Thread: Introduction + FA evolving into LD!

Hi there! I've been checking out this forum for a while but never registered. Thought I should start posting only when I started having LDs, so here I am!

A bit of background, for those of you who may bother reading:

I always had the craziest dreams since I was little, and there are some I still can recall immediately. Other ones come to my mind with a little effort, specially the nightmares (and they still give me the creeps when I remember, even after many years). There are a LOT of recurring dreams, and a LOT of places I dream of: although they exist in real life, they are different in my dreams, though in the dreams itself they are always the same. Confusing?

There's more to say about my dreaming, but let's get to the point: my first (?) LD. (It might be a long text, brace yourselves)

Since I was not gonna work today, I went to bed thinking I wouldn't have to wake up so early and realized: "this is the perfect opportunity. A change in the routine like this is certain to end up affecting my dreams (it always does)." So I gave myself that strong auto-suggestion (first time I was so sure of it): "yep, this is the day (night? )".

Went to bed at usual time. Woke up at usual time. This is some darn good biological clock I have! Unfortunately, it only works when I don't want it to.

However, I barely moved. Woke up, realized my brother was at the kitchen and thought "too early, let's get back to sleep". I thought of going to the bathroom, but my bed felt so good I decided I just didn't want THAT much to go. So I blacked out.

Next thing I know, I wake up by myself, go to the bathroom as usual. After washing my face (strange... why I don't feel the water cooling my hands?) I raise my body and look at the mirror, which is strangely deformed. I see a shadow behind me, reflected on the mirror. Although I can't see the face (the mirrors are distorted and bent downwards) due to the pajamas he is wearing I realize "It's my brother! What is he doing here? He wasn't here when I came in!"

For some reason, I panicked. My brother (at least his image on the mirror) was standing still, arms loose by the side of his body, facing me (still couldn't see his face). I don't turn around, instead, move the mirrors away (they are those bathroom mirrors, you know? Actually cabinet doors, I believe everybody has one of these in their homes). Then it comes to my mind: "I am dreaming", just WHAM and I know it. I put my hand over my mouth, pinch my nose and try to breath: nothing! I try it a little harder, and there! I am breathing. Breathing so hard I think "well, surely I am breathing hard on my bed now, everybody will hear". Using the same hand (how??) while still holding my nose and breathing hard I manage to open the door and dart out of the bathroom. All I want now is to wake up. All I need is help to wake up, because I was trying hard with no success.

I am on the corridor. Unlike my usual dreams, this time the house is not dark. The lights are not on, but the, hum, "luminosity" is correct for this time of the day. I let go of my nose and see my mom going to the other bathroom, down the same corridor. She also has her arms relaxed, body facing the (other) bathroom door, but she is looking at me with no facial expression. I tell her that I have to wake up, to which I have no answer. No change in her face. I am already in panic, now I start to get desperate. I "feel" that my dad is now up and leaving their room, which is now behind me. Now I don't know anymore if I was yelling or just thinking harder and harder: "I must wake up now!" I grab my mom's face, the thumb on one cheek, the other fingers on the other side. No reaction. "Sure she won't react. This is a dream!", I think. I start to (try to) squeeze her face. No movement. Although I am trying to tighten my grip, I can't move my hands. I can't feel anything, actually. Nothing but my sense of urgency. I then realize that I can't "force" myself to wake up. I relax (but don't move my hand) and stop trying so hard to wake up. Then I wake up, just like that.

Surely enough, I wake up half scared. I realize that now I can feel the touch of my bed sheets, feel again that I need to go to the bathroom, realize I feel hot under my blanket, God, how I'm sweating now. My dad comes to wake me up. I'm a little afraid of what I'm going to see, but I'm half convinced I'm awake. He comes, speaks to me and I answer. Look at his face: normal. A couple of RCs (nose-pinching and digial clock - three checks each! all passed!) I am now sure that I am awake. I get up, (half-)empty my bladder an tell my mom about it. I am shivering from head to toe, literally.

I spent the rest of the morning a bit "jumpy". Avoiding looking at mirrors, getting startled at every little everyday noise, feeling a bit numb. Scared, but satisfied with my lucidity and my semi-control.

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Whoa! That was huge! (but I told ya!) Maybe it would fit better on a dream journal, but anyway... I'll find out how to do it.

Posting it here because I want to discuss... I realized, during the course of the day, that on most of my FAs (and many of my not-so-good dreams, and some nightmares) my mother is somehow involved. Not exactly involved... she just appears, says nothing, does nothing. Sometimes she is hanging clothes to dry. Sometimes she just doesn't move (like this one). Why is that, I wonder? I have a great relationship with her, actually, with everybody at home. I just don't get it