Hi everyone!

I have known about lucid dreaming for a while, and while I don't actively try to induce lucid dreams that often, I still have them on a somewhat regular basis. I have also had very frequent nightmares/stressful dreams (sometimes multiple times a night, 4-ish+ times a week) for as long as I can remember. I would say about 85% of my lucid dreams and many of my most lucid lucid dreams take place during a nightmare when I realize I'm dreaming and immediately start trying to wake myself up. Whether or not I'm actively trying to have a lucid dream, most of my nightmares transition into waking dreams, where I again realize that I'm dreaming and continue trying to wake myself up before something bad happens. I know I could be taking advantage of these situations, but that's usually the least of my priorities in the moment.

Another variant of this problem takes place when I do set the intention to have a lucid dream, which can sometimes result in a really freaky waking dream where there may be some type of creature in the room, or I actually dream that I’m experiencing sleep paralysis. I don't think I've ever actually experienced sleep paralysis, only dreamed about it, although I’m not 100% sure.

Part of me feels like my brain is trying to sabotage my lucid dreaming progress, since sometimes after becoming lucid in a normal, non-scary dream, my vision goes extremely blurry or I experience a strong (false) sensation that I’m waking up, leading to another waking dream or losing lucidity. I just don't understand why my brain tries to trick me into believing I'm waking up or triggers some other unpleasant experience whenever I try or succeed at become lucid.

It may be worth mentioning that I was terrified of “scary things”, the dark, etc. growing up and never wanted to go to sleep because I didn’t want to have a nightmare. I have mostly outgrown this phase, and to be honest, few of my nightmares really disturb me since I usually know that I’m dreaming and don’t actually believe I’m in danger. I just want to escape them asap because they’re gross and exhausting.

I do come from a religious background that believes a lot of different things are “demonic”, and while I do not consciously believe this, I’ve definitely had a dream or two where it feels like something is trying to possess my body.

I’m glad I’m able to have lucid dreams somewhat intuitively, but this is definitely not how I want to experience them. If anyone has had a similar experience or has any thoughts on what could be causing this/what I should do, I would love to hear from you.

Thanks so much!

Eden