Thread: Adrenaline

Well nobody can really understand the situation.... I did tell her I love her, but all this crap from past lives made her feel she was unworthy of me. I rejected her in like 8 past lives because I thought she was unattractive. I friggin repeated the same thing over and over. And now all the feelings she has are really my fault.

Thanks Raspberry (where did the thanks button go to?)
I have some residual grumpiness but I no longer want to murder anyone. Today I'm super crabby because allergies are giving me a migraine

"I'll keep putting on my happy face, though my soul I do debase." I wrote that to explain how I was doing exactly as you described. You pretend to the rest of the world- smile, laugh, go through the motions- but inside, you feel like dying. I'm glad things are better. And I'm glad you have someone to talk to.
I've noticed it might be a cultural thing too- that not being able to see through the mask of false happiness. My own pdoc thinks I'm well and fine because even though I'm talking to him- I might even be crying a little- I'll still be laughing and smiling. He's Egyptian so maybe he's not used to my sort of front.. or maybe I'm just a complete oddball

(((((Salty))))) I don't believe in reincarnation, but I thought a point believers hold dear is that you're supposed to "evolve" (?) and become a better person than you once were. Just because you made many mistakes in the past, if you keep repeating them, you'll never achieve Nirvana (?). Why not take steps to break the cycle NOW? Court her. Make her feel like a princess. Write a poem or song for her, expressing your feelings. Help her see how much you love her?

Allergies... Ugh. It's that time of year again. I'm glad I don't have any.

I also went to my doctor. It was earlier in the year. She took one look at me, and said "Well, you don't look depressed."

At the time, I believed her because she was a doctor, and thought that she could tell from a glance. Even after I looked up depression symptoms (which were like "feeling sad for lengthy periods of time" "difficulty sleeping" "lack of motivation" "loss/increase of appetite") and ticked most of them off, I just thought I was going through a phase of sadness. It wasn't until a close friend (who was in hospital for depression, eating disorders and self harm etc) noted all the changes in my behaviour and said "You're depressed" did I come to realise it.

What really scares me more than anything is sinking back down to that low-point. Not even that, but the fact that I couldn't detect it until after it had happened.

I look back, and my thoughts, emotions and actions at that point were all over the place. It felt like a dark cloud was hanging over me the whole time, but I didn't realise until I was away from it. It's frightening that I can't sense when my thoughts begin to go haywire. But I've learned from it and I know what steps to take in order to cope now.

You are not an oddball. I know so many people who are dealing with things in their life that you would never know is happening. I can't believe how many people I know are going through so much. It's why I try not to judge people, because there could be a lot more behind the scenes that I don't know about.

@Salty: I agree. If you absolutely truely love this girl. You will not let her walk off so easily, just because she doesn't believe it. Make her believe it.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I don't believe in reincarnation, but I thought a point believers hold dear is that you're supposed to "evolve" (?) and become a better person than you once were. Just because you made many mistakes in the past, if you keep repeating them, you'll never achieve Nirvana (?). Why not take steps to break the cycle NOW? Court her. Make her feel like a princess. Write a poem or song for her, expressing your feelings. Help her see how much you love her?

There is no cycle. She is my soul mate. as long as I've been reincarnating on earth. The earth chose us for each other. I turned her down. That was my choice. she cannot refuse me. Nothing can change that. Our connection cannot be broken. We are apart only to be together. I saw this. before I came here. Now I am here. I can make the choice to follow the path or make it fall apart. without her there is no reason for me to be here. She will wait for me. it all going according to plan.

I'm having no more surges
I saw my pdoc yesterday and got back on my meds.
Everything is right with my world once again

Yay! Back to normal.

At least you learned some things about them.

Aye. And about the evils of Seroquel
My pdoc still wants me to take it, but I told him I'll only take 1/4. I'll see how that goes. It DOES help me sleep...