Hyu's Adventures

A woman comes to my desk to inform me that the manager would like to see me.
I get up immediately and begin the long walk to the manager's office.
I pass by thousands of cubicles, all looking perfectly identical to one another.
The room is huge. But it's all just cubicles, sitting on a bright white and spotless white floor,
which slightly reflects what is above it.

Everyone I pass is wearing the exact same grey suit with white shirt combo.
Everyone is in shape, everyone has the same hairstyle, the same hair color, even the same eye color.
No color can be found in here. None whatsoever. Regardless of where you look, it's all white or grey.
There are no distractions. No family photos, no items on any desk besides a monitor, mouse and keyboard.
Everyone is working at maximum efficiency.

Eventually I get to the managers office. A man is leaving the office right as I arrive.
This confirms that I have been walking at precisely the right pace.
I enter the office.

"There has been a problem with your daily psych eval this morning."
"You are to be at the primary psych facilities in 12 minutes for a more in-depth test."
"Yes."

During the exchange, the manager has not even glanced at me once.
I leave the office, and begin the even longer walk to the psychiatric facilities.
As I'm walking past all the cubicles again, I notice a woman, who on closer inspection appears
to be adjusting one of her contact lenses.
As she gently pokes the grey lens, it moves just enough to reveal that she is hiding beautiful green eyes behind them.

And this is why my psych test isn't clean. It's because I notice these things.
It's because I can still occasionally feel emotions.
You're not supposed to. That's how the system works.
It's easy to achieve complete obedience and efficiency without emotions.

I arrive at the office for advanced psychiatric evaluation.
There is only one such office for the entire facility.
Tens of thousands of people, yet I'm the only one here.
I'm the only one who failed the daily eval.
I enter the office. It is very small.
It just houses a simple chair and a robot. (who looks suspiciously similar to glados)


The robot begins to scan me. I try to keep my mind clear of any thoughts.
But I know that this isn't going to help. I'm going to fail this eval. It is inevitable.
In order to disable all emotions completely, the cocktail of drugs we receive daily isn't enough.
Abstinence from all stimuli is also required.
Which is why there are no colors, no music, no socializing, no hobbies...

But the system isn't perfect... because I have seen colors. I have heard music.
I have done so in my dreams. My lucid dreams.
And although it is said that nobody has dreams anymore due to the drugs, I still do.
I think it is because I am a lucid dreamer. Nothing can take my dreams from me.

"Your evaluation is now complete. Return to work."
"Yes."

I leave the room, initially thinking that I might have tricked to robot.
No. It can't be. Someone is probably going to intercept me on the way back.
This is it then. I suppose it is over for me.
I don't really feel any emotional reaction to these thoughts at all.
Perhaps it is the drugs, or maybe I just don't care to live this life any longer.
A woman stops me.

"Excuse me?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you here?"

I got lost in thoughts...
Oh shit. I didn't return to the programming facilities!
I walked deeper into the psych facilities by accident.
This is really not supposed to happen. I can't be here.
And it is so easy to notice that I'm out of place here because they wear different uniforms.

"What is this?"

She points to a device attached to my belt...
It is an old MD player attached to it.

Not only am I in possession of a musical device. It is also partially red!
I get a bit of a mirror's edge vibe from it. The forbidden color red, the bright rooms...
The woman looks very uncomfortable and worried.

What now? Do I wait for them to come and take me? Do I run?
No, I can't possibly run. We are all dependant on the drug.
If I stop taking it, the withdrawal effects will kill me.

But then it hits me. I'm deep inside the psychiatric facilities.
This is where they make the drug. It's in the room right in front of me.
If I had enough of it, could I slowly decrease my dosage over time?
But that would mean walking into the laboratory, past a hundred scientists,
take the drug, then run, get out of the building, and survive out there alone?
I don't even know what the situation outside is.

But suddenly it becomes clear. I am not me. I am not Hyu.
Right now I am another person. And this persons plan is to escape today.
Why else would I have a red music player with me?
Why else would I have walked deep into the psychiatric facilities?

"Yes."

You're always supposed to answer yes, in order to acknowledge what you have been told.
I gently push the woman aside and enter the laboratory.
The scientists all look at me. It is so easy to see that I don't belong here at all.
But they are afraid because this is not part of their daily routine.
They just resume their work.
I walk up to the conveyor belt where the finished drug arrives, neatly packaged into futuristic syringes with 100 shots each.

"HALT!"

Ah, the cavalry has finally arrived. Took them long enough.
About a dozen man in full, black, army gear, armed with assault rifles enter the laboratory from the opposite side.
Aren't they overreacting a little here?

"SLOWLY STEP AWAY FROM THE CONVEYOR BELT!"

I wonder what the odds would be to get out of here alive if I ran.
They are still rather far away. I don't think they have a clean shot from all the way over there.
But I don't think I could make it.
My mind is too clouded by the drugs.
I don't think I could improvise, heck I can't even remember how to run.

Oh! Of course! That's what the music player is for! Emotional stimuli!
I inspect the player more closely and find some earphones attached to it.
I put them on slowly. They don't react to it.
I hit play.



Not at all what I was expecting. But it will do.
I pick up one of the syringes.
Nope? Still nothing?
I calmly begin to walk back into the direction I came from.
They keep yelling at me to stop.
I increase the volume of my music. Problem solved.
I mean, what are they going to do? Shoot me?

Someone attempts to block my passage through the door leading back out of the laboratory.
I try to push him aside, but he won't let me...
I need to get out now, so I throw a punch in his general direction.
I end up hitting them in the nose. There's blood. Lots of it.
This time I manage to push him aside since he's in shock.

Holy shit! I just punched someone in the face!
The guards accelerate their pace. Time to run.
If I run continuously in the same direction, I'm bound to find an exit right?
I mean, how big can this building possibly be?
On the first corner I get rid of my shoes, because they slide way too easily on the polished floor.
My jacket and shirt quickly follow because they are horribly uncomfortable.
I feel like the guards are slowly catching up, but fortunately they're not using their weapons.

After a few minutes of running I feel extremely exhausted.
I am fairly certain that I have reached the end of the building now, but there is no door.
I run off to the left, alongside the outer wall.
There has to be an exit here somewhere... I hope.

Eventually I encounter some curtains and push through.
The building looks much more normal here. No shiny white floors anymore.

I spot a green fire escape sign. Colors! I suppose people are not supposed to come this far.
Finally a door that looks like it leads outside. Don't be closed...

I push it open. Fresh air. The sun.

A spot a ladder that leads down to the ground.
I'll have to climb over some railing to get to it.
But the guards catch up with me before I can do so.

"STOP RIGHT NOW!"

They could just drag me back inside now.
There's no longer a need for weapons in order to stop me.
But I know how to deal with this.
All I have to do is to point up.
I do this until everyone is looking up... at the blue sky.
That leaves them completely in shock and I climb down.

There's nothing really here, besides that ridiculously large building I was just in.
No sign of anybody else.
I just pick a direction at random and walk.
Nobody is going to come after me now.
I do realize that I'm most likely not going to make it.
I don't really have any survival skills.
But I don't mind, because right now I am more alive than anyone in there will ever be.

I haven't posted in a while.
It's kinda difficult to find the time to do so with my current health issues. (It's nothing too serious I think, but it impedes me from doing activities that require a decent amount of brain power)
The few moments where I feel alright and I'm motivated to write, I spend it trying to somehow finish my masters thesis in time.
It's quite frustrating to know that it is going to take some more time until this will be resolved, because apparently it's perfectly normal to have to wait 10 weeks to get an mri done in this country. :/
Then again, we got fantastic healthcare, so I shouldn't complain.

Anyways, I don't really have the motivation to properly write down things that have happened in relation to the Templar story arc, but I figured I'd at least post something.
Something that is much easier to write.
So here's a random dream from last night which I thought was really cool, though I now realize that I'm going to have a hard time explaining why.
It's weird how that works, sometimes a seemingly normal event can be very emotional in dreams.



I'm in my bed, trying to fall asleep, when I notice that something is off with the lighting.
Normally my room is really dark at night, there's a few very faint green and blue lights from a switch and a file server in the room, but that's about it.
You really have to navigate the room by memories (if you don't turn the lights on), because it is too dark to make out anything.
But for some reason I can distinguish everything clearly, even though it's all pitch black.
What a contrast!

Fortunately I know this look very well.
Dark dreams! In my dreams darkness is usually compensated by a ludicrous amount of contrast, so I can see very clearly, even though it is really dark.
It is rather astonishing how many shades of black there really are, and how easily they can be distinguished if you aren't limited by the human eye.

I get out of bed and start exploring the house.
I don't bother thinking about my current situation or dream stabilization because I'm under the impression that I'm fully lucid.
This is however not the case.
I'm not thinking clearly, as I would in a "fully" lucid dream.
Yes, I'm aware that this is a dream, but I'm not thinking about doing cool stuff. No epiphanies or anything.
Just a mindless zombie strolling through the house, hoping to catch a glimpse of something extraordinary.

Once I am downstairs I notice that the scenery outside has changed rather dramatically.
This is not where my house is in waking life at all!
I go outside to explore more, and find that my house is now placed right next to a rather large lake.
It is perfectly still and reflects the sky like a flawless mirror.


Cool!
I start walking over it, something I often do in dreams.
Walking on water is really pleasant, if you do it barefoot that is.
The water is really cold and I get chills up my spine during my first few steps.

The sky is cloudless. It is perfect! There is no light pollution whatsoever. What a sight!
But then I realize that I'm not really lucid.
Or rather, I realize that I'm not thinking.
Exploring your own thoughts is an amazing thing to do in dreams, and has become my favorite way of stabilization.
If you're thinking clearly, dreams receive a huge boost in stability.
It's also a good way to calm down if you are easily excited.

Anyways, after some thinking I feel like I've gotten my brain to work adequately.
But oddly enough I'm not in the mood to leave this place, even though I am now fully aware that I can.
There is something very special about this scenery, and I'd like to stay for a bit longer.

I take off my t-shirt, noticing that it's a bit odd that I'm wearing one.
I never wear shirts to bed, especially not in the summer.
I lie down on my back.

It feels sooo good. My back touches the extremely cold water surface, which carries me easily.
I feel very floaty and stretch out my arms.

But even though this sensation is very enjoyable, blissful even, I cannot help but feel sad.
Because in this sky I can see so many stars.
Billions of them. And beyond them are billions of galaxies, containing billions of stars each.
And I'm here, on this rather insignificant piece of rock: planet earth.
Insignificant. That's really all I can think off.
In comparison to the size of planet earth we have explored less than a single grain of sand.
I feel alone. I feel stuck. I want to leave this planet.

I stretch my right arm out and grab onto the stars in my field of vision with my hand.
It's odd how I feel compelled to make this gesture even though nobody can see it but myself.
I want to go there one day. I want to go within my lifetime.
I want to explore this seemingly endless space.
But I realize that I have most likely been born too soon.
Why could I not have been born later, in an age where we are space explorers?

...

Well, that is just fucking depressing.
What is wrong with me?
I'm dreaming. It's all about experiencing the unimaginable. It's about having fun.
Yet here I lie, acting all melancholic.


But then one of the stars becomes slightly brighter.
For some reason I know that this is a super massive star that has just reached the end of its lifetime.
Its core has collapsed, releasing a massive shock-wave. A supernova!
During its lifetime it has fused hydrogen into heavier elements.
Helium, Lithium, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen and many more.
And now, as its final act it is launching all of it into the vastness of space.

But these elements will inevitably find others. They will attract each other and slowly but surely clump together.
Some of them will turn into planets over the course of millions of years.
And with a lot of chance, one of these planets will be at a certain distance from a sun.
Maybe another smaller body will orbit it. A moon.
And maybe, if everything goes right, some of the elements this planet consists of will combine in a certain way.
And then there will be life... there will be another earth.
Because that's what life is.
That is what we are.
We are all made from stardust, forged within the cores of super massive stars.

And that is a really beautiful thought.
Because even though we might appear insignificant compared to the vast size of the universe...
we are special!
I mean seriously. What are the fucking odds?

And that makes me feel really great and I cannot help but smile.

I wake up after about 9 hours of sleep. (weekends ftw)
I remember a mess of short and unstable dream fragments, but none of them seem interesting...
For some reason I feel like if I try to fall back asleep I might have an awesome dream though,
plus I'm not in the mood to get up yet whatsoever.
It doesn't take long until I fall asleep.


I'm at some kind of hotel, searching for my room, but I'm a bit lost.
I wander around hoping to randomly find it. I cannot even seem to recall what it looks like. (This is a recurring dream scenario)
The only way to a new corridor is to walk through a gym shower room which I find a bit odd.
I enter it but accidentally hit a lever on one of the walls.
All the showers turn on at once... oops?
I turn the lever back down but it won't stop... shit.

I start to become confused and slightly scared, why does this not work? Why can't I turn it off?
I try other levers at random, but it just makes things worse.
A few people are starting to notice, and are staring at me from the corridor.
There's that scary sensation you get when a nightmare is about to start...

But this gets me thinking. Lost in a hotel... searching for my room, this is a dream sign!
I RC and sure enough, I'm dreaming.
I casually walk out of the room, not really caring about it or the looks on the DC's faces anymore.
They all look very confused at what they're seeing, except for one girl.
She seems happy, even excited? Like she's about to engage me in conversation?
But she doesn't, and I walk right past her... weird...

... I'm outside of the hotel. I sit down at the last free table to have dinner.
I look at the menu and order something.
Whilst I hand the menu back to the waiter, I see that it was hiding the fact that another person had joined me at the table.
It's the girl I've seen earlier when I was exiting the showers.

"Can I join you?"

Her having seen the shower thing makes me uncomfortable, but there's something about her that intrigues me...

"Sure... I'm Hyu, nice to meet you."

Wait... Hyu? Did I just tell her I'm called Hyu? ...
Oh well, let's just leave it at that.
But then suddenly the realization comes that I was lucid at the end of the shower scene.
I'm still at the same hotel, which means I must still be dreaming.

I look at the girl carefully, trying to find... something out of the ordinary I guess?
But the scene is darkening... shit. Stabilize!
It's too late, the scene vanishes...


... I'm at my hotel room with 3 friends. We want to go out.
I open the door to leave the room but I am greeted by a... grizzly bear?
I casually close the door again, seeing as I must still be dreaming...
A bear? ... Seriously?
My friends are freaking out screaming things like: "It's a bear!!! We're all going to die!!!"
How annoying... I unsummon them with a wave of my hand.
Much better!

The room is quite dark... not good.
I start rubbing my hands, hoping to stabilize the dream, but it's not working.
I rub them more vigorously, but then they nearly catch fire and I burn myself.
What the heck? Well... this is obviously not working.
I try to summon the small phoenix wings on my left arm to teleport myself to Teraluna...
... But all I get are a few sparkles shooting out of my arm, like the wing summoning procedure is sort of broken.
I've had this happen before, I can't teleport if my dreams are unstable...
I don't know what to do and I'm afraid I'm going to loose the dream.

"Booh!"

That startled me. I turn around. It's the same girl yet again.

"Who are you?"

Maybe it's Faye playing another of her pranks?
I probe her aura... nope... there's no way this is Faye.
But it's not the aura of a DC either, it's way too strong and vibrant for that.

She holds out her hand to me.
I feel adventurous and grab it.
I look into her eyes and I am dragged into them...

Suddenly I'm blinded by intense light.
As my vision normalizes I see that I'm in... a rather special room?
It's a very big apartment room, with glass walls.
I must be in a skyscraper considering how high I am.
It's night outside, I can overlook a rather big city.

The room itself is very weird. It's like an insanely huge bath/pool room?
There are pools, everywhere, connected by small waterfalls.
Water is flowing pretty much from everywhere, showers integrated in the walls / ceiling, waterfalls somehow starting at the top of the room.

"You like it?"
"Yeah..."

The girl is now wearing a white bikini with a red flower drawn on it.
She's beautiful... She has brown curly hair and bright white eyes. She's about my age.
I'm still holding her hand and she's dragging me towards one of the smaller waterfalls.
It smells great in here, and that watery breeze is just amazing.
She takes a quick dive under the waterfall and comes back out.
She clearly enjoys the water, you can easily see the passion in her eyes.

"You haven't answered my question..."
"I won't... I thought you had a thing for mysterious women?"
"I do... but that doesn't change the fact that my curiosity is endless. But how would you know that?"
"Hmm... isn't it obvious? I read about it."

Hold on... did she read my DJ? Is she real?
I'm not going to ask her, that would just be awkward, clearly she knows exactly what's going on.

"I'm assuming your name is top secret as well?"
"Haha, it totally is!"

She runs one of her hands up my arm.
Suddenly I get goose bumps. The feeling is EXTREME.
What is this? It feels so insanely good.
I brush over her cheek with two of my fingers and I see arcs of electricity moving between my fingers and her cheek.
It feels so good, and I can clearly see that she's enjoying it was well.
I can hear music playing... something electronic, ambient and calm.

(something a bit like this)


She hugs me and starts running her fingers down my back.
I get a complete sensory overload.
I can feel her fingers with every single skin cell in my back.
I can see every single fiber in the iris of her eyes.
The colors are so strong and vivid that they would burn out my eyes in a split second in waking life.
It's like looking straight into the sun, except you are not blinded.
I can hear every single drop of water in the room, I could pinpoint where exactly each one is, even if I was blind.
I can even hear both of our heartbeats, our breathing, even her hair brushing over her shoulders.

I have no idea what's happening, but I don't care. I'm enjoying this way too much.
I can clearly feel the arcs of lightning everywhere our bodies touch.
I mimic what she's doing and run my fingers down her back.
She shivers with pleasure. It really turns me on.
This is so intense... I can't believe we're doing nothing but touch each other.

She's moving in for a kiss.
I wonder what it's going to feel like...
We're really close now...

But then of course... I wake up... -_-

This was rather overwhelming...

non dream - lucid - non lucid

I play starcraft2. I'm quite a bit better at it than most of my friends, but I'm nowhere near as good as to play in a tournament.
I do watch some casts though, follow some of the tournaments, so I guess that I have some idea of how these things work...
After waking up I noticed that this dream lasted for a really long time and there were a ton of false memories.
The gameplay mechanics were also spot on as far as I can recall, although the maps were quite weird.


False memories:
After getting my masters degree I moved to California, LA to follow my career as a game designer.
I suddenly had a lot of free time on my hands, so I started to play sc2 quite intensely.
I got to know a few people, and after some time I ended up in the pro-gaming team "ROOT". (Probably because I watch Destiny's stream who's in root?)
Some worldwide tournament is happening in LA, the biggest one in the history of gaming, with an insane prize pool.
I not only managed to qualify, but I actually got into the semi-finals.


I'm sitting in a glass cabin, in front of thousands of people. I'm wearing sound canceling headphones, I can't really hear anything besides
the sounds of the game and my own breathing.
I played really well in this tournament so far, I'm quite proud of myself.
I somehow managed to stay quite calm, even though I'm playing in front of a crowd, but things have taken a different turn now.

I have to play one of my teammates. It's currently 3-3 ZvZ, the next game will decide who's going to the finals.
I want to win, but I don't want to knock my teammate out.
Without my team I'd still be a random master league player, but thanks to them I'm playing here, in this huge tournament.
They taught me to play this game at a competitive level, I'm this good only thanks to them.

We're 20 minutes into the game. We're both maxed on roach infestor.
The map is quite open and huge. This game will probably be decided within a split second.
If anyone is caught out of position he'll probably loose right away.

I can't take it... the pressure is just too much. My heart is pounding, sweat is dribbling onto my keyboard.
My hands are shivering... I'm loosing it. I have to get my hands under control or I won't be able to micro properly.
My emotions are burning me on the inside.
I don't want to knock him out. I don't want to give him an easy win either, or we'll all feel bad.
I take a glimpse past my monitor. I can't see well due to the spotlights, but there's so many people cheering.
I don't want to disappoint them either.

I see his army approaching. I have to pull myself together, now!
I take my hands off the keyboard and close my eyes, just for one second, in the hopes that it'll calm me down.
And for some reason it does.
We're fighting. Any mistake can cost the game now.
None of us makes one, we trade army's pretty evenly, but then I can see it.
His reinforcements are running into the fight, but they somehow balled up.
I barely manage to catch them with a fungal growth.
He fucked up, I push forward, hard and relentless.
A few seconds later he gg's out. I won.
I can feel the pressure suddenly disappearing. I take a few deep breaths. I'm in the finals...


... I'm at the hotel. The finals are tomorrow.
My whole team is staying on the same floor. Everyone is offering me practice matches.
But I don't want to play, I want to chill so I'll have a clear head tomorrow...

It's the next day.
My finals are against a Terran player... It's my worst matchup.
He's very popular, I doubt I'll be able to win against him.
But knowing that I made it into the finals in my first big tournament makes me stay calm.
Even if I get steamrolled in the finals... I still accomplished a lot.

... He's leading 3-2. I have to win 2 games in a row to take it. I doubt I'll be able to.
But somehow in the 6th game, I manage to pull off some insane nydus play and barely manage to win the game.
3-3 again, well fuck me...
Suddenly I feel a chance of winning again, and the pressure is back.
I'm so nervous, my hands are shivering again and the final match hasn't even started yet.
Then I see the map he's chosen. I'm fucked.
The map is extremely terran favored in TvZ. Unless he makes a massive mistake there is no way to win this, and he won't
make any stupid mistakes...

I can't take it, I have to leave my box to catch some fresh air.
The organization decides that there is a 20 minute break before the final match due to some technical issues.
Well lucky me, 20 minutes to calm down... I feel like throwing up.
The crowd is cheering... I wonder how they would react if I threw up on stage.
I see my team mates waving me over. I walk to them, I can really use some encouraging words.
I notice my girlfriend is with them... huh? did I have a girlfriend?
Of course I do... silly me. (No, you don't...)

She immediately says "come with me!"
My team mates are a bit confused as she drags me away to the restrooms.
She's probably gonna give me a pep talk. The crowd is too loud, we can't have a conversation in the main room.
But she has something different in mind...
She explains that she knows the best way to calm down. I only know what she's on about once she starts undressing.
Right... this couldn't end up badly at all.
But I am way too nervous about my next match to think about this.

We have sex... in the restrooms, just minutes before my final match.
I can't believe I'm doing this. But it really does make me forget about the match for a bit...

... It's time... I'm coming out of the restrooms. The crowd is cheering.
I walk onto the main stage facing my opponent.
I'm calm... perfectly calm. I'm ready!
I shake my opponents hand "Good luck!"
I say this with absolute confidence.
He knows the map is strongly in his favor, he knows that he's the better player, me being so confident is probably fucking with his mind.
He doesn't know what to say and goes into his box.

I sit down in mine and stretch. I'm so ready, I got this.
I look at the map, and suddenly, I know exactly what I'm going to do.
There is one completely insane tactic I came up with recently, which may actually work on this map.
He's probably never seen it before, and I just broke his calm.

I smile... I got this!