Today I realized that my dreams actually torture me. I have been able to lucid dream for years. I didn't even realize there was a name for it until a few months ago. My problem with it is that I am so aware during my dreams that I sometimes become really sad. I can feel the emotions. I will have dreams about a person (mostly famous) and in my dreams we will be talking about the fact that I am dreaming and right around the time that I wake up we say our goodbyes and see you next time. I guess that's cool to some people because it's like you actually know this person and get use to seeing them in your dreams.

To me having dreams that involve so much of my emotions is bad. I dream about things and situations that I want in real life. Like having a baby. I can feel and smell everything. I am fully aware that I am dreaming and this happy feeling won't last. What I usually do during dreams that make me so happy that is saddens me knowing it's going to end, is stop them. I will change the dreams or runaway in my dream.

But when I wake up all the emotions are still there. Sometimes I will even lay in my bed crying not wanting to face reality. Not that my life is horrible but when my dreams are good there are great. And I love the way the happiness I feel. And I always lucid dream. I just want to escape my mind and silence it. I hate the fact that I'm thinking and dreaming. And being so logical in my dreams that I cause myself unhappiness.

Sorry for the long post but I was wondering if anyone else felt the same way. I feel like lucid dreaming is close to mental torture .