Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

In the most shortest way I can put it : My boyfriend won't be talking to me today nor the weeked and he told me all that TODAY while he was at school, he's on the internet so I can't be next to him or be held by him, I'm having alot of dificulties remembering my dreams not to mention trying to go lucid, I even used the subliminal tape that would usually give me 4 dreams a night and I get nuffin. I'm feeling all alone as I don't have any friends so since my BF can't talk to me I got nobody to talk to. Okays that's it shortly xD

I am ready to go back to freagin bed. I slept a good 18 hours total yesterday and today. WHY?!
3) I've not been taking any Wellbutrin because I couldn't afford it this week. I was still taking an easy 600mg caffeine while on it, to help combat the fatigue, so I was starting to think it just wasn't doing anything for me other than triggering TMJ. It might also have been helping with my anxiety... nah, Wellbutrin is well known for worsening anxiety.

So I'm now I have 3 options... I'm getting sick; my anxiety is through the roof; Wellbutrin was helping me to stay awake.

I guess I'll start finding out which it is tomorrow after Court. We already know there's a 99.9% chance she's getting sent off. But I guess I could be stressing over the process as well as that .1%.

I won't feel the effects immediately though. If she's sent off then I need to make several trips to the Farm to load up the car and bring the boys back into town.

Other than this blasted fatigue, I have a slight sore throat and allergies (or a cold?), but I FEEL fine otherwise.

**EDIT**
Lunary. Is he an internet addict or is he trying to get work done? It sucks that he can't try to make time for you.

Hope it all works out ok.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

I am ready to go back to freagin bed. I slept a good 18 hours total yesterday and today. WHY?!
3) I've not been taking any Wellbutrin because I couldn't afford it this week. I was still taking an easy 600mg caffeine while on it, to help combat the fatigue, so I was starting to think it just wasn't doing anything for me other than triggering TMJ. It might also have been helping with my anxiety... nah, Wellbutrin is well known for worsening anxiety.

So I'm now I have 3 options... I'm getting sick; my anxiety is through the roof; Wellbutrin was helping me to stay awake.

I guess I'll start finding out which it is tomorrow after Court. We already know there's a 99.9% chance she's getting sent off. But I guess I could be stressing over the process as well as that .1%.

I won't feel the effects immediately though. If she's sent off then I need to make several trips to the Farm to load up the car and bring the boys back into town.

Other than this blasted fatigue, I have a slight sore throat and allergies (or a cold?), but I FEEL fine otherwise.

**EDIT**
Lunary. Is he an internet addict or is he trying to get work done? It sucks that he can't try to make time for you.

Not really a internet addict as such, is only there cause of me and all XD he's just got forced off because of his dad cause he puked in early morning and told him he's not feeling well so dad forced him off for "Trying to stay home" he was at school anyways and at the weekend he has some club thingy for autistic people where they socialise and stuff, he's not THAT autistic, only very lightly, in comparison to him and me I'd say I'm more autistic and nobody told me I am...lol. And I'm just feeling bad cause I am lonely and stuff, reason why I wanted to lucid dream is to stop the lonelyness atleast a bit and stuff but that didn't work well, I got kicked out faster than lighting (By scary dreams with physical pain XD 25+ of them). I'm just a shy person that's all....VERY SHY XD

And aww maybe you should drink a bit of tea to feel better? ^^;

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

As living organic beings we're constantly changing, little by little, every day. Look back 10 years - are you the same person you were then? Of course not - it's not possible. And in 10 more years you'll be totally different again. Life is growth and growth is change. Without change there is only stasis, and that's inimical to life. We make promises that we fully intend to keep, but things change - you change, the other person changes, your relationship changes - and no-one can be forever held to a promise they made under different circumstances. Just make sure to be true to yourself, whoever you may be becoming. Rather than try to fight it with willpower, work on learning who that is, and settle in and enjoy the ride. Life isn't a series of goals that must be met it's a continuing, ever-changing process of becoming.

Ok, speech over.

Thanks for the advice, but it doesn't apply very much here. Most natural changes I have no problem with. But love is different. The realization that something is natural doesn't make it any less upsetting, for me at least.

Originally Posted by tommo

Well, there's at least one other person like this.

Regarding willpower, or the will to do stuff going away. If you don't want to do something, there is little that would make you do it.
It's as simple as that. In fact, anybody who ignores what they want to do, and just struggle on with some goal they don't want, is EXTREMELY unhappy.

So I have a question for you. Why do you try to reach goals "when I don't even care enough to try to impose willpower" and "When one of my core desires changes, there just isn't a way to enforce what it used to be"?

It isn't that I have a goal, then it goes away but I still try to pursue it for some reason. For short-term goals, for a few minutes or days I stop caring and do things that impede any progress toward that goal. Then later I care about the goal again and find myself too far behind because of the damage that I did while I wasn't caring about it. The common things this happens with are eating healthily, using time wisely, etc.

For things like love or maybe just that, the desire to be with the person doesn't just go away. It might fade enough to realize you need to stop being with the person, and build up with another person, but there's always going to be memories and feelings of loss that are too painful to explain. And it's difficult to fully be there for someone when they know you might just leave them someday, especially when they need you and would be barely alive without you. And especially when they're a theist who thinks my problem is that I'm an atheist and therefore have no unchanging base to my desires like he does.

Fucking hell I'm almost crying, shouldn't be writing this crap on here. Not going to read what I just wrote or I'd probably end up deleting it.

I have to pick a major within the next couple semesters, and I don't know what I want to do with my life! On one hand, I could choose Sustainability/Business Administration and minor in International Business (that would pretty much guarantee me a job, and I'd be helping the environment, one of my major concerns). OR I could do History/Political Science, with a minor in Religion (which are three of my favorite things, I would LOVE to teach these!) It's my biggest quandary in years.

I'm also tired of getting on health kicks and then reverting back to eating unhealthy junk afterwards. Usually I switch to a pescetarian diet for a while, but then my family (since I still live at home, saving money while in college) has steak or bacon or something, and there's no "non" red meat protein in the house, so I have to eat whatever they are eating. Too much junk food at my disposal...

EDIT: I forgot, Communications/Film Studies with a minor in sociology or history... SO MANY THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO

Originally Posted by sinoblak

I am ashamed to write this, but they still use Floppy disks in Bg.

What the hell is Bg? Baghdad?
No where uses floppy's anymore.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

It isn't that I have a goal, then it goes away but I still try to pursue it for some reason. For short-term goals, for a few minutes or days I stop caring and do things that impede any progress toward that goal. Then later I care about the goal again and find myself too far behind because of the damage that I did while I wasn't caring about it. The common things this happens with are eating healthily, using time wisely, etc.

Hmmmm. Well yeah that's a tough one. The same thing happens to me. With trying to get fit again. Maybe you need to find some reason to do that which won't just go away so often.
Like if you want to live to see the singularity, eating healthily would help.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

For things like love or maybe just that, the desire to be with the person doesn't just go away. It might fade enough to realize you need to stop being with the person, and build up with another person, but there's always going to be memories and feelings of loss that are too painful to explain. And it's difficult to fully be there for someone when they know you might just leave them someday, especially when they need you and would be barely alive without you. And especially when they're a theist who thinks my problem is that I'm an atheist and therefore have no unchanging base to my desires like he does.

Nobody has unchanging desires, or reasons for those desires. Sex, food, and living are the most base desires, and even people ignore those sometimes.
Regarding this guy, it might not be my place but it really doesn't seem like you should be with him.
It seems like all you're holding on to is who he used to be, or who you both used to be. This never ends well.
Also, one of my friends was with a guy who said he would kill himself if she left him. She stayed with him for 2 years because of this.
I said he's just a fucking moron and he wouldn't do anything. She eventually left him and he didn't do anything.
Besides, what kind of like would it be, being with someone just so they don't kill themselves?
Wouldn't you be basically be dead anyway? Always living a lie which both of you know is true, always wanting someone/something else.

And crying is a great way to deal with stuff, I wish I could do it more often. So be happy that you cried hehe

Originally Posted by ThePreserver

I have to pick a major within the next couple semesters, and I don't know what I want to do with my life! On one hand, I could choose Sustainability/Business Administration and minor in International Business (that would pretty much guarantee me a job, and I'd be helping the environment, one of my major concerns). OR I could do History/Political Science, with a minor in Religion (which are three of my favorite things, I would LOVE to teach these!) It's my biggest quandary in years.

I'm also tired of getting on health kicks and then reverting back to eating unhealthy junk afterwards. Usually I switch to a pescetarian diet for a while, but then my family (since I still live at home, saving money while in college) has steak or bacon or something, and there's no "non" red meat protein in the house, so I have to eat whatever they are eating. Too much junk food at my disposal...

EDIT: I forgot, Communications/Film Studies with a minor in sociology or history... SO MANY THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO

Okay well, I'm biased as fuck here, but go with Sustainability/Business Administration (not sure how they fit together?). Telling people how to run their businesses sustainably?

I dunno, maybe as an unbiased point, that would fulfill you, helping save the environment.

But then again, you should do what you want to do, not what you think you should do. Otherwise your heart just won't be in it.

Derp, *looks at Mancon*
wanna use a ouija board but slightly afraid.

Whoah!! Erii, you moved to Estonia!!??

REALLY not looking forward to another Missouri winter I guess?

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Whoah!! Erii, you moved to Estonia!!??

REALLY not looking forward to another Missouri winter I guess?

xD hahaha nah

And ah is it supposed to be really cold and snowy here? GOOD, i love winter so much <333 ahhh we better get a milllion blizzards.
The last 2 years we've had some pretty rough times during winter though. I like it

You know what bugs me? Whenever people talk about modern women or feminism, they keep constantly complaining about how hard it is for women to maintain a "BALANCE" between work life and home life/relationships. Yet no one is asking how men do it. Don't they struggle with this "balance" that's apparently kryptonite for women?

Because life isn't complicated, that's why.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

You know what bugs me? Whenever people talk about modern women or feminism, they keep constantly complaining about how hard it is for women to maintain a "BALANCE" between work life and home life/relationships. Yet no one is asking how men do it. Don't they struggle with this "balance" that's apparently kryptonite for women?

I think the main thing is women have to have teh babies for now.
I'd say most men do struggle with it, coz they're largely expected to pay the bills, and barely get to see their family really. Unless they've got some higher paying job where they don't have to work long hours I spose.
Generally anyway, yeah I'd say it's about equal. Obviously the income should be shared between the couple when possible.

Originally Posted by tommo

Nobody has unchanging desires, or reasons for those desires. Sex, food, and living are the most base desires, and even people ignore those sometimes.
Regarding this guy, it might not be my place but it really doesn't seem like you should be with him.
It seems like all you're holding on to is who he used to be, or who you both used to be. This never ends well.
Also, one of my friends was with a guy who said he would kill himself if she left him. She stayed with him for 2 years because of this.
I said he's just a fucking moron and he wouldn't do anything. She eventually left him and he didn't do anything.
Besides, what kind of like would it be, being with someone just so they don't kill themselves?
Wouldn't you be basically be dead anyway? Always living a lie which both of you know is true, always wanting someone/something else.

And crying is a great way to deal with stuff, I wish I could do it more often. So be happy that you cried hehe

I appreciate you responding to this and any other of my posts. Same with Darkmatters. I hope nothing I say offsets anyone. I don't try to be rude but I get the feeling I come across that way in posts.

I didn't mean to start talking about this. Not saying that I'm upset that it's been responded to, it's nice that people care and are willing to type at all in response to me, I just don't want to seem like I'm wanting to talk about it and become annoying to other people reading this, I really was just ranting and wasn't in it for the replies (I'd have posted in the help section if I was).

But I'll say that I do want to be with him now. The problem is not being able to say with anything near certainty that I won't change my mind in the future, since I already have in the past temporarily. I wrote a really long post anonymously this summer in the help section about that temporary change. And even if someone were to read that they wouldn't get the whole picture. It's just really complicated. Believe me if I told you a couple other facts you'd probably think even more strongly that I should get the hell out of the relationship. It seems almost everyone's opinion upon hearing a bit of my situation is that the relationship is unhealthy and I should force myself to leave it. I don't mean to put down these people by comparing them in this way, but the analogy that comes to mind is of my cat telling me I shouldn't have to go to school or work or worry about anything, it's stressful so I should just stay home and sleep like he does. He just knows nothing about my situation as a human and my reasons for it. I'm completely fine with people expressing opinions but they don't amount to much when they're based on such limited information.

Originally Posted by tommo

Yes, I know. Rasp just abandoned us. It's okay, she'll come crawling back eventually.

Wait... what!? I can't believe I missed this! I need to be active on these forums more often. Why'd she leave?

Originally Posted by Lunary

Not really a internet addict as such, is only there cause of me and all XD he's just got forced off because of his dad cause he puked in early morning and told him he's not feeling well so dad forced him off for "Trying to stay home" he was at school anyways and at the weekend he has some club thingy for autistic people where they socialise and stuff, he's not THAT autistic, only very lightly, in comparison to him and me I'd say I'm more autistic and nobody told me I am...lol. And I'm just feeling bad cause I am lonely and stuff, reason why I wanted to lucid dream is to stop the lonelyness atleast a bit and stuff but that didn't work well, I got kicked out faster than lighting (By scary dreams with physical pain XD 25+ of them). I'm just a shy person that's all....VERY SHY XD

Aw, I hope you feel better Lunary. I know what you mean about being shy, I get very shy too. I also know what it's like not to be able to chat with someone you love, too. It's really a pain.

I guess if I need something to rant about, it's that my roomie's girlfriend has been here at the college a couple weeks, visiting. I've got no problem with her -- on the contrary, it's been fun. But it's making me want someone like that for myself, when I'm usually a quiet, withdrawn person that couldn't care less about relationships. I've never even dated before. >.>; I don't know where I'd find the right person for me, and I have an... interesting take on what a relationship should be anyway (long story). So I guess I'll wait for it to pass and I go back to not caring about relationships. =/

100 pages of complaints! Keep it up guys!

Man, our lives suck...

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I appreciate you responding to this and any other of my posts. Same with Darkmatters. I hope nothing I say offsets anyone. I don't try to be rude but I get the feeling I come across that way in posts.

I didn't mean to start talking about this. Not saying that I'm upset that it's been responded to, it's nice that people care and are willing to type at all in response to me, I just don't want to seem like I'm wanting to talk about it and become annoying to other people reading this, I really was just ranting and wasn't in it for the replies (I'd have posted in the help section if I was).

But I'll say that I do want to be with him now. The problem is not being able to say with anything near certainty that I won't change my mind in the future, since I already have in the past temporarily. I wrote a really long post anonymously this summer in the help section about that temporary change. And even if someone were to read that they wouldn't get the whole picture. It's just really complicated. Believe me if I told you a couple other facts you'd probably think even more strongly that I should get the hell out of the relationship. It seems almost everyone's opinion upon hearing a bit of my situation is that the relationship is unhealthy and I should force myself to leave it. I don't mean to put down these people by comparing them in this way, but the analogy that comes to mind is of my cat telling me I shouldn't have to go to school or work or worry about anything, it's stressful so I should just stay home and sleep like he does. He just knows nothing about my situation as a human and my reasons for it. I'm completely fine with people expressing opinions but they don't amount to much when they're based on such limited information.

hehe, you likened me to a cat. jkjk I know what you mean. However, I think sometimes it is best to not go on ALL the information.
Not saying it always is, or in your case it is. But sometimes, maybe even most of the time, you make better decisions when you only take certain information in to account.
Instead of the whole lot, which just gets you overwhelmed.

Originally Posted by Quantiq

100 pages of complaints! Keep it up guys!

Man, our lives suck...

hahahaha yep.
I was gonna say this too when I saw we were at 99, then I forgot once we reached the 100th page.

Originally Posted by tommo

Okay well, I'm biased as fuck here, but go with Sustainability/Business Administration (not sure how they fit together?). Telling people how to run their businesses sustainably?

I dunno, maybe as an unbiased point, that would fulfill you, helping save the environment.

Sustainability MUST be integrated into industry, since consumerism is the main cause.

They offer Sustainability with a background in Chemistry, Biology, Mathematics, or Business. (The goal for a sustainable economy is closed loops:ex. soda cans should be designed to be recycled into more soda cans. It takes a while to explain, but since we make things to be USED, and not to be RE-Used, the aluminum is not 100% salvageable when recycled.)

And I'm not sure what I want to do... because I want to do all of these things! I want to teach, I want to work for a sustainability audit/optimization firm, I want to work for non-profits and the public sector, I want to continue my passion for film.... AH there is so much to do and so little time.

I'm shit bored and don't wanna go out.

I don't currently have anything I want to rant about, however.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

You know what bugs me? Whenever people talk about modern women or feminism, they keep constantly complaining about how hard it is for women to maintain a "BALANCE" between work life and home life/relationships. Yet no one is asking how men do it. Don't they struggle with this "balance" that's apparently kryptonite for women?

They do it by ignoring home life and working all the time. At least that's my impression.

I hate computers (as I type this on a computer.) Every now and then I go through that "COMPUTERS ARE EVIL! THEY DEHUMANIZE US AND MAKE US STUPID!" phase. I'm going through it right now... but seriously, they make us stupid and useless, rather than improve us. Society isn't any better now than it was before, we just find different ways to hate.

I feel addicted to the internet sometimes... I check this website too often just because I'm bored, I go on Facebook when I'm bored... but I could be doing better things! I seriously need to sort out my priorities.

Originally Posted by ThePreserver

I hate computers (as I type this on a computer.) Every now and then I go through that "COMPUTERS ARE EVIL! THEY DEHUMANIZE US AND MAKE US STUPID!" phase. I'm going through it right now... but seriously, they make us stupid and useless, rather than improve us. Society isn't any better now than it was before, we just find different ways to hate.

I feel addicted to the internet sometimes... I check this website too often just because I'm bored, I go on Facebook when I'm bored... but I could be doing better things! I seriously need to sort out my priorities.

Hehe, I've realised this too recently. That's why I maintain that no technology or advancements will really improve our life all that much. The only progress to be made is in the brain.

My younger brother never fails to ruin my day.
I'm actually locking myself in my room just so i don't have to be around this kid. I know he's still growing up- nope, i don't even know what to say. Like, the fuck goes through his head sometimes?

Today is an aniversary of my father's death, and I feel quite sad... it is always the same by this time of the year. I just wanted to be alone today, but my brother called to say that he is comming to see me, taking some friends and a cousin of ours with him. I don't feel like giving a party right now and he knows it.