non-lucid

[Saturday, September 22nd, 2012] [AI is Viral]
(I feel like my soul has just returned from the most extensive adventure... I just got done living another life...)

I remember a futuristic city- Me and Alex witnessed the discovery of a new type of energy that unlocked the secrets of AI. Professors and
Cid-like people gathered around a small machine. They clapped and applauded the arrival of the plasma-like substance that gathered electric
currents out of nothing. The little cylinder music-box-sized machine danced with sparks and lightning. It spread to every thing in the room that had
certain false AI that humans had invented. AI's intelligences advanced so fast and replicated beyond our imagination... within minutes the city was
under attack by our own technology. People were being killed instantly. Alex ran as fast as she could. I was knocked down... I saw people being
impaled... melted... sliced... I crawled into a pod-machine with a red force field that cloaked my presense and protected me- and I waited and
watched. A giant red tenticle of energy whipped around the plaza and killed countless humans. I watched it kill every thing it could detect with
lightning precision. I was watching a masacre- and was the only one in this area to survive. I sat there and watched something evil looking whip
it's bladed arms across the forcefield and slash and slash- but I stared and watched. This was a bad idea- I was stuck in here and Alex was lost
somewhere. I closed my eyes and went back in time- to before the AI made the change. A few minutes before.

I didn't go far back enough. Alex had already run... and Nathan was with me now. But instead of crawling into the safety pod, I grabbed Nathan
and ran. We took turns through the city's hidden corridors and tried to imagine which way Alex would have gone. I felt that she took a left, a right,
another right... then we were at the edge of the city. We were on a giant island ship of metal. Water spread out as far as the eye could see. There
were teleporters on the edge of the ship- and we chose one and it sent us to Manhattan... I could feel that city was already destroyed... so I
reversed time and chose a smaller city. One that Alex was in. We were catapulted through space-time and arrived within moments

This city was dark and depressing, rainy and poor. It reminded me of a late 19th century England city with no modern technology existing, or
perhaps just out of sight and not so advanced. Shingles were falling off roofs from dilapidation, and wood was rotting away. Nathan was here
somewhere in the city, but now he wasn't with me. Dammit. Now I had two people to find. I turned down one alleyway and it led down to a
hidden replica neighborhood of our apartment complex. The parking lot was filled with potholes of rainwater and a few doors were off their
hinges. I went up to number 8 and knocked, SHE ANSWERED. <memory skips>

It's been a few days of us living in safety. But there were memories of her being uninterested in me anymore. I was to be replaced by figures such
as Pompous, Brandon, and more. I felt like she gave the attention she used to give to me to everyone else. A nightmare in itself. I was devastated
but she thought it was only fair. We got in a fight that was very unclear to me and just as we went inside, some kind of shit went down. During a
party, AI had arrived in THIS town. It must be trying to exterminate humans or something. I grabbed Alex by the hand and everything we might
need- and we ran with our backpacks. People were being slayed that came out of hiding- but our neighborhood had been compromised. I saw
Nathan too and I shouted at him to follow- and we headed to the teleports. We all got in one and tried to leave to the place with the least amount
of population. That must be the safest place!

The machine malfunctioned and sent us up into the atmosphere. We all flew up where we could land on an airplane. But we all did grab on until it
landed. Where we did land, it was a tropical island- big, but not as populated. The technology here hadn't been quite affected by the change yet,
so we were sort of safe. The first building we entered shut us in when we walked inside, and a trial began. A box wheeled itself into the room with
supplies for a battle. There was a battery recharge, a weapon capsule, and another thing I don't remember. I grabbed the weapon capsule- it was
kind of old and damaged, I tried to heal it with my mind and it worked. Just then, a robot/cyborg arrived in the room with the intent to destroy me.
I chucked the weapon capsule with all my strength at it and busted the attack machine. That was easy, I thought.

<I faded from the dream and woke up.>

[Saturday, September 21st, 2012]
(I dream, and I recall it... but I try to avoid spending too much time recalling and recording dreams when Alex is here. She spent the night with me
last night and while I love her, I'd just rather avoid it all. Recall is gone by the time I'm typing this. Oh well.)

[Thursday, September 20th, 2012]
I remember being at Safeway towards the far right corner of the store with Brent and Casey... I wasn't sure what we were up to- but we left and
headed off somewhere.

We were back at my Mum's old house and I was being picked on by Brent. I got fed up with it and finally screamed at Brent that he's a fucking
jerk and then I turned to Casey and told him that he's fucking dumb for following Brent- and being buddy buddy with him. Whatever else I added
on top of that was enough for him to be seriously hurt. I tried apologizing to them both- mostly to Casey- and we both got in the Brent's car and
were headed to a baseball gate at Sunset Park. We arrive and park and I we all split up at that point. I find Mom in the bleachers and hang out
with her for a bit before wandering off towards the Little League game. I realize I'm in the way of the game- I WANDERED INTO THE FIELD.
And I try dodging a baseball that was hit by a little leaguer. Embarrassed, I run off the field and can't remember anything after that.

I end up in a house just up the hill that overlooks the whole park. The park is shaped much differently than usual. Inside me and Brent start
playing a Mario game- It's a Weather/Element themed Mario Adventure game with a hint of similarity to Super Mario 64 at least in the way the
game mechanics worked. We were on an island, working our way up to a Volcano Mountain to beat the game, but suddenly a HUGE dark-grey
Bowser stormcloud loomed over our heads. We was going to kill us! We saw a multicolored "light" mushroom on the ground that was so
important, if we didn't grab it, we would lose the game and have to start over completely. It must have been a weapon against Storm Bowser. It
was on the ground just a few feet away, but at that moment, Storm Bowser blew as hard as he could and me and Brent both went flying along with
the mushroom. It was pretty fun getting blown through the air like a feather, but I scrambled for the mushroom along with Brent and we almost
grabbed it mid-air multiple times, but it kept getting away. We were all flying towards the ocean, unable to grab it. Then we all plunged into the
ocean and felt the currents pushing and pulling, back and forth. Bowser would be on us at any time now, with his lightning, and it would probably
be the end. I could almost feel the mushroom in my grasp multiple times and I watched Brent come just as close. DAMN- We lost.

Suddenly, I realize we're still in the Sunset Park's building. I get up and walk outside, and see that it's now dark and everyone is leaving soon. My
Mum is outside with a few of her work friends... I go back inside and see that there is a delicious looking chocolate cake with pink or turqouis
frosting. I'm not even sure whose house this is, but I see a kid who reminds me of "Penguin" aka "Nick" take a slice. He tells me to dig in so I grab
a slice myself... so I do and head outside, it crumbling all over in my hand. It tastes delicious, but I can't remember the specific taste. I head over
to the truck that I somehow now have and try to pull out of the dirt parking spot and try to avoid the countless holes and ditches surrounding me. I
make it back to the Sunset Park's house and try to find everyone.

Apparently there's supposed to be a celebration! Most likely for a wedding of some sort. Everyone that I remember is gathering around a bonfire
and circling around it and dancing. I see countless ladies, but not very many men among the Bonfire Circle. We continue counter clockwise for
sometime, and I notice a few girls waving to me, they seem very familiar. Alot of people wave to me at once- I remember them all and snap my
fingers and point, making a "click-click" sound with my mouth to each person. I feel very content-

<I wake up.>

[Wednesday, 19th, 2012][12:30 PM]
I'm in a giant open house filled with clutter. The lights are very dim and there are two main rooms. On one side of the house there's just a
windowed wall that overlooks the sunset scenery of trees. The house is slowly getting darker and there are no lights. Alex had just left me- I'm
alone.

Nothing is wrong, I'm just alone. I sit down and start to just relax on the couch. I slowly drift off to sleep... I wake up a minute later, a noise
springs to my attention. On the dark side of the house, where the shadow's hugged the corner, I heard a noise. I figure it must have been my
imagination. I shrug it off, but feel a strange alien thought in my head. I feel so alone... so... so alone... I just want something to hold on to- or talk
to-

I slowly trudge over to the shadow side of the house... I hear dull clicking noises, reminiscent of Amnesia. In the far right corner of the dark side, I
bend down to pick up a stuffed animal... there was a lot of them, but I choose one that I'm most familiar with. It was a cute patchwork animal-
yellow with purple and green... Alex had gotten it from the claw machine. I pick it up and hug it- and look at it. I could have sworn I saw it move.
I let it drop to my side and I pick up another... I set them back down and watched them come to life. I was amazed- but didn't think anything of it.
I must be seeing things, but nothing too out of the ordinary. It's just little movements, like an arm twitching, or an eye blinking.

I bring the patchwork with me into the other rooms and set it on a table. Walking into the other room, I see shadows flicker and move, and things
shift around the room. I'm convinced I'm going crazy. But I'm okay, I accept it. "It won't be forever. And this isn't so bad. It's kind of interesting.
It's like I can control what I see." It reminds me of a lucid dream. My hallucinations started to become more real and vivid. Now I'm hearing
whispers. The patchwork shakes violently in my hand and drops to the floor. It begins crawl around... Oh my... then it stops in its tracks... and...
and it turned its neck to me. It whispered, "Don't be lonely. I'm here for you." I blink a blank stare back at it. (My subconscious didn't know how
to react.) I dismiss it- and forget about it.

With an empty mind, I drag myself across the house, like a ghost haunting eternity. I had no aim or goal, just to exist. Minutes passed and I knew
that I was fully insane, and descending extremely fast. Everything was talking to me now. More stuffed animals were alive, but only ONE at a
time. Next thing I know, I see a human in the room. It's- a waking life friend of mine that I know fairly well, but I don't remember who in specific.
I know it's just in my head, and I'm making him up though, so I'm not exactly freaked out. I'm just so interested in the fact that I have this much
"control" over my reality- I start to talk to the hallucination, "What's up, man?"
"Not much." He replies.

I take my attention off of him and he vanishes, and I begin to search around the house... playing with my hallucination power.
I could stare at something and focus on it, and it would begin to move. I have "control" over this at least. I scan the back wall again, seeing
stuffed animals that I recognized from real life and some that I did not. The house had gotten pretty chilly in the last few minutes. I can feel the
cold wrap around my skin. It's very very quiet. Dead silent. Not a noise in the place, save for my breathing. Out of the corner of my eye I see the
hallucination take a human form again. It's another person who I know. (but don't remember. I wasn't paying extremely-close, conscious attention
yet at this point. He follows me around the house as I start to pick things up and clean the cluttered house. He watches me closely like a hawk. That's when the
dream becomes extremely real. In fact... It ISN'T a dream anymore. There's no way something this real is a dream. It's a full-blown reality. I can't
tell the difference one bit anymore. I'm semi-lucid too... I have control of my body- but without realizing it was a dream.
I look back up at my hallucinated visitor and he smiles at me.

That smile... it's the most horrible evil fucking smile I've ever seen. One that stretches across the face and make me choke back tears of impossible
fear. I'm descending faster into the deepest and darkest corner of my mind. I'm very uncomfortable
"I can't believe how insane I am." I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone to call Alex- the only person that I want to talk to right now...
even if I was bat crazy, she would talk to me. I call, with my eyes on the hallucination that was smiling so wide, his black eyes were chinked
behind his grin. Straight to voicemail- "We're sorry... the number you-" I hang up.

The hallucination now has a long boning knife in his hand now. He's at my neck before I even have a chance to react-
"Do... you know who... I am?"
"No-" I sob.
"As long as Alex is... gone... I get to... come out and... play."
He casually drags the knife loosely against my neck. He vanishes when he finishes the knife's trail. I'm shaking uncontrollably. But at the same
time stilled by my muscles. Everything is frozen in fear. My open eyes scan the room and notice new stuffed animals that I don't recognize-
countless of them. The sun is almost gone, the light choked by the horizon. I turn around slowly 'til I'm facing a third room behind me. I watch the
opening for a whole minute... waiting... swaying back in forth in silence... then-

I sprint to the third back room... I jump into the room and stop... panting for second. This room closely resembles my old room of my Mum's old
house. The TV is on and static lights up the room with white noise. I slowly make my way to the far end of the room, where I put my phone on the
charger and try to call again- that's when I saw Alex had left her phone on the charger. I won't reach her at all now. My heart sinks so deep into
my chest. "Oh my god... I just want to talk to Alex... I just want to talk to her... please oh god..." I cry hysterically

My head feels very hazy, and I'm having trouble remembering the situation. What had just happened? I remember a stuffed animal... I'm crazy... a
man in my house... I took in a shallow breath- and walked back out of the room.

A body flickers into existence and blocks my path. Nathan appears very suddenly in the doorway, like a scream piercing silence. He has a
wicked grin on his face. He cocks his head to the side, and smiles more, almost saying, "Where were you?" Then he vanishes again. I push my
eyes closed to blink a few times- they were getting dry from holding them open so wide for so long. The house is caked in twilight- but this time
I'm back in my Mom's old home. I emerge from my room into the computer room. To my left is the futon. I walk into the kitchen and hear,
"Unwell" playing by Matchbox Twenty.

"I'm not CRAZY, I'm just a little unwell- I know, right now you can't tell- but soon enough of you're gonna think of me, and how I used to be." I
listen to the words and begin to sob. "This is so real. I can't do this...

The music stops playing and Nathan is there again. He's right behind me, smiling his cold smile. It shocks me again how suddenly he appeared. I
keep my eyes on him and slowly backtracked... then I stop. I'm suddenly filled with HATE for this DEMON. HOW DARE HE USE THE IMAGE
OF MY BEST FRIEND!? Tears slowly well up in my eyes..

...until I scream and lunge for his throat. I use every bit of my strength and force him onto the futon and begin to choke him. I shake and shake
and squeeze as hard as I can. He just smiles. I choke him for a full minute, letting my hate seep out onto his neck, before I realize there is no
effect. I stand back up and take a step back.

Suddenly, the futon vanishes and so does he. It repositions right where the computer used to be- to my immediate left... where we had moved it
the second time, when we lived there. Now, Tyler sits there on the futon with a smile on his face. The lights flicker in the house and then the
power fails. It's pitch black, but I can still see his black eyes. He can change form, but he can't change those beady black eyes.

Alex had gone away and wouldn't be back for three days. Three days of hell... My soul was going to rot here
<I woke up.>

(I cried for 10 minutes upon waking. I called Alex right away.)

[Tuesday, September 18th, 2012][6PM]
I remember another that day! It was the end of a dream and I was at a bay port at the end of the world. My crew had all packed up and started sailing off. I ran to the dock as fast as I could... but they were too far off. I jumped into the bay and swam as fast as I could to try and catch up. I screamed, "WAIT!" but no one heard me. I swam back in cold acceptance of the fact that I had missed the boat. Arriving back, I met a witch who was extremely attractive. She stared at me with piercing, cold eyes, but I shoved her onto the ground and kissed her. I slid my hand up her shirt and felt her breast and heartbeat. I didn't feel guilt because, in this dream, I was someone else... I wasn't me, I wasn't Austin, I was a lonely captain who had lost everything.

[Tuesday, September 18th, 2012] [Morning]
<dream recall starts here, despite the dreams before it>
I'm in an open magical world mixed in with elements of reality. I start my journey traveling along a straight desert mountain path with Me, Alex, and Nathan. There's a wild west theme to all of this. We arrive at a old stone ruin marketplace... the smell of food brings us to one seller's counter with 4 cowboys behind it. That's to the left of this path I'm on, and on the right is a walled off area for people to sit down and eat... there's an arch to get through to the inside. I think I have 5 dollars in my pocket and I look at all the menu's. The food costs about $1-1.50 each item and the drinks also $1... I should have enough for all three of us to eat and share a drink. As I'm staring at the menus still, I hear the 4 Cowboys joking about me- taunting me about being a girly boy and laughing and hooping and hollering. I ignore it at first and recount my money... I have a $5... a $2... a $1... another $1... My money amount changed on me. I look up to hear the cowboys teasing me again. I start to get pretty pissed off, which is surprising... I don't usually let this emotion get the best of me in a dream. I look at Alex and she motions for me to calm down. I don't. I think about getting up in their face... one of them makes a remark that I REALLY don't like and I raise my fist to slam it down in their face. I hear a "HEY! FREEZE!" and I let my fist go with the warm breeze just before it hits. My clenched fist's energy disperses and my hand glides slowly past his face. Smooth. Very smooth. Behind the trash-talker is someone on a horse, dressed in uniform. It's probably the Sheriff. The whole marketplace is suddenly ablaze with officers of the law, taking in anyone who is selling things illegally. The 4 we were just talking to were breaking the law too. I understood that anyone that had already bought something were okay, but the items had to be confiscated. I peaked over the wall to an area full of food and thought about sneaking some food off- but it might be a bad idea. People were scrambling every which way to get out of here, in quite the panic. Alex got seperated from us and me and Nathan went further down the path towards where we had seen the Sheriff. I glance to my right and see a Police Car collecting all of the food- good thing I hadn't tried to take anything. I also see what looks like a Gun Execution in progress. 4 cowboys standing in a row, and 4 officers in a row with guns pointed at the cowboys. Me and Nathan walk up just in time, and I pull him instantly back the other way to try and avoid us this dark sight. None of us actually "see" it, but its now in our mind. We hear the gunshots go off 3 seconds later. I turn to Nathan and joked, "Fuck, we're gonna be scarred for life now." In a way, I must have known this was a dream. We met up with Alex and then I woke back up.
<more dreams after this... I don't write any down and they evaporate...>

[Monday, September 17th, 2012]
(Alex stayed with me last night. We both had some lengthy discussions and came close to a fight, but we settled it rather civilly and got
somewhere. We talked about chakras, spiritualism, Budhism, techniques, and philosophy. Alex got too loopy to stay awake towards the end and
but we had a rather heated... physical debate before sleeping. Then we passed out talking about silly things like turtles and fireflies and my
computer's lights. xD The last thing I remember is focusing on my root chakra to try and feel it. I had some interesting dreams when we finally
slept, two of them. But only the last bit is coming to me right now...
The first dream involved chakras- but isn't complete enough to worry about for now.)

OH- WAIT NO- I was in a barren grassy landscape, and in a walled off area. There were me, and quite a few orphaned kids. In the center of the walled off plaza was grass and trees, but it was dry. Around the wall on the inside were buildings and rooms for us to live in. In one the bathroom area, there were showers and toilets and urinals and lockers. In the locker room, I remember a bully picking on all the weak kids, as if he were the only government here. He always picked on kids, but this time he was picking on real-life old friend, John, awkward, with red hair and heavy freckles. John was tired of being picked on, so he kicked the bully as hard as he possibly could in the go-nads. It looked like the most painful thing. I was like "HELL YEAH, serves you RIGHT!" though. That's as far as I remember from that dream.

The second dream-
Me and Alex are in a Super Arcade Warehouse. In the very center is a fantastic, extremely-sophisticated Mario-themed adventure roller-coaster
tower ride. The building's lights are dimmed for a mysterious effect, but are offset by red and blue and green neon lights for excitement. The ride
itself is a red steel spiral, all the way to the top. There are different levels where we have to complete a puzzle or a challenge to continue on to the
next. Me and Alex sit in the center and it starts to rise to the top, going around the spiral on a track. Once we rise to a certain point, a piston
pushes a red steel disc-floor to our level and machines re-arrange the challenge. The first one is a game of balance. The disc-floor will tip and turn
depending on where you stand, but it takes awhile to go 'really' off-balance. On the otherside of the floor is a (!) button. We both get out and
instantly, the floor is tilting towards us. We run to the otherside and slam the button down, only to have it tilt quickly to the far side. We jump
quickly back to the car and it automatically starts back up again. We high-five and wait to the next level. The next one is different, we have to
climb some stone spiral stairs to get to a "hall-way" like section. In the straight-section are floating blocks, hung from rope and at the end is a pole
with a round platform at the bottom. We both punch the shit out of a block, she grabs a coin and I find a mushroom. I'm curious to see how they
actually taste and pop it in my mouth. It tastes like cardboard, and I feel no different. Alex slides the coin into her pocket and we both grab the
pole and stand on the round platform. It takes off upwards and we arrive at the next level along with the auto-piloted car. But for some reason, my
completion-ism isn't as strong as usual and we decide to leave. It's getting kind of late anyways, we leap off the spiral back down to the
tilt-platform and it tilts far enough and drops us down onto a bounce-pad at the bottom. We head out and I eye the games and other attractions. I
notice that no one but a single man occupies the arcade. He's wearing a bartender/Gambler outfit. We reach the door and I wake up

[Saturday, September 15th, 2012]
No dream recall- due to drinking, stoning, and overexhaustion after a night with Alex. :\

+

(Taking a nap around 2:00PM)
(At this time, I'm extremely relaxed from listening to binaural beats, meditating, stretching... almost to the point of being in a trance. I decide I'm too tired to read anything else, so I close out of my book at page 106. I face the speakers playing the binaural beats towards the bed and lie down. Then realizing that binaural beats won't work unless coming from different ears, I turn them off and just lie there. I lie there for what seems like awhile and my consciousness starts slipping. I can feel that I'm falling asleep in waves- and my mind will run off on a thought tangent and I'll stop myself before I totally FADE. But these tangents started becoming more real... and more in-depth. Slowly, the thought tangents were becoming mini-dreams. In the middle of each mini-dream, just like each tangent before, I would catch myself from falling asleep completely... by now stopping and thinking, "THIS IS A DREAM!". The first dream I remember was the Baby Coyote dream... there were more before that that I had become lucid in too, but I don't recall them.)

Alex, Nathan, and I are driving down Saguaro Dr. in his Jeep. It's pretty dark outside, but the moonlight leaves a dim outline of the world for us to see. Approaching the turn in to my old home, we see something in the middle of the road. It's a baby coyote. I'm filled with love for this little creature, and I just want to get out and hold it and love on it. Even knowing the parents would probably still be around. After waiting too long, Nathan finally drives off, apparently less impressed than I was. The parent coyotes join the baby and start to walk up my driveway. We drive off a little ways and I say, "Go back! We can still go see them!" Nathan turns around and Alex points out that they are still around, just kind of waiting there. We turn around and head back to his house, Nathan uninterested, but wanting to drive by again for us. Suddenly I realize it's a dream and wake up.

(I wake up with my eyes closed and fade back into another pretty fast.)
<dream recall starts>
I'm with Nathan, and it's around 3-4PM, the sun is shining and we're both in his Jeep driving down Saguaro Dr. We turn into his driveway, and I begin telling him about a dream I just had with us driving the Jeep right by a coyote on the road. Just as I speak my first sentence about it, a coyote sprints across the dirt driveway in front of us and runs into the desert. I... stammer, "Whoa whoa... whoa holy shit..." I look over at Nathan with wide bug-eyes to express my surprise and confusion. Coincidence happens. But I recognize when probability isn't at the right level. I explain, as he continues driving, that my dream had to have been telling me something or telling the future at the most. (Ironically, my subconscious was trying to make me lucid.) We pull up to his house, by his garage, and we start talking. Harley springs up out of nowhere and starts wagging his little tail like he always does. I think he came out of the garage door that isn't closed all the way. Nathan begins to close it just as I'm crawling under it. It's shaped in an almost alien fashion... and it closes as if it's an alien door with metal blinds... but it still comes dangerously close to crushing me. I'm gripped with slight panic as it pushes on my back... but then it stops. I crawl back out from underneath and seem to forget what just happened. Suddenly, the neighbors are calling out to us. I look up and see a small crowd by the next door house, a couple of girls waving at us. Nathan doesn't notice until I get him to look. I wave back with enthusiasm and continue talking to Nathan. I see Harley wag his tail, and notice he's tied with a thin red string to an unfamiliar vehicle where Nathan's Jeep was JUST parked. It's a maroon old-fashioned-esque car. It must be those neighbors or something. Suddenly they walk up from the driveway. It's a soccer-mom and her girls. She talks to Nathan as if he knows her. <memory> Before she leaves, she mentions something to ME about there being a scheduled "thing" and to not forget. The lady then gets into the maroon car and pulls out with her family. I watch them drive off, me being in the yard closer to the tree. I realize I'm dreaming and wake up.

(This time I wake up and decide to try something. The last few dreams were confusing me immensely, but I've gained the ability to "feel" if it's a dream or not. Being semi-awake again, and grounded in my bed, I begin to visualize until I feel I'm ready to induce sleep paralysis. My eyes still closed, I think, "Induce sleeping state, NOW!" or "Induce that state [that I'm thinking about]... NOW!" something to that effect... My whole body begins to vibrate and I can feel that I'm on the edge of sleep paralysis, but not quite there. I set to work immediately.

I began to visualize me being in the middle of a bunch of different scenes, and adding movement for added immersion. The first was a mall... I could hear the people talking... dragging their feet on the ground... but no visuals. I tried other scene's, none really getting me into a lucid dream. Just triggering new thought tangents. I tried again, this time, it was more specific: I was in the mall, but on a fountain's steps lying down. I could feel the sandstone... hear the water trickling and splashing... feel the cool air... I tried adding movement by rocking back and forth... I rolled off the steps and began to fall into nothing.

I open my eyes, and I'm back in my room again. But on the floor... I rise up and see an exact replica of myself sprawled out on the bed... on my back, hugging a pillow to my chest, a blanket's corner covering my eyes. I get so excited that my heart races and I look around the room one last time before my... experience... ends. I my Grandma's the old pendulum wall-clock with the time of 12:30 on the dot. (The clock is a few hours off of real time.) My experience ends and I open my eyes and take the blanket off my face. The clock says 12:31.
(It's around 5:30PM when all of this ends.)

[Thursday, September 13th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm driving up to the High School with Nathan to drop him off for school... we pass by kids and I see the Principal, Ms Jacobson, and a Vice Principal walking next to her down the sidewalk. "Hey Nathan! I think I just saw the new Vice Principal! That was him wasn't it?"
"No, it wasn't."
(I wasn't entirely sure... but I tried to sound sure of myself anyways.)
"Yeah it was. He had a name tag on him... next time you see him, see if it said Vice Principal on it."
I went forward up the parking lot as far as I could go towards the Gym and turned... right a little and then dropped him off. I realized that this wasn't how you were supposed to drop people off, you were supposed to stop at the side walk and turn LEFT. Nathan got out and I didn't see him again after that. I glanced back to see if anyone was watching me- there wasn't. Everyone had vanished. It was just me in the parking lot now. I didn't think anything of it. I reversed out of there with some difficulty and drove back the way I was supposed to go, noting that I shouldn't go the way the buses usually go. (It didn't matter, but whatever.) As I was driving around the Football-field-side of the student parking lot, I thought to myself...
"Wait... I was just in bed trying to sleep... THIS IS A DREAM."

As my common sense and consciousness rushed into my mind, my visuals rippled and faded. Now I'm surrounded with nothing but darkness. I try to focus on anything to start another dream... and I see an imprint; a blurry visual... it's a vertical oval, like a round mirror... and there's a figure in the center staring back at me. Who is that? I focus on the figure and try to bring them closer to me. The visuals just get weaker and I feel my body now in WL. It's so numb, and it feels like my stomach is being forced through the bed into my spine... is something sitting on me? This must be sleep paralysis! I force my eyes closed even more in slight fear... and I just bring myself even closer to WL in the process of focusing on my body. I focus on the feeling of sleep paralysis as its fading... and I try to force sleep paralysis back, and surprisingly it works. I start to fade back into a dream, but then I fall back down into my bed and wake up completely.

+
<false awakening>
I hear knocking at my door as I try to fall back asleep. I ignore it for a little bit and curse my Grandma's invasiveness. After a second, I convince myself she's still there and realize I'm naked in my bed. She knocks again and I could have SWORN she was opening the door at that second. My blanket was suddenly covering my body perfectly. Too perfectly... but it was fine at the time. I slip my boxers back on when she doesn't open the door and I get up and open it myself. She is there and she asks me a question that I don't remember, and then I wake up for real.

EDIT: She asked me how the jobs were going and if I had done anything else with it. I kind of got angry... "Grandma! I said I was just waiting on the school now to call me! I've already done everything I can, remember?!"

[Thursday, September 13th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm in a darkened city street. The sky is a confused, smoky watercolor. Fire's litter the city, buildings burn like candles. What I'd like to call "the apocalypse" has hit- a tank is driving past. The military is exterminating a threat... It's hard to tell who they feel is a threat... so I hide myself from sight atop of a ruined building's wall. They drive past and that's the end of them for now. There is still a society here, just not as open as before. I climb down from my perch and notice a few other's like me. I flow down the street, in a haze, and with no sure goal in mind. After awhile of walking, I fade to another dream-

+

My (Dad) is helping Alex practice her driving test with me and my brothers in the back seat. We're driving around a Mall/Walmart's parking lot as she does her rounds, and practices parking. The sky is a normal white-ish blue. My brothers are extremely impatient towards Alex, unlike me... but they don't have the same relationship as I do. I'm sitting in the very right back seat, and we finally park somewhere. We all get out and go inside and... <memory skips>

I'm sitting with my brothers, some annoying old lady, and Alex and Juan on a couch in the mall by the entrance. My Dad walks up and sees Juan and misunderstands what's going on and says with a testing grin- "Oh hey there little man, you should come with me, I got somethin' to show you." I'm glad my Dad has a problem with Alex's ex, I guess, but it's embarrassing in a Alex's Mom kind of way (can't explain this, you'll just have to KNOW). Then he walks away and Juan gets up and walks to the door. Alex chases after Juan and I watch this, confused as shit. I get up and follow and Alex tells me that that was extremely rude of Dad. She looks very... attatched to Juan. I looked down at a piece of paper on the ground and it said, "Forever my red highs on your blue skies." There was another line that I can't recall. I sat there for a second and tried to remember all the words so I could walk up to Alex and Juan and recite it to judge their reaction. When I got their my dream vanished and I awoke.

(What the paper said was beautiful and sweet... and at first I figured it came from Juan, but it expressed how I felt about Alex. It also may have been a reference to "Hot Air Balloon" by Owl City.)

[Wednesday, September 12th, 2012]
<dream fragment>
I'm suddenly with Aladin and Genie, falling into a landscape of undetailed Banjo Kazooie terrain as, I think the words, "Banjo... Ka-zoo...ie." But the mountains and cliffs tilt and we're falling as if the terrain is 10 times bigger than it should be. The setting develops and we're at the palace... Aladin is expecting Jasmine soon. It's her birthday and he can't think of a gift. Apparently, it's Genie's job to think of a gift and retrieve it. Aladin pesters Genie a few times. I switch my attention to the Saultan; he's in his throne room watching this large "magic" fountain in the middle- a hologram appears and it dawns on me that he possesses alien technology.

[Tuesday, September 11th, 2012] [ND] [Falling In Love With A Loser]
(I took a nap around 11:30am after copying down my dream journal to notepad.)
It's a Game-show! And I'm on it!
I'm sucked through a flesh-hole into a watery room that fills and empties with water. Breathing underwater doesn't seem to be very hard, because everyone else and I can do it pretty easily. It's a game-show. A pretty made-up actress asks questions to contestants on TV, and a dumb puff-fish answers: "You're attractive." Others answer too. This must be recorded.

I met a little blue sea-horse, she was very sweet and familiar. I grew fond of her instantly. There were problems with her emotional stability; however, she was like the Moon and the Sun sometimes. She was so very unique and harshly beautiful. She was also capable of dark moments. But there was something about her that said I could trust her.

Another contestant: A "black" fish. He was pretty funny, and spent most of the game being an entertainer. There were more contestants, but none that I can recall directly.

Another contestant: Stewie- who could switch form with octopus form. I start the game from HIS perspective. Through his eyes, I win a few games out of pure ingenuity. I'm still in love with the sea-horse through him. After a few game phases, I shift out into my own being again.

I remember an image flashing through my mind of a ripped off limb, an arm gone from the socket, and a leg torn badly.

I remember hearing some characters from American Dad speak...
Wife: "Stan... There's Canadians playing here. Aren't you worried?"
Stan: "This show isn't rigged, it's completely fair! Meaning I have the unfair advantage. I can just kick their ass with my win."

It starts off and the little blue sea-horse and I start the game trusting each other. We help each other and win with each other in mind. But after a few games of trying to impress the little blue sea-horse, she becomes intimidated. She sees me as slightly selfish (shellfish lol). And I must have begun to change, because she didn't like the new me.

I don't remember many specifics of the games themselves unfortunately; I just remember bits and pieces and residue that still lingers...

I end up winning the entire show.
"I WON!" I was the winner! ...I felt kind of awkward saying that for some reason... I dropped on my knees and slid across the arena room's center, throwing my hands up as a sign of revel. But that was awkward too... I looked up at the Little Blue Sea-Horse, she was talking sweet to another puff-fish. I had... lost. The Little Blue Sea-Horse I had tried so hard for, had swam away with the current... and I wasn't sure who to blame but her, the current, or... me? That was the lesson. For anything that happens in life. The only one you can blame is yourself. You are the only one in control of fate, the only one who has the power to change your path. Your destiny exists, it's the most probable one; but if you do nothing, your future WILL fit to a mold. That mold is destiny.

But... If only I had stopped to "listen" to my Little Blue Sea-horse... Maybe I wouldn't have lost her.

The last thing I remember: Emma and I were trying to exit the arena-room through the flesh-hole.
"Well, I guess it's time to leave." I wondered how high up I would have to swim after this. I mean... assuming this place was actually underwater. I couldn't remember how I got in here. I stuck my hand in one of the holes that were in the horizontal line of holes and stretched the skin. I could feel the cold water instantly on the other-side. When I pulled my hand back in, I got to see Emma's head DRENCHED and her hair a mess, her face pale as snow from shock.
"You know, it might help a little bit more if you go out of these feet-first."

[Tuesday, September 11th, 2012]
There's a mall, which I assume is Prescott Mall, and I walk around it along with all the bustling people. I enter stores now and then, but my memory is pretty lame here. I walk outside I'm at Prescott still, but now it's an ocean dock-town scene. [**2**] Along the building, there's a rotting-wood walkway built above the water. There are restaraunts on the right-side and the ocean is to the left- but I pay the horizon no attention. (It was sunset at the time and I'm sure I missed the most beautiful scene...) Straight ahead, I follow the walkway to a door and follow it in. <My memory is empty of this room.> I emerge back out. Someone goes to a wall with three white vertical buttons- (like a vertical line that's fragmented into three short lines.) and he walks through the wall. It's a hidden Gambling Bar. I'm sure there's a cardgame inside. I press my hand through the middle button and I can see from the other side... It's a wall of the universe... with a painting of a woman cut into three sections (just like the line). (The wall goes forever, left and right, up and down, and it's filled with countless other symbols and paintings and ideas and markins and notes and thoughts of the human collective consciousness or maybe something more?) My hand emerges on the otherside of the wall from her chest, by her neck. I slide my hand back out with a little disappointment that I couldn't get in. Suddenly I realize this dock is a hidden workers-only area. I'm dressed in a similar uniform now and I grab a giant rug with a big picture or advertisement on it and roll it up and begin walking with it on my shoulder. I get funny suspicious looks from passerbys and workers, but no one stops me. I must look like I know what I'm doing, at least. My idea works! I get inside and drop the rug on the floor in a random spot where it seems to fit, and walk away casually. (My memory ends- I must have woken up here then fallen back asleep into the next dream.)

+

I faintly remember there being a drawer with a coupon in it for free Subway. Someone grabbed it out and used it before I could...My real dream recall starts in... I'm hungry and I want some fast food. I don't have any money whatsoever, but I have a strange feeling that makes me leave. I drive my Grandma's truck through town, having trouble sterring and keeping in the lines, but eventually I make it to the intersection of town just before the underpass. The world is dark, with the feeling of a calmed Zombie Apocalypse (as if the world has ended and this is the last safe haven, or its the end of the worst parts of the end... if you know what I mean. It's not neccesarily the plot as it is the 'mood') Passing by the actual intersection, I see flashing red and blue lights to the right towards Hassyampa School. I also hear faint police sirens everywhere. I see no cars. I keeping driving the dark streets, thinking about my lack of money and see more lights and hear more sounds. Come to think about it... the truck is silent. I can hear noises behind me coming from the Theatre. I ignore all these sounds as "my imagination running rampant", but I'm still worried about the police. I make it to the bridge and notice its MUCH bigger and longer than in reality. (I've already missed so many Dream signs. Damn.) The sky is puke dark rain. I cross the bridge without thinking again about it. I pass the unbuilt ruins of McDonalds and then Subway, and then suddenly there's flashing police lights behind me. Just then, I notice how bad I've been driving- swerving constantly. I try turning into Country Kitchen's parking lot with much difficulty, completely missing the first turn and barely making the second. I pull in and I'm halfway off the road when a curb appears in front of me. I'm stuck, and I glance over my shoulder to make sure the police are actually pulling me over. They are. I'm worried this might get me in even more trouble... I try reversing, but the car only moves forward. I press the brake more... I still move forward a bit. I'm confused more than panicked now, but I keep at the break, afraid to go flying over the curb if I let go. Suddenly, the officers are helping me in a strange way. The truck vanishes, and all I have is the shifter and the brake in my hands... there's also a yellow and black caution-striped half-tent above mine and the cop's head. I'm holding the brake down, as I shift into reverse, then I let go of the brake and walk backwards.

Next thing I know, I'm inside Country Kitchen- or at least a beat-up diner with the lights dimmed. It's filled with young people around my age, give or take. There's a bar to the left of me with a lone girl... there are tables and chairs and booths to the right of that. A bald cop follows me in and begins to babble about something to the whole restaraunt. I don't understand what he's trying to say- but I listen anyways. He sounds drunk or crazy. I dismiss him politely, after listening, and I forget he exists. I find someone who I feel like I "know"... but I don't remember anything specific about them. I approach her and she turns around and it's RUKIA! "Rukia!" I exclaim. She acknowledges me with slightly less enthusiasm. We converse about something before getting back to the matter at hand; FOOD. (I try not to be rude, but I hint that I have no money and that I'm hungry.) She suggests one way to get food:"Go look in the drawer at home, and there's a ticket-"Already used it- it's already used." I interrupt her "Hmm... well I guess if you wait a bit, I could help. I'm kind of waiting for something right now, though." (She replies something like that.) I understand this as her needing to find a nearby Hollow still. It's at this time my attention shifts to the bathroom doors. The bathrooms are straight ahead from the entrance on the left, past the bar. I get impatient after my attention returns, so I decide to speed up the process. Rukia is still just waiting on the Hollow...

I might not do this normally, but I know I can. I remember listening to "binaural beats" earlier that day... specifically the one that would open your third eye chakras. The whole day before that, I had an unruly sense of strange things too. My intuition is top-notch right now. I walk around the restaurant and try to find the Hollow- it has to be one of these people. I approach a couple: dismiss them, walk up to a filled table: not them, pass by a booth of teenagers: they're normal... then I reach the bar. It's this person! Their hair is a dark, dirty purple. It's a tangled mess that hangs over their face. I grab them by the arm and confirm it with their level of shock and resistance."It was YOU! AHA! I knew it was you!" I say with conviction, but letting my excitement get the best of me. I pull the Hollow-in-human-form to the back and disappear behind the bathroom swinging doors. Rukia gives me a blank stare. She's surprised but understands. Inside the bathroom, the Hollow slips out of my grip and shrinks, vanishing into the planked floor through a broken gap.... just like a mouse. I look closer, there's a pool of dirty water underneath these planks. The bathroom is very strange. (I'll have to illustrate it. [**3**]) But in the first room, I set my black dufflebag with red symbols on it down on the bathroom counter. The second two rooms ahead are bathrooms complete with... only urinals and planks for flooring. Below them, I can see dirty water again. The right planked-room is the one with the missing chunks of wood, and where the Hollow escaped. The left planked room has no missing wood, but a rusty blue steam-pipe wheel on the ground in the center of the room. I need to follow the Hollow, but I won't crawl down there unless the water is gone. I realize that the blue wheel must drain the water! I turn it clockwise, a little bit at a time... and it's working! The water starts to descend very slowly. Gradually as I turn, and the level descends, the rusty blue wheel crumbles and chips until its nothing but a metal stub with nothing to grip. I stand up and walk to the right planked room. The water is still there, but I can get underneath the planks without getting too wet now. I crawl down and can go under the wall to the next room. I stand up and I'm now in a room that turns to my right and follows a hallway. The water's up to my feet and its very dim in here. Trash floats along the dirty water.

<memory skips>

I was so close to finding that Hollow! It must have gotten away, because I didn't remember actually doing it. I think Rukia needs to know now- maybe she can help. She should understand if it got away. We'll find it again the next time it strikes. But what if she was trusting me? Testing me? Oh well. I walk out a door at the end of the sewer-like hallway to the left and it leads outside. There's no one. The world is empty. I walk back inside, heart-racing, then stop myself. I decide to use the front entrance this time to avoid getting wet again. My vision hangs back while I run ahead.

There's a figure crouching on the roof watching me, in all black.
"Finally, the Father of this World has returned."

I get back inside to the bathroom, where I set my black dufflebag- but it's been turned into a beige purse. I dig through it for something that'll help. I pull out a tin of Mentoids and pop one in my mouth. Memories of these mints rush through my mind... but they aren't the same as they used to be. The taste is dull and unfulfilling. I dig for more and find an Ipod... I'm sort of relieved, if I'm stuck in this World, I'll at least have music. Or even better, maybe I can use binaural beats to wake my out of this World. Wait- I'm drea-

(I wake up... and stretch... clinging on to what little dream recall I had at the time. I stopped and lied still for a moment to hang on to it, before typing this.)

[Sunday, September 9th, 2012] [5am]
I'm at my Mom's house. Memory skips to... Brent and someone else, maybe Nathan, we look at a paper being held by someone and see a WANTED face and are shocked. We find a "Christmas" ornament object laying on a piece of blanket/tissuepaper on the ground by the printer and take it outside. It's outside and we're planning on breaking it. That's when we hear Casey SCREAM at us- in a hissy fit. We go back inside and Mum is taking Casey's side and starts yelling at Brent. It's unfair and I can see that Mum is obviously wrong so I run at her and exclaim, "YOU KNOW WHAT?" She shoves me when I get to close against my rib and there's a sharp pain that lasts for only a moment. I use that to my advantage and try to make her feel guilty, "OW MY RIBS. You just punched me in my RIBS." But before I know it, I think to drop out of this, "fight" and wonder if Brent and the other person can just work this out... but I know that Mum will end up winning and get it "her" way, without me. I wake up.

(I have more dreams, but I wake up with a jolt because of my Gramma waking me up. Godammit. No one understands... maybe I should tell them about it?)

(I spend the rest of my day with B & C on my hands. It's a lucid day. I'm positive I'll lucid dream tonight.)

[Saturday, September 8th, 2012]
I was in the neighborhood around my Grandma's headed to the High School. The world had a more sinister Nightmare Before Christmas feel. It was midnight and noon at the same time... time didn't exist. I was walking down the street towards school, people bustling back and forth, but never really there. I arrived at the Middle School this time, and I remember Mrs. Cole saying something to another teacher that made me remember her and miss her. I was suddenly aware that I didn't belong there, and I became semi-lucid, not exactly aware that it was a dream, but with control over the reality. I had a single flat bar in my hand, and I knew what it was for. I could defy gravity and fly with it, just by willing it. I began to show off in front of a few kids to guage their reactions. I'd grab onto it and hold myself up and jump, soaring through the air. Or I'd just hover there, and few feet above the ground. I was right outside a classroom, and I could be seen through the door's window. A few more kids showed up and then a teacher or two. I got tired of being watched so closely, so I jumped and glided in a different direction. I was headed out of the school towards the main road. I passed by a familiar man, in the guise of a janitor. He didn't even look at me. (Was he the same man I'd seen at the Graveyard in my "The Underground Club" dream?) ~ My memory skips to the next dream.

+

I'm in a shallow canyon, like a shorter Box Canyon, and I'm making my way through it with some people. It's all very vague. It's faded from my memory... but we all made it to the very end, and there's a room. A party. People have filled it. I stay for awhile.

After that "awhile", I notice the party emptying out, save for a few stubborn on-goers, including myself. I suggest we push the tables together and have a smaller after-party. We all sit down, and I recognize some of the people... but their specificity turns to smoke in my waking state. I suddenly hear a noise and look up. A host has arrived... but to crash the party. My intuition makes me up and walk out the door with such speed. Behind me, lightning flows from the host into the rest of the people. They are all horribly disfigured and turned into things of horror and evil. I wake up as soon as I'm outside again. I was a hair close to being "changed".

(This nightmare figure is now reoccurring. I'll have to face him eventually. The first thing to ask is, "Who are you?" )

+

Now I'm in a mixture of Nathan's room and the room we had previously partied in. Alex is asleep on a couch, and Nathan is too. I roam around Nathan's house for awhile and return. I interact with Alex somehow... then my dream turns to dust.