Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Freaking bad luck this week. Biology midterm tomorrow, my bicycle's back gear chain GETS STUCK. I DECIDE NOT TO WEAR A JACKET IN THIS COLD WEATHER AND WEAR SHORTS!$! WTH IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?

Gear stains mixed with blood on my hands trying to fix the chain, this night could not get any fucking worse. I hope I lucid dream. If not, oh well...story of my life....

I've been recovering- still exhausted. Well, except for tonight
I made another dietary mistake this morning and bought 2 sausage, egg and cheese Tornado's (it's sort of like a long and slender egg roll) from a local gas station/convenience store. I ate 2 of them right before my bedtime at 9AM. I woke up by 10 in severe pain. On the 0-10 pain scale, I was at an almost constant 7/8 with several jaunts into 9.
I took my daughter's hydrocodone script to Walmart to fill at around noon. I've been awake ever since. Aren't those things supposed to make you sleepy? I only took 2- spaced 4 hours apart. My pain is finally gone though.

Pain-wise, that was the worst attack ever. But the worst of it was over by the time I went to the store so it was also one of the most short-lived attacks.
I threw away the script info at a gas station and when I got home, I transferred the meds to an old vitamin bottle and buried the original in a bag of trash which I then took out. I wasn't going to fill it at all because my daughter has a bit of a drug problem (and what she doesn't use she shares or sells ) Now I have to worry about keeping them hidden.

There's a lot more internal drama going on but I'll save it for another time.

to all who need them

ANOTHER fucking failed attempt to WILD in the afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!??!?!?!?!?!? ARQWGFUHWEGIWEJG L:SEJGPOE
WT#@ t3T4Y\
AE
RB

Now I've had shit all sleep in the morning and still didn't LD, let alone fall asleep in the afternoon. There is no emoticon to express what I'm feeling right now....

I've only slept a little under 4 hours tonight... And now I'm going swimming, and then later I have... some other stuff. Gah.

Originally Posted by tommo

ANOTHER fucking failed attempt to WILD in the afternoon.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!??!?!?!?!?!? ARQWGFUHWEGIWEJG L:SEJGPOE
WT#@ t3T4Y\
AE
RB

Now I've had shit all sleep in the morning and still didn't LD, let alone fall asleep in the afternoon. There is no emoticon to express what I'm feeling right now....

I have a cold (snotty nose, achey eyes, not too much energy) and yet I can't sleep. I just want to work on my reel and apply for jobs, so I can get the fuck out of here and finally HAVE A FUCKING LIFE... Which is ironic, because I've been procrastinating a lot, and only now am I really in a working streak, while I'm physically and mentally unable to. I can't wait any longer. I just can't. I want this cold to go away as soon as possible. In the meantime, there's nothing else to do with myself, nothing I want to do besides work.

Why am I so god damn pathetic?

- Wake up at 11:30, when class started at 10:30. Apparently I turned off my alarm clock while half asleep.
- Get to school with 30 mins of class left. It's a Computer Science lab which I have no time to do so I have to finish it at home. And quickly, because I also have another long assignment due on Sunday that I need to work on.
- Spend 2 hours after getting home on DV
- Finally open the programming lab assignment to start it. So far I've managed to open up the program and spend about 30 seconds on it before being drawn to DV again.
- This happens every day and is ruining my life. When it wasn't DV it was something else: a game, youtube...

When did my willpower get so terrible? I feel so weak and stupid.

There were some people at my place. We were having a great time. The girl I (not as secretly as I would like it to be) love came over and sat on my lap, reading aloud from a book. I was happy. Then she finished reading and returned to the sofa. A guy played some random youtube videos. The mood in the room sank. The girl decided to leave. Everyone decided to leave.

I feel very alone now.

Saw my psychiatrist today. Can't decrease my anti-depressant dosage. No more vivid dreams for me.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Why am I so god damn pathetic?

- Wake up at 11:30, when class started at 10:30. Apparently I turned off my alarm clock while half asleep.
- Get to school with 30 mins of class left. It's a Computer Science lab which I have no time to do so I have to finish it at home. And quickly, because I also have another long assignment due on Sunday that I need to work on.
- Spend 2 hours after getting home on DV
- Finally open the programming lab assignment to start it. So far I've managed to open up the program and spend about 30 seconds on it before being drawn to DV again.
- This happens every day and is ruining my life. When it wasn't DV it was something else: a game, youtube...

When did my willpower get so terrible? I feel so weak and stupid.

Originally Posted by khh

There were some people at my place. We were having a great time. The girl I (not as secretly as I would like it to be) love came over and sat on my lap, reading aloud from a book. I was happy. Then she finished reading and returned to the sofa. A guy played some random youtube videos. The mood in the room sank. The girl decided to leave. Everyone decided to leave.

I feel very alone now.

Originally Posted by Quantiq

Saw my psychiatrist today. Can't decrease my anti-depressant dosage. No more vivid dreams for me.

You all have the same problem. Balls!

Dianeva, dw everyone does it I think. You just have to set specific times for when you will work and then go on DV to rest afterward, or in between another set time to work.
Do not falter (it's not spelled faulter? wtf?) from these times. Also, get some balls and fight your desire for instant gratification - entertainment from DV.

khh, grow some balls and talk to that girl! When the guy started watching youtube videos, you should have gone and talked to the girl. She got off your lap to
see if you would chase her! DW, I have done that same thing! Without the reading or youtube videos of course. But I assumed just because the girl got off my lap
that she had lost interest! She was only doing it to see if I had interest.

quantiq, Grow some mother fucking balls and tell your psychiatrist to go fuck herself! If you want off your anti-depressants, DO IT!
And tell her to take that shit herself!

On a serious note, why "can't" you some off them? That's bullshit, it's your decision.
My dreams were very odd when I took them too. I'd literally spend all night in these bare, dull dreams. Like one memorable one was sitting at school, doing absolutely nothing the entire time.
Horrible drugs they are. I think the dreams reflect the way you are feeling about RL while on those drugs, if you think about it.

I wish my dog could like, walk up and pick shit up for me...imagine how great that'd be.

Originally Posted by Erii

I wish my dog could like, walk up and pick shit up for me...imagine how great that'd be.

I will NEVER run out of Game of Thrones clips to post on here whenever any loosely related subject is mentioned.

I'm soooo tired. DV must be one hell of a drug if it can keep me here while I want to sleep so badly. Alright. Starting tomorrow. Willpower. Yes. You'll see, you'll all see!

Good luck Dianeva as for me I'm staying up till dawn so I can see the meteor shower. My sleep schedule will be totally fucked for a couple days but what else is new.

The weekend is never long enough

Originally Posted by stormcrow

Good luck Dianeva as for me I'm staying up till dawn so I can see the meteor shower. My sleep schedule will be totally fucked for a couple days but what else is new.

Well done! Hopefully it's still visible tonight here as well, there's no clouds tonight! The two best days were cloud central.

Originally Posted by fOrceez

The weekend is never long enough

haha, too true, I have like a 4 day weekend every week and it's still not long enough!

Going to drink in Winnipeg tonight, yay!

But I'm worried about my toe :/ I need to go see a doctor, which Imma do on Monday, but I dunno how its gonna hold up tonight. Especially since, when it bleeds, it bleeds through my freaking sock -.-

Originally Posted by tommo

You all have the same problem. Balls!

khh, grow some balls and talk to that girl! When the guy started watching youtube videos, you should have gone and talked to the girl. She got off your lap to
see if you would chase her! DW, I have done that same thing! Without the reading or youtube videos of course. But I assumed just because the girl got off my lap
that she had lost interest! She was only doing it to see if I had interest.

It's not really quite that simple, I think. I've known her for almost a year. But sure, growing some balls would probably be helpful. Too bad I don't have the balls to do that

Originally Posted by tommo

Well done! Hopefully it's still visible tonight here as well, there's no clouds tonight! The two best days were cloud central.

You know that feeling you get when you stay up all night to see the meteor shower but you didn't see anything because you live in the city?

Had a vivid lucid dream this early morning. I made sure I got at least 5 hours of sleep. I go inside women's restroom because I figured if most dream characters that stood out were blonde females, I could meet my dream guide.

So happens the lady inside the bathroom is a blonde, I asked her, "Are you my dream guide?" She replies, "Yesssss " She isn't lifeless like the other DCs. I asked her "How?"

She asks me in a cute voice that was trying to act like a child, "You want me to go into your mind???? ))" and BAM her eyes start bulging out. I wasn't even scared, I said "Woah woah hold on hold on!"

But noooooooo, you just have to SHUT OFF MY LUCIDITY TO PROVE A POINT?!?!

WHY YOU NO LET ME STAY LUCID SO I TALK TO YOU POTENTIAL DREAM GUIDE>! 1245!@^@^#$#@%@#^ F!!! I spent all that time prepping to sleep just to meet you and you do that to me. WHERE IS THE LOVVVVVVVVVVVE?!!?

Welllllll..... Went to Winnipeg. Got sick. when home -.- Then wok up with no ride back to my house. Thank god I found someone, lol.

I feel sick and anxious

Originally Posted by Erii

I feel sick and anxious

I felt the same last night. Remembering that no matter what happens it'll all end the same helped.

Also, FFUUUUU my toe > I accidently ripped part of my toe nail off. Sooo... I guess it's doctor tomorrow and toe nail removal sometime thing week. great, I'm seriously going to freak the fuck out. Damn needles!

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to obtain a social life

It's not that people don't like me. Most people find me very interesting. And I am often interested in them. But when it comes down to it, I've almost unconsciously resigned myself to my life-goals and sacrificed a social network in the process. Everyone who used to care has given up on me, and I willingly gave up on them in pursuit of my dreams. But I don't know any other way. I used to be very popular, but I was unhappy. Now I am still unhappy, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That doesn't mean I don't still want a social life when I'm not working. I just don't want to use it to procrastinate. But now I still procrastinate just as much as I used to. Only I do so on DV.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to obtain a social life

It's not that people don't like me. Most people find me very interesting. And I am often interested in them. But when it comes down to it, I've almost unconsciously resigned myself to my life-goals and sacrificed a social network in the process. Everyone who used to care has given up on me, and I willingly gave up on them in pursuit of my dreams. But I don't know any other way. I used to be very popular, but I was unhappy. Now I am still unhappy, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That doesn't mean I don't still want a social life when I'm not working. I just don't want to use it to procrastinate. But now I still procrastinate just as much as I used to. Only I do so on DV.

HAHAHAHA, story of my life, man.... story of my life.

I think everyone just needs to find a healthy balance of social life and personal goals. Even though it could get tiring, which is why I pretty much stopped seeing people.
That is part of the fun I think. If you're tired, it means you've been living.