Right now i just found some time to note down my process i made so far if i can actually call it like that because since my last post i didn't really improved some of my 'skills' or achieved some goals i set... somehow i fell down into a 'dark' hole and i'm at my beginning again. What a pity! It makes me really sad. My consciousness which i tried to raise since the beginning don't even exist anymore in my opinion hahaha sounds like shit but it's just how i fell these months now. It's like my awareness takes a breaks and here feeling empty and confused. I daydream and i'm so off the whole day and at night while i dream i get the feeling that i'm even more aware of everything than in RL... i don't know i always do many many RC's but it leads to nowhere every single time. To cope with my daydreaming problems and get back to reality to have the chance to raise my awareness i tried some grounding techniques but i didn't have some success so far which upset me very much TvT

Another problem i have to deal with at the moment is that my insomnia is back. I don't get enough sleep because i always go to bed at 3 am and need at least 1~2 more hours to fall asleep (Has anyone some advice for this please? :c - the one to go to bed earlier isn't helpful) and then i must wake up very early for university.... Everything is very shitty right now with my 'sleep/ dream life' haha

Another proof: i also had such a strange dream recently... i dreamt of my father and that is so unusual like the last time was a decade ago?! and after waking up from this dream i was still in shock. Some details: He didn't just occur in my dream but actually interacted with me and even comforted me which was so touchy and depressive at the same time ( plot twist: his behavior in my dream is an absurd thing in RL) but how must my dream state be that of all things HE must appear?! Currently i must be in such a desperate state

But i have hope my dear friends in about a week i take some time off from everything and going to visit a very very magical place where santa clause suppose to live hehe or rather the cool snow queen which is more accurate in my opinion! (-> the so called magical place is LAPPLAND)

Afterwards i truly hope to post less negative things and try to have more good experiences

I wish everyone nice holiday and a happy new year where all your resolutions as well as your dream and goals hopefully gonna come true!