I have had Lucid Dreams, but I can't control them

[Manners]

Hello everyone, new to the forum. I have had Lucid Dreams only a couple of times. They were vivid and seemed closed to real life like almost, although they end quickly I have managed to control them a little. Here is one of them: I am sitting in the car with my dad driving, we begin to argue in front of the traffic, and I get out of the car. All of a sudden I know that I am dreaming and think to myself 'This is amazing, I can't believe it' - I take a few steps but then all of a sudden something pushes me down to the ground - I try lifting my head up but to no avail and then everything turns black and the dream ends. There has been another time where I had this control in my dream and knew I was dreaming, but something pushed me down again - What is this thing which pushes me down, and how can I make it stop so I can continue this amazing experience of having complete control if I do per se ever have such a dream again?

[SuperOhm]

When I first started lucid dreaming, I felt like my subconscious was wrangling control back from me by force. If I exerted too much control, I would often spontaneously lose all motor control and balance. I would basically flop around on the floor like a fish as I was unable to control my limbs or tell which way was up. This would go on until I had given up and surrendered control of the dream back to my subconscious. I suspect that the subconscious of some does not take well to having the conscious mind butt in on it's playground. For me, lucid dreaming was incredibly difficult. It took me two years of trying before I had my first, and then as I've said I had to learn to modulate the level of control such that my subconscious was alright with it. Over time, that level of control would increase. Once I learned how to meditate in my lucid dreams, this barrier dissolved completely. For now, I say just keep doing what you're doing. You'll find that you can stay lucid for longer each time. Also, I make this odd recommendation to everyone: treat your brain like you're training a dog. When it does something you want it to, give it a cookie. This doesn't have to be a literal cookie, sometimes it can just be a pat on the back, but sometimes it can literally be a cookie. When you have a lucid dream, even if you can't control it, give yourself a cookie. Once you've got that down, then start to taper that off. Perhaps flip a coin, if you were lucid and it lands on heads, then give yourself a cookie. Then do this only if it lands on heads twice in a row. Then start rewarding yourself for being able to control your dreams and stop rewarding yourself for only being lucid. You've just moved the goalpost. At the same time, don't beat yourself up for not doing what you set out to accomplish. However, it might be useful to verbalize out loud something like "no cookie for you, you didn't give me a lucid dream!" This works by engaging the reward centers of our brains. Getting the dopamine going helps build the connections associated with that behavior. Over time, your brain becomes much better behaved. Interestingly, this strategy also works outside of the dream world. My little sister uses it for her social anxiety. When she goes to big crowded stores, she stays for slightly longer that she feels comfortable, then if she's successful she rewards herself with a treat she only indulges in for this purpose. It sounds bonkers, but it works. I actually do recommend that the reward be something specific to your purpose. Don't let it be associated with any other task or behavior. Don't let it be something you would randomly partake in. Devote the reward completely to the behavior you want to encourage.

[CNGB]

Listen to SuperOhm, he knows what he's talking about. Perhaps while you're being pushed on the ground, before you wake up, try to tell your subconscious that you'll follow its lead. Don't try to control the dream world for now--be a passive lucid dreamer. Maybe if the subconscious doesn't think you're trying to rain on its parade it'll be kinder to you. Whatever you do, though, just don't give up.

[SuperOhm]

Now that's an interesting idea, CNGB, I wish I had thought of that when I was going through that mess. Manners, the next time that happens try saying "I am an observer" and see what happens. If it is indeed a struggle for control as I theorized for myself as well as for you, then that redefinition might end the assault. I am intensely curious as to whether or not that works.

[melanieb]

**Thread moved to Dream Control** Some interesting ideas. Try them out and let us know if it helps you.

[CNGB]

I am, too. Please update us on what happens when/if you get a chance to do this! "I am an observer" sounds like something a subconscious would like to hear. Oh, but don't forget to be honest about being an observer. Your subconscious knows everything you think, feel, and do, so it won't be any good to lie to it (for now).

[Citrine]

delete my post, nice!