FallenAwake

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

From the night before last
*This is a rough draft that I may or may not get around to cleaning up more*

I woke, trailing out of a dream. I tried to remember but was disappointed that I didn’t. Then the dreams started to come back to me.


Dad, mom, a friend from college, and maybe another friend (best friend from high school?) sitting (on a bed or floor with cushions?). Comfort but not a lot of affection, not needy affection at least. Calmly focused.

I was asking questions about what happened when I was a child (about traumas that occurred).

It was observed that I wasn’t as angry as usual.

I told them yeah, I don’t get so angry now when talking about my childhood traumas with dad. I say “I just got tired of being angry,” feeling very heartfelt and with a glimpse of that exhaustion. “Now I just ask questions about what happened.” Dad agreed, though he still didn’t like to talk about the what. The 4 or 5 of us discussed the change in my questions about childhood traumas and if it was a good thing. My college friend appreciated my change (in the face of others having concerns about it).

WAKING LIFE DREAMING LUCID
BOLD IF IT FEELS PARTICULARLY SIGNIFICANT

FFEDCIDD Practice
FFEDCIDD = Face, Feel, Expand, Dissipate, Coalesce, Integrate, Decide, Do

Jealousy roaring up. Expanded about a foot from my body. specks of contained heat (but not touchable?) It was like an insulation, a bit spongy. Jealousy felt bizarre - that might have been the first time I’ve really let myself feel it. I have memories of stuffing it down because it was unattractive.

A loose approximation
(more like just a pretty thing that had similar colors)
by fleicap

Under it a sadness centered in my gut, heart, and throat. The sadness (or maybe my mental reflections on it) brought me to memories of soothing myself as a child by crying into a mirror alone. I feel a lot of resistance to posting that little intimate detail, so maybe forcing myself is the way to go. Gah, I’m not always this serious, an insecure voice inside me is sharply whining and pushing.