Things to Run Away From Really Fast

02/05/11

"You're leaving? How the hell are you planning to get out of the city?"

"By bus."

"That route's run by the gangs. Do you know what they could do to you?"

"I'd kill them if they tried."

"You'd try to kill them, you mean."

"Well, yes."

An image forms in my mind. The bus I'm on, forced to the side of the road. The leader grabs me by the arm, hauls me to my feet. Keeping center of balance low, I take a quick step past him. Use his grip against him, grab, throw, dislocate his shoulder. Follow through to the next man, punch to the solar plexus. Disarm the knife, strike to the throat.

Unrealistic? Depends on reaction time of second man. Don't underestimate.

"Fine," she says, with the look of a person with too many stubborn people in her life. "I'm coming with you."

One Way. Scare Factor: 2.

★★★☆☆

SOLO SENTENCE ESPRESSO

It takes fifteen minutes of standing on the train tracks and yelling before the chupacabra shows up and dies and is recorded onto a tape so that its soul is sufficiently trapped for eternity (or until the sequel); I'm late for work and Dean's hit by a train, but we get better.

Chupacabra. Chupacabras? Scare Factor: 3.

★★★☆☆

10/28/10

Scrambling up wet black rocks, spray from the waterfall soaking me to the bone. Straight up to the top of the vertical cliff face. Looking out over the dark river snaking through the vast canyon, all sound drowned out by the constant roaring of the falls. Green, black, silver, and blue... It's a clear, crisp day, and I let the joy of the moment wash over me.

The water is too shallow for me to jump safely... but this is a dream. I'm already half awake as I jump, as I plummet. Icy tendrils cut through me as I hit the ice-green water with a splash.

I crawl through the interior of a small school bus surrounded by schools of fish. The sunlight from above barely reaches us, filtered through the water to be a dark yellow-green. I push through the wall of the bus, and it gives way like plastic wrap.

I breathe. Around me, in every direction, are silver fish of every possible size and description. A face appears through the murk. A mermaid, her tail flicking around my leg and then she's in front of me. We're reaching for each other and we're kissing and the scene fades...

And I'm sitting next to him, our knees touching as we laugh about some random happenstance.

Seaweed. Scare Factor: 2/10.