Thread: Bullying you could say.

Originally Posted by Marvo

Man, I was probably one of the nerdiest kids in my class and I didn't get bullied very much at all. Usually if somebody tried anything, I'd just fight them. My older brother got taunted a lot by a classmate and he simply beat the guy up, which made him back off. I don't see the problem with beating up bullies at all. Sure, you could argue that respect is better than fear, but it's not like you want the respect of bullies in the first place. Screw them.

I wasn't talking about the bully losing respect. He doesn't matter. I was talking about the loss of respect one will incur if other people sees him getting bullied.

Originally Posted by Black_Eagle

I wasn't talking about the bully losing respect. He doesn't matter. I was talking about the loss of respect one will incur if other people sees him getting bullied.

Personally I wouldn't lose respect for somebody who beats up a bully.

Originally Posted by Marvo

Personally I wouldn't lose respect for somebody who beats up a bully.

Yeah... I'm saying you would gain respect if you defended yourself and lose respect if you allow yourself to be bullied.

Originally Posted by Black_Eagle

Yeah... I'm saying you would gain respect if you defended yourself and lose respect if you allow yourself to be bullied.

Ah ok, guess we agree then

Originally Posted by Philosopher8659

It depends upon the psychological make up of the individual involved. You are, after all, trying to teach. On the cowardly type, smacking them usually helps very well, however, on the macho type, embarassment works wonders. For the angry type, ignoring them is a frustration they cannot endure.

You have to remember, you are not responding to unjust acts, but human psychology. The response is measured to that.

You will find that you have to learn this even to raise children--you can only teach them with what they respond to. Most will tell you that this type or that type of response is good or bad, but they are not addressing the problem--

I can't believe I'm saying this, but, I agree with Philosopher on this one.

So did you beat him up or what?

I, too, agree with Philosopher. But it's easier said than done. Especially in this time of overcrowded schools and apathetic teachers.

I had typical bullies throughout my school life. In middle school, I was pushed down the stairs, thrown against lockers, mocked, you name it. Then a rumor was started that I was a Witch. I started carrying a rune pouch on my hip and a Bible with my books (yeah, yeah, I know) and slowly the bullying stopped. (In one school, a huge black boy took it upon himself to unofficially guard me, he'd just walk beside me and I don't think I ever learned his name).
Anyhow... people started fearing I would curse or bewitch them or something It was wonderful lol

Then I got to highschool. People still left me alone, for the most part. But one girl always stuck gum in my hair or on my clothes in Math class. Rumors of a different sort were flying and the emotionally abuse began. I was meek, horribly shy and TINY for my age. Everyone accused me of being anorexic or being addicted to drugs, having cancer, having AIDS. I eventually dropped out during my 11th year. (Not a course I recommend).


Now my daughters are being bullied. But the playing field has changed since I was a kid. The kids now operate in gangs. I don't know how to handle that sort of thing.

I never really stood up for myself. But in the 9th grade, I had a gay friend and some giant of a guy started harassing him during lunch. It was getting bad and I stood up to the punk and told him off. The giant walked away and never bothered my friend again. I think he was more shocked than anything. I weighted all of about 80 pounds. I had no trouble defending others.
But now I'm an adult. What do I do for my kids?

I went to the cops and filed a complaint against one girl who was hounding my 13 year old daughter. But they don't have daily dealings. My 14 year old has to ride the bus with her bullies.
So, we're moving... back to the country, 45 minutes away from civilization.
That's not an option everyone has.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I, too, agree with Philosopher. But it's easier said than done. Especially in this time of overcrowded schools and apathetic teachers.

I had typical bullies throughout my school life. In middle school, I was pushed down the stairs, thrown against lockers, mocked, you name it. Then a rumor was started that I was a Witch. I started carrying a rune pouch on my hip and a Bible with my books (yeah, yeah, I know) and slowly the bullying stopped. (In one school, a huge black boy took it upon himself to unofficially guard me, he'd just walk beside me and I don't think I ever learned his name).
Anyhow... people started fearing I would curse or bewitch them or something It was wonderful lol

Then I got to highschool. People still left me alone, for the most part. But one girl always stuck gum in my hair or on my clothes in Math class. Rumors of a different sort were flying and the emotionally abuse began. I was meek, horribly shy and TINY for my age. Everyone accused me of being anorexic or being addicted to drugs, having cancer, having AIDS. I eventually dropped out during my 11th year. (Not a course I recommend).


Now my daughters are being bullied. But the playing field has changed since I was a kid. The kids now operate in gangs. I don't know how to handle that sort of thing.

I never really stood up for myself. But in the 9th grade, I had a gay friend and some giant of a guy started harassing him during lunch. It was getting bad and I stood up to the punk and told him off. The giant walked away and never bothered my friend again. I think he was more shocked than anything. I weighted all of about 80 pounds. I had no trouble defending others.
But now I'm an adult. What do I do for my kids?

I went to the cops and filed a complaint against one girl who was hounding my 13 year old daughter. But they don't have daily dealings. My 14 year old has to ride the bus with her bullies.
So, we're moving... back to the country, 45 minutes away from civilization.
That's not an option everyone has.

A good thing is that you know about the situation and have helped your children Some people are too scared to tell your parents, shame really...

Originally Posted by Siиdяed

I remember the 30 year old guys smoking cigars were always the biggest jerks in my grade 8 class.

Erm, f_ck bullies.

Originally Posted by Black_Eagle

Yeah... I'm saying you would gain respect if you defended yourself and lose respect if you allow yourself to be bullied.

Good point.

If the bullying stays verbal, lash back verbally, and make it look like you are enjoying doing it. Hit hard with it. You can look up good insults/cut downs on the internet, and choose your favorites. Yelling, "No, I don't want to date you!" and then walking past a group of people and saying, "He keeps begging me to have sex with him," is a good one. However, don't act like you enjoy being bullied. Just put on your best poker face for your immediate reactions to that. Don't ever act emotionally wounded, no matter how bad you feel. Acting wounded invites more bullying. If the bullying ever gets physical, warn him that you swear to God you are about to have to fight if he does it again, and look like you damn well mean it. Watch some Al Pacino gangster movies and practice the look.

If he still keeps up the physical bullying after you have warned him, hit the son of a bitch in the face as hard and rapidly as you can until he seems like he won't hurt you. At that point, nothing else will work. Nobody has any business touching you to bully you. Even just pushing is a violation of your rights, and you have a right to defend yourself against it. Even if you lose the fight, you will make yourself appear as a MUCH more difficult target, and you will have a lot more social support. Fighting back against a known bully can quadruple your popularity. What happened to Daniel at school after he fought Johnny the first time in The Karate Kid is not how things really work. Daniel would have had immediate respect in real life.

If you deal with a gang that gets physical with you, it might be time to turn to a group to protect you. If it's a punk gang, they will probably leave you alone once you file assault charges, the police show up at their houses, and their shitty parents (which I guarantee you they have) get subpoenaed to court because they are being sued. The sorry parents will suddenly start to care about how bad their kids suck and will most likely act accordingly. If you are dealing with a much more powerful gang (I really don't think you will ever get to that point, but I am saying this any way because I want to cover all bases.), you might have to turn to an even more powerful gang and hire them to protect you. Do you know any Italians who own restaurants or night clubs? They usually can at least talk to the right people. Again, I am just saying that because this advice is for everybody.

Remember... Don't ever act emotionally wounded. That is the #1 rule.

Good luck. Please come back here later and let us know what ended up happening. We're rooting for you!

In considering your response, think about whether you want to play their game, and how good you want to get at it. As someone who responded to really minor bullying (like you describe) by becoming a horrendous bully for a couple years, I can tell you that the latter hurt more than the former once it caught up with me.

Originally Posted by Universal Mind

Fighting back against a known bully can quadruple your popularity. What happened to Daniel at school after he fought Johnny the first time in The Karate Kid is not how things really work. Daniel would have had immediate respect in real life.

This is true. I once lashed out at a kid who was bugging me on the bus one day and before I knew it people were greeting me by name and shaking my hand.

Originally Posted by Mark75

I remember the 30 year old guys smoking cigars were always the biggest jerks in my grade 8 class.

Ouch....Most of the Brat Pack were overaged it just that Judd was the oldest. If you want old look at Alan Ruck as Cameron Frye in Ferris Bueller's day off.

Here...Alan Ruck - IMDb



Edit: Nevermind there is only a 3 year difference between Alan and Judd. Judd was old then.

Everyone who said don't show emotion is correct. If it's verbal bullying or pushing etc.
Worked for me like a charm, but I just did it naturally because I really thought they were morons and they didn't scare me.

If it gets physical, just fight as hard as you can, if they go to push you hard next time, move quickly out of the way and trip them over by pushing their back and kicking their heel or alternatively the top of both their feet. Watch some martial arts on youtube, it won't help you when you're older, but young kids don't know how to (and don't really want to) fight and some simple tips can help a lot.

If you sit there telling teachers, and they do jack all about it continuously, which is usually the case. Or they hoard his ass from class and state that he was bullying you, to which you are accompanied by a look which says "I'm gonna kill you tomorrow" and a fake smile; then deck him. If you aren't the type of guy to make trouble unnecessarily, then I suggest not taking it from him. But unfortunately it could just cause a scene, and you being the topic of conversation for the next week at school.