Thread: Is being polite greedy?

Originally Posted by oniman7

While it may not describe me consciously, it may be the way my sub-conscious has learned to work. Say that it is psychologically learned... Where would it originally come from then?

I got to thinking the other day, and I was reflecting upon how people are polite.

I chalk it up to attribution error. You attribute the politeness of others to something internal and universal. You believe that you are somehow apart from these rules. In truth, I don't think it is right to try and generalize altruism.

The key here is to diagnose your own experiences. "Consciously." (In this discussion, "conscious" and "subconscious" are irrelevant). Tell me about the last time you were altruistic. Tell me about why you did it.

Originally Posted by CoLd BlooDed

Since when does politeness mean giving things to other people? If anything that would go under the word generous or charitable.

If I'm wrong please correct me, I always thought politeness was please and thank you, standing and sitting with a positive posture, chewing with your mouth closed...

There is actually a lot of similarity between the two concepts. Why are we polite to people? We are polite to give them a pleasurable experience. It shows a regard for how that person's interaction with you will go, making it less-likely that they will feel offended or otherwise displeased with you (at least that is my take on the reason for politeness). It is an extension of generosity.

Originally Posted by oniman7

That's not what I meant. You can leave if you don't want to take it seriously.

Geez. Calm down Mr. "takes himself too seriously."

By the way, to all the people here who actually put some thought into their answers, I like all of them. I think what I am describing is altruism. Although the name is " is being polite greedy? " I just inserted greedy for lack of a better word. I hope you now know what I meant.

Originally Posted by Jeff777

Geez. Calm down Mr. "takes himself too seriously."

Sorry Jeff. I think we can both agree neither of us have had good experiences with the other.

Originally Posted by oniman7

Sorry Jeff. I think we can both agree neither of us have had good experiences with the other.

It's not that. We're still learning from you oniman7. New people who have an interest in becoming regs on the forum are watched (not in some strict organized conspiratorial type fashion or anything) but more people take notice of them and formulate thoughts, ideas, beliefs and assumptions about them. All in all...you seem like a nice guy whose trying to "fit in" yet doesn't know exactly how to go about doing it, so you become frustrated because others are taking you in a way you are not wanting to be taken or received. Some however are, and for that you are grateful. Aside from that, you come across as completely devoid of humor. Just lighten up a bit. If you stick around and genuinely take an interest in people here while simultaneously contributing to the forum (be it on or off topic) I think you will become a great member here. At least that's my prognosis.

Alright, thanks. Although you are right about my reason for frustration, I'm not completely devoid of humor. Just gone through some things recently, and when I start to not like somebody, I show no kindness towards them. Just something I've had to learn. Sorry.

Originally Posted by guitarboy

Wait, what?
Your saying that people are polite as a survival mechanism, like we expect something in return?

Now that I think about it, that is the way I function. I try to be nice to everyone at my job. I don't want these people as friends, but I want them to be on my side and I guess do want something in return.

I dunno what's worse; that people don't understand the concept of being nice just to be nice, or that people so openly accept that they are nice to others for selfish reasons.

Whatever happened to living a certain way, to uphold a positive ideal? To put it simply: I'm nice to people, because I realize how much better this world would be if every one was civil and brotherly to each other. I know that this is something that, in reality, would likely never happen on a global scale, but it is an ideal I believe in so strongly that it is a part of who I am.

If I open the door for someone I'm never going to see again in my life, what exactly is it that I'm trying to get from that person? How is that a selfish act? If anything, I do enjoy seeing a smile or nod in return, sure, even if nothing but a simple acknowledgment that doing something nice for someone, for no particular reason, isn't a lost art.

Although I believe it's programmed in us to have some moral code, I also think our leaders condition people to be polite. Much in the same manner they push this politically correct bullshit on us. Both take away from the harshness of our current situation. Your leaders want you to be polite and politically correct so that you think they TOO are being polite and politically correct. They don't want anyone coming up with "harsh" or "controversial" opinions that might upset the current established order. I dunno makes sense to me why they'd want everyone to be nice and naive. And then when they want to go to war... well that's what all the Christian soldiers are for. Tell me when lord... Tell me when.

You ask: Is being polite greedy?
And I say: That depends on the motivation.

I do my best to be polite to people, because that is how I myself desire to be treated. If people are more (genuinly) polite to eachother it's better for everyone.

No one likes to be treated rude and respectless, so instead we should be humble and polite towards eachother.

If you're being polite in order to gain someone's favor(s) than you're not being genuinely polite, but rather an ego-centric, manipulative rat.

My first response was "politeness and charity are two different things" but that's already been explained.
I was thinking about this subject just the other day actually lol

I am one of the kindest, most polite people you could ever meet in real life. The other day I asked myself "why" and stumbled upon thinking about the philosophy (sp- dang, my brain just doesn't work anymore!) that kindness is in itself selfish.

I concluded that my kindness is selfish. I am polite because it means less chaos. I ABHOR!!!!! chaos. When I'm polite to unreasonable or angry people, it almost always helps to calm them down some.

My parents (well, basically my entire family) are a bunch of back-biting, verbally (sometimes physically) abusive gossips who speak foul language in obscene abundance and I SWORE before puberty that I would never be anything like them.
I became a self-injurer to unteach myself their traits, so my being polite has even deeper reasons as well... ???

But basically, I'm polite because it has helped me survive life with a limited degree of choas.

On the other hand, I'm not very charitable because I usually don't have much to share.
If I do have something either that's an extra or unneeded anymore, I do tend to either donate it or give it to someone... but that's selfish in a way because it frees up much needed space.

no being polite goes AGAINST out survivalist instincts, think about it do you ever need to be polite or is it because of societial pressure?

The way I think of it -- and I may not have explained this right when I originally posted it -- is that it's a built in survival instinct, not for us as individuals, but as a whole. Human beings are herd animals, and I think it's ingrained in us to help the herd rather than ourselves in order for the species to survive.

IMO, it can be greedy to be polite. By being polite, you are trying to reap the benefits for yourself, are you not?

I wouldn't be surprised if it is a "survival mechanism". Pack animals are often "polite" to each other, to some extent.