Amurehna

This dream isn't recent, but I wanted to post this first because it's been on my mind lately. In the dream I cheat on my boyfriend with a stranger, and kill myself. I've never considered cheating, or killing myself. However, the dream came at a time when I was considering a break up. I look at the state of the water throughout the dream. The raging, relentless ocean. The running water. The tranquil pool.

I am traveling in a group of five. We set off across the world, seeking a way to keep it from ending. This world is winding down and the end is eminent. Our efforts are futile. Yet while I travel with them I find I can hope. We come to the ocean, it is vast and ceaselessly tumultuous. The waves tower and crash, and we walk between them, on rough stone platforms. I'm trailing behind the others, and I realize they wouldn't care one way or another if I left them. I do not speak a word, I just decide to leave. I turn around and make my way home.

I am approaching my house. The forest meets my back door, the smooth golden path transitioning prettily into a single stone step. The door stands open. I hesitate knowing that as soon as I go inside, I may not be able to leave. I considering trying to find those I have left to their quest and then decide that it is hopeless. How would I even know where to look?
Inside the house it is cool and dark. I feel a sharp stab of sadness, thinking that I will find the house empty and that my boyfriend has long since left. I notice that the floors are a white/grey tile, there's an L-shaped sectional in the middle of the room with blankets piled on it. There are dark brown curtains covering the far wall, to my right is a wall of glass blocks. I know the bathroom is on the other side. I keep thinking that I can hear water running. I walk to the end of the glass block wall and step into the long hall preceding the bathroom. There's a sink there full of water, and a maid who has been dusting the drapes walks up beside me. I think about how easy it would be to kill myself now before my boyfriend has discovered the depth of my betrayal, and with that thought I remember having sex with a stranger in an alleyway when we first realized the world would end. I think about slitting my wrists in warm water, and about asking the maid to draw it for me.
"I know what you are thinking. It is not as bad as that, is it?" she gestures behind me and I notice movement on the couch. There's a person under the blankets, he rolls over. It's my boyfriend. Tentatively I allow myself to believe that I do not have to tell him what I've done. I go to kneel in front of the couch. He refuses to look at me.
"Hey," I begin, "it isn't too late! I came home." my throat feels thick, like I'm about to cry. I worry that he knows what I have done to him, and doesn't want me anymore. "We can go anywhere, just you and me. We can watch and wait for the world to end, together."
He turns his back to me. I plead with him, but he has ceased to exist. There is now only a pile of blankets on the couch.

What now?
The maid has drawn back the drapes. The entire wall behind the drapes is glass, one panel slides back. I know what I will do, what is the point of drawing things out? My world has already ended anyway. My feet are bare and the floor is cool beneath them. I'm wearing a white sun-dress with large red flowers on it. I step to the edge of the tile. My house stands so high off the earth that even the titan trees on the ground below seem tiny.
"Yes." I think, and take a shaking breath. This is where I will find release from my grief. I stare out over the valley. Then I close my eyes, and I dive neatly out into the air.
I can actually feel the wind on my face, the longer I fall the more free I feel. The air streams past me. Intuitively I know that I will land in water, or that I must. I became aware then, that I am dreaming. My mind resisted the dream, telling me three separate times that I could choose to wake up, that hitting the ground would be the death of me.
"No." I thought, "I want to see how this ends."
So I fell, and fell, and fell. I could see the tree tops and directed myself toward it because I knew there would be water at its center. By then I am without all the pain that was with me when I jumped.

When my body hits the canopy my mind separates from it. I am crouching beside a tranquil pool when I see my body tumble like a rag doll through the trees and plunge into the water. I stand up and walk out to the body. I know it is me, but she no longer looks like me. I take her wrists in my hands and pull her from the water, dragging her beneath a tree and arrange her among the roots.

I leave her there and go to find the others in their quest to save the world.