Hi everyone!

I discovered lucid dreaming two years ago, haven't took them seriously for a while, by the way. Well, something about myself and why lucid dreams are important to me:

I'm 18 years old (19 in 4 days!) and I started to study physics at university this September. I aslo started to take psychotherapy sessions because I'm full of social anxiety and paranoia, particularly about my field of study.
Within a month I've discovered a lot about me and my insane relationship with maths and physics (and a lot of other stuff), and so I've decided to drop out school this year to take time to really understand myself and what I want to do in life, while doing a random job just because of money.
I've resumed a lot of course, but that's because I think you're more interested in the part about lucid dreaming I usually have one spontaneus (DILD) lucid dream every two weeks, but my ability to control the dream is very low, and so while lucid I just try to discover dark areas of my mind. I actually don't know how to analyze dreams, so I just rely on my intuition.

My lucid dreams have always been very gloomy and dark, in my first ones I was always followed by some sorts of immaterial and invisible beings, this summer I was in a forest and a deep voice said me that I was forcing my self to love physics (and how right it was). In my second-last lucid dream I was lying over a shadow and I asked the dream to show me my real fears, and it showed me I was afraid to be killed. This made me understand that my fears tend to be exagerated, infact for some reasons (maybe genetics) I tend to become too much emotionally involved with little things.
In my last one I tried to have sex, but the dream didn't allowed me. I think that's because I discovered recently that some forms of spirituality I got into where just a compensation system, and so it wouldn't allow me to use dreming as another escape from reality (so no sex actually )

On the other hand lucid dreaming also offered me a way to expierence profound ecstasy: this September I was on the backdrop of a waterstream and I experienced a sort of ego softening. I become one with the water until I was nothing but colorful waves.

Thanks for reading