Independence Vs Consideration

[Original Poster]

"Just be yourself, don't care what others think about you." We've all gotten that advice before, right? While it's true that we should not live according to the expectations of others, there's also something self-serving about being considerate and polite to others. A good social network is necessary to survival. Being too callous about your appearance to others can disrupt this social network. No one wants to hang out with a douchicle. At the same time, most of us are not so abrasive that we couldn't stand to be a bit more confident and assertive, and people tend to respect you more if you're genuine. So what is your philosophy on the balance between independence and consideration? You can even broaden the conversation to cover self-interest vs collectivism since that appears to be a vital aspect of the issue. Spoiler for useless rambling: I have a friend who's extremely polite and socially tactful. And part of me hates his fucking guts for it. Because you'll never hear the truth of it, he'll never say how it is. It's always carefully worded to deliver something impotent in its capacity to cause offense. While it's nice to know hanging out with him, you'll never be insulted, I've started to realize the benefit of people who aren't afraid to tell you like it is. And frankly, when I've overstepped my bounds or whatever, I like people to confront me about it. I always confront others about it, and I figure while I can hit on a sensitive subject my aim is not to hurt them, merely to shine a light on the problem. I don't think it's necessary to belittle someone or attack them on a personal level when you challenge their actions and behavior. I think this is far preferable to disengaging with people and never telling them why. Of course, there are people that do belittle you and criticize you for the sake of it, and I have friend like that, too. I'm embarrassed to hang out with some of my friends because they can't let a biker ride past them without lecturing them about the importance of wearing a helmet. I mean seriously, is it your fucking problem that someone you don't even know isn't wearing a helmet? Some of the criticism I understand, like when we were walking on the sidewalk, crossing past the exit of a drive-thru, and this guy came speeding out and had to slam on his brakes not to hit us. But I feel like just the action of nearly hitting someone is enough to make me feel like shit, if I'm driving. It becomes totally unnecessary to sit there and belittle them for it, and in fact it creates a stigma that ruins the lesson because let's face it, they're not going to feel as guilty if they learn the person they almost hit was a total asshole. To me, it seems like she just gets an ego boost from getting in people's faces. And I think it makes her a total cunt. In conclusion I think it's helpful to challenge people's actions if A. They would not otherwise be aware they caused a problem (there is no need to punish people over and over again for mistakes they already know they committed and are already going to punish themselves for) and B. You approach the challenge with the genuine intent to help them. You do not do so in order to feel powerful. This friend of mine is a lawyer and she gets off on arguing with people to make herself feel big. Just because someone can't argue on your level doesn't make you right. In fact, no one is ever right about anything. Your perception of the world is just as traitorous a translation as everyone else's.