side notes

April 16, 2012
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Meditated late @ 7pm - 8pm

Got in bed, wrote my affirmation, read it, and then read a bit of a book.
Before turning out my light, I re-read my affirmation.

Didn't wake up until around 5:30'ish. No recall at all. I had a dream I remembered in the night but failed to write it down or record it. And this week I must rise early - so - setting an alarm is not an option.

Perhaps this is why I prefer to meditate - it's reliable - it's consistent. LD has never been consistent for me. I realize I'm just starting and I did not and do not expect to be LD'ing already. Dream recall must be built. It's just that I can get a similar affect during meditation and it might be that if I stop trying to LD/dream recall, and simply focus on my meditations, I may have better luck. What's that saying, "A watched pot never boils"? Well, if I'm focusing so hard on recall, it may never boil. I'm not giving up yet - too early. I just got started. Just trying to adjust my mindset.

I've been searching the internet for information on Silver Entities in the void. The most meaningful that I came across had to do with two things:

1. The void is nothingness and within the emptiness there is creation. Because when we have nothing, we can begin to fill the void with something. (paraphrased and not very eloquently, but I hope you get the gist.)

2. Light is made up of many colors. And when God created light he created all that is. From that light, the angels were also created. Twin angels Scaphariel and Seraphiel. Both are male. Scaphariel is Golden. Seraphiel is Silver. One represents the male archetype and the other the female. Twin forms of light. Gold holds the space for creations while silver enlivens and activates what is created. Together they are known as the Source Rays.

My silver man, was just that, male. I am female. He was silver and I was gold. We did ... erm...'unite' so to speak at one point. If I take the void to mean a place of creation and the silver man was aiding me, perhaps he was helping me to create? Just as yin and yang is needed in all of life - so is male and female to keep a balance. Am I just grasping at straws here or does that seem somewhat logical? I am an artist and author. I also was working/experimenting with healing energies.

Thoughts?

April 15, 2012
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I did not meditate and this is my first mistake, I think. I wrote my affirmation: I EASILY remember my dreams and record the when I wake in the morning.

Yeah....but I remembered NOTHING in the morning although throughout the night I would wake know that I was dreaming, remember what it was in bits and pieces, then FALL RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP! I know better than to do that.

Yesterday, however, I was exhausted all day. I was stressed out and when that happens, perhaps it's just better to sleep through the night and hope try for a better result tomorrow.

As I've transferred these from my physical dream journal to this online one, I've noticed I have several objects that have appeared in my more vivid dreams.

Tables - usually metallic or gurney like
Gray or metallic rooms
Chairs
Dim lighting

In all three: Golden Dream, UFO dream, and Mel Gibson Saved Me, as well as the Pelican Dream & School, these have these elements.

When I enter the astral world (?) in Becoming Golden, I am in a dimly lit grayish room with three metallic tables. When I wake in my Mel Gibson dream, I wake upon a table. In the UFO dream, while there are no tables, the room itself is metallic. The man I met in the 'void' is also a silver, metallic form.

Chairs and gurneys are in the School/Pelican dream. Chairs are also in the UFO dream.

Any ideas on symbolism or the connections? :erm:

Meditation to Prime my Mind in order to Lucid Dream....

I used Between Worlds hemi-sync CD.
I sit in the same chair with my feet on the floor. I like to be touching the 'earth' or ground as I meditate.
Hands, palms up, thumbs touching middle finger in order to keep my body connected.

I begin as usual by focusing on the blackness behind my eyes [side note: Recently read CosmicIron's SILD method and it is very similar to the way I meditate.]. I watch the flashing colors as I go into a light trance. I also focus on the music. As I go into a light trance, I lose sense of my body as it becomes very heavy - just like you do before you fall asleep. If I go too far under, my body snaps awake. So, I have to try and hold this in between state of consciousness - not too far that I fall asleep but not too awake that I can't focus.

Today, I got into a light trance surprisingly fast. I didn't expect to go under until a certain point in the music.

The most memorable part - two parts actually - were when my centers just started pulsing. For some reason, I was elated. I thought I'd shut them down. I haven't done this in so long - I thought I'd completely cut myself off. So, to feel them pulse again, it's ... I'm thankful. As my centers pulsed I got this burst from my heart center and then this all over rush. It was like ... :hmm: when you get excited or surprised and you get an adrenalin rush, maybe? It was not orgasmic. It didn't start at my root/base chakra. It came from my heart center and enveloped me. I know for so many this just sounds like rubbish...because I was there once too.

The other memorable part was as this buzzing/adrenalin rush continued to buzz all over my body I felt both my forehead/brow chakra and the crown chakra all beat/pulse. It was not harsh but this consistent beating that just kept an overall buzz in my body - almost like when your limb falls asleep but then finally wakes up and you get this tingling? That's the sensation that occurred throughout my body. As this happened, I imagined/saw my golden form shooting from my crown and upwards, hands together like in prayer, towards the sky. She fought to get out but got stuck at her waist. She struggled but was not released.

What does that mean? How the heck do I know. It may mean nothing. I may mean that I am not fully opened and so she can only be freed when I am able to sustain this energy - which I can and could not. Or it may mean my tummy was really hungry and I needed some food!!

April 13, 2012
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Last night, I wrote my affirmation: I remember my dreams vividly and recall them in detail when I wake.

Then, I drew a line beneath the affirmation, read for a while, and before I fell asleep I repeated the affirmation.

It seems I forgot to clue my subconscious in on a few things:

1. I need to actually write the dream down.
2. -or maybe this should be #1 - I need to stay awake long enough to do #1.

*sigh*

I woke several times during the night and I KNOW each time I woke it was because I had a dream. I remembered the dream when I woke .... BUT...I rolled right over and went back to sleep.

Tonight, I will adjust the affirmation to INCLUDE staying awake to record the dream.

(2009) Old Meditation


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When I was meditating a lot - every day, for at least an hour a day, I had some very surreal experiences. One memorable session occurred while I meditated without music. I had progressed to the place where I could go to a black void and just hear and think nothing. I was able to hold that for quite awhile - THEN - now, not so much.

While in this void, which is very peaceful, by the way, a figure floated toward me. I simply observed it at first because sometimes the brain does send us images, but when you get to a point that you can quiet your mind, you can discern your thoughts. This was not my thought.

The silver man looked like a solid, human form of quick silver. He was quite stunning. I don't know why I knew he was male at that point - I think I noticed his chest was male and lacked breasts - sooo that certainly would give him away.

At some point, I saw myself floating in this void, and I was my golden image. I was floating, like in a pool, on my back. He floated above me, his face looking into my face. His eyes were the same color as his body, as were his lips and every other part of him. He was not translucent like me. He was solid and you could not see 'through' him. He had no male anatomy that I could discern. As he floated above me, I got the sense he was going to do 'something' to me. I became a bit nervous but not enough to leave the meditation. I think I was far too curious, as this was one of my first encounters. I was not able to control him. And I know that sounds weird, but it was similar to a lucid dream, after what I've read in here (as I've not had many lucid dreams) when you can't control your DC. He did his own thing.

He spoke to me but I don't recall now what he said exactly. His voice was deep and definitely male. He also was talking to 'others' and I could not hear them. I never did see these other people(??). But he continued to float above me - sort of in a missionary position, but yet, he never touched me, during this session. He was sort of a sexual being, but I got the sense that he was there for me, but I didn't know what that meant at the time. I was attracted to him. He had a very domineering personality. It was not mean, it was just matter-of-fact and you're going to do this. He faded away, and I came out of my meditation. It would not be the last time I encountered the Silver Man. (kind of reminds me of the Silver Surfer - which was not out then and I never read comics) He visited me a few more times and the visitations became more intense.

April 12, 2012

Day 3
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Meditated with "Between Worlds" CD hemi-sync. Survived w/o any "distractions". I noticed that I kept feeling like I was moving when I don't think I really was. I seemed to go into a light trance very quickly and float in and out of a deep trance because when in the deep trance I tended to nearly fall asleep. So, as soon as I went under, I snapped awake and was out of the deep trance.

Still my mind chimed in with all kinds of comments and advice: "Don't think about the bum gif...", (which means I thought about the bum gif)..., "Okay, don't focus on the base chakra but move onward." (which means I focused on the base chakra BUT I did move on and got my abdomen chakra to thud as well as the solar plexus and heart - didn't go further). I did a bit of energy work as when one wants to experience OBE it's helpful to prime your energy body for OBEs. Basically, I'm just preparing for whatever comes or doesn't.

Nothing special in meditation other than feeling heavy, getting some reaction to my energy work, and trying to focus on the blackness behind my eyes. (Energy work: envisioned white pool of energy beneath my feet, then I draw up the energy from the pool through my feet and eventually circulate the energy. It makes my feet and body warm and buzzy...no not that kind of buzzy.)

Tonight, I will write in my journal an affirmation and leave the real life DJ on my beside table. Sooner or later, I will recall a dream and I want to be READY!

April 12, 2012
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Wrote affirmation in my dream journal: I am open to exploring new worlds and remember my dreams upon waking.

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Fragment: Something about MASH the TV show. I remembered it after I'd already woken up this morning and fallen back to sleep only then to realize I needed to get up immediately. So, I sort of forced myself awake. Nonetheless I still only recalled the 'theme'.

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Side Note: I began perusing through my old Astral Dynamics book and noticed a section on activating the chakras. Apparently, it is very common to have the Heart center go all spastic right before exiting the body. The last time I consistently meditated (year or more ago) I was doing energy work and activating/opening my chakras. My heart center had become so strong that I thought something was wrong. I even stopped my meditation and checked my pulse only to find it was not elevated. (which is what the book said would occur) It seems that if one can ignore this pounding and let go the next thing to occur is an OBE. I, obviously, was not able to let go. Bruce said it was very hard to ignore and the man was certainly right. Only mention this because I think that is what's occurring during my most recent meditation but in the base or abdomen chakra - which causes one to focus on sexual energy and distracts you. You're supposed to also ignore it and move on to the next center. Being completely out of practice, I focused on it and whammo - orgasm.

Meditation Day 2: April 11, 2012

I hunted for my other CD that is also hemi-sync but not "Between Worlds". I could not find it! Poo! So, I decided to try and block out any unintentional or unwanted distractions. This round I noticed a few things - I seemed to nearly fall asleep a few times, and I was startled awake during the session. I hadn't gone completely under, but was on the edge, like you feel right before you sink into unconsiousness.

I kept my focus on the blackness behind my eyes. I use it like a screen or chalkboard when I want to visualize something, but in the beginning meditations, I use it as a focal point. When thoughts came, and they did come, I would blow them away or acknowledge them and realign my focus.

I felt very relaxed today - maybe because I didn't get enough sleep the night before or because I was going deeper into meditation. I don't know yet. My body got very heavy. I know at various points my fingers, the middle and thumb, felt like they were no longer touching and had actually moved into different positions. When I pressed them together, they had not moved and were still touching one another as the back of my hands rested upon my thighs.

No particular images arrived to distract me....until the Didgeridoo sounds began. I swear to God this thing must be some sort of vibrator because it's tones send a vibration straight down my throat to my groin area.

I just acknowledged these sensations but realigned to the blackness behind my eyes. However, the Didgeridoo vibrations increased and so did the sensations in my core. And like a little girl on Christmas morning, I ran straight to the present under the tree! I found myself reflexively breathing very deeply - deep enough so it inflated my whole midsection. And I became aware that as the Didgeridoo played and held its note, I held my breath. As I held my breath, the vibration seemed to have a better path/connection to my sexual center (chakra above the base). This vibration just grew and then the sexual images arrived - And it was all over until the Didgeridoo stopped playing and another instrument took over. Ahem. Naughty self...

I'm a bit disappointed, but I knew it was like playing with fire. I knew my mind would be just itching to repeat that sensation. So, it's my own fault. Not a bad punishment - I'll take it. But it's not my goal to climax every time I meditate.

After my fun time ended and the music shifted, I found myself lost in darkness again with random thoughts coming and going - mostly berating myself. "Told ya you should have gotten the other CD" "Why didn't you just meditate without any music?" "You wanted this to happen, so why are you surprised?" "Better find that other CD." On and on the comments came like some scolding friend or parent, chiding me for my misguided choice of CD. I heard them and refocused each time saying, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right. I know you're right.

*Black screen.*

The rest of the meditation was good. Got very sleepy. Felt a little disconnected from my body at times. I get the jumpy sensation or that falling sensation when I lose myself. But it was a good start...

*Note to self: FIND THE OTHER CD STAT!

Apr 10, 2012

My meditations have always been vivid, and when I start the process of dream recall I amp up, or in my case now, start my meditation schedule. When I meditate, especially in the beginning, I use metamusic/hemi-sync/embedded binural beats with headphones to assist my focus. It's just my method and won't work for everyone. I find it blocks out my bodily noises that are especially distracting at first - heartbeat, breathing, gurgling stomach...as well as blocking out external noises: clocks ticking, cars, airplanes.

So, in this particular meditation I used the 'Between Worlds' metamusic CD, which at one point has a very heavy beat that reminds me of a tribal setting. I had no intent other than meditating and focusing my mind on the music. But scenes of nondescript tribal people in a circle around me came to mind, and I couldn't shake it. So, I went with it. Everything was blurry though. It was almost like I was in a drug induced state within this 'visualization'.

The tribe acted in chorus with the music. They chanted and played the instruments I heard - one of which is a didgeridoo. Google it and listen to the heavy sound vibration and you'll see what I mean. You can also google Hemisync and binural beats to get an idea of what I use.

Then, my focus shifted, and I felt a pulsing in the first/second chakra. It's not a helpful way to focus your attention because it ends up being a complete distraction, which it ended up being but in a good way, I guess. Anyways, the first chakra is in the lower pelvic region and the second one is your sexual center, I suppose. It's they are the two most primal and basic of the charkas, IMHO. [Feel free to correct that if someone knows otherwise.]

As the first/second chakras pulse, my attention gets drawn specifically to that region and my pelvic region begins pulsing with the music. Well, the music had a very heavy beat that began slow and sped up. The visualization - or my imagination - which is one and the same in the beginning - happily went with that.

In the center of the tribal circle lay this man - I never saw his face just his legs and I knew he was naked, but I did not see any naughty parts . Again, the whole scene was blurred. I felt, more than saw, myself moving toward this man and I did a sort of 'hands in the air and move like you don't care' type of dance to the beat. I fell to my knees and straddled him and began moving to the beat in my visualization. As the One thing lead to another and...I'll leave it there as I don't know the appropriateness of this post. [so apologies ahead of time]

Now, what always gets me with meditation is wondering why my brain pulls me to one direction or another as I don't recall thinking about sex before I started. While some might say this is a GREAT meditation, do it again - it becomes a complete and utter distraction from the main goal, which is to focus and clear your mind. Well, if you're focusing on sex and climaxing, that's not going to clear your mind. Next time, [today] I will use a different CD because I think it will become an issue and my mind will immediately go to the tribal scene like a little girl on Christmas who can't wait to open her presents and runs directly to the Christmas tree...

Dang body - you're a treacherous sneak!