I see this is taking it to where it associates with waking life. I had dream recently where a female was guiding me somewhere in a library, but there were enough guards to make it awkward to shift from one shelf to another (hiding that is).
If it were just me, I would've been more aggressive than stealthy, as I find myself doing a lot in my non-lucids related to some type of infiltration.
However, I decided to rely on the female figure because it seemed she knew the guards' exact movements. I tried to talk to her, but she didn't say a single word to me, so through out the whole dream, I only said her name a few times, still no response from her.
I started to get impatient because we reached a point where there's several guards at one area, so while the guard turns his back, the aggressive nature I have in my non-lucids activates.
I wait for him to pass by, and decided to be foolish and whistle to see if he will get my attention, and he quickly does.
Then I realized....I seriously screwed up by doing that, because when I was looking at Eva, she didn't have a weapon, and before we sneaked into the library, she looked like she took a lot of damage from someone/group of people.
My emotions started to augment, because I'm the only one with the gun, so I couldn't screw this up, because I realized that she's obviously guiding me somewhere important, potentially the Akashic Records (at least my perception of it), and that itself is something I would exhibit every ounce of competence to accomplish.
The guard finds both of us, alerts the other guards, and I thought that I could just shoot them in the mean time, but this random guy comes in with a shot gun....I try to shoot him, but I can't no bullets aren't coming out....then Eva gets shot.
Obviously, she wasn't good to me if she was dead or near-death, so I was so angry at myself that I didn't let her guide me all the way through that the weapon I had suddenly worked, and I managed to kill every guard in the area.
Problem is, even after checking and making sure things are cleared out, the dream starts to fade when I turn around to check back on Eva, who is most likely trying to endure the shotgun wound.
I woke up almost crying, and I could've went into a DEILD since my body was still and my eyes were closed, but I didn't want to forget the details of this dream.
What I learned from that? If it's just me in a non-lucid where I'm pitted against guards, it's okay to be aggressive and playful with them, but when it's with someone else, I have to be thoughtful on how my recklessness can can change their fate.
Also, I realized that when I met Eva before sneaking into what could've been the Akashic Records, she had this enduring spirit in her, like I said before when she was degraded in a few areas, especially her hair.
It was like she was the projection of how I felt in life, how I always instilled pain and worry in my life. I wanted to find her so that she would be the opposite, the projection that would be more positive, something I would strive for, but clearly, she shares the same feelings I have.
If I'm sad, she will be sad, if I'm laconic, she will be laconic (which is why we didn't say anything throughout the dream).
She can't be the ideal image of me being more positive in my life if I can't hold my own weight, and stop relying on her to be the ideal image if I can't be thoughtful of her position.
She is me. She is my Anima. (I hope she is, because I never really cared much about others in non-lucids).
That's what I learned.
And that the pain of loss usually lets me have extreme dream control to where it's scary.
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