A possible point of clarification: My thought of will or conscious freedom doesn't depend on anything else outside of the semi-chaotic experiment of existence. No God, no heaven, no plan, no other 'force' that I'm aware of. Its a property that arises from within the system, just as natural selection is a property that arises within the system.
It seems then that for now you're content with the vision and understanding of reality that you have, that you're not seeking to extend it by exploring other ideas? I'm not sure that I can explain my idea of will better than what I already said, but I'll take one more shot at it.
Natural selection has a sort of crisp logic to it: something exists while it can, otherwise it doesn't. That's pretty easy to understand, for some of us anyway. Will seems to me to be both easier and harder. Its easier in that you don't have to understand it, you just choose to uphold it, and you do it. That's what most people do, apparently. But its harder because if you try to pin it down by decomposing and micro-analyzing your mind, it doesn't seem to be in any of the pieces. Mentally I represent my self, which is largely subconscious, as a sort of black box with certain capabilities in relation to my environment. Will is one of those capabilities. But its part of a model, and I realize it doesn't accurately reflect what's going on inside the box. If I examine more closely, digging into the box and moving the imagined boundary between 'self' and 'environment', I can't pin down any of these properties, its like chasing the end of the rainbow. So I could conclude that its not real, much as how scientists decide that nothing is real unless it can be definitively measured. One reason I don't conclude that, is I went through a similar process with astral projection, and decided that I wasn't actually going out of my body, that I was just manipulating images. I believed that for years, but then after I started having other experiences with apparently impossible physical results, it became clear that something was going on besides mental model manipulation, even though I don't understand what exactly. I trust there is something there even though I don't understand it, because I see results that aren't accounted for by what I do understand. So then I trust my intuitions about it more, because I do have those, and that's how I develop it and strengthen my awareness of it to the point where I can understand it better. That's not the thought process I went through with will, but I see it would be similarly applicable, and it must have reinforced it.
One reason I didn't doubt my will is years ago I met someone who disbelieved in will, and was paralyzed by that disbelief. He thought it was freeing because it meant he wasn't responsible for anything. But he'd wallow around in disfunctional behavior, arguing that he couldn't do anything about it because stuff just happens and all we do is witness it. At that same time, I knew someone else who believed his model of will was absolutely 'real', and so was unable to make adjustments when he was wrong about what was within his power. Opposite extremes of the same kind of faith I guess. I figured, why would I want to do that to myself? I've even heard of people who don't believe they're conscious, because they can't explain consciousness or prove that they are conscious. At some point it just gets absurd.
Maybe another reason I didn't disbelieve in will, is I went to a lot of trouble to cultivate my capacity to feel. Will is almost the flip side of the same thing. So the strength and awareness of feeling that I developed made it more real to me. Also, I'd already learned that if I cultivate something by having confidence in my initially vague sense of it, I can develop it into something more objectively understandable. Its like the 'form a hypothesis' part of the scientific method. You've got to hang with your hypothesis for long enough to see what comes of it. Will was never really a hypothesis for me though, not within the scope of my life anyway. Its an aspect of spirit. Life without spirit is like fatou dust, try to measure it and there's nothing there. It would be like if an atom was a point, without the richness of ambiguity. There wouldn't even be chemistry. Maybe I just don't understand how a person can be alive and not believe in themselves. It would be like having a child and not loving them. It also seems sad to me to be unable to recognize it when somebody actually goes out of their way to try to help you. Not for the feeling it gives them, or so that you do better so that they can use you for something later, or for some other hoped for advantage. But just because they can, and it appears to them that it might have a chance to help you.
I agree that it doesn't make sense to pretend to believe in something that seems unreal to you. But always there is something at the edge of your awareness, before you become aware of it. It seems to me that so long as a person wants to continue to grow they have to start with it somehow.
Another aspect of how this developed for me, is life increasingly drove me into doing things that everyone else says are necessary and good, but which are no longer acceptable to me. By what standard do I reject these things? I didn't believe in God, because I could not find God, and I'm not willing to kiss a god's ass in any case. By all the arguments of necessity and natural selection I should do those things. But I will not. Why not? I could wave my hands and explain my behavior by concocting a story about my genes and how people evolved under conditions on the savannah so blah blah blah. But I've lived enough and watched enough bad science documentaries to see how contrived this sort of thing is, this pretend enslaving of ourselves to a history that people only barely understand. I choose a particular path because it is what I will, that is enough, I don't need any other reason. I guess some people get pushed to a similar point by drug addiction, where they have a choice between failure and finding another part of themselves they didn't know before, or a 'higher power'.
I don't really hope to convince you with any of this. These are just the best thoughts I have off the cuff. In any case, if will interests you, probably the best avenue is to cultivate the ability to think with feeling. In other words, think about subjects that you can only make sense of by feeling them, because the nature of their content is felt. Then later will is sort of the active side of that capacity.
In any case, thanks for the thought about magic. That was a piece I needed, or at least a useful clarification of a piece that I've been working at. Best wishes.
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