Smudgefish

Woke lots last night but too tired to write dreams down, so forgot most of them.

A very depressing dream

1) In the lounge of an old stately home with big windows. it was dark and foggy outside, we had to go outside to look for the dog. We were chasing around moorland. Then an old 'friend' appeared who used to bully me at school, he started to make fun of me, he was trying to get me to buy a really tacky loking old mirror with plastic on it I think as a present for someone, and I refused and he made fun of me even more. Then I was in the kitchen of my childhood home, there was a pile of presents on the table, I opened the ones from my mother to me. They were obviously very expensive, I think she had bought them in the shop of the stately home we had just been in. I didn't like them though, then started to feel very depressed and angry with myself that I didn't appreciate her presents. About now I think my parents mentionned that they had booked a weekend away for themselves for Easter and started telling me how marvellous it was, and I was jealous. I thought that killing myself would be the only way out, but decided that I didn't agree with suicide. A half empty plate of food landed on the kitchen table, I asked if dinner was being served, my mother told told me yes and I needed to go and get some, she poured herself another glass of wine and walked off. I went to the dining room, my whole family including grandparents were sitting around the table and had almost finished without even inviting me, there was no plae mat or cutlery in my place. I started to get some food but my brother and a friend had started clearing up and moved everything before I could get much food. I followed them to the kitchen but still couldn't get at the food a they were all crowding around so I gave up.
This was the saddest dream I can ever remember. I woke up feeling very depressed and suicidal, then realised that this was real life and that I am actually quite happy.