GoldenLight

Meditation Day 2: April 11, 2012

I hunted for my other CD that is also hemi-sync but not "Between Worlds". I could not find it! Poo! So, I decided to try and block out any unintentional or unwanted distractions. This round I noticed a few things - I seemed to nearly fall asleep a few times, and I was startled awake during the session. I hadn't gone completely under, but was on the edge, like you feel right before you sink into unconsiousness.

I kept my focus on the blackness behind my eyes. I use it like a screen or chalkboard when I want to visualize something, but in the beginning meditations, I use it as a focal point. When thoughts came, and they did come, I would blow them away or acknowledge them and realign my focus.

I felt very relaxed today - maybe because I didn't get enough sleep the night before or because I was going deeper into meditation. I don't know yet. My body got very heavy. I know at various points my fingers, the middle and thumb, felt like they were no longer touching and had actually moved into different positions. When I pressed them together, they had not moved and were still touching one another as the back of my hands rested upon my thighs.

No particular images arrived to distract me....until the Didgeridoo sounds began. I swear to God this thing must be some sort of vibrator because it's tones send a vibration straight down my throat to my groin area.

I just acknowledged these sensations but realigned to the blackness behind my eyes. However, the Didgeridoo vibrations increased and so did the sensations in my core. And like a little girl on Christmas morning, I ran straight to the present under the tree! I found myself reflexively breathing very deeply - deep enough so it inflated my whole midsection. And I became aware that as the Didgeridoo played and held its note, I held my breath. As I held my breath, the vibration seemed to have a better path/connection to my sexual center (chakra above the base). This vibration just grew and then the sexual images arrived - And it was all over until the Didgeridoo stopped playing and another instrument took over. Ahem. Naughty self...

I'm a bit disappointed, but I knew it was like playing with fire. I knew my mind would be just itching to repeat that sensation. So, it's my own fault. Not a bad punishment - I'll take it. But it's not my goal to climax every time I meditate.

After my fun time ended and the music shifted, I found myself lost in darkness again with random thoughts coming and going - mostly berating myself. "Told ya you should have gotten the other CD" "Why didn't you just meditate without any music?" "You wanted this to happen, so why are you surprised?" "Better find that other CD." On and on the comments came like some scolding friend or parent, chiding me for my misguided choice of CD. I heard them and refocused each time saying, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I know you're right.

*Black screen.*

The rest of the meditation was good. Got very sleepy. Felt a little disconnected from my body at times. I get the jumpy sensation or that falling sensation when I lose myself. But it was a good start...

*Note to self: FIND THE OTHER CD STAT!

Apr 10, 2012

My meditations have always been vivid, and when I start the process of dream recall I amp up, or in my case now, start my meditation schedule. When I meditate, especially in the beginning, I use metamusic/hemi-sync/embedded binural beats with headphones to assist my focus. It's just my method and won't work for everyone. I find it blocks out my bodily noises that are especially distracting at first - heartbeat, breathing, gurgling stomach...as well as blocking out external noises: clocks ticking, cars, airplanes.

So, in this particular meditation I used the 'Between Worlds' metamusic CD, which at one point has a very heavy beat that reminds me of a tribal setting. I had no intent other than meditating and focusing my mind on the music. But scenes of nondescript tribal people in a circle around me came to mind, and I couldn't shake it. So, I went with it. Everything was blurry though. It was almost like I was in a drug induced state within this 'visualization'.

The tribe acted in chorus with the music. They chanted and played the instruments I heard - one of which is a didgeridoo. Google it and listen to the heavy sound vibration and you'll see what I mean. You can also google Hemisync and binural beats to get an idea of what I use.

Then, my focus shifted, and I felt a pulsing in the first/second chakra. It's not a helpful way to focus your attention because it ends up being a complete distraction, which it ended up being but in a good way, I guess. Anyways, the first chakra is in the lower pelvic region and the second one is your sexual center, I suppose. It's they are the two most primal and basic of the charkas, IMHO. [Feel free to correct that if someone knows otherwise.]

As the first/second chakras pulse, my attention gets drawn specifically to that region and my pelvic region begins pulsing with the music. Well, the music had a very heavy beat that began slow and sped up. The visualization - or my imagination - which is one and the same in the beginning - happily went with that.

In the center of the tribal circle lay this man - I never saw his face just his legs and I knew he was naked, but I did not see any naughty parts . Again, the whole scene was blurred. I felt, more than saw, myself moving toward this man and I did a sort of 'hands in the air and move like you don't care' type of dance to the beat. I fell to my knees and straddled him and began moving to the beat in my visualization. As the One thing lead to another and...I'll leave it there as I don't know the appropriateness of this post. [so apologies ahead of time]

Now, what always gets me with meditation is wondering why my brain pulls me to one direction or another as I don't recall thinking about sex before I started. While some might say this is a GREAT meditation, do it again - it becomes a complete and utter distraction from the main goal, which is to focus and clear your mind. Well, if you're focusing on sex and climaxing, that's not going to clear your mind. Next time, [today] I will use a different CD because I think it will become an issue and my mind will immediately go to the tribal scene like a little girl on Christmas who can't wait to open her presents and runs directly to the Christmas tree...

Dang body - you're a treacherous sneak!