not another house in sight otherwise.

I drag my bags up to the top floor where my room is and begin unpacking. While moving some things around, I notice that the house is missing a large portion of its roof, but not the part where my room is. I think to myself, "I guess we'll just have to go to this side of the house when it rains"

I look out my window, and see our goat, whom I named, "Turd Furgeson" walking on some horizontal trees, hanging 30 feet over a 50 foot drop to a steep hill with loads of trees. He walks casually very far out onto the limbs, and eats the leaves out at the end. I yell to my mom to "Look out the window at Turd Furgeson!" and reach for my camera.

I turn my camera on, and look back out the window just in time to see Turd Furgeson return back to solid ground. "I'm glad he didn't fall" I think as he starts wandering around our yard again.

I go outside to visit the goat and the horse, and see my mom shoveling a bunch of horse poop, and piss drenched hay down one side of the very steep bank near our house, the side opposite of our neighbor. Not seeing the horse or goat, I decide to go for a jog down the road to explore the surrounding area. Finding nothing but dense woods, I decide to turn back and head home before it gets too dark.

On the way back, I run into our neighbor, who immediately gives me the creeps, and asks to see what we've done to the house. He follows me up the driveway, and acts kind of weird. Once we are at the house, my mom comes over and our neighbor tells her that we are being too loud. I look to my right and see his house less than 30 feet away from ours, with a shared yard space in between them, and less than sound-proof looking walls. My mom also has a bunch of friends and relatives over, as well as my ex-step aunt and uncle.

My mom and I are inside the house, as everyone else is outside in the yard, clearly visible through a double glass door that is open. My aunt tells everyone to pose for a picture in the back yard. I watch from inside as everyone lines up for her. My mom tells me I should go join them, but before I do, my aunt and uncle, with four of their friends pull guns on everyone and tell them not to move or they'll be shot.

I run upstairs to my room to think of some sort of plan for what to do. My mom doesn't have any ideas, and stands in our living room frozen. I go back downstairs and we decide to light the wood stove on fire to cause a smokey distraction, and make them think that the house is on fire. I go over to the wood stove, and pull two wires out of the wall, accidentally shocking myself with them a few times. I cross them in the back of the wood stove, causing sparks. Soon, it is on fire, and smoking. We grab a nearby chair and catch it on fire as well, then put it on the back porch where it sends up a bit of smoke, but then goes out relatively quickly.

My aunt and someone else walk by the back porch and point their guns at us. My mom yells to them, "Just shoot me and get it over with!" I tell her, "Don't say things like that, you'll probably get shot" My aunt then fires three shots right next to us, before walking back over to her hostages, without saying a word.

I go back upstairs and rummage through my drawers for all the bottle rockets and smoke bombs that I have. I also grab a knife with a hammer end on the grip. I look outside my window. It is dark outside now, and there are 6 people with guns holding about a dozen others hostage. I go downstairs and tell my mom, "I'm going to light the bottle rockets from one side of the house, then run in from the other side of the house and knock someone unconscious with this knife." She doesn't want to do anything at all.

Slightly frustrated that it will be just me, I go back upstairs to my room to find my night vision goggles so I can see where everyone is more clearly. I grab them, then go outside, and creep up nearby in the woods, where I can see the hostages still standing at gunpoint.

In the grocery store I work at, I spontaneously realize I'm dreaming. I try to TK some stuff, but not being very specific, or committed, it doesn't work. A little discouraged, I start to doubt if I'm dreaming or not. My co-worker then encourages me, telling me I really am dreaming, I can do anything. "You're right!" I tell her, and focus on the fact that I am dreaming. I then try to transform myself into someone else. Something that is usually difficult for me. It doesn't work right away, so I continue imagining what it would be like until the dream ends.

Looking for a place to lay down, I follow a girl around to be sure she's okay. I feel like if I let her go on her own, there will be trouble, and I'll have to run back to help anyway, only I'll be too late.

In a crowded room of people all sleeping on couches and the floor, I am looking after this pregnant woman who seems concerned about giving birth. I wish I could help her somehow, and am suddenly in her shoes, pregnant. I feel some pressure as I realize that the baby has to come out now, no delay. So I lay on my back and push. Like pushing out a turd when the turd is coming no matter what. It actually felt a lot like pooping. I reached down to help the baby out, and instead of a baby, it was a warm, brown puppy! A friendly puppy with big floppy ears, full of energy. He jumped up, and immediately started running around. Someone behind me grabbed him and told me he's theirs not mine. "But I just gave birth to him!"

I am looking for movies to put on the DVD player, but can only find dozens of versions of Winnie the Pooh. Some are in packs of 3 discs, some are just 1 disc. Really hard to decide, I go with a 3 pack because I like the feel the cover imagery gives me, and hope it is related to the actual movie. I put the disc in, and start it up.

Before I can even start to watch the movie, I feel a burning in my crotch. I look down and see a gas stove, literally coming out of me. The burner itself is the dial, and there is a small flame about 1cm sort of like a torch, right in my crotch. I turn the gas off, and the flame stops. Basically behind that major groin tendon on the right side. Close to the nether-region.

A little surprised by this, I turn the dial again and hear gas flowing out of the metal bit. I turn it to ignite, hear the clicking of an electric ignition, and the flames start up again. I grab a piece of raw chicken and begin to cook it in the open flame. It is taking a while, and I am trying to be careful not to burn my hairs, or my ding dong, but the chicken is actually cooking none the less. The chicken begins to take on a white, cooked color, so I flip it over to cook the other side.

I start to question whether or not the inside will be fully cooked, and if the gas burner might need to be removed in a few days before I get an infection.

Crossing some train tracks with my friend. He wants to wait for the bridge to come our way. A moving bridge slides along the length of the platform and spins in circles as it moves. I don't want to wait, so I climb down, cross the tracks, and climb back up the other side. He stopped in the middle of the tracks, and waves me to come back down there.

There's no trains, so I go back, and stand with a group of people in the middle, awaiting travel information. My teacher has already left for England, and a couple people are calling out names and travel information - dates and times, together with transfers. Uninterested, I walk over to my house. Ryan is inside, and very upset. He tells me he was followed in depth by people every time he used tobacco, that it made him easier to track. Nevertheless, he tells me he has managed to collect all the Lamrim teachings. They were almost lost to him. I have a complete collection of all three sets of teachings, hidden in socks for safe keeping, and offer these to him. He doesn't appreciate their value.

Both of us then turn into phenomena sources, and begin to slowly disappear into emptiness. He comments on how I didn't share my food earlier, but now I must give it all away anyways, and can't even eat the bags the food came in. I somehow eat the food surrounding my tetrahedron to reduce the clutter, but stop at the large pile of almonds. There are just too many to eat.

I begin to feel a little fear about slowly disappearing, and little details of my phenomena source vanish bit by bit. It seems like a good idea to just go for it, so I commit to seeing this dissolution through to its completion, irregardless of any fear.

On my way to work, I make a stop to pick up my bicycle. I forgot my shoes, but that's okay. My friend Andrew and I, instead of getting shoes, turn our lower bodies into different things... Bulls, dogs, dresses, motorcycles, etc. Every other thing we change our legs into is neon green, the other being regular color. We both settle on dogs for legs to pick up chicks.

Walking around town, it certainly gets girls' attention. They want to pet them. My dog is on a leash, a medium poodle variety. Now with regular legs and a dog, the dog pulls hard on the leash, very strong, and very excited to see people. One of the girls offers to hold the leash, but I don't think she's strong enough to do it. I walk off on my own, holding a sign instead of a leash, following another guy who is also holding a sign. "This is silly" I tell myself as I stop following him, and go inside a nearby building. Inside, I offend an old friend from High School, who starts to escort me outside to severely beat me up. I realize what he's going to do, and run back inside to lose him.

Normally, I would easily outrun him, he's a lot bigger than I am, but I'm slower than usual, and he tails me quite well up several stories of this building. He yells at me, "You're scaring the occupants by running so fast!" in an attempt to catch me. I reach the top floor, and go back down another stairway. To pick up speed, I slide down the banisters, and jump several steps at a time. He too jumps some steps, but my banister sliding moves put some distance between us. Bolting outside, I duck into a crowd and continue to run. I pass by some good friends from school who yell something at me, but I don't stop. I lay down on the slope of a hill, looking back at where I ran from. No sign of Justin, I must have lost him. There is a fugitive next to me, also hiding here. I idly play with a plastic bag as I nervously wait for something to happen. The fugitive loudly proclaims, "That's my bag!"

The police overhear us, and send the Irish government our way. They stop at the top of the hill and throw propaganda at us. One of the packets they throw looks decent, good graphics and all.

Walking home, I must cross a big river to get to the other side. Normally I would just jump across the narrow part here, which although narrow for the river, is about as far as I can jump. Today however, the river is 4 times wider, and raging like it's alive and angry. I recall there is a bridge up-stream, and take a short cut off the trail to cut a big corner out of the path. I slide down a steep hill, and continue toward the bridge.

Panicking, I see that the river has jumped its banks, and this short cut is not impossible. It leads directly to a dead-end cliff-like hill about 40 feet high, very close to the river, and where I just came from is also too steep to return. I have to jump out of the way of a few rogue waves that leap out from the others. There are some massive waves in this river, each one nearly knocks me into it.

There is some really long, thick grass growing up the side of this steep hill (basically an 85 degree angle with flat ground). I grab fist fulls of the grass, and begin my near vertical assent back to the road up above. It's really easy with all this grass! As I near the crest, there is no more grass, and the ground is very loose. Large chunks of earth fall out from beneath me. I scramble to regain my grip and my footing, but each spot I hold onto quickly crumbles away, digging the cliff summit out to be even steeper.

I am soo close to the top, I can put my hand on there, but only to pull the earth loose. I see a woman walking by, and greet her to avoid surprising her by being so close to the path, and right at foot level where she wouldn't see me until super close. She looks at me with a disgusted look that says, 'This guy is a typical risk taker' and says "Rock climbers...." with a big sign as she walks off quickly.

Disappointed that she didn't help me, nor grasp the seriousness of the situation I'm in, I continue to struggle not to fall. Looking back briefly, I see that if I fall, I will land directly into the river that has now changed course to be right below me. I also recall how never in my life have I been able to climb over a steep crest - the rock wall at summer camp, the 2 mile high cliff in my back yard, the ridge on top of the mountain - in every case, I failed to make it. It's just impossible for me.

Deciding to give it everything I've got, I try to summit to my left, but literally pull every possible hand hold loose so there is nothing more to grab onto. I try the right, and lose my grip as I rip away fist fulls of loose dirt and fall backwards. Managing to wedge my toes into a crack, I use my shin muscles to pull myself 30 degrees back to the cliff. Phew, close call! Now making sure I have good foot placement, I try to summit to the right again. Everything is pulling loose! I reach the very end of the line, nothing left to try, except a smooth, vertical rock to my right. No way to get a good grip on it at all. I split my force evenly between all fours, hands and feet, none of which are in a safe, secure spot in case I slip. Dangerously vulnerable, I continuously have to shift each hold, and scramble. I imagine making it successfully, and gently, but continuously shift my placement as I make slow progress. My head passes above the crest, but it is still steep!

I push and pull, feeling really off balance, and get my torso above the crest. To my amazement, I reach the top. "Sure footing here!"

No sooner do I reach the top, than I have a vision of Satan himself telling me in a deep demonic voice, "Congratulations, this is the first time you ever passed this test". Unsure why Satan is congratulating me, I am happy to have made it this time. A true victory over my fears.

I continue down the path, cross the bridge, and end up at my friend's mom's house. I'm get along better with her mom, so I'm not disappointed when just her mom is home. I find her testing her new home security system. She demos it for me. There is a massive vault door, with a huge lock on it. She tells me "if someone breeches the door, this is what happens..." and pushes a button on a remote. A siren plays loudly, blue and white lights flash, and inside the safe room, sitting at a desk, looking at a laptop screen, facing toward us, is a goat. Judging by the sounds coming from the laptop (goat noises), the goat is watching goat on goat porn. The goat has an intense focused look on his face as he stares into the screen, lightly illuminated by the video. I find it hilarious.

We walk into the kitchen for dinner. She offers me food and starts to eat. I already have a full plate. "I'll start with the water" I tell her, being polite, and wanting to wait until her daughter returns so we can eat together. I also want to tell her about my successful summit of the cliff, but want to wait so I can tell them both at the same time.

I have somehow found myself amidst a large army of particularly evil hearted soldiers - some of the cruelest, meanest people I can imagine, with no regard for anyone but themselves. I march with them to some yet unknown destination and try not to let on to the fact that I am not part of their group. If they learn I am not one of them, they will kill me.

As we march, we pass through a gory section of a forest with soo many dead bodies along the road, that it hurts. These are their fallen evil comrades in arms. Most of the bodies are severely dismembered and torn to pieces. Blood covers everything. Ghastly expressions on what is left of some of their faces stare blankly in all directions.

For some reason, I am near the front of the column of soldiers, right next to their leader. I am deeply touched by their loss. Even though they are bad people, I still wish they didn't have to see their friends die in such a brutal way. I imagine what it is like to have friends killed like that, and then imagine having thousands of friends killed, and deeply wish it hadn't happened for them.

The leader is also moved by this grizzly scene, and slows to a stop, then drops to his knees and lets out a sorrowful yell. I would normally hold everything in and act like a tough guy, but decide that in this case, it would be in my best interests to express my emotions. If I act too much like a tough guy, the leader might think I don't care about these men, and conclude that I am not one of them. I take half a step forward beyond the leader, and let the tears just pour. I really wish there was no suffering like what had happened to this group of comrades, no matter how evil they might be. I am overwhelmed by sorrow, and collapse to the ground, tears streaming down my face. I am too choked up to make any sounds, even though I feel like screaming.

To my right, one of the officers tells us he's going to get his cat and walks off, returning remarkably fast with a small girl who is holding a cat. The cat is obviously unhappy to be held right now, and is squirming, but cannot get free. The girl wants me to pet the cat. I look into the cats eyes, and sincerely wish for the cat to be comfortable and free from being physically controlled like this. Knowing that the sooner I pet it as the girl wishes, the sooner it will be free, I pet it once on the head. The girl is satisfied, walks off a ways, and puts the cat down on the ground.

Spoiler for really long end to the dream, less memorable and even less related to the original plot.:

Now I am completely alone, everyone else has disappeared, and I've managed to find myself on a balcony. There is a messy pile of cushions nearby. Thinking I am being helpful, I stack them neatly. Half way through this stacking, one of the soldiers returns, sees what I am doing, and nearly turns completely red in anger. "Those are blood diamond pillows!" he exclaims, as he quickly grabs as many as he can scoop up and runs off. I grab the remaining ones, and follow him to bring them wherever he wants. I picked up more than I can carry, and a few slip out of my hold. He glares at me strongly, so I tighten my grip on the rest before I set them down just 30 feet away.

Right next to this new pillow pile is a dark, damp, cold room, with a little bit of blue light coming in from mostly blocked windows. Curious what's inside here, I wander in. My stomach turns as I see full birthday suits hanging along a movable track on the ceiling. Just skins of humans, men and women. A water mister like at the grocery store keeps them moist and cold to slow down their decay. In a darker section of the room are torsos hanging from hooks. Some with and some without heads, arms, etc. I really feel like I'm seeing something that I shouldn't know about here. If whoever is in charge of this operation, whatever it is, finds out about me, they'll probably kill me to prevent the information from getting out. And I don't want to end up like one of those dismembered torsos slowly moving about the room!

I quickly run out of the room, and down some stairs to the ground level below. Next to a large fountain, several scantily clad women are just waking up and looking around to see what's going on. I un-hang some of their swimwear from the clothes line for them. I get one bra off the line, when a whole town of people run screaming past me and out the gate, sprinting along a dirt road to get away from something. I don't want to find out what it is, so I run with them.

Not very far down the road, I run into a group of 5 skater punks who block my way, forcing me to stop. I give them the bra, and notice they have some parts to a broom all in pieces. It is very fancy, red, adjustable, and with different attachments. I help them assemble it. It even has a cool name printed on the side of it. They are very happy that I fixed their tool. It looks like something you would use to clean a pool, but I'm happy that they're happy.

I now just walk calmly down the street, and find a big hill of dirt blocking the road with a tall fence on top. There is a large tunnel right through the middle. Someone else is stopped here, unsure how to pass it. I notice a bicycle next to me, so I get on it, and ride straight into the tunnel. There are three tunnel valve seals that are controlled from the outside, and fortunately all three are open, and we make it through. "Good thing no one trapped us inside!" I tell the other guy. We continue on together, and reach another obstacle, but bigger, and with three tunnels to choose from. I decide to take the middle-left tunnel, because it feels like the right one, even though it looks like the most difficult one.

There are some people inside the tunnel! They ask me if I heard a train. They are waiting for a train to cross before they safely continue on their journey. I listen for a bit, and hear a train whistle far off, but coming this way. "I hear a train" and point behind them to where it is coming from. I see it slowly approaching. The guy who made everyone in the tunnel stop is relieved that there is actually a train, because if there wasn't, his group would be very unhappy with him. I look deeper into the tunnel, and there is actually another train inside the tunnel. He stopped it to prevent a train wreck. The conductor briefly stops yelling at the man when he sees the train, and changes his demeanor completely - relieved to have avoided a crash.

I walk past this odd group, and the tunnel turns into a narrow mountain canyon. I am walking against the flow of a large line of scary, big, strong criminals, all with fierce expressions on their faces. Some yell esoteric gang greetings at me, and others give me special hand shakes. I don't know their hand shakes, so I can't follow along right. It seems like they're mocking me, teasing me for being naive about crime, and being a somewhat good person. I don't mind. I just respect each one of them, and cut through their line at appropriate times to make sure everyone gets through the narrow pass smoothly. I get a feeling that they only left me alone because I respected them.

The trail opens up, and a huge fountain becomes visible in a clearing, surrounded by 1 story buildings in a square u shape. Some people yell, "Hot tub time!" which is always a great idea. I jump in first, but it is only big enough for 1/2 a person. I get out so I'm not hogging it, and float around the outside with other people. We drift effortlessly, occasionally bouncing into each other. I relax too much, and accidentally pee into someone's 7-Up can. I dump it outside, and float it away to a spot where all the empties are so no one will drink it or know what just happened. Oops!

A few more minutes of floating, we all get out. I go to one of the nearby buildings and look in a mirror. I have long curly blonde hair. (Manly style like a cave man, or some sort of mountain man) and thick facial hair, with a good sized beard. I notice my hair is thinning on top of my head, but think J (A girl I like) will like the facial hair. Although I do think it is odd because I shaved just 2 days ago. "It must have started growing even faster than usual" I reason with myself as I go back outside, now clean shaven.

I grab a hockey stick and a puck, and go to play street hockey, but no one else is around. I take practice shots at a long 50 ft net, combining fancy foot work with shooting, both right and left handed. A few shots into it, I get really good. I shoot the puck into the net such that it bounces back out, but through the air, and then hit it out of the air back into the net. I chain goals like this for several shots with each hand. There is a menacing guy standing nearby, watching all this. I tell him "I may switch to a tennis ball to up the speed" as I notice a group of people playing street hockey in the distance. The sun has already gone down, and we are losing light fast.

I move into a college dorm room and immediately drink lots of water. I ask my friend to "be super stingy when doling out the water to people, unless of course this is a dream. Then give out lots. But let me know if it's a dream too!"

I go downstairs and bring as many 24 packs of water as I can carry back up to the room. After several trips, the room is nearly full with just water. Down on street level, there are lots of 5500 gallon glass jars of water that my friend brought over. Another friend, Julie then tells me that back in her day they would bring all of that to the room. I think that's a wise idea, but dozens of car sized glass bottles just won't fit. I get in a car and drive around the block, seeing at least 17 parking spaces where we could put some of the giant bottles.

My attention is immediately caught by the oven timer making its usual obnoxious beeping sounds. It is an older oven model, with analogue clocks on it, and gas burners. Mostly black, with white and brown accents. I go over to it to see what is done, but there is only a single pot of soup on the stove, and it is not yet done. I look to see how to turn the beeping off, but see no off switch. Each oven burner has a mechanical timer dial, so I check each one individually to make sure they are in the off position, and they all are. Strange.... I look again to the main control panel on the far side of the oven, the part that sticks up a few inches from the back, but all the dials there are in the off position as well.

My meditation teacher is nearby and tells me that "someone was making french toast, and left without turning the timer off." Alright, "then there must be a way to stop it" I think as I decide to turn the whole stove off using the unit's off switch on the top left. Before I turn it off, I check again to see which burners are on, and at what level they are set to, so I can put them back as they are when I turn it back on. It is just the soup burner, set to medium heat. Easy enough, *flick* the switch goes off, the burner stops, but the beeping continues!

I really don't like the beeping, and thought for sure this would end it. It is still definitely coming from the stove somehow. I turn it back on, and my friend Tim turns the gas on high for the soup, then does nothing else. I turn the dial to the ignition position as I look away to shield my face from any possible explosions, and with a large poof, all the gas ignites. We laugh at the explosion, as I turn the flames down to medium level.

Looking away, I see a group of janitors far outside through an open door, all standing in a circle, stretching in the grass before they go to work. "I need to stretch" they remind me. I start stretching my groin, and glutes, but it really isn't very nice to do with that awful beeping penetrating my ear awareness. "I'll just unplug the stove, that should stop it."

Getting up from the kitchen floor, I look behind the stove to see where it is plugged in, it is not the plug next to the stove unfortunately, but directly behind it, rather low on the wall. "I'll have to move the stove out to do this" Positioning myself to get a good grip on the stove, I wake up.

Now laying in my bed, I still hear that loud, high pitch beeping sound! How is that possible?

IT IS MY **** CELL PHONE ALARM! (exactly the same beeping)

I am standing in a big warehouse, 10 times as tall as I am, facing a wall nearly entirely composed of windows. Some starlight shines in on myself, and dozens of friends, as we wait in anticipation. "Get ready!" I hear someone yell. I crouch my stance slightly, and spread my arms for balance. Just then, like ninjas, a large group of about 50 people on hover-boards fly past the windows, throwing brightly colored swirly orbs out of their hands. They shimmer through the air, with a white smoke sort of energy exuding from them, and a faint light trail of every color. Others amongst them throw fireballs at us as they dart past the windows. On hover-boards, they are not very accurate, but their rate of fire on our small building makes up for that.

Before I am too caught up in the beauty of it, they start exploding around us, sending people flying through the air screaming. Taking it for granted that we are sorcerers, we return fire, literally sending fireballs from our palms back at our attackers, almost as you would a snowball. It sounds like a war zone with explosions, glass shattering, yelling, and the most amazing sound of flames flying through the air.

Some of my comrades are too focused on shooting down our attackers, that they lose track of the incoming energy grenades, and are blasted into dust and vapor. Seeing this, I make sure I put as much distance between myself and the grenades. Watching one of the attackers just stand on his board, over-confident in his position, I throw a ball of fire directly at him, exploding square in his chest. He is thrown backward, and falls down to the dark ocean far below the cliff our building is perched upon.

Abruptly they all fly off, out of view for a moment. No sooner did they leave, then the wall behind us explodes with a deafening bang, sending debris in all directions. Large chunks of stone scatter the room as my comrades and I re-organize ourselves. An armored personnel carrier drives through the hole in the wall, with more wizards pouring out of the back of it, all throwing fireballs in our direction, as they too duck for cover behind large chunks of the wall.

Since they are all still in one tight group, I throw three energy grenades to the same small spot, right at their feet. Peeking over the top of a massive gray stone, I watch as all three grenades explode in quick succession with dazzling white and blue lights.

Walking around a lake, trying not to get in the water, I fall in as a nearby building violently implodes. Unphased, I swim to the bottom and walk on the sand down there. My friend joins me in this aqua-blue colored land. There are a few underwater plants, and some rocks, but mostly sand. We approach a hill, climbing up to an underwater cliff face. Before we get too close, a giant crab monster, twice the size of me jumps out at us, and shoots energy bubbles at us, while trying to pinch us in half! I dodge the attacks as best as I can, while my friend creates a psychonetic shield around himself, rendering him invulnerable to the crab beast. I notice it is quiet after the chaos, and that my friend has slain the crab monster while I was busy staying alive.

Walking over to its corpse once again, my friend summons the soul energy out of the body, looks at it for a moment, and then draws the light-mass into himself through his mouth, and flexes his muscles. "Holy sh!t" I think as I start to worry that he will kill me to absorb my energy as well. But soon thereafter, the spirit energy returns to the crab corpse, still lifeless, and I realize that this isn't Highlander, and my friend is currently unable to eat the souls of those he kills to grow stronger.

We continue walking out of the lake, and into a grocery store where we split up.