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    Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

    1. #4976
      ~Fantasizer~ <s><span class='glow_FF1493'>Alyzarin</span></s>'s Avatar
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      I'm up in the air about free will, I tend to think of it as more of just a shortcut explanation to how the brain works. If we relate free will back to just perception like I was saying, then I think it would in fact be that it's all over the place and we just don't realize it because anything that's not animal-like we have a difficult time comprehending how it could perceive anything (not to mention even several things that are animal-like). But, I've seen too many bizarre things to believe that we are actually control of the things we say and do, we're just spectators watching as this perceptual information is encoded into our memories, just the concept of life as I mentioned before. One of the things that really switched me to this belief was seeing people "loop" on psychedelics, and experiencing it myself. Looping is without a doubt the most intriguing thing I've ever come across.
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    2. #4977
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      What the heck is 'looping on psychedelics'??

      /intrigued as all fuck out
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    3. #4978
      ~Fantasizer~ <s><span class='glow_FF1493'>Alyzarin</span></s>'s Avatar
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      I love talking about this.

      A loop is generally something that can happen at higher doses or to inexperienced people who happen to have a powerful trip. First, think of this. Psychedelics alter the way your brain handles associative thinking, so you might think of topics that seem really bizarre or random based on the things that made you think of them, but occasionally that's what leads to 'profound' realizations of seeing things connected in ways you didn't before.

      Now, a loop.... A loop is when you start at just some random thought or action (including just saying things), and you go to the next just like... well, like life works, but your memory is extremely fleeting at this point (like in dreams or even worse) so by the time you get even half way through the second thoughts and actions you'll pretty much have totally forgotten about the first ones. This'll continue for a limited number of bizarre branchings-off in thought (usually around three to five in what I've seen, but of course it could be varied), but this is where it gets interesting. At the end of that limited number, that last thought will branch back to the original thought. Which, of course, is totally gone from your memory by then. When you reach this point, you will not only think that EXACT same thing you thought before, no variations whatsoever, but you will DO and SAY all the exact same things, action for action, word for word. Your first time looping, you won't catch this. You'll go through the whole loop again, possibly several times depending on how hard you're tripping before realizing anything's up. If anyone's with you, they're probably laughing at you at this point. (Or trying to calm you down if you're in a negative loop!) After several repetitions, you'll start to slowly realize something's happening, just as a strange feeling at first. It'll take at least a couple more loops to really realize something's going on. When you finally do realize it, especially in your first time ever, you're like HOLY CRAP! ....But, you'll still be trapped in it for a while. At least, if you're tripping hard enough to be in a really strong one. In fact every loop after that will involve you slowly realizing it again. As the trip drags on, the time it takes between realizing it and the loop starting over will get longer and longer, until you've come down enough that the loops end. It's really quite fascinating, it still blows my mind to this day to think about.
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    4. #4979
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      that's really bonkers.. wow

      It kinda makes me think of lucid dreaming and reality checks. Like, you don't recognize that you're 'looping' at first, kind of like you don't realize you're in a dream and reality checks fail. And so on. I'm tired, but that's just what looping made me think of.

      looping. mr looper

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    5. #4980
      ~Fantasizer~ <s><span class='glow_FF1493'>Alyzarin</span></s>'s Avatar
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      Yeah, it is pretty interesting to draw comparisons between the two like that. And it is bonkers. The first time it ever happened to me I'd never even heard of it before, and I was on a long-lasting psychedelic called DOI, alone, in my room in bed in complete silence and pitch black darkness (but there was nothing black about it, just insane red, blue, and orange kaleidoscopes and tunnels of white light) looping for about eight or nine hours. @_@ I realized I was looping about half an hour into it, too. The time dilation was so intense that about two hours in I had given up hope of ever coming down, I had to pretend to be asleep until my mom left for work so she wouldn't know I was awake or tripping. (Yes, it was poorly planned. ) By around four hours in I was convinced I was in purgatory, and I couldn't remember a single detail about my life, including my name. When it actually started to become light outside and some came in through the window and I finally was able to see something normal again, everything looked so alien and bizarre. Somewhere down the line my definitions of straight and curved had switched, I was extremely confused that everything straight wasn't curved and vice-versa.
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    6. #4981
      LD's this year: ~7 tommo's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Alyzarin View Post
      That could be too lol. I got sick of my anxiety causing high blood pressure (plus my earlier anxiety, before it was heart attack related, was all about vasoconstriction) so I obsessively take blood thinners, blood pressure lowering agents, and vasodilators every day. Luckily, they're also good for me. I'm so warm that I usually have to turn on the fan when my parents are freezing.
      Hmmmm, I'm sure vasodilators would have a specific awkward side-effect for me. Otherwise I'd try it lol
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    7. #4982
      ~Fantasizer~ <s><span class='glow_FF1493'>Alyzarin</span></s>'s Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by tommo View Post
      Hmmmm, I'm sure vasodilators would have a specific awkward side-effect for me. Otherwise I'd try it lol
      Haha, yeah, I guess you wouldn't want to have to deal with that all the time.

    8. #4983
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      Unless I had a horny girlfriend of course.

      Just read that loop/DOI experience lol
      Very funny lol. Especially "Somewhere down the line my definitions of straight and curved had switched, I was extremely confused that everything straight wasn't curved and vice-versa."
      Ah, we could learn so much from studying them....
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    9. #4984
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      Well, there's always that.

      No kidding, psychedelics are works of art.... But yeah, that experience blew my mind lol. I called a bunch of my straight-edge friends the day afterward and told them not to psychedelics unless they want to get into some serious shit. It took me a while to feel somewhat normal again. I was actually on the plateau for about sixteen hours, the loop didn't even start until about four hours in. What a night....

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    10. #4985
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      Kinda bummed over something incredibly trivial.jjhhjkkjknkj
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    11. #4986
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      Gavin. I hate when that happens!

      Very interesting reads, Aly. I've always wanted to trip but I've been too terrified of lasting problems and flashbacks etc.
      I recently found out MY tree (Mimosa) has hallucinaginic (sp!) properties in the root bark. If I was to ever be brave enough, I would figure out how to make something from that.

      For a (thankfully) very short period in my life (eh, 3 months or so) I abused Whippets. I would blow up 2-3 balloons ahead of time. I had weird "trips" on that stuff (didn't realize at the time it was because I was so close to death ). Gosh... I don't think I've touched the stuff since 1998, but I still get a craving every now and then. People say it's impossible to get addicted to N2O but I call BS. I could go for one right now, but (thankfully) I know better.
      I always envisioned driving down some lonely road. All the mysteries of life were explained/revealed to me (*ahem*) but I always forgot everything except that road once I came around.

      My rant is that I cannot sleep and I have THE worst headache. I woke up with one, it subsided somewhat, then it stuck hard at around 10PM or so. At midnight, I took 2 Minipresses and I laid in bed until 4. I didn't do anything for the first hour because the med makes me sick when I move if I do. THen I got antsy from boredom and 2 hours later, I had my boy bring me the iPad and I looked at binaural beats. I listened to one for 15 minutes before trying to sleep again. Stupid Minipress makes my heart pound. I took my BP and all was well. My pulse was normal it just beat harder which was too distracting.
      I want to SI to release endorphins to combat this bloody headache. But that would only work for 5 minutes or so, so why the heck bother. I can't take any valium because I don't want it messing with the other stuff in my system (I took 1/2 Clonazepam at 7PM) and I may or may not have taken 1/8 of Valium at 10AM. I just don't remember. So I'm keeping my log again to save me from these brain farts

      My son has a ripping headache too, so I think it's weather related (storm front moving in).

      Bbbblllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

      **EDIT**
      Oh yeah.... there's a rumbling in my tummy but I've not had an appetite all day. I know I SHOULD be hungry because I've only eaten 2 chimicungas (SP!!!) at 1PM and nothing since. I jusst can't be bothered.
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 02-02-2012 at 10:32 AM.
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    12. #4987
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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      Gavin. I hate when that happens!

      Very interesting reads, Aly. I've always wanted to trip but I've been too terrified of lasting problems and flashbacks etc.
      I recently found out MY tree (Mimosa) has hallucinaginic (sp!) properties in the root bark. If I was to ever be brave enough, I would figure out how to make something from that.
      Haha! Well, I wouldn't go straight for the single most powerful hallucinogen on Earth....

      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      For a (thankfully) very short period in my life (eh, 3 months or so) I abused Whippets. I would blow up 2-3 balloons ahead of time. I had weird "trips" on that stuff (didn't realize at the time it was because I was so close to death ).
      Where did you hear that?
      It's actually a very safe drug. The only damage that it can cause is from oxygen deprivation if you do way too much for way too long, in one sitting.
      Last edited by tommo; 02-02-2012 at 11:14 AM.
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    13. #4988
      khh
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      A week ago or so, a friend of mine complained about how he sleeps with every girl he gets to know. I'm drowning in sympathy.
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    14. #4989
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      omg.... poor bastard. We should all be so unfortunate.
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    15. #4990
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      lol Khh and Tommo. It sucks to be him if he's looking for more but can't break the sex cycle. If he's just boasting in a round about way then yeah... "poor bastard"

      I was new to N2O AND the internet but my experience was so VASTLY different from those of my friends so I was curious and looked it up. I found a few medical pages about the different stages of anesthesia with regards to N2O and my experiences matched the stage directly above death.
      One of the most interesting things I experienced on it was something I called "brain zaps", which is very hard to describe and all I recall of them now is feeling as if a jolt of electricity shocked my brain.

      I couldn't afford the habit now-a-days anyhow. In the past, I would have to drive 3+ hours north to a large College Town to find a store that sold the stuff. Now-a-days, the local Head Shop carries it. Or they did a year or 2 ago before they changed locations...

      My rant is that I'm stupid. I was so freagin sick this morning that I dry heaved, then decided to eat 2 "Chimi's" (don't ask me to spell the "burrito" lol) My headache went away almost instantly, as did the nausea I fell right to sleep at around 6:30. I woke at 11:30 and I still feel fine.
      I'm still not hungry. I'm not going to wait over 12 hours before eating something today even if I have to force feed myself
      My back hurts from laying down for too long. When did I become so old
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    16. #4991
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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      Very interesting reads, Aly. I've always wanted to trip but I've been too terrified of lasting problems and flashbacks etc.
      I recently found out MY tree (Mimosa) has hallucinaginic (sp!) properties in the root bark. If I was to ever be brave enough, I would figure out how to make something from that.

      For a (thankfully) very short period in my life (eh, 3 months or so) I abused Whippets. I would blow up 2-3 balloons ahead of time. I had weird "trips" on that stuff (didn't realize at the time it was because I was so close to death ). Gosh... I don't think I've touched the stuff since 1998, but I still get a craving every now and then. People say it's impossible to get addicted to N2O but I call BS. I could go for one right now, but (thankfully) I know better.
      I always envisioned driving down some lonely road. All the mysteries of life were explained/revealed to me (*ahem*) but I always forgot everything except that road once I came around.
      If you were doing that much and not taking in a good amount of oxygen while you were doing it, then yes, that's dangerous. However, like tommo said, it's actually pretty safe with the right technique. That's pretty much the exceptions with inhalants, all of the rest are pretty dangerous just in general. (At least, the ones you can easily get your hands on.) Though, if you also weren't taking B12 supplements then it's good you only did it for so long. Not as many people are aware that using nitrous causes B12 deficiency, and if you do it too frequently for too long you can cause irreversible damage that involves a whole slew of really terrible symptoms that you just kind of have to live with from then on. It's definitely not something you want to be addicted to, and it is definitely very addictive if you let it be. In addition, most inhalants have a tendency to induce reverse tolerance if done too much and you don't keep a proper oxygen supply, so maybe that's why you were getting effects that were so intense?

      Also, yes, that's DMT you've got in that root bark. Buuut...

      Quote Originally Posted by tommo View Post
      Haha! Well, I wouldn't go straight for the single most powerful hallucinogen on Earth....
      ...I think this is debatable. Plus, it's not as hard to handle as I think some people make it out to be. I was at a party full of people on shrooms once, all tripping for their first time in general, and this one guy looked like he was really having a blast, peaking really hard and loving it, so I took him aside and packed a bowl of DMT for him. He was pretty happy with that. I wish someone had given me DMT during my first trip peak.
      Last edited by Alyzarin; 02-02-2012 at 06:13 PM.
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    17. #4992
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      This girl in my Biology 112, she's so confusing. I can't tell if she wants to know me better, or is just being one of those girls with boyfriends that still act silly towards other guys.

      She asks me where I'm from again, I said Katy, and automatically I could tell she was trying to come up with a conversation because she had her eyes up for a split second processing something. She talks about Forever 21, and the conversation leads another girl to talk about it.

      Lol, what was the point of asking me that if you can find a Forever 21 in any area of Texas (at least the major parts)...she totally wasted her time with that. I thought people who asked questions out of the blue like that would try to fetch small bits of who you really are.

      And when we were done, she throws a glove that we used to prevent contamination with the micro-organism. It was funny at first, but then she started throwing more at me, so that made me throw more at her, and our group (3 out of the 4 of us including me) where basically throwing gloves for fun.

      And she's the type of girl that when she smiles, you smile back naturally, and it isn't even the fake smile most girls put up. But I don't know if she has a boyfriend, if she does, then I'm worried about the women here in my University. I think they just like experimenting with other guys to see how they would react like the glove-throwing thing.

      And if she is single, then she just needs to move on, I hate when some women waste their time being friends with people they cannot relate to. They shouldn't waste energy with that, find someone else better. :/

      sigh....
      Last edited by Linkzelda41; 02-02-2012 at 06:46 PM.
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    18. #4993
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      Hmmm... DMT... must Google. If it's so powerful, why don't people dig up the stuff? It's MUCH easier to find than (I'd imagine) shrooms. The Mimosa is a migratory "alien" to WV (prefers warmer weather by and large), but they're still easy to come by.

      Link, just go with it? Why couldn't you be just friends with her (is it only because you want to avoid such things at this point in your life)? I've had many different sorts of friends throughout my life (stereotypically speaking). Not "relating" on every point gives you a wider view and deeper insight into others and the rest of "the world". But I do think it's important to connect deeply on at least one thing.

      I think my hubby and I started falling apart the most when we lost our spiritual identities/connection. We are VASTLY different. 30 years age difference. He's a popular Ophthalmologist and used to be a nuclear physicist. It took me three attempts to find the correct spelling of physicist lmbo. I'm a high school dropout. We met when I was a stripper. I was drawn to his intellect and shy confidence (oxymoron eh lol) and he was drawn by my naivety and compassion. He introduced me to a whole different side of life and I balance him and give him perspective.

      I am currently annoyed by my curiosity and the need to know things I couldn't even begin to comprehend.

      There are several "Empirical Laws" that I observe such as "Don't take medicine on an empty stomach". Okay, I understand that one to a basic degree. But how about "You'll get a headache if you don't eat regularly"? I WOULD understand that one if my blood pressure or blood sugar levels changed. But they don't to any significant degree. And because of my curiosity, I have monitored such things.
      I drink soda and smoke too many cigarettes. Does food dilute those things which keep the headaches at bay? But is caffeine and nicotine processed as food is? If I smoke too many cigarettes on an empty stomach I'll barf but is that a separate mechanism? I could ask my hubby to explain it to me but he doesn't "dumb down" his answers enough for me and I don't understand half of what he tells me.

      Anyhow... I'm making myself eat so I can take my daily meds and supplements. Otherwise, there's nothing special going on today thank goodness.
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 02-02-2012 at 09:18 PM.
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    19. #4994
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      Quote Originally Posted by Zhaylin View Post
      lol Khh and Tommo. It sucks to be him if he's looking for more but can't break the sex cycle. If he's just boasting in a round about way then yeah... "poor bastard"
      He wasn't boasting, he was generally unhappy about it. It's just a bit hard to feel sympathy from where I'm standing.

      Quote Originally Posted by Alyzarin View Post
      Also, yes, that's DMT you've got in that root bark. Buuut...

      ...I think this is debatable. Plus, it's not as hard to handle as I think some people make it out to be. I was at a party full of people on shrooms once, all tripping for their first time in general, and this one guy looked like he was really having a blast, peaking really hard and loving it, so I took him aside and packed a bowl of DMT for him. He was pretty happy with that. I wish someone had given me DMT during my first trip peak.
      Man, I wish I had a friend like you!
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      Sooo many hardcore drug takers on dv
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      All this talk about drugs, Alyzarin, is making me want to do them. Anything. I wish I even had pot, but I have no way to get anything. So I started to consider consuming some of my mom's sleeping pills that I used to when I was younger which made me high, or maybe some of the other many meds she takes. I'm thinking I'm probably making a mistake, and if I were thinking clearly I might realise that it would be a stupid thing to do, but I really can't tell.

      The state I was in a couple months ago seems to be returning. I'm almost always depressed and my brain is working incorrectly. I've been forgetting things that I never forget, or remembering them wrongly, only to realise later and be a bit freaked out.

      In general I'm obsessing over things, focusing too much on details. My mind fixates on something and I can't let it go, like this poem, The Raven. I've memorised the first 4 stanzas and feel I must memorize the entire thing. I don't want to listen to music, only recordings of the poem spoken by different people, and while on the bus I just keep repeating it to myself over and over. In class I was writing what I'd memorised over and over and didn't care at all that I was missing class information, it didn't seem to matter. I couldn't even get my mind to consider why it might matter. Now even when I try to stop I can't, I just hear the poem being spoken in my head, like when a song gets stuck in your head. It's starting to make me feel nauseous and yet I continue to fixate on it, even consciously, I choose to keep listening to it and memorising it.

      I can't even say this state is a bad thing, because it isn't good nor bad, I'm hardly feeling anything at all on a conscious level, just misery in the back of my mind. It's like I'm a machine, focusing on something, and I suppose emotion is expressed through it but in a distorted way that isn't even sadness anymore, just hopelessness and rage.

      I suppose this thread is good, as it feels relieving to have written this.
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    22. #4997
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      What about some good old fashioned booze instead of the drugs?

      Not that say, wine is better for you, it's just easier to get.
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    23. #4998
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      Quote Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue View Post
      What about some good old fashioned booze instead of the drugs?

      Not that say, wine is better for you, it's just easier to get.
      I love wine. But I get horribly hung over.
      edit: Besides, alcohol is a depressant. It doesn't make me happy.
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      Quote Originally Posted by Dianeva View Post
      All this talk about drugs, Alyzarin, is making me want to do them. Anything. I wish I even had pot, but I have no way to get anything. So I started to consider consuming some of my mom's sleeping pills that I used to when I was younger which made me high, or maybe some of the other many meds she takes. I'm thinking I'm probably making a mistake, and if I were thinking clearly I might realise that it would be a stupid thing to do, but I really can't tell.

      The state I was in a couple months ago seems to be returning. I'm almost always depressed and my brain is working incorrectly. I've been forgetting things that I never forget, or remembering them wrongly, only to realise later and be a bit freaked out.

      In general I'm obsessing over things, focusing too much on details. My mind fixates on something and I can't let it go, like this poem, The Raven. I've memorised the first 4 stanzas and feel I must memorize the entire thing. I don't want to listen to music, only recordings of the poem spoken by different people, and while on the bus I just keep repeating it to myself over and over. In class I was writing what I'd memorised over and over and didn't care at all that I was missing class information, it didn't seem to matter. I couldn't even get my mind to consider why it might matter. Now even when I try to stop I can't, I just hear the poem being spoken in my head, like when a song gets stuck in your head. It's starting to make me feel nauseous and yet I continue to fixate on it, even consciously, I choose to keep listening to it and memorising it.

      I can't even say this state is a bad thing, because it isn't good nor bad, I'm hardly feeling anything at all on a conscious level, just misery in the back of my mind. It's like I'm a machine, focusing on something, and I suppose emotion is expressed through it but in a distorted way that isn't even sadness anymore, just hopelessness and rage.

      I suppose this thread is good, as it feels relieving to have written this.
      Please please please don't do hard drugs. The effects they will have on you will be in no way beneficial. There are many, much less destructive, other ways of feeling better.

      I don't know how old you are, but how you feel sounds a little bit like how I felt when I was a teenager. I managed to make myself feel better, eventually, just by engaging myself in lots of hobbies and the things I was passionate about. It might have also just been a part of growing up and my negative emotions just faded as I matured.

      Ok this is a bit of a ramble, but just please don't think that drugs will help you, because they really won't. And I really hope that loads of people don't reply to this with testimonies about how hard drugs have opened their minds or crap like that, because chronic hard drug abuse is going to destroy your body and mind.
      Last edited by Patrick; 02-02-2012 at 10:35 PM.
      Zhaylin and Alyzarin like this.

    25. #5000
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      They do CAN , indeed, mess you up. Just ask my 15 year old daughter

      As you described, Dianeva, I went through many years of feeling and doing similar things. My obsession was my language and stories. I would fixate on those things until I eventually became miserable yet couldn't stop myself from acting on completed them.
      In my early 20's, I got sick of that sort of thing (mostly negative thoughts, obsessive "day dreams" about really morbid stuff). To break the cycle, without meds, you need to be REALLY hard on yourself and observant.

      Every time I found myself engaged in a negative thought process, I'd simply say to myself: "Shut up, Brain. I don't want to hear it." It took a really long time to completely overcome the habit, but I did.
      Pay attention to your thoughts. As soon as you start noticing they're fixating negatively on something, do or MAKE yourself think of something else.
      In the beginning, I was redirecting my thoughts several times a minute.

      If it's a persistent problem that you can't solve on your own, don't be afraid to ask for help if you're able to.
      Alyzarin likes this.

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