Thread: Tell me how to get laid

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Also, confidence isn't really a choice so much as something you either have or you don't - or I guess it's fair to say we all have different levels of it. There are some guys who might be right on the borderline and can step up without trying to be somebody they're not, but most of us either have that kind of confidence or we don't.

You cannot flip a confidence switch inside you and suddenly be more confident. This is true. But you can become more confident by facing your fear of shame and desensitizing yourself to being a focal point of attention. In other words practice. Anything you read about how to pick up chicks will tell you the same thing: Rule 1 is to start picking them up even if you don't know shit. Try and fail and try again.

To me it doesn't have much to do with testosterone, there's another chemical in the brain that makes you cautious and they've linked the deficiency of this chemical with people's likelihood to be outgoing. Young people have less than old people, men less than women, adrenaline junkies have a lot less than people that cant even ride roller coasters. This chemical directly effects your ability to enjoy frightening situations because if there's too much, there's an overload and you become too stressed or anxious to enjoy it.

I see sensitivity being the deciding factor out the gate. I don't see sensitivity to be related to testosterone so much as just emotional development. I mean there's probably a link, I'm sure testosterone has an effect on this whole process, but I see sensitive guys who are not cowards or even slightly skinnier or more passive than the next guy, just more emotionally intelligent and in tune with people, able to read their reactions. For a girl this kind of sensitivity doesn't stop you from getting laid because guys aren't testing your reactions for confidence. For a guy, this can be a deal breaker. That's why jerks do better than nice guys. They don't have to work in order to become self-assured because they never gave a fuck what you thought to being with.

You're allowed to be a nice guy and be confident. In fact otherwise you're not helping yourself, true confidence is genuine. Women are most attracted to you when you are your genuine self, unfaltered by her feelings towards you. And she will check to see if she can falter you. It's part of the mating ritual.

Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

You cannot flip a confidence switch inside you and suddenly be more confident. This is true. But you can become more confident by facing your fear of shame and desensitizing yourself to being a focal point of attention. In other words practice. Anything you read about how to pick up chicks will tell you the same thing: Rule 1 is to start picking them up even if you don't know shit. Try and fail and try again.

To me it doesn't have much to do with testosterone, there's another chemical in the brain that makes you cautious and they've linked the deficiency of this chemical with people's likelihood to be outgoing. Young people have less than old people, men less than women, adrenaline junkies have a lot less than people that cant even ride roller coasters. This chemical directly effects your ability to enjoy frightening situations because if there's too much, there's an overload and you become too stressed or anxious to enjoy it.

I love roller coasters and "scary" rides, and any type of adrenaline things. I even just got a motorbike.
I'm not outgoing at all.

So yeah I think the second part of your post is accurate. Testosterone probably plays a part too. Along with many other chemicals and life experiences.
Maybe I just got used to scary stuff for example. Coz I remember one time, it's too complicated to explain, but I pussied out of something that was scary; kept trying to
make sure I wasn't going to get hurt, which directly ended up making me get hurt.

So I supposed that could have made me just sort of "go with it". Not sure.

And the last part is definitely spot on. It's not about just being confident, because being yourself, and being okay with that, is confidence in itself.
So there's no point being more "alpha" coz it is contrary to the point. Fuck it you said it better lol

"You're allowed to be a nice guy and be confident. In fact otherwise you're not helping yourself"

EDIT:

Just googled, is that chemical serotonin? Wow, didn't know it did that.

Originally Posted by tommo

Just googled, is that chemical serotonin? Wow, didn't know it did that.

Thanks for the help with that one. I don't like to read.

Most people are rats.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Also, confidence isn't really a choice so much as something you either have or you don't - or I guess it's fair to say we all have different levels of it. There are some guys who might be right on the borderline and can step up without trying to be somebody they're not, but most of us either have that kind of confidence or we don't.

**EDIT**

Crap. This just made me remember - a couple years ago I read a bunch of books by Carl Sagan, and in one of them there was this section about testosterone as studied in rats. This is sort of common sense, but incredibly enlightening to see it backed up by scientific studies. I'll paraphrase as well as I can remember it:

Male rats with low testosterone were much smarter than those with high testosterone, and were also able to cooperate well with others in tests designed to evaluate group cooperation, where none of them get food unless they all do their part. When a rat with high testosterone was admitted into the group the whole group dynamics change instantly. The alpha rat would engage in typical slacker behavior - refusing to do his part and even going around intimidating all the beta rats until they froze in place and stopped doing anything. Then he'd go around and sex up all the females. These groups never completed the cooperation tasks. If several alpha rats were included, predictably it would just be fighting all the time. Beta males are able to mate if there are no alphas in the group, but if one is present, they aren't. The alphas spend all their time ensuring their position of authority and fighting all challengers.

Interesting thing about testosterone, and this took me completely by surprise - a young rat can be stopped from producing it in sufficient amounts if he's intimidated enough, usually by the mother. once this happens his testosterone production is permanently lowered.

Other rats, male and female, are able to detect levels of testosterone through subtle clues, probably mostly smell and visual indicators like stance and aggressiveness etc, and always treat a rat according to the actual level he has.

As Sagan wrote repeatedly (and ironically) throughout the article - thank god people are not rats.

Originally Posted by Xaqaria

Most people are rats.

Lol, I think that was the point, no?
You could basically replace rat with human in darkmatters' post and it would still be just as true.

That's a great study though. I love those sorts of things.
I never knew about that testosterone being lowered by being intimidated when young though. Very interesting!

squee squee

There is one major difference between humans and rats - or maybe it's more of a minor difference.

Some of the things rats actually do humans only do metaphorically. Example, when an alpha male (human) walks in the room he usually doesn't actually physically go around and fuck all the women. But sometimes he does want to make it clear that he could.

Imagine if you will... a group of WoW friends (world of warcraft) decided to hit iHop for half price day. Suddenly in strolls Colin Farrell. I doubt any of the girls would actually dump their boyfriends then and there, but cheeks will flush, eyes will sparkle, and hushed excited whispers will circulate. It's exactly the same as when a really hot girl walks in a room - the guys all look and the girls all get huffy and start saying "She's not so hot...". This is chemical. And in the case of the males it's testosterone.

I'm not saying I disagree with what you said - I need to look into this serotonin thing. I know you're right about confidence being key, even for the betas and gammas, but it's testosterone that really chemically excites females, in spite of what they may say. Body language, subtle facial expressions and breathing patterns speak louder than words, which often lie.

Of course usually this is just a passing thing... as soon as Colin stalks out the door and kicks his Harley to life and roars off into the sunset pulses will return slowly to normal and that look of sheer excitement that the WoW guys have never seen on their girl's faces before will gradually fade. And eventually the unaknowleged chemical betrayals will be forgotten.

Luckily in some respects people really AREN'T rats!

Oh, and I need to check on that one thing - now I'm not sure if it was intimidation at an early age or not enough attention and physical contact by the mother that cuts off testosterone production.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Imagine if you will... a group of WoW friends (world of warcraft) decided to hit iHop for half price day. Suddenly in strolls Colin Farrell. I doubt any of the girls would actually dump their boyfriends then and there, but cheeks will flush, eyes will sparkle, and hushed excited whispers will circulate. It's exactly the same as when a really hot girl walks in a room - the guys all look and the girls all get huffy and start saying "She's not so hot...". This is chemical. And in the case of the males it's testosterone.

You suggest that most of the wow players are not as manly as Colin Farrel?

It is true, though, chemicals really mess up our system most of the time. Combine with alchohol and you get feelings that you are denying first thing in the morning.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Of course usually this is just a passing thing... as soon as Colin stalks out the door and kicks his Harley to life and roars off into the sunset pulses will return slowly to normal and that look of sheer excitement that the WoW guys have never seen on their girl's faces before will gradually fade.

Dude, you're like so totally awesome. Like... omg.

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

It's exactly the same as when a really hot girl walks in a room - the guys all look and the girls all get huffy and start saying "She's not so hot...". This is chemical. And in the case of the males it's testosterone.

I'm usually looking, too, and I don't get all mad about the guy looking. Does this mean I have a lot of testosterone?

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

I'm usually looking, too, and I don't get all mad about the guy looking. Does this mean I have a lot of testosterone?

I'm not sure about the testosterone but as for the bolded:

Originally Posted by dave1701

Just kidding. However, I have a huge crush on this girl and I barely know her name.
Read once you stop cringing and spitting on your computer screen:
Had her in my class a few years ago, and she probably doesn't remember me. Anyways, how does one go about starting a relationship with someone you barely know?

why are you interested in her? because she's hot?

tisk tisk.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

"Hey bitch. Janitor's closet. After school. Wear so much as a thong and you'll be sorry."

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

Some girls laugh when they're uncomfortable, also.

hehe, that's not me......not at all....
...

Originally Posted by Erii

why are you interested in her? because she's hot?

Yea, but in a subtler sort of way. She's hot, but she's not smoking hot. Call me strange, but the sound of the voice of women really does it for me. She has the prettiest voice I have ever heard. Plus, like I said, I knew her a bit a few years back, as far as I know, she has a nice personality. But then again I don't know that much.

Hey, where'd you get the Gif of ForCeez?

Just be glad I refrained from mentioning dampened seats... Yeah, there woulda been a riot up in here...

Ok, I got this feeling like I've been posting really cheesy inappropriate stuff all day and suddenly all the shame and embarrassment I've been holding back is crashing in on me. Time for beddy-bye!!

I'll be back tomorrow to face the music for what I've done today in my weird manic caffeine rush.

Voice is a great contributer to the sexiness. I have also very "strange" things that make me interested in people. It basically can be anything that strikes me, but I obviously have some general weak points against women. Eye are always the best, jebas save me if they are brown or green, I am doomed. Voice and the way of talking. Use of words. Certain freckle patterns.. postures and mannerisms.. All kinds of things.

But then again I don't know that much.

You can easily love anyone as long as you don't know them well enough

Originally Posted by Unelias

You can easily love anyone as long as you don't know them well enough

So true.

Originally Posted by Unelias

You can easily love anyone as long as you don't know them well enough

So so true.


I love green eyes too.

It's sort of like loving a fictional character, though.

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

It's sort of like loving a fictional character, though.

dingdingding

The important thing in a relationship is rapport. I mean, there's nothing wrong with going after a girl because you're attracted to her - hell that's how it starts. But it's about how well you mesh. If you always seem to be on different wavelengths then put her in the spank bank and walk away.