My name is Ted im 19 years old, to be able to control ones dreams sounded like such a great thing to me since i dream almost every night and if i could do what i wanted seems very appealing but as i listen to youtubers talk about sleep paralysis i recalled this one time i was trying to fall asleep so i just layed there not moving trying to make my self fall asleep when eventually i decided to give up, i tried to get up only to realize i couldnt move... i began to panick, i thought i heard a whisper, there was an invisible struggle as i tried as hard as i could to move at all and i couldnt budge i thought the devil/a demon was holding me down all of a sudden my legs moved and i stood as fast as i could moving all my limbs and hurried to my parents room just to find comfort in their nearness, ive realized now many years later that i was just in sleep-paralysis. and i also heard dreams can be fake memories and i have 2 childhood "dreams/nightmares/memories" that are more vivid in my mind than any other recollection of my past, i feel these might be lucid dreams

im now scared of the whole thing... ive written 'ichiban' on my hand which is japanese for the best or number one and i keep staring at it to make sure im awake cuz now im afraid to go to sleep... im not usually an emotional guy but all these experiences have been some of the scariest of my life and as i type this tears well up in my eyes just thinking of my childhood nightmares that i can almost recall every part of...

a big part of me is conquering obstacles and seeing myself as the hero in some story beating the bad guy so i want to beat this lucid dream thing and be scared no more, but i cant try it as i type this cuz even as i walk around my house awake im scared to open doors cuz i feel the devil character from my childhood dreams is going to be standing right on the other side

i know that i shouldnt be scared ive been awake for a long time, i got of the night shift of my job and im just sitting here letting my mind run away with itself

but as the sun rises and the noises of early morning life i feel better already im gunna yolo this shit and im going to try sleep paralysis right now for the first time intentionally

wish me luck

,your new dream pal
ted