I came so incredibly close to skipping reading your post StephL. But I always like digesting and talking out ideas with others so I chose to. I also don't want to take over this thread, because as you know, suicide as a primary topic can go on forever and get nowhere.
If you get hit by a car - you could end up disabled in a bad way and having to endure a life of pain and restrictions - but I wonder, if that is what you mean, actually.
Yes it is what I mean literally. Plus all the other for a fact issues resident in this plane of existence that may be everywhere else too -- I do not know, but I do know they are here, have been here the whole time, and don't seem to be leaving. So just accepting that is a total settle. If you are starving in the woods, you don't stand still and find food.
Sounds like you want a reason to live in order to be able to deal with the fear of dying out of the blue and out of your power.
This is a very bad analysis of what motivates me. I don't have a general fear of death, be it out sudden, or out of my power. I have an aversion the bobby trapped situations. I see death as one of the very few doors that leave this bobby trapped room, is all. If anything I have less fear than the average person, because I don't feel a need to ~cling~ to the physical world as my only source of experience or good. I don't want a reason to live, what I want is to not be surrounded by potentials for physical pain. Period. What I don't want to do is just accept it, but I do not see a guaranteed solution anywhere, or else I would take it.
I believe it is very dangerous to expect an afterlife, in which all will be better and worthwhile.
Again, this is so far from the truth. Seriously, it bugs me that the analysis of others always fall into great generalizations of the average viewpoint, and this one is perfectly exemplary of that. I do not believe my last physical pain is by ~any means~ sure to be only here on the Earth. I believe in eternal life after death, but I place no restrictions on where pain resides in the universal experience. So seriously, I do not assume that on the day of my death, that's it, my final pain will have happened. I tend to assume quite the contrary. Again, what I do believe is a person starving in one spot should move to find food. The food may still evade them, and it could appear from the spot they left, but personally I believe you should leave a party you don't want to be at.
That's an assertion I cannot buy wholesale the way you do. I believe all beings have an ability to tap into all existent knowledge, yet rarely do. So if there was a plane you go to at death, I believe it ~could~ be knowable. But we live in a world where people "know" things all the time, but really they just believe them. Knowledge is never wrong, blurry, or equivocal -- it's exact every time. But you claim knowledge of certain sorts is impossible, and I call your statement of fact as a mere belief. People also believe humans could never levitate, that there's no ghosts, etc. etc. What I can tell you is that ~I~ don't know, and from what I gather neither do you.
Do you maybe suffer from depression?
To go through that is a high price indeed - but it is absolutely worth to fight it
Worth it is a judgment call. And no, I do not suffer from depression (thankfully). I do have an issue that is quite separate from what you would see in a truly depressed person. My days are filled mainly with contentment and often bubbling with joy. But I do have deep issues.
It is a very unhealthy mindset to hover so close to suicidal ideas and impulses - I am really worried about you.
And here's where I flat disagree with you. Completely, totally, and 100%. It's not inherently unhealthy to hover close to how you genuinely feel. Now I agree with you that suicide does not necessarily correct the issues that afflict us. If someone suffers from social anxiety, for instance, I have no reason to believe that after death that don't encounter groups of people. I don't see a direct mechanism to explain why the anxiety would leave just because one entered a different phase of existence. But issues of the physical body -- so constant, so outside of our control, perhaps that does get discarded. ~I~ don't know. However, to ~me~, suicide is like any other important choice a being can make, it is a FREEDOM to be able to choose. To tell yourself "oh no, suicide is bad bad bad, you shouldn't consider such things, and don't masturbate either" is a fear-mongering that can paralyze you. Who do you attempt to satisfy with the belief? The church? God? I don't get it. Suicide is not a bad/dirty or ~dangerous~ thing, in my eyes. It is a choice, taken for whatever reason, generally to further some agenda, and it either works towards that agenda or it does not. Period the end. But it's not Voldemort, you can say the word and you won't bust into flames or wilt all the flowers in your house. Suicide, suicide, suicide. And you know what could be bad to do to someone else? Shame them out of their considerations, make them feel small or whiny or weak or anything like that. But that's not something I'm susceptible to here.
I appreciate your concern for my well being. Just know anything I do is my best calculated attempt at that. Geez, you worry about stuff more than ~I~ do. I am quite at peace with my considerations of suicide. I see it as akin to deciding to take of an itchy sweater and hope to find a better shit. You know those people who just ~have to~ be in a relationship or they're not happy, and then they end up staying with an abusive "lover", well that's life when you stay out fear, because you can't think outside of the stay put philosophy. Just cling to your hairy sweater brother, if you feel the need, but I for one would rather consider my options. And no, Jesus is not my savior.
--charlie
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