Thread: What causes physical attraction?

Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

Only in the context of gross misrepresentations of evolutionary theory. Also, it's normally applied to individual organisms so I don't see what it has to do with species. A more accurate statement would be "survival of the fit enough to survive."

So you are saying that survival of a species has to do with evolution, right?

Originally Posted by theMagician

Together, survival and replication value make up your "value", or how attractive you are as a possible mate. When women judge men, they look for the highest value mate because he is most likely to increase her chance of survival (and again, it happens subliminally). Similarly, when men judge women, they look for wide hips and large breasts because those indicate high replication value (even though, naturally, we don't know why we like it, we just do). Modernism surfaced around the end of the Middle Ages, it's a relatively a new concept.

In most cases I doubt it happens subconsciously nor 'subliminally'. Consider this situation. A person designs and makes a clock to tell the time. But the clock itself isn't trying to tell the time, it works due to whatever internal mechanisms make it work. Similarly, evolution can be thought to have 'designed' male attraction to breasts to help with gene survival. But the reason males are attracted to breasts isn't because they're trying to help their genes survive. The phychological subconscious reason probably has nothing to do with survival.

The reason we exist is because we've undergone evolution and our species has survived, but that doesn't mean we have an inherent mission to survive. Only we can assign value to things and decide what our goals will be. Nothing else can assign value because everything else is mindless and physical. Just because we got here via evolution doesn't mean we should base our goals or morality off of it. That kind of thinking might lead a person to advocate eugenics.


(Unrelated to above)
I think I have a pretty good idea of what the average guy will find attractive in a girl, what I thought being confirmed by posts on this site, and I'm sad and happy to say that I don't fit the description. But it's alright, I would really rather not be a perfect sweet friendly anime-ish girl with no character flaws nor depth.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

(Unrelated to above)
I think I have a pretty good idea of what the average guy will find attractive in a girl, what I thought being confirmed by posts on this site, and I'm sad and happy to say that I don't fit the description. But it's alright, I would really rather not be a perfect sweet friendly anime-ish girl with no character flaws nor depth.

But you have boobs, right?

Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

But you have boobs, right?

Honestly, what do you expect me to reply to this?

what? the anime-ish type is what the average guy finds attractive? huh...

Originally Posted by dajo

what? the anime-ish type is what the average guy finds attractive? huh...

Friendly, sweet, positive. In anime it seems exaggerated, but something like that. A few people on this thread have given descriptions similar to that while describing their idea of the perfect girl. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't care. Holy crap I just typed a lot of stupid nonsense and have deleted it. I'm too tired for this.

You should realize that there is no average attraction and that tastes, just like looks, are great in variety. If you limit yourself to one "average" and usually media driven ideal, you will never gain the self acceptance and self love that will make you appealing to others in the first place. Regardless of what people write in this thread, I'm sure many give an "ideal" of what they think they find most attractive, but if it comes to actually meeting and falling for a person, a variety of factors play a role that are much more subconscious then anybody realizes. The diverse trend will be increasing the older you get, as people will gain experiences from shallow relationships and mature their own identity independent of their surrounding.

And just to strengthen my point a little and to explain why I picked out the "anime-ish" description in your post, I want to state the following. I am sure that you would find very different consensuses on the perceived attractiveness, if you were to start a survey at: a) a rock concert b) a cultural center/ museum c) a football stadium d) high school and e) an online forum. There are many sub-cultural groups even within ones own nation that define and view beauty very differently. All of them interact daily with each other with their different morals and perceptions. So my point is to throw any "standards" over board and to live by your own.

And one more thing, I hope in time it will make you more happy than sad that you don't seem to fit into the "average description".

Originally Posted by dajo

You should realize that there is no average attraction and that tastes, just like looks, are great in variety. If you limit yourself to one "average" and usually media driven ideal, you will never gain the self acceptance and self love that will make you appealing to others in the first place. Regardless of what people write in this thread, I'm sure many give an "ideal" of what they think they find most attractive, but if it comes to actually meeting and falling for a person, a variety of factors play a role that are much more subconscious then anybody realizes. The diverse trend will be increasing the older you get, as people will gain experiences from shallow relationships and mature their own identity independent of their surrounding.

And just to strengthen my point a little and to explain why I picked out the "anime-ish" description in your post, I want to state the following. I am sure that you would find very different consensuses on the perceived attractiveness, if you were to start a survey at: a) a rock concert b) a cultural center/ museum c) a football stadium d) high school and e) an online forum. There are many sub-cultural groups even within ones own nation that define and view beauty very differently. All of them interact daily with each other with their different morals and perceptions. So my point is to throw any "standards" over board and to live by your own.

And one more thing, I hope in time it will make you more happy than sad that you don't seem to fit into the "average description".

I agree with about everything you've said and I might have given the wrong impression about my mindset. I was tired last night while responding, typed a lot and erased it. It's a fact though that an average preference exists, and it probably is what I described. I was realizing I didn't fit into that description and so there are a lot of guys who probably dislike me. It was bothering me a bit for the first time, usually it wouldn't. Not bothering me because I'm ignorant that there's a variety of guys and that some will have different tastes, I know that. I wouldn't for a moment want to fit into an average description. The opposite, in most cases. If anything, wanting too much to be different is my problem. Again, I'm very tired (wbtb), so don't take what I say too seriously as it doesn't deserve a well thought out response from someone who is thinking clearly.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I was realizing I didn't fit into that description and so there are a lot of guys who probably dislike me.

I doubt anyone would go as far as to dislike someone because they didn't fit their idea of the perfect man/woman. They might not be asked on a date but that doesn't mean they'll develop a distaste for them or not take kindly to them.

Unless you simply meant "won't like me in that way."

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I doubt anyone would go as far as to dislike someone because they didn't fit their idea of the perfect man/woman. They might not be asked on a date but that doesn't mean they'll develop a distaste for them or not take kindly to them.

Unless you simply meant "won't like me in that way."

I disagree. I find ugly women repulsive. And some of them pick up on this feeling and try to make themselves look more attractive to me, which is equally annoying. That's not to say that I dislike average girls, but I definitely try to avoid the ugly ones. Not to sound like a dick; I don't tell it to their face for this reason.

You wouldn't even have a friendly chat with someone at the bus stop because you didn't find them sexually appealing? I don't mean to put you on the spot, come across as one of those internet-white-knights, or anything like that, but I really don't see the sense in that train of thought. =/

Wtf, why? Define ugly. Do you find ugly men repulsive?

I'm sure everyone here knows what the term 'ugly' means, no need to define it. And I did not say that if a woman lacks sexual appeal that I will avoid her. I said I specifically find ugly women (and yes, that includes ugly people in general, since you asked) to be repulsive, and I will avoid them. In general, I have found that they have personalities that I dislike, and are often annoying and clingy. Let me remind you that I'm not a dick in person, and I won't treat them badly. However, if I do come across a girl with a great personality and we click, I'll completely disregard how she looks.

Originally Posted by MindGames

I'm sure everyone here knows what the term 'ugly' means, no need to define it.

Actually, there can be holy shit load of confusion as to what that word means. Just like "tall", "soft", "good", "pretty", no-body has the same idea, so you actually do need to define it, or at least elaborate.
I think, if there's one thing in the world that kills discussions, it's that words don't mean the same to anyone.

When I speak of somebody being 'ugly', I mean 'ugly' as in physically unattractive; repulsive. It's not a matter of one specific trait, such as not being tall enough, not the right cup size, too much makeup, etc. If that's what I meant, I would have made sure to have said so. My mistake for assuming everybody was on the same page of the definition of ugly. Go ahead and take a look at the definition on Wiktionary or Webster if you're still confused.

The majority of semantical confusion can be avoided if people just take the time to think about the meaning of the word in the context of what the original poster is saying. In this case, I think it was quite obvious what I meant by ugly, since we're talking about physical attractiveness.

Ugly is still subjective. Some people think pugs are ugly. Some people think morbidly obese people are cute (I think, I saw a show about this guy once who fed his wives heaps to get them huuuuge, it might have been bullshit though).

There's been a couple of girls who everyone I know says are ugly but I think they're cute. Ugly is definitely not objective.
Also people say ugly when they really mean "I wouldn't have sex with her". They don't feel sick when they look at them, but they say ugly anyway.
So that could have changed it's meaning a bit for some people.
Haven't you ever seen a female and you find out they're married with kids and you're just like "WTTTTTFFFFFFFFBLURRRGGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHH SPIT SPIT KILL ME NOW!"
?

Like I said, I didn't mean ugly in the subjective sense. Of course everybody has different ideas of what constitutes ugly, but I'm sure everybody agrees on what 'ugly' itself means. Unattractive, repulsive, or unappealing. That's what I mean. For the purpose of my original post, the specific traits that I find unattractive are rather unimportant.

oh.... ok, I agree then.

Originally Posted by theMagician

So you are saying that survival of a species has to do with evolution, right?

No I'm not saying that. What about my post would lead you to think that that's what I was saying?

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Honestly, what do you expect me to reply to this?

Well if your opinion of the average man is so poor, then it seems like you would know that what the average man wants is boobs. So as long as you have those, you're set. We also like people to cook and clean for us.

Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

Well if your opinion of the average man is so poor, then it seems like you would know that what the average man wants is boobs. So as long as you have those, you're set. We also like people to cook and clean for us.

Okay, maybe not the average man, but the average man who cares a lot about personality will tend to like the characteristics I described (which isn't surprising).

Originally Posted by MindGames

I disagree. I find ugly women repulsive. And some of them pick up on this feeling and try to make themselves look more attractive to me, which is equally annoying. That's not to say that I dislike average girls, but I definitely try to avoid the ugly ones. Not to sound like a dick; I don't tell it to their face for this reason.

that is immensely shallow.

Originally Posted by strael

that is immensely shallow.

Sure it's shallow. I've always had high standards.

Originally Posted by strael

that is immensely shallow.

It isn't shallow actually, it's knowing what you like and dislike.

Originally Posted by MindGames

I've always had high standards.

if that's what you want to call it

and yes mow- avoiding people because they aren't physically attractive is shallow.