Xanous' Dream Journal

#480 - WILD/DILD - 4:38AM

After some time of trying to WILD (about and hour), I feel as if I am sitting more upright that I should be in the recliner. I feel as if my head is bobbing forward and to the side like I am consciously falling asleep. I worry about the headset falling off, but I try to relax and just go with it so I don't mess up the WILD. I quickly realize that I am probably not sitting this far forward and decide that I am already in the dream state. I wait a moment and begin to notice very mild vibrations in my body. I don't waste anytime here and think about getting up out of the recliner. When I do, my body effortlessly surges forward with a strange gasping/sucking sound; I wonder if that sound is just my breathing. I have the sensation of opening my physical eyes and worry about waking up, but my vision corresponds to my dream environment so I do my best to ignore the feeling. I walk to the kitchen. The room is dark and everything looks as it should. I decide I am in the dream far enough to give the left-right eye signals. I then turn and walk back across the room while doing the block-push-motion that I had practiced with the headset before bed. I am excited and curious if the computer picked up my dream actions, but I try to stay in the dream a little longer. I see Remy sleeping on the futon as he is in the waking world. The area around him seems extra dark and it's hard to tell what he looks like. Not having any other goal, I decide to wake dream Remy and see how he interacts with me. I as I move toward him my excitement of the experiment wakes me up.

Night 1:

#461 - WILD - 3:00AM

Because it took two hours to set things up, I was extra tired going to sleep at midnight. Or I thought I was, I was having a very uncomfortable time with the EEG net and was in and out of light sleep with long bouts of wakefulness. I realized part of my issue was not having the sound of a box fan to lull me to sleep so I spent a ton of time meditating.

I finally manage to watch dreamlets form until I hear a loud voice say, "I still remember the smell of her fried chicken." I was curious if the voice was talking about the lab technician, but then, I remember. I latch on to the feeling of being in the dream and try to move my arms. I feel mild vibrations and slight resistance as I sit up. I float up into darkness. I become excited and remember to give the left-right-left-right eye signals. I spend the next few moments in the void trying various things to get some traction. I have the sensation of physically opening my eyes and I see some light on part of the wall. I worry that this is the actual room (it wasn't) so I quickly close my eyes. My thoughts cause me to wake up.

Night 2:

#462 - WILD - 6:00AM

We got set up early and I lay down around 10PM. I felt much more comfortable and tired this time, but my dreams where hard to recall and I had no lucids to report. I decide to pretty much skip my 3:30AM WBTB and I wake about 4:22AM. I have to be disconnected so that I can use the restroom, so all of this woke me up enough that I spent what felt like most of the next hour being very awake. I used this time to meditate into the dream almost exactly like the night before but this time it gave the *indescribable feeling* like before and I have to roll to my left to make it pass.


Later, I come to some awareness and feeling of being in the bardo. I float up and quickly give the left-right-left-right signal, but I am not sure if I am actually in REM yet or not because it's all dark. I decided this time to go ahead and open eyes. It felt vivid and I was worried that it was my physical eyes. I was happy to see the room was well lit and very different then my actual location. I also note that when I focus on it, I can also feel my physical eye closed tight. I go ahead and give the eye signal once more for good measure.

I leave the room and find myself upstairs in my parents old house. I see my mom down stairs and glide to her. In a weird, Norman-Bates-tone I ask, "What are you doing mother?"
She doesn't say anything, but her body becomes gaunt and rotten. Her right arm is now missing with splintered bone protruding from the stub at her shoulder. She looks up at me hungrily with red rimmed eyes and dark circles under. She has a look of hunger as she stared at me with her head hung low. I am taken aback, but only slightly frightened. I decide not to accept this and dismiss it. No.

The scene resets and I am now standing with her in the Main Room. My mom has returned to normal, so I hug her to put emphasis on the restoration. I say something to her about all of this just being a dream and how everything is OK. I feel excited and overjoyed to be lucid and having completing my goal. I think of waking up, but I remember that I was supposed to stay in dream for a few minutes if I could. I am not sure of the time, but know it hasn't been long at all I turn to go out the back of the house, but all of this, thinking about waking up, actually wakes me up.

#435 - WILD - 4:15AM

I did a WBTB coffee (2tbsp coffee grounds + 1tbsp sugar) at 4AM. Chug and and crash focusing on WILD.

I quickly recognize the usual sensations but it hard to get out. I realize I need some stimuli and the first thing I think of is sex. During the enjoyment, I notice a very young girls is sleeping next to me in the same bed while some woman is riding me. I begin to feel awkward and want to get away. I notice that I am deep enough in the dream now, so I push the woman off and mutter, "That's enough."

I easily stand up and wonder into the bathroom. I have an embarrassing situation that I try to ignore so I look into the mirror to distract me. My face distorts and I now have large aliens eyes. Instead of the deep black associated with gray's, I have white glowing light like my eye are made of some sort of reflective material. I marvel at the glowing light from within for a second and then decide to try playing with the mirror a bit. It looks really dirty witch is distracting but it seems like there is a different room past my reflection. I press my face into the glass and it stretches like soft rubber. I pull back and try to focus on something in the background, hoping to fall in, but I suddenly wake up.

#436 - DEILD -5:08AM

Having realize that only 15 minutes passed since I drank coffee, I decide it can't have kicked in much though I feel mildly stimulated. I relax focusing on my face as I body awareness meditation and quickly pass out.

There is something about my brother visiting my house. Me setting at table telling myself that I am dreaming, but not caring much. Maybe I thought I had it under control, but lucidity slips away. After talking with my brother, I decide it's time to lay down for WILD.

I am in a room eating white grapes with a small boy. Then try to eat something like a grape, but rock hard. The dream fades to darkness, but I hear a voice telling me to hold me focus and wait (meaning DEILD).

I have WILD sensations, but I am able to blindly get up. I jump around to stimulate my dream body. It feels super odd. I begin to float so I open my eyes. I am now standing in the room again. There is trash everywhere and the little boy is just looking at me. He gives me a grape and I taste it. Bland. I recall the smell TOTM and quickly search the floor. I spot a banana peel, pick it up, and give it a good sniff. Nothing. I try again breathing deeper, but now I am too aware of my physical body. I remember breath is the only connection to waking world. I stop and try an orange peel that's near the spot where I found the banana. It has a mild, undefinable scent. I now recall my monster TOTM and tap the boy's elbow. "Common!", I say as I start to look for a bed. I wake up.

#422 - WILD - 4:42AM

This time I had no vibrations and the entry was all visual. I had trouble sleeping after my WBTB and ended up visualizing random scenarios until I felt myself enter the dream world.

I eventually latch on to strong HI and it brings me back to a more OBE like WILD. I spend some time flying out of bed and making huge swinging motions. I fell G-forces and the sensation is exhilarating. The dream is very dark but as I swing out, I can see the room stretch out to a ridiculous length. After some time I return to a laying position and manage to sit up on the edge of the bed. I recall wanting to see what I can find under my bed. Will there be a monster or a portal to some place new? I quickly jump down to the floor, but everything is way too dark to see. I feel the floor and find thick plush carpet that doesn't exist in waking life. As I note the texture I shout, "Light! I need some light!" This rarely works for me and this time was no exception. Suddenly, I hear a faint alarm clock sound to my right and see the alarm sitting on the floor. There is a little LED lit up and I quickly pull the clock apart and pluck out the light. I shine it under the bed, but only see carpet; no monster. I'm surprised at the open space, because in waking life we have a bunch of plastic totes under there. I wonder if the floor will give into a portal so I push on the carpet. The floor seems to give in some, but I can't get at it well enough to really make and opening. I try to slide under there, but my body just won't fit. I decide to try calling out a monster, "Come out. You in there?" I feel some anxiety about this and I'm not too disappointed when nothing shows. The dream is still annoying dark so I blind summon a flash light from my side. I have trouble physically feeling it so I just pretend it's there. The lighting only slightly gets better so I decide to give up on this task.

I try to make my way to the front door in the darkness, but as I walk, the house morphs into the house in Texas. I try to resist this at first, but decide it really doesn't matter. I open a door and enter what looks like a hospital. The lighting slightly gets better, but it's still pretty dark. I wonder around some hallways trying to find light. I end up in a patients room and see a window with blinds. I dive into meaning to phase outside. I feel the blinds press on my face for a moment then break through.

I am now in a stairwell of concrete and blue railing. I leap up one level and as I do I hear low muffled voices. It creeps me out so I say out loud, "Just talk normal, bitch." The voices stop and I see a light source a few levels higher. I jump as high as I can and push off a rail to get extra momentum. I land in a well lit area that looks like some sort of underground bunker. There is an old man and woman in blue jumpsuits standing near a doorway in conversation with their back to me. As I approach they both turn around and I am shocked to see they don't have faces. Cool! I look at the old gray haired woman then the man. When I turn back to the woman I see she now has eyes. I'm curious so I poke her check with a finger and find that her skin is way too soft and mushy. That's pretty gross so I move on through the doorway into the next room. There's some control panel at a desk with a chair and railing then a large metal garage door. The old man appears next to me with a full face. He's a heavy mouth breather and I find it very annoying. For whatever reason I turn and smile and shake his hand. He too feels way too soft and mushy and I notice that I squeezed his hand so hard that it is now misshapen. I get the idea that these people are made of memory foam. I suddenly wake up.

#408- DEILD - 4:45AM

Quick WBTB. Galantamine and DMAE.

I wake slightly and enter vibration and have my usual SP time. I can't get anywhere so I decide to just enjoy the moment. I relax and begin to feel myself float then, slip off the bed. I watch as a fall deep into a void in the floor. I can see my bedside getting smaller and smaller. I fall fast for a long time. I wonder if I will pop out on the other side of the earth. At that thought, I feel gravity shift and I start to fall up. This doesn't last long and I land back in bed. I relax and focus while remaining thoughtless.

I am now walking in the living room. I am glad the dream has started and make my way outside. My son is in the room and presses against me to be picked up. I decide it would be fun to take him along with me. He feels cumbersome to carry so I just imagine that he is somehow attached to me and continue on without worrying too much about actually carrying him.

It's rainy outside and looks like early dawn. I walk into the street and remember that I was going to go for the Pegasus TOTY. I call out for Pegasus and look around expectantly. Nothing shows up so I turn around to think about something else. I see my son has been trailing behind me and I get an idea. I say, "R, be Pegasus." as I hop on his back. He's on all fours but nothing is happening. I feel bad at this sight, so I stand up and take a less rushed approach. I say, "R, turn now into Pegasus." I watch as he quickly morphs into only the front half of a white stallion. He's just a horse head with front legs. This is a horrible sight and look away for a quick second. This was a bad idea because when I turn back to look, he has vanished. I spin around trying to see if he walked around me, but he is nowhere to be found. I quietly whisper, "Shit." I decide to forget about it the whole thing as I look at the colorful dawn in on the horizon just above the trees. I decide to fly without much thought and I zoom toward the sunrise at an amazing speed. I can hear the wind rushing in my ears as the dream collapses

I am back in SP and vibrations. This time the sound of it so strange and creepy. It' like demonic children shrieking in either anger or agony. Before fear can get the best of me I decide to let it go and not focus on SP or vibes or anything else. I remind myself that SP is not the goal and I quickly fall into mediation for a moment. My awareness doesn't fade but I feel my body come back into the waking world. I feel like I could go back in, but I decide I should try to DJ before I fall into non lucid sleep.

#392 - WILD - 3:44AM

Almost an hour WBTB with some meditation and the usual Galantamine dose.

I focus on body awareness and quickly enter into a very long transition in vibrations and SP. I use every trick I can think of to get the dream going but it's being very stubborn. I forget most of the sensations, but it was all very typical for me and only mildly interesting. Eventually, I find myself floating listlessly above the foot of the bed. I look up and see the floor. I am upside down so I reach for the floor landing on all fours. I crawl out of the bedroom into the living room, heading for the front door. I feel very weak and gravity is extra heavy. The dream is very unstable and non-vivid but it's all I've got right now. I continue to crawl, making very little progress. I know I need to stand, but the thought of it seems impossible. I tell myself, "Don't be a pussy." as I use all my will to stand up.

As I stagger to the front door I see a line of dead bolts spin to the unlocked position. I was grateful for this, because the thought of manually unlocking all them seems like an impossible task at the moment. I feel hopeful as I reach outside but the dream is still really unstable. I float to the grass in the yard and feel with my hands as I revert back to crawling. I note the texture and feel as my legs drag across long blades. I recall Jenkees' dare to have theatrical music and try to conjure up something. The Indiana Jones Theme song begins to play in my ears. This is all wrong for the moment so I shake the sound out my mind. At this point the dream decides to crash.

I wake up feeling mentally exhausted and decide to hope for DILD later. I mantra "Remember mindfulness" as I fall back to sleep.

#393 - DILD - 4:07AM

Originally Posted by From Ringworld, by Larry Niven.

"I have a variable-sword," said Speaker-to-Animals. "I urge calm." The kzin stood against a curved wall. In one clawed fist he held something like an oversized jump rope handle. Ten feet from the handle, held expertly at the level of the kzin's eyes, was a small, glowing red ball. The wire which joined ball to handle was too thin to be visible, but Louis didn't doubt it was there. Protected and made rigid by a Slaver stasis field, the wire would cut through most materials including the back of Louis's crash couch.

I am at an old slave house back in the 1800's. The door is boarded up but I manage to breakthrough. I feel compassion and want to free them all. I load everyone up into covered wagon and try to think of a way to get them to the underground railroad.

I have a mini wake-up but fall right back to sleep. I am now in a mixture of my basement and the old dirt floor garage from a house I lived in as a child. I am mindlessly digging up the dirt floor wanting to make a tunnel. As I do this I recall the previous dream. I notice how odd it is that the dirt just vanishes as I dig. It's very minecraft-life. After a moment I pause and stare out a window in a door. Something feels off. I remember to be mindful and quickly recognize this as a dream.

I step outside now unconcerned with digging. I quickly recall one of my goals. I want to revisit the lightsaber play from a non-lucid dream that I had last week while taking another stab at the theatrical music. Recalling the visuals, I blind summon a red lightsaber and give it a few spins. It looks good at first but the light quickly fades out as I walk around the house. I come around the side and see a very strange and distorted version of my Dodge with all sorts of attachments jutting out from the sides.

I look at my lightsaber, but it only look like a laser pointer as I stare at a red dot on the driveway. I decide this is ok because it is now a variable-sword like the one in Ringworld. I flick my wrist and make a cut at one of the chrome appendages on the car. I see it slice a very thin line but it doesn't fall off. I go ahead and give a tap making the thing drop away. I make another slash at the side-view mirror with the same effect. Ok that's kind of cool. Now I need my music. I try to summon something, but all I get is random humming in my head that sounds pretty weak and ridiculous. I let it go for now and wonder around with my sword.

To my left, I see smoke from a something like a brush pile, and to my right, I see a tree covered with Christmas lights. I am torn between the two; looking back-and-forth. This seems to do something strange with my eyes causing my eyelids to flit open, waking me up.

#377 - WILD - 9:29AM (3 of 3)

I try to squeeze another hour of sleep late this morning to try to make up for the periods of wakefulness I dealt with through the night. My son wakes up and I hear mild sounds of him taking a bath causing my to have a short period of light sleep.

I wake fully with no dream recall but I say focused on my body. For some reason I think it is my mother who is giving my son a bath. I have some visuals of this and then I notice some vibrations. I open my eyes but this time, I am certain I have opened my physical eyes. I close them and try again without making the movement. I am not sure what is what but I can see in the dream now. The transition to move my body is a bit more difficult this time but after a few seconds, I manage to get out.

The bedroom door opens as if it is the front door to the house in Texas. I always have a strong connection to this place and though I don't understand it, I just let it be. There is the church on the other side of the yard plus and extra building with gray stucco. I don't have any goal in mind so I wander closer. I think about phasing into the wall to see what I will find but I worry about destabilizing the dream.

Around the side, I seemy neighbors ugly truck parked in the grass. It annoys me so I decide to reach into it and see whats in the engine compartment. My hand phases through the grill and I smile at the visuals and the sensation. I reach around inside and feel a tangle of hoses and wires. I grab a handful and pull them out. I can now see the engine and put my hand on an odd looking spark plug. I say something like, "You will cause problems." I hope to affect waking life as a type of curse on the vehicle. I think about taking anger out and slashing the tires for fun but I stop myself right here. This is totally stupid. I think that I should just let this go and do something else. As I turn away, my wife comes in the room waking me up.

#375 - WILD - 3:55AM (1 of 3)

The usual dreamamins dose. A little DMAE to mix things up. No menthol. 60 min WBTB playing a phone game "Out There" and a whole lot of WILD determination.

I almost lose awareness and have some deep visual of a dream. I pull myself back to full lucidity and notice vibrations. I feel that I am far enough in the dream to go ahead and open my eyes. The room is dimly lit and I see the ceiling. I have my right hand in the air. Suddenly, I feel a sinking sensation and watch as the dream reality stretches and skews. After sinking what feels like 10 or so feet, I decide to move on.

I make effort to get up and everything bounces back to something more normal. I don't recall making my way to the front door; Perhaps I just teleport unaware. Outside, I expect to feel cold air but it's neither hot nor cold. I remember that I want to find this mysterious dream guide that has been showing up lately and I look around. A strange looking, beefy maroon-orange van pulls up into the driveway. It has a very futuristic/spaceship look to it with glass tinted so dark it looks black. I become excited because I just know my guy is in there. There is still some mild instability to the dream and I somewhat clumsily open the passenger side door. To my surprise, there is no one in there. The interior is super plush and clean like some high dollar luxury car. I'm not sure what this is all about but I go ahead and move over to the driver seat. I use the van to drive around in search of my dream guide.

As I pull out of the driveway I notice some kids and other people down the street milling about. I hope to find him there but for some reason the van malfunctions and stay stuck in reverse. This has never happened before and I find it very annoying. After a few seconds I am able to fiddle with some sort of gear shift and manage to drive normally. I make my way back to where to people were earlier but everyone is gone now. I continue to slowly drive around familiar streets in search of someone or anyone but I have no luck.

I feel something touch my mouth and I almost absentmindedly bite it. Is that the steering wheel? I pull my head back and see something black. It's a part of the dash that has somehow grown some sort of lump in it. I say out loud, "What the crap?", as I try to push it down. My hand only wants to phase through so I just let it be. However, it's really annoying because it is obstructing my vision. I decide I really don't need the van so I step to the side phasing out onto the street as I let the van dissolve away into nothing. I can feel it sort of fizzle to nothing behind me like one of those effervescent tablets in water. I always get a rush when I do that!

I continue walking down the street looking down for stability. For some reason phasing the van was slightly disorienting. I notice my shoes and really like the brown and blue design. I hope to find something like that in the waking world. It's so cool how creative my dreaming mind is! I look up and see some white car coming down an adjacent street. I start to head over to check it out but my physical hand randomly clenches into a fist waking me up.

#363 - WILD - 7:47AM

I wake fully now and use the toilet. I am feeling really pissed off that I didn't get a real lucid this time. I actually start feeling sorry for myself. It's after 7am and I know the alarm will go off at 8am. I decide to chill myself out and really focus hard on WILD.

I enter vibrations. Oh God here we go again. Just like last time, I can't break past SP. My wife coughs and rolls over waking me some. I re-focus on body relaxation and slip back in fairly quickly. I struggle some more. I recall a semi lucid moment from earlier where I was going on about having too much negative energy lately and I need to meditate more. I may as well try that. I'm not getting anyplace like this. I clear my mind and I start to feel myself roll. Rather than try to stop it, I focus on the sensation as I meditate keeping my mind clear of all thought. I have some interesting HI but I gently push it away as thoughts.

I watch a full scene form. I am walking outside and can hear my foot steps crunch on some gravel. Is this more HI or a full dream? I look around and see that I am in a bright summer day near a Half Round Barn. It looks like the one I pass by all the time just outside of town in waking life. I look at my hands and they seem solid but a little video-game-ish. I become super happy and relieved to have finally made it into a a solid lucid. I immediately start back on my goals for the night.

As I walk around the barn, I use expectation to find Robin Williams. I notice how dry the ground is but there are high weeds along the side of the barn. Robin isn't there. I begin to call out for him as I walk. I notice how loud and full my voice sounds. I become excited again about being lucid but I push the emotions away. You don't want to wake yourself.

On the other side of the barn, I come to familiar street near my workplace. Some cars pass and I think Robin may be in one. Then, I spot some men working on a house in the distance. I shout for Robin and one of them looks. He appears to be a little too large and has a red shirt on. I wave exaggeratedly and motion for him to come to me. He stops what he is doing and beings running toward me. As he gets closer he looks nothing like Robin. I decide to try to force it with belief and expectation. I look way for a moment and really concentrate on Robin Williams face. I see it in my mind (irony) and look back at the man. He looks a lot like John Pennett now (Wrong dead comic). Oh well. Just go with it.
I say, "Hey you're Robin Williams!"
The man doesn't say anything but his body language says he's confused and he disagrees.
I give up on Robin and decide to move on. I respond, "So OK you're not Robin but you do have my fortune cookie."
The man must be a mute, because he lets out a soundless, "Ah" and throws his head back in silent laughter.
I see his red shirt is a "pocket tee" and the pocket is right at my eye-level. I spy a bulge in it the shape of what I am hoping for. I look up at his face and the man now looks a little like Wreck-it Ralph. Of course, this doesn't register with me at the time, because I really want that fortune cookie. The man reaches in his pocket with index and thumb and plucks out the cookie with his huge meaty hand. I greedily take the cookie.

I notice there is no wrapper on it and at first I am a little turned off by that. Well, I'm not going to eat it and it's not like it matters here anyway. The cookie seems a little large as I crack it open. I pull the paper out and let the broken peices fall out of existence. I try to read it but everything is blurry at first. I focus hard. First I see some oddly spaced numbers. Then I notice the random characters above that. Then a word under the numbers. En.. Ensl... En... Encaved? I want to make sense of this word but instead I tuck it way to mull over later when I am wake. Then, for some reason I try to read out the numbers to the man, "Threeee? Two?" I can't seem to read what I am seeing. The man seems really impatient with me and I decide he's right; there's no time for this. I study the paper a second more while wordlessly committing as much as possible to memory. Basically, the paper reads something like this:
-------------------------------------------------------------
%**&
2 3 4 3 5 6 3 5 4 2
E N C A V E D
-------------------------------------------------------------

I turn to the man forgetting about the paper, "OK hold on... Hey, I am going to perform a Patronus now. You can stay an watch if you'd like." I turn to hold up a wand but everything has gone dark now. I try to hold on an focus but I feel my body in bed so I let it go.

Commentary
Supplements
Non-Lucid
Lucid
Dream Signs

No recall before WBTB though I felt sure I dreamed something

4:15AM

Feeling that I had a long lucid. FA I was on the forum talking about an epic dream and feeling happy with myself.

#147 Blindness and Sensations - 4:42AM - WILD\DEILD Chain

I am passively watching hypnagogia while counting mantra "1. I am dreaming. 2. I am dreaming." ect. Suddenly I notice something that seemed super real. I am holding some small plastic bag. I vividly feel it in my hand. So I pay attention to my body and the vibrations start.

I transition out of bed. The room is dark and I am half blind. I hope that eventually my vision will come to me if I just keep going. I feel drunk and have trouble walking. I stumble into the bedroom door and it feels like a cloth on my face. Instead of trying to struggle with it I decide to phase through. The door resists at first but I relax and focus on the other side verses pushing through. The door seems to pop like a bubble and I am free. The cloth lingers on my face for a few seconds. I can sort of see through the weave in the fabric and see light coming through. I slowly do a 360 and the cloth slides off me.

But now the room is dark and I am totally blind. I stumble to the front door. I have to actually unlock the dead bolt to get out this time. Once on the porch I begin to feel my physical sensations disappear and the dream fading. I really don't want to lick the cement again so I just get on my hands and knees and feel the porch. My knees hit the porch so hard it actually hurts for a second. I let my stomach touch the cement. I keep repeating "I am dreaming" Now, I think I am getting stable. I push up to look around but I still can't see. Really, I just feel like my eyes are closed but I am afraid I will open my real eyes. *Sigh* I should have tried.

I hear a car passing on the street and the road sounds wet. BTW it was raining in the waking world and I didn't know that it at the time. I though the sound was so unbelievably real that I must be sleep walking right now. I begin to worry that this is true and think how ridiculous I must look. I worry what the neighbors will think. The dream fades.

I stay still and wait for DEILD. It doesn't happen right away so I focus on the back of my neck to start the vibrations. Seconds later I am transitioning out of bed again. This time go straight to stabilizing. I press against the bedroom wall and start licking. The orange peel texture feels vivid on my tongue. Then, for some reason I get really excited (Menthol) and start kissing. Suddenly, I feel like I am kissing on a womans neck. I think, "NO!" and push away. The dream suddenly vanishes.

One more time I DEILD. I have to focus on my body again to get the vibrations. This I time I decide to wait it out and see what happens. I never transitioned out, but the physical sensations were much better than making love to a wall.

I seemed to have cycled between sensations repeating each one over and over. First, I felt a surging sensation so intense that it caught my breath. I could see a bright white light as this happened and then feel myself tilt upright to a standing position. All the while the vibrations felt like a strong wind on my body. As this was happening I got the most beautiful feeling of peace and love directed toward me. All I could think was, "I am going to dream about Heaven now."

Then that would fade and felt like I was slowly spinning on my back and levitating up and down.

At one point the cycles broke and I felt like I was sinking down into my bed and through the floor. My first thought was, "Oh God, I'm going to Hell now." Then, "Whatever, It's a dream. If I can just get this thing going I'll be fine with it." I even made a swimming motion downward until I fell like I had traveled a long way. I am still blind so I open my eyes but I see the bedroom. I look around for a long time and realize my eyes are getting dry and I need to blink. I finally close them and the previous cycles continue for a bit.

I don't know the length of time but it didn't seem super long. Maybe 10 min. Maybe less. My son is what woke me up coupled with my wife's snoring. I get back to sleep soon enough.

In the next two lucids the hypnagogia turns into a full dream but not very vivid. The colors are dingy and the physical sensations are dim. I decide to ride these out, flowing with the dreams as they are interesting from the start.


#148 - The Martian War Zone - WILD - 5:10AM

I am on my stomach and I lift my head up to look around. Two soldiers are standing on each side of me. They grab me up by my arms. The one on my left says, "Welcome back." I laugh internally at this and smile at the irony. I follow them to what looks like a mine cart on tracks. For some reason, I hear a super loud motor. As we ride, I try to ask them where we are going but the can't hear me. It looks like we are riding through a narrow rocky path. Soon, the ride stops and we get out. I hear a Star Trooper like voice say, "Maintain radio silence." So I say nothing. As I creep around, I notice how red and Mars like the terrain looks. I see a path leading downward and a small bridge that spans across a dry creek bed. I feel excited and curious now. I realize I am holding some kind of rile in my hands. I feel it more than see it. We walk around a canyon wall. The enemy is set up behind some boulders. I fire my rife and it sounds like phaser fire. But unfortunately, at that instant I wake up.

I wait to DEILD and again the hypnagogia turns into a dream scene. I am standing on some ancient stone staircase with 3 men in long flowing odd looking robes. Their robes are gray with black trim.

I almost wake up again here but I focus. Sort of a mini DEILD.

We are now standing at the top of the stairs. It's a platform that overlooks an enormous amphitheater. There are millions of people below. The man on my left is standing at a large microphone with with a large golden or brass ring around it. The diameter is probably about 18in. He begins to speak and the words sound very alien and a little like Russian. I laugh to myself as I have no idea what is going on. I wake up.

I try to continue WILD/DEILD but I lose focus now and fall into non lucid sleep for a little while. Did my REM cycle end?

#149 - I Meet My Doppelganer - 5:45AM - DILD

I am with my wife in some adult play land. There is this big thing we are on and its seems really abstract. I push this seat thing along a bar and it breaks off and falls below. There is some strange inflatable thing below with arms that reach to were we are. I jump on one and slide down to the bottom. I see the broke seat thing and the casters that feel off it. I randomly pick up a football. I notice how real it feels in my hands and that triggers lucidity. I look at my wife and say, "So, this is a lucid but it's not." I feel confused why I would say "it's not" but before I can reason this out, I see that my wife is now my double. I say, "Oh you're me!" My double just raises his eyebrows and makes a face like I am just joking around. He waves me on. I'm not buying whatever he's trying to say. I am really intrigued. It is almost like looking to a mirror but not. The feeling was so odd. I probe him some more and ask, "What are you thinking?" But before I can get any response I wake up.


6:58AM NLD

I have a FA but feel as if I was lucid before. I can't remember it, however. I get up an get in the shower. The odd thing is that instead of there being a shower in the bathroom, the bathroom is one big shower with gray stone for wall and floor tiles. I begin washing my hair in the water and notice that I have a full on arousal and I am abnormally huge. I try to ignore it but can't help to want to relive myself. I look around and see that I left the bathroom door open and worry that someone will see so I refrain. Then I wake up.

I remember another dream where I am an animal. I cheat on my dachshund wife and have babies with some other species of animal. One of the babies looks like a raccoon.

8:08AM NLD

Me, Wade, and Quinn, (The characters from Sliders) are half buried by some people. Our heads are exposed but they planted sweet peas on us. We were to be the fertilizer. Someone (I suspect it was the Professor and the Crying Man) get us out. We run away in the the cold winter night.

There are some cardboard boxes that are made to fit each one of us. One is on a picnic table and Wade jumps in it and barrel rolls off, landing smoothly on a road. The road is covered in a thick layer of snow and ice. Wade and Quinn both sled away in cardboard boxes. The road is hilly and it turns into a fast roller coaster like ride.

I check out of the story here and wander off into the woods alone armed with a crossbow. The other two vanish from memory. I hear a deep and mysterious voice say something like "The lonely hunter wanders off alone because that's what the lonely hunter does."

The scene switches back to Wade and Quinn. They come to a huge barbed wire fence with signs posted all over a gate. One part looks hand written with cardboard and marker. It says something like:

NO Ghostly Apparitions.
NO Werewolves
NO Mosters

But I took it to mean that these things are inside there.

The more official sign read:

ROAD CLOSED
This state is comprised of
80 people
DO NOT ENTER

I hear cars passing and Quinn points to another road. There is a normal "road closed" barrier but cars seems to me passing right through it like ghosts. Quinn says, "There is another road right there!" I feel like a part of the story again and I really feel like we need to enter the barbed wire area but I am also afraid of the bad guys catching up to us and think the other way will be quicker. I feel really indecisive. I wake up.

I try to reenter the same dream via DEILD. I see the sign with blue lettering clearly. This time is says there are 85 people. I focus on that but my son wakes me up again.

#129 There Is No Wall WILD

I am deep into HI/HH. For some reason I remember how CanisLucidus likes to sleep on his stomach. "I hear him say have you ever tried it on your stomach?" My dream self rolls over halfway on my stomach. I can feel the blanket over my face and I begin to feel strange whirling spinning sensations. I was amazed how much better a WILD attempt this was. I focus on the sensations for a few seconds. (I didn't notice until later that I felt zero vibrations like I usually do. I am actually glad that this didn't throw me. Never give too much attention to the noise. Passively monitor it.)

Then I feel my wife in bed poking my ribs and telling me to wake up. I try to ignore her. But she keeps doing it. I say to her, "Stop it pleeeease! I am trying to have a lucid dream and you are waking me up."

I never open my eyes but I roll over to my back. She is still moving the bed around and saying to wake up. I realize this probably not really happening. I tell myself over and over that she is not real. I decide that I just need to get out of here. I can still feel a slight grip from the sleep paralysis making me move slow and awkward. But I manage to stand up without too much trouble.

It's dark in the room but I manage to see my hands clearly. I open the bedroom door and find myself in a long hallway. The dream is still blurry and insubstantial but I realize this is not my house. Something reminds me of my ex in-law's house. I begin to believe that's were I am. The dream comes together now and that exactly where I am. I make it to the living room and pause for a second. I think, "If this is their house then which wife is in the bed? Past or present?" I decide that I really don't want to know or want to be here so I continue out the front door.

It is really dark outside. I think the only way out of here is to just fly away. I see the sun coming up the west. I find that slightly funny as I start to fly up. Then, I get lost in the void and feel the dream breaking up. I decide to just go back to the ground and stay inside. For some reason the dream wants me here.

I go back inside and visually stabilize myself. I wonder around the living feeling slightly triumphant. I think, "Haha bitches I'm in your house and your not even here!" I explore the house some and realize there is very little clutter or furniture. Every thing looks spacious and organized. I see a small white wooden door with no knob in a random spot on the wall. I use expectation to make it open to some place else. Nope. It's a small closet with a water heater.

I walk around the wall into the kitchen and then back into the living room. I see a clear spot on the wall separating the living room and kitchen. I think maybe I can draw a doorway with my fingers to get out of here. I make a motion with both fingers at the top but realize my hands phased into it. HA phasing! I think about reaching past the wall into the space beyond. My hands pass through fine so I thrust myself into it. My arms get softly stuck at the elbows. I pull back and stare at the wall. I say, "There is no wall. There is no wall." I really focus on believing it. I think about the space beyond the wall again as I jump forward. I feel a slight sensation like a cool mist of water pass over me. I feel grounded on the other side but all I can see is the color of the wall. I think about the other side and what it should look like. The dream stabilizes.

I look around the kitchen/dining room and see the back door. I really want out of this house! I have TOTY on my mind and want to move on. I can see the door is open but the screen is closed. I can see outside and it is total darkness. I feel really confident from phasing and decide to take a risk. Without thinking things through I rush forward flying head first into the door and throwing it off its hinges into the darkness. I say,"This leads to another planet!" (why?)

I am now engulfed in the void. I feel spinning sensations. I relax myself like in any other DEILD and try to focus on seeing something. I think about the Colosseum a bit while I wait. After a while I wake up.

Bedtime 10:30p – 8:30a

1) 1:45a Playing some sudoku like board game with Jess and Megan at our house. I walk into the living room and there are red Christmas lights everywhere. I continue the game on my phone like it was words with friends or something. I also think to play my old supervisor.

I move to recliner and begin attempting WILD. After each NLD I quickly record what I remember on my phone app and resume WILD.

2) 3:29a find myself in SP. I try something a little different to enter the dream. I force myself in a rush to get up out of the recliner. I feel my dream body stumble and fall and then I re-enter SP. This time I relax too much. I have a false awakening.

I have the laptop on my chest and the recliner feels like it is reclining way too far back. I am still trying to WILD. I ear the alarm clock distantly in the bedroom. I wonder how it is 6:00 already. I expect my wife to come looking for me and sure enough I hear her walk in the living room. I just lie still because I really don't want to ruin my WILD. I figure she will just see me asleep and leave. But the computer is on my chest and on. I think she will see a post by RareCola and read it.

Then, I hear her say. “You're going to kill yourself with that.”
I give up my charade. “What?” I look at her as she is going back to the bedroom.
“I said your going to kill yourself.”

I get up because originally I had planned to get up with her at 6 and stay up for 30min and then WILD.
I notice the recliner is turned wrong but when I go to move it there is another recliner in its place but it is a darker brown. The other recline shrinks and slides next the the strange one. I then walk into a strange kitchen. I wake up.

Another SP episode from DEILD. This time I know that I just need to visualize a dream scene and I will enter. For some reason I get too excite and SP fades.

3)4:38a I plant some sort of seed in the crack in the back deck. They are round and small but I don't know what it is. I water is. The water hose floods the area. Then I have another FA. I look next to me and see Janna sitting on the couch. She has marijuana seeds. She tells me she gave a seed to some kids and is worried they will get in trouble. I tell her they probably won't plant it. I go to use my phone app to record the planting dream and I realize “This isn't real”

I wake up briefly

4)I am now watching Johnny Bravo through my window on a TV in my neighbors yard. Then I FA and I am back in my recliner. I feel like I am holding a remote. But wake for real and see I am not.

5)4:42a I am in the recliner. I see Travis and tell him about the fake picture I sent him. He say, “Dude I don't know how those pictures of me get posted.” I explain to him that it was just a look alike with a tramp stamp. He changes the subject.

6)5:28a *LUCID*

For whatever reason I am driving with my wife and another guy was with us sitting in the back but he never says anything. We go down towards my job. It is late in the morning and I decide to just take vacation. I pull into the parking lot. And I tell my wife maybe I should just call it in instead of going in to ask for vacation. Then I notice the time on the car's clock. It is 8:38AM and I realize I can't ask for vacation after 8. So I decide just to use the call in line and not have a vacation day.

Suddenly we are inside in an office. My wife is at a desk typing on a computer. The guy is sitting several feet behind her watching the computer screen. He is behaving like a silent observer. Ignore him completely. I am on the floor putting my shoes on. As I am getting the last shoe on I remember to pay attention to my awareness like I do in RL. I think to myself, “I am dreaming.” But I didn't mean anything. Then it dawns on me. “I AM dreaming!”

I don't have my shoe on but I know it doesn't matter. I look around. I remember to stay calm. I try to focus on various office supplies on the desk. I see things like a coffee mug with pens and pencils in it. Then I look my my wife and see the guy in peripheral vision. I never really look at the guy. Maybe he will be my dream guide. Too bad I forgot to think of that. Anyway I know neither one matters and talking to them at this point would be a waste. They are just DCs.

I stand up and turn around. I see a door that is partially open. It is the only way out of the small room. I briefly remember that if I ever become lucid at work I would have fun with it and do the things I couldn't do in RL. I rush for the door and expect to see the production floor.

I open it and instead... The room I was in is at the end of a long hallway full of doors. Each door goes to a different office. "OK fine. Stay calm. Focus. You are dreaming. Keep awareness." I walk down the hallway and pop into random offices. The walls are wood paneled and with no decor. The doors are those cheap hollow wood doors. They are unpainted and stained a very dark brown. I don't notice the flooring. The color scheme is very bland and boring. All the offices are empty. There are no people anywere. "Ok strange but not that strange for a dream." I hear a phone ring once. I walk into an office room that I thought it came from. I see a desk with computer and a phone that is off the hook. There are a few papers scattered on the desk. I pick the phone up and put it to my ear. I hear nothing so I press zero. I hear a short ring and then, a young woman's voice answers, “Student services.” I think it's odd so I don't say anything. I press the hook with my finger to hang up. I don't hear a dial tone. So I just lay the phone back where it was. I can hear her voice but distantly, “Hello?” The sound of it is as you would expect for a phone away from your ear. I am a little impressed with my subconscious at how vivid the dream is.

I continue down the hall. Now I am looking at double glass doors. It looks really dark outside and I can't see anything beyond the glass. I want to break glass so I rush at it. I can hear my footsteps like I am wearing boots on concrete and I actually feel the impact of my feet on the floor. I note this is really cool for a dream.

I dive head first for the glass but it is soft and doesn't break. I feel my head got stuck. It feels like a wall of Jello. Of course, the natural reaction is to close your eyes. I feel the dream fading. I don't want to lose it so I back out. I re-stabilize myself by looking at the glass doors and focusing. “OK fine. I just want to leave here its boring.” I slowly push the doors with my right hand. There is no sensation and its like the glass is gone but then the door opens and I am looking at the next set of doors. I feel a little frustrated that glass doors are keeping me in this building. I almost feel trapped but I am determined. "Maybe dreams are like being a ghost in the movie Betelgeuse. You can never leave the building. No that's a stupid thought. This is my dream." I push the next doors slowly open.

Then I am immediately engulfed in darkness. I feel myself wanting to wake up. I begin rubbing my hands together. I can feel the friction and heat. It is almost painful. So I stop and clasp my hands together. I am still in the dark void and I think, "Maybe I am awake and I was really doing that with my hands. No, I don't believe it." Then I realize that I in darkness because I just have my dream eyes closed. I slowly open them but cautious not to open my waking eyes. For a moment I am confused because my eyes felt so real. "Am I opening my waking eyes?" So. I only open then halfway. I see that I am at the driver side door of a Grey truck. I decide its safe and I open my eyes fully now. I notice It's not very clear or vivid. The dream quality not as good as it should be. except for my sense of touch. I touch the glass of the door. Solid and feels real. I slap at it a little and am surprised that it sounded normal and I could feel the impact on my hands. Then for some reason I am abruptly jolted awake. I think I heard a noise in the house. It was storming.


7) 8:24a I am going with some people to a house I own. I am renovating and selling. I see a bunch of low class scummy people on the porch. I see a shirtless fat man. His checks hang down real low and he pushes his man boobs together. Somehow it all looks like a giant ball sack. I feel disgusted. I loudly tell someone I don't know how I will ever sale this house will all these kind of people around. I enter the house and the floors are still dusty from sanding the hardwood. There is a little girl there and I kindly ask her to go outside. I wake up.

Aids:1/8 tea peppermint oil before bed
Methods:DEILD/WILD - FA
Morning Suppliments:500mg L-Lysine, 500mg C, 595mg Potassium Gluconcate, 1 Super B-Complex
Sleep Quality: Light, wakefulness, RLS

Huge Storm 1:12 AM
Huge storm coming. Riding with dad. I see storm shelter. I hear some song that reminds me of someone. And then another song. I remember an ex-girlfriend.
"I say I hate all songs."
I see Jeremy and Jess in the car with us.
"What song? I say do tunes to what you want."

Dude, Where's My Car? 3:15 AM ish

I am at my parents sleeping in a recliner. It is dark and I can't sleep.
I went to my parents with the kids. I am leaving. But I can't find my car. I see a white car that is stripped down. The kids think it's mine but I know better. We run down the street looking for it. I feel tired and weak and can't run well. I see white cars everywhere but none are mine. I don't want to call the police yet because I keep thinking that I remember that I parked in a strange place and I knew I would not remember. I tell the kids this.

Now we are in some nursing home and wondering around. Not sure what happens here. Something about me not being a good enough Christian. How I let bad things into my life. Thats why bad things happen. Some old woman? I feel guilty for lucid dreaming like it is a sin.

We leave. I tell my kids we got to look some more before we call the cops. Deanna says that Dalynn already did. I asked her about that. It was when I was holding her and she blew into a strange balloon.
She says, "Well that lady scared me. So I called the cops."
We run outside but I feel overwhelmed and too tired to walk. I lay down in the grass and dirt. I curl up on a mound of dirt. I tell the kids I just want to close my eyes. My body relaxes and I wake up.

WILD 3:30AM ish
When I wake up I am in the recliner that I moved to because of my RLS. I don't move a muscle. I relax myself and I roll my eyes into the back of my head and focus on my skull. Sleep Paralysis almost immediately kicks in.

I hear the familiar strong wind sound laced with rinings of the ears. I feel the familiar vibrations and windy sensations. I noticed this time that the sound and vibrations increased and decreased in intensity like waves on a beach. I make a quick note of this. I can feel my legs moving up. It feels like something has me by the ankles. I become afraid and I have to remind myself it is not real. I try to enter the dream but I get stuck in SP for longer than I wanted and because of the last dream I thought I was doing something evil. I keet telling myself that it was ok. And it wasn't real. You do this all the time and its always been fine. No good, the feeling was persistent.
I try to ignore the thoughts and visualise anything to move on. I my mind wonder and my dream eyes see.

I see a road. I am flying low and fast down a vivid and brightly lit road road hugged tightly by evergreen trees. I enjoy this but my eyes begin to opened and I see the dark living room with one eye and the road with the other.

I go back into full SP. Still the same feeling of guilt. I think that this is getting no where and I want to go back to my bed. So I suddenly and forcibly make myself get up. I stumble back to my bedroom. I heard and felt my loud footsteps.

I think how odd this is. I was feeling the vibrations like wind on my body. The loud sound of wind and ringing. Typical SP. Was it possible to not be truly paralyzed in sp?

I now find myself tangled in my blanket. I am standing by my bed and I can't find my way out. I am unsure of what happened. I feel so confused and my mind feels numb.

I say, "I'm dreaming. I'm dreaming." But my voice sounds odd. It is weak and unsure. Almost like I am asking a question. I am not convinced. Then I throw myself in the bed. Now I can find my way out. I feel half asleep and strange.

All my actions have woke my wife up. My wife mocks me. And complains how this is not good what I'm doing. She is pissed I woke her. I feel embarrassed and say nothing. She gets up to go the bathroom. I close my eyes and relax. But instead of going to sleep I wake up still in the recliner. God dammed FA!

I was so sure I was awake.