Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I'd like to point out that this post isn't actually very long. About 80% of the apparent longness is due to quotes.

I am feeling better now. I am realising that I've not been using my mind nearly enough. I haven't been doing school work or thinking about anything that .. well.. requires a lot of intellect. I think I'll try to do that. It's something that might free me from this, from focusing on my own emotions at all, being interested by something that doesn't have to do with them. I'd sincerely like to thank everyone who has responded. Zhaylin, Alyzarin, Pensive Patrick, OpheliaBlue, Darkmatters, labyrint and khh. Seriously, I feel so much better now and it is because of this thread. Well it's because of a change I've provoked in my own thoughts, but that's been initiated in this thread.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

OK, my sincerest apologies for sounding patronising. I really hope you get better

No, my apologies. I was in a terrible mood, and I'm sorry for sounding angry.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

I wouldn't call that teenage angst either, mainly for the obvious reason that you're not a teenager.

lol.. good point.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

That's when I try to shut it down and remember how far I have come in the last decade or so. (bad husband > another bad husband > single mom living with alcoholic mom > single mom living with alcoholic abusive boyfriend > battered women's shelter > single mom on my own > best boyfriend ever in a house with good jobs).

Wow, everytime I go through that little timeline, I feel loads better. I wish everyone could have a timeline that finally gets happy like that, but I guess some of y'all are still stuck in the middle parts. I feel for you.

That's the first I've heard of your timeline. It sounds like you've been through a lot, I'm glad you're happy with where you are now.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

That's one of the big reasons I started doing them, I just had to know how they felt. Psychedelics are nice, if you do them in the right frame of mind they won't harm you. Other than those and weed there's not a lot I can really recommend in good conscious, except for some basic legal relaxant herbs (they're not as strong as the illegal drugs, which kinda makes sense). Things like catnip, kava kava, kanna, wild dagga, skullcap, blue lotus.... Those are pretty harmless, and can be ordered online safely. (I think I might order some myself in a minute. >_>) But my point is, I can definitely understand the curiosity.

A few pages ago was the first time I'd ever heard that it's possible for humans to get high on catnip. Unless that's slang for something else and you don't mean actual catnip..

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

It's okay, if you feel you have learned these lessons and just forgotten them then they're not gone from your mind, they're just suppressed by depression. It sounds to me like you're not behind in anything, you're just talking yourself down because you're in a negative state of mind. I hope your walk goes well, just try to remember that you were happy not even that long ago, and you will be again even if it doesn't seem like it right now. That's just how depression works. :/ Also, you should never feel bad for venting, this thread is great. The reason I posted that long string of questions last night (about life and machines and whatnot) was because I was depressed at the beginning of it but half way through I started feeling better just typing some of it up, and by then end I was just distracted and interested in keeping the thought flow going. I love this place.

Thank you. Upon reflection that is probably a more accurate way of looking at it.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Well, it is a good poem. Why did you take it down?

It sounded good to me, but I felt so strange, I feared that it would be one of those things that I realise in a few days sounds terrible and am embarrassed about posting, so I thought I'd wait until I'm more mentally normal.

Originally Posted by khh

Yeah, it sucks when you start feeling like that. But it seems to me that's just a basic property of depression. You start feeling bad, you start having problems paying attention and getting things done, and you start feeling stupid.

You are probably right, thank you.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Dianeva, have you had yourself diagnosed for clinical depression? The symptoms you describe sound like that's what you've got, and it's a serious illness that should be treated, just like any other illness. It's not just sadness (in spite of what a lot of people say who don't know about it). Take a look at a checklist and see if this seems to fit:

If so then you should research online - there's a lot of info available. You should talk to your parents about getting an evaluation to see if that's what it is. If it is you should get some kind of treatment. Left untreated depression takes a terrible toll.

Thanks for the suggestion. I am experiencing most of those symptoms, but, well I don't know if I have 'clinical depression', but whatever I do have, I feel it can be treated without resorting to medication. Controlling my thoughts, psychologically analysing myself, etc. seem to make me feel better, so it seems I just need to work on perfecting that. Also, it comes and goes. I just experienced it for about 3 days and have now broken out of it, I think. If it were going on nonstop for a month or something then I would seek medication.

Originally Posted by labyrint

That's like so my septemper - octoper and some rare festive parties after that.. to contradict and flipsidingly prove my complaint not totally true

Apart from the Opera Singer, more like Revye'e (or how the heck it's written) singer, clown and woodoishtic actor (so i can't give credit to only myself)

Heeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... what?

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Yes and yes. I too drink alone to stifle boredom, or just to cope with the sheer mundane things in life. Isn't it odd that routine, what makes some people happy and content, to the point where they depend on it.. but I.. oh Christ.. I have to have wine before I can even contemplate the thought of doing the dishes. Daily chores. I want to rip my hair out.

On the flip side, when I hanging out with friends, the drinking just amplifies it and makes it more fun. But I've always been a bit of a social butterfly.. I can see how perhaps someone who is more shy might be uncomfortable drinking around others. Especially if it opens you up too much too soon and lowers inhibitions when you're not ready. I on the other hand, love to get drunk around others, and nearly always become the center of attention. But I'm narcissistic. And a former opera singer. I was meant for the stage.

Yeah, I can certainly understand wanting to drink around others, it's just not for me. I prefer stimulants with company. I have a friend who happens to have an eccentric personality strangely similar to mine, so we would always end up getting really sped out and rambling to each other for hours until we weren't even sure what we were talking about anymore, and another friend and I often would take ecstasy and then go to the mall and tell random people how wonderful ecstasy is.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I am feeling better now. I am realising that I've not been using my mind nearly enough. I haven't been doing school work or thinking about anything that .. well.. requires a lot of intellect. I think I'll try to do that. It's something that might free me from this, from focusing on my own emotions at all, being interested by something that doesn't have to do with them. I'd sincerely like to thank everyone who has responded. Zhaylin, Alyzarin, Pensive Patrick, OpheliaBlue, Darkmatters, labyrint and khh. Seriously, I feel so much better now and it is because of this thread. Well it's because of a change I've provoked in my own thoughts, but that's been initiated in this thread.

Happy to help, as always. I'm glad you're feeling better.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

A few pages ago was the first time I'd ever heard that it's possible for humans to get high on catnip. Unless that's slang for something else and you don't mean actual catnip..

Nope, I actually do mean catnip. I just get the actual plant, treated well. It's not a strong high by any means, but it is relaxing. All the plants I mentioned are technically things you'd put on more of the level than a buzz than an actual high, unless you do them in excess.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Thank you. Upon reflection that is probably a more accurate way of looking at it.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

It sounded good to me, but I felt so strange, I feared that it would be one of those things that I realise in a few days sounds terrible and am embarrassed about posting, so I thought I'd wait until I'm more mentally normal.

Ah, I understand. Well, I'd love to hear it if you decide to re-upload it at some point.

(damned) ninja'ed (why won't you stay away)

EDIT: to quote this:

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Heeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... what?

i really hope those of my reallife friends taking part on that period do remember that crazyness and not be sorry for my shudden shift inwards

Sorry to turn this depressed place (hehhee) into social blatter, but I've had a glass of Irish Coffee and one pint beer, so it might have an effect on my flow

For a long time this felt like I night for drunkeness for a long time. But I'm away from home and my friends here have all the lame responcibilities + if I wouldn't have stopped there I might not have this roof above my head. (counts a lot when there is over -20 celcius outside)

EDIT: it took like 3 hours to drink them, so i can't really understand where the typoes are coming. They are so unlike me. Guess I blame the bar being Irish

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

@khh *steps in*
Just for the record, the class of drugs known as depressants are not called that because they make you depressed, they're called that because they reduce function in (depress) your central nervous system. It's the same reasons stimulants are called stimulants, because they stimulate the central nervous system. Depressants more often than not actually make you pretty happy.

I know that. I meant to say that alcohol makes me depressed :p I'm sure other depressants would be fun, though I've only tried some benzos (they felt great, though).

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Yes and yes. I too drink alone to stifle boredom, or just to cope with the sheer mundane things in life. Isn't it odd that routine, what makes some people happy and content, to the point where they depend on it.. but I.. oh Christ.. I have to have wine before I can even contemplate the thought of doing the dishes. Daily chores. I want to rip my hair out.

The cost of drinking (hangover and monetary) outweighs the boredom for me.

Drinking alone is usually terrible. But whether drinking or not, after a few hours of intense social interaction I'll usually get incredibly depressed and need to withdraw completely.

Originally Posted by labyrint

remember that crazyness

Lol that craziness is why I sometimes - entirely in a good-natured and friendly way - refer to you as LabRat.

I suspect there were chemicals involved in making you the way you are now - and maybe a maze. Yes, probably a maze.

Originally Posted by labyrint

Sorry to turn this depressed place (hehhee) into social blatter, but I've had a glass of Irish Coffee and one pint beer, so it might have an effect on my flow

God forbid if your posts became incomprehensible!

No, the problems start when his posts start to become comprehensible!! That's when you know you're in trouble!!

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Lol that craziness is why I sometimes - entirely in a good-natured and friendly way - refer to you as LabRat.

I suspect there were chemicals involved in making you the way you are now - and maybe a maze. Yes, probably a maze.

It was a game of civilization and loas you are referring to

or rathack or hatrack

EDIT: and I forbid you of liking me till we get some concensus to rep system. I'm so gonna regret this next morning in the Adding reputation troll thread, oh sorry,, you mean that they are serious there

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Yeah, I can certainly understand wanting to drink around others, it's just not for me. I prefer stimulants with company. I have a friend who happens to have an eccentric personality strangely similar to mine, so we would always end up getting really sped out and rambling to each other for hours until we weren't even sure what we were talking about anymore, and another friend and I often would take ecstasy and then go to the mall and tell random people how wonderful ecstasy is.

Never tried any stimulants. But aren't most of those crazy addictive?

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Nope, I actually do mean catnip. I just get the actual plant, treated well. It's not a strong high by any means, but it is relaxing. All the plants I mentioned are technically things you'd put on more of the level than a buzz than an actual high, unless you do them in excess.

From what I've heard, the buzz you can get from those is barely felt.

Why is it so damn hard to gain weight? I'm up to 6 meals a day plus snacks and I still can't gain a single pound. I've been working out as well but I'm not really seeing any difference (although I feel much stronger than I did before I started).

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Not that say, wine is better for you, it's just easier to get.

Except Dianeva lives in Vancouver, where there's a stoner within 15 feet of of you at all times and high quality marijuana is dirt cheap.

@ Dianeva: You could probably get a dime bag of marijuana at a bus stop or near a medical dispensary (I think Vancouver has a few). It's not really a good idea to get high when your in a bad mood though, if you want to try smoking for recreational use, it's best to get high when you're already feeling good.

Originally Posted by khh

Never tried any stimulants. But aren't most of those crazy addictive?

So are most depressants. It depends on your personality, though. Ecstasy isn't addictive in the way that for instance speed or heroin are though, it's just insanely fun. But ecstasy isn't technically a stimulant either, by chemical process, it's just easier to group it into that category.

Originally Posted by khh

From what I've heard, the buzz you can get from those is barely felt.

They're doable, you just have to make sure you get good quality stuff and don't give up when you're not blazed after a single bowl. I've used several herbs myself, with blue lotus being my favorite. At high doses it's actually incredibly relaxing and stoning in a unique way.

Originally Posted by GavinGill

Except Dianeva lives in Vancouver, where there's a stoner within 15 feet of of you at all times and high quality marijuana is dirt cheap.

@ Dianeva: You could probably get a dime bag of marijuana at a bus stop or near a medical dispensary (I'm think Vancouver has a few). It's not really a good idea to get high when your in a bad mood though, if you want to try smoking for recreational use, it's best to get high when you're already feeling good.

Yeah, I know, however, I don't know how to get it. It may be practically legal but it's still underground in a sense. I just wouldn't know where to go, who to ask. You mention but stops but, well, I pass those all the time and never see anyone with "BUY WEED HERE" signs. Whatever the secret cues are, I don't know them.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

So are most depressants. It depends on your personality, though. Ecstasy isn't addictive in the way that for instance speed or heroin are though, it's just insanely fun. But ecstasy isn't technically a stimulant either, by chemical process, it's just easier to group it into that category.

Ecstasy is dangerous in another way. It makes you feel very good, right? Well, that's gonna be addictive :p
Besides, I've always imagined that as a drug that needs a very special setting. And the right people.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

They're doable, you just have to make sure you get good quality stuff and don't give up when you're not blazed after a single bowl. I've used several herbs myself, with blue lotus being my favorite. At high doses it's actually incredibly relaxing and stoning in a unique way.

Well, personally I don't much like smoking, so :p

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Yeah, I know, however, I don't know how to get it. It may be practically legal but it's still underground in a sense. I just wouldn't know where to go, who to ask. You mention but stops but, well, I pass those all the time and never see anyone with "BUY WEED HERE" signs. Whatever the secret cues are, I don't know them.

Pretty much the best way I know is to just already know someone who clearly smokes, and ask them about it. You don't generally just go straight to looking for dealers or anything.

Originally Posted by khh

Ecstasy is dangerous in another way. It makes you feel very good, right? Well, that's gonna be addictive :p
Besides, I've always imagined that as a drug that needs a very special setting. And the right people.

Yes, but it's not damaging and it builds tolerance fast, so if you use it too much it won't last long. It does require a good setting and/or good friends, though.

Originally Posted by khh

Well, personally I don't much like smoking, so :p

Well you can always use the herbs to make tea, too!

Ok, I take something back.. weed never causes anykind ov depression if it hasn't had time to make you passive in the wrong life situation. And if it has it's not weeds blame.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Lol that craziness is why I sometimes - entirely in a good-natured and friendly way - refer to you as LabRat.

I suspect there were chemicals involved in making you the way you are now - and maybe a maze. Yes, probably a maze.

Haha ok I thought it was just me.

I have a feeling that Labyrint is trying to communicate something, but it's getting lost in translation. I feel like he's from another country and using an online translator to make the posts. I don't mean that in a bad way, that's just kinda how it sounds.

I about shit my pants laughing when I read the septemper/octoper post. I had to do a reality check, thought it was one of those device malfunction things.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Pretty much the best way I know is to just already know someone who clearly smokes, and ask them about it. You don't generally just go straight to looking for dealers or anything.

What if you don't know anyone who smokes >.<

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Yes, but it's not damaging and it builds tolerance fast, so if you use it too much it won't last long. It does require a good setting and/or good friends, though.

Are you sure about that? I do believe the claims of it's dangers are heavily exaggerated, but I would still be very careful about a chemical like that. And you can't use it too often, your body needs to recharge.

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Well you can always use the herbs to make tea, too!

I guess that's true :p

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Haha ok I thought it was just me.

I have a feeling that Labyrint is trying to communicate something, but it's getting lost in translation. I feel like he's from another country and using an online translator to make the posts. I don't mean that in a bad way, that's just kinda how it sounds.

I about shit my pants laughing when I read the septemper/octoper post. I had to do a reality check, thought it was one of those device malfunction things.

I kind of gave up wondering, you just get used to it after a while.

Originally Posted by khh

What if you don't know anyone who smokes >.<

Then I guess you're out of luck!

Originally Posted by khh

Are you sure about that? I do believe the claims of it's dangers are heavily exaggerated, but I would still be very careful about a chemical like that. And you can't use it too often, your body needs to recharge.

I'm pretty sure, as long as you're using safe (i.e., non-ridiculous) doses. More recent studies have even been saying that it's less damaging than the sleep deprivation that generally goes along with staying at the club all night. Your body does need to recharge, but after a while it will have and you'll be back to normal. Heck, they even realized not that long ago that in high (lethal) doses it fights cancer cells, so they used it to start looking for new anti-cancer agents!

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Haha ok I thought it was just me.

I have a feeling that Labyrint is trying to communicate something, but it's getting lost in translation. I feel like he's from another country planet and using an online translator to make the posts. I don't mean that in a bad way, that's just kinda how it sounds.

I about shit my pants laughing when I read the septemper/octoper post. I had to do a reality check, thought it was one of those device malfunction things.

Fixed.

I'm just messing with you Labrynt! Hope you don't take it the wrong way.


I used to wonder about that, but just recently he made a post where he said he likes to use language creatively, and that when he wants to he can make perfect sense - and he proceeded to do so!

So, there may be some translation difficulties, but I suspect for the most part he's just being poetic/artistic for creativity's sake. It can infuse his posts with lots of extra meanings (most of them leading nowhere, like most turnings you take in a labyrinth/maze). And sometimes, if you're able to read through the tangled surface, there's depth and meaning hidden in there. it's just hard to see it.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

As I said, I couldn't get them anyway. I have no friends and am not the type to hang out in alleyways or however people get their dealers.

I honestly don't think anyone actually ever picks up their drugs in an alleyway lol

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

Nope, I actually do mean catnip. I just get the actual plant, treated well. It's not a strong high by any means, but it is relaxing. All the plants I mentioned are technically things you'd put on more of the level than a buzz than an actual high, unless you do them in excess.

Ah, catnip smokers....
Personally, I leave my cat's weed alone and she leaves mine alone
Except she did tip over a plant I was growing once....
So I got her back by trying some of hers.

Originally Posted by khh

Are you sure about that? I do believe the claims of it's dangers are heavily exaggerated, but I would still be very careful about a chemical like that. And you can't use it too often, your body needs to recharge.

Yeah, that's the point lol It won't do anything after a while. Of course there will always be people who just keep taking more and more, and do like 20 pills at a time, but.... you know, that's taking it to the extreme.
For general use by people above retarded on the IQ scale, it's very safe.

Wassupp. lol