Last night, I had glimpses of lucidity. I've been leisurely thinking about it and I thought I would share with you.

In the beginning of my memory of the dream, I possessed the narrative knowledge that I was heading back to my bedroom (delusion). Yet, my observation and logic told me my bedroom was nowhere near physically, but also, realistically, because I knew the nature of the dream was maze-like and discontinuous (lucid). I mean, it was evident to me that walking through a door could lead me anywhere on the whim of the dream.

I remember previous dreams going there through a specific hallway, then a room, then a last hallway. I know I can mimic this previous dream to get there and that I must maintain my awareness on the destination because that is what will truly get me there, not the physical layout. So I followed my dream memory (true or not, I don't know) all the way to my bedroom. Along the way, I remembered from the dream memory that there would be a distraction that would cut me off from my destination. Turns out, as I stayed focused on my path, I found no distraction until the end inside my bedroom.

First of all, I immediately accepted the destination room as my bedroom although it looked like none of the bedrooms I've ever had (delusion), and then, there was someone moving around busy. I immediately assumed the worst, because what good thing can a stranger do in my bedroom uninvited? (delusion). Aware of my infinite power (lucid), I propelled flames out of my hand to erase the person and their schemes, feeling safe thereafter.

So there it was, my dream. I find the intermingling of delusion and lucidity interesting. The delusion of a bedroom but the lucidity that there is no physical path to it other than focus. The use of memory to anchor the focus. The delusion of harm and the lucidity of power.

Now, I think about how I could replace the delusions with lucidity. The delusion of a physical destination (bedroom): there is no bedroom. I don't want to go to a bedroom. This didn't occur to me but if it did, I imagine I would have been lost. Where can I go when there is no physical destination at all? Because access to waking memory is difficult for me in dreams, it is difficult to replace this sense of disorientation with a dream goal. But that's the solution I see. There is no bedroom, but there are emotions to visit. I need more intention training where I practice orienting myself in a dream I guess. About the delusion of harm. If I judge the dream by waking life standards, obviously many things seem wrong, and I panic. Replaced with lucidity, I should not worry about nonsense.

The problem is not really fear but that I try to explain it, to create a narrative. The first thing that comes to mind when weird things are happening is some shady explanation. It is not appropriate to think this way in dreams. Non-sense is natural. Not only should nonsense be a welcomed dream sign, I should just observe without judging it; without constructing a narrative.

My fear is that by not judging nonsense, by not creating delusional narratives for the dream, that it will break apart. I fear, not in dreams, but in this waking reflection, that the mortar of dreams is delusions. There are no paths anywhere; it's the delusion that there is a path that leads the dreamer to the destination. There is no destination; it's the delusion of a destination that leads the dreamer forward. There is nothing really and delusion keeps the illusion up and moving. While I fear this as I write, I am also reminded that lucidity can also create a path by directing attention and destination can also be chosen soberly.

Inspired by meditation, my dream goal presently is to move through doorways, analogously to breathing. The goal is a rhythmic movement that keeps attention dynamically focused.