Things to Run Away From Really Fast

Sunday, June 27, 2010

My journey from ambitious underling to rival archangel.

I'm sitting at my desk, poring over some ancient text, but my mind is elsewhere. My team has just made a fascinating discovery, a book that could unlock ancient magics unknown even to the angels. Whomever can harness its power could go so far as to take over the world.

Unfortunately, we're working for Lucifer (from Supernatural). It's not by choice, I can assure you.


Sandman!Lucifer could kick your ass.

I hear the alarm go off. Immediately, I'm running down the stairs to our secret underground laboratory. The place is collapsing; dirt is streaming from the walls and rocks are falling around me. I run to the desk where Lucifer was working earlier, and grab the grimoire, the codex (decoder), and the journal that he was translating it into. Beside the books is a black LED keychain that's supposed to be a portkey. I pick it up, but nothing happens.

I'm running for the exit, not sure if I'm going to make it. I'm at the entrance hallway, but all of the main-level exits are blocked. An old man - possibly Amon - appears beside me. He says that there's a ladder I can use.

Sure enough, there is. I climb up the ladder - Amon is behind me - and we both make it out.

Lucifer is in the common area, sitting at a table with his head in his hands. He looks really mad - probably because the grimoire is lost. I try to turn down another hallway, but he sees me and the grimoire before I have the chance to leave. Suddenly, Lucifer seems very pleased.

Once we're out of sight, I turn around and smack Amon over the head, wondering why he had to take us directly past Lucifer. Comprehension dawns on his face, and he asks me if I was trying to betray our boss.

Yes! Obviously!

Amon wants to know if I really think I can get away with it, but I shrug and tell him I'm not worried.

Lucifer corners me later and asks why I'm not grateful that he brought me back to life.

What? Of course I would be... oh, I remember now. My character was really mad for some reason.

"Thanks for that, by the way," I say. I'm still taking over.

---

I'm at some Misha Collins fan-thing. Everyone around me is all excited, but I have things to do. I go and try on jeans in a store. They don't fit, and I'm tired of clothes-shopping already.

---

On a bus, I see Lucifer again. He's avoiding me. I try to unobtrusively sit beside him, but he switches seats when people get up to leave.

I see Sally, from school, is on the bus too. This can't end well.

Why am I not worried about myself, though?

Oh, right. I'm Michael. Duh.

I tell Sally that she has to get off the bus. People are turning into piles of maggots around us, and she has to leave before she does too.

"Ask the bus driver to open the door." I say.

She points to the bus driver, who's a pile of bugs covering all the controls.

I run over to the front of the bus. I plunge my hands into the squirming mass of maggots (and I can feel them wriggling all over my skin), and pull the lever for the door to open. Sally gets off the bus and starts running.

All of the maggots on the bus are streaming towards Lucifer, somehow going to power him. He looks weak right now, though. He's lying down on one of the seats, and I go over to him.

He asks me if I'm going to give one of those good-guy speeches about love an acceptance. I tell him that just because I turned out to be an angel (again) doesn't mean I'm one of the good guys.

I call up a small amount of light energy to cleanse the pile of bugs. It starts off tiny, and gets bigger and bigger...

---

I'm in a dark hallway with the same LED keychain from earlier. The small flashlight doesn't actually create light, though. When I click it once, the lights go on. When I click it again, the lights go off. Every second time I click it, something scary happens in the hallway, and if I'm in the hallway when it happens... who knows?

Holly, from high school, shows up, talking about Sailor Moon. I'm at the top of the staircase, and I think she's one of my enemies. When she's almost at the top, I telekinetically blast her down the stairs.

She gets up and informs me that it wasn't very nice to do that. I shrug and apologize, sheepish. Apparently she actually is on my side.

---

I'm watching clips of a cartoon. It's about animals running farms. I think this is ironic, and the cows suddenly start acting strange.

There's a little yellow chick trapped in a flipped-over bus that's about to explode. The other animals are trying to figure out how to rescue him.

One of the adults holds up a diagram of a kite, which the people inside the bus can hold onto and fly out the door with.

I'm flying with the kite over a sea-side city. I'm just over power lines, and I don't want to hit them. I'm on top of a marina. I have to make it past the cruise ships, out to sea so I can fall into the water.

The Devil You Don't. Scare Factor: 4.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I seem to have a thing for slamming people into walls. I blame Supernatural.

My partner and I were subtly infiltrating a top-secret military prison. Unfortunately, it didn't go well, and I'm currently on my own, trying to stage a massive escape.

You know you should watch out when getting in is way too easy.

I'm rushing back to the entrance, a mob of angry prisoners behind me (though I'm more worried about the guards). I come across a control panel, key in random numbers and watch the door slide open, Star Wars-style. I'm through the door, looking at a massive warehouse. The only way out is straight through the exterior wall, a solid mass of cement blocks and brick.

"Blast!" I command, letting kinetic energy tear its way from my hands. I barely even recognize that I'm saying the word. The far wall falls apart into a pile of rubble and dust, leaving only -

Another wall is behind it. Pure cement.

"Blast! Blast! Blast!" The walls keep falling down, replaced by more walls behind them. No way I'm getting out through here.

"I was hoping you'd come this way," says a menacing voice.

A giant steps out from behind the tall stacks of crates in the room. He looks like Hyde from the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen movie. He's several times taller than me, and can move freely in the gigantic warehouse.

Huh. This is kind of like that rancor level in Jedi Academy, I think to myself. I visualize the layout of the game - lots of jumping and running away, that won't work. I have to dodge as Hyde throws a few crates at me.

Now, how do I take him out? Fighting won't work, I'm too small.

Stop. You're fighting a giant during a mass breakout from an underground prison. Wake up, you moron.

I don't mean that literally.

I'm lucid. I barely have to think about it as I grow several meters taller, causing the room to seem average rather than cavernous.

Hyde is charging me. I stop his attack easily, spin him, send him flying into a wall. Chunks of mortar fall down around him.

Not a second later I'm on him, pinning him down and delivering a punch to the jaw.

Hyde has something of an inappropriate reaction to this.

Mr. Hyde. Scare Factor: 3.