Xanous' Dream Journal

#490

Im at some church service with my mom. They talk about some lady keeping her baby after being raped and that baby having 33 kids. Justin says doesn't that hurt? I say, "Nah after awhile they just fall out in a conga line." We laugh, but notice she's right behind me. I'm not totally sure it's her but Im scared to look. I tell Justin look because I can't tell.

We are on a bus now. The lady is question is talking in British accent about her recent child birthing. I realize it is her and hope she didn't hear me make fun of her.

The bus stops. My son, Riley and younger daughter, Dalynn, get off. I'm overly aware od Riley's glowing red shirt. They walk past my window alone. I panic and start knocking on glass the glass to get them to loo at me. I yell, "They got off!" Dalynn phased through the bus and takes a sear, but the bus driver leaves Riley. He's too young. My mom is the bus driver. I scream, "You're leaving Riley!"
She calmly says" Well, he'll have to find his way back."
I say, "You're not leaving him. If this was real life you wouldn't." I look at my older daugher, "Hey! "Is this real life?" She just looks at me curious. I go ahead and do a nose plug just in case

Lucid now, I move to front of bus. I say to my mom "He's back right there now. No worries...boom." I point and turn expecting to see him. There he is. "Look mom, there he is. I look at mom and look back. He's not there for a second but I refuse to believe it. I look harder and a different child morphing into his likeness. I see he's wearing the same red shirt and leave it at that. I don't get caught up on the details. I'm just really determinded to not leave my child alone at a bus stop dream or no dream. I wake up.

#443 - DILD - 5:01AM


This dream was from Monday morning...

I'm enjoying keeping my entries short and to the point with less detail. It makes it easier for lazy slugs like me to read. Not much happened in this dream anyway. I've really got to get a high level LD soon.

I find some acoustic guitars in a church. My mom tells me to take one since they aren't being used. I chose one and begin to play. It feels random, but sound amazing. Everyone claps for me.

I recognize the dream sign and become lucid. I almost lose the dream but I manage to concentrate and reenter. My memory gets foggy and all I can recall is looking at some colorful gift bags thinking on goals. For some reason I think that I was to trace something in the air. I make some shape in the air with my finger and I see a silver trail of light follow and then vanish. Someone looks at me with a knowing look. I think I am doing the wrong task and I wake up.

I later dream non lucid about being a traveling businessman with way too many sexual hookups. I keep telling the women that I love them, but I seem to just want to "hit it and quit it". There was some drama on an airplane with some woman.

#185 - Time unknown - DILD

I was going for WILD and I hit weak vibrations two separate times but I was disturbed by my wife the first time and lost concentration the second time.

I am in the yard at the old house in Luling, TX with my bro. There was something going on at the church but I can't remember now. Some man walks up talking to me. I suspect he is drunk so I smell his breath as he talks. He purposely talks heavy so that his breath is available for smelling. He has halitosis up no trace of alcohol. There is some conversation.

I go inside to look at something and close the door. There was a lot of panel glass on the exterior wall and door that should not be there. I turn around and really look at the old house. It has crappy siding but I remember brick. My brother is next to me again and I point and say, "That should be brick. I remember brick." Then gradually realize I am dreaming and remember that last time I wanted to burn the house down. I yell at my brother, "Quick! Light a match!" He instantly produces a lit match and it put it to the house. It goes out for a second but I concentrate on what a lit match looks like and it re-lights. I find a quart of motor oil and pour it on the fire. Then I think what I really need is gas. i look down and see a red plastic gas can. I pour the oil on it and the fire trails. I visualize the fire melting the plastic and watch. Jets of fire come spewing out and spread all over the house. The flames looks strange like some kind of fiery water.

Satisfied, I remember the TOTM. I feel like I am going to wake so I hurry. I look at my bro and quickly step into the fire. I feel the warm like an electric blanket is over me and I watch the fire spread from my legs up to my arms and hands. My brother is just standing there, looking at me dumbly. The dream fades but I don't wake up. I have some FA.
I am looking astronomical data. It feels like archived Kepler data. Someone says to look for some star system called "Xeno" "Xenous" Something like that. The dream morphs and at some point Justing Beiber is making out with me. I am outraged when I figure out what is going on and I call him all sorts of names. Britney Spears shows up talking to me like she knows me. I can smell her perfume. I find her attractive for the first time but I realize how much I don't like her and I sort of pity her. I think it is amazing that I am standing here in a Wal-Mart next to Britney and the Beibs. I become lucid but can't remember anything. I must have woke up or had another FA.

There was some dream about Nix and the feeling or lucidity when I woke up for the morning but I can't remember.

pre-bed 9:00PM
2000MG Fish oil - (some posts suggest better dreaming)
100MG 5-HTP
Bed 10:00PM
WBTB alarm 2:30AM but I woke naturally at 2:19AM
2ish MG Galantamine (poured half capsule out on a dish and just licked it off. )
250MG Choline
600MG GPC
0.5MG Melatonin

INSOMNIA!

+1MG Melatonin at 3:00AM
+2MG Melatonin at 3:30AM

Dosed off a bit brief DILD that I can't now remember. It was a crap dream anyway.
Short WILD with vivid Rainbow colored static and geometric shapes. I haven't tripped that hard since High School!

Finally fell asleep
I woke up about 5:30AM from a NON-lucid. Something about me and another man playing with our sons. We have Lord of the Rings action figures and bicycles. Aragorn against a goblin, orcs, some shrimp like creature, and Uruk-hai. The funny thing is the action figures were actually talking to each other.

#125 FA's Brief Lucids and one Hellacious DEILD chain

I don't know how long this entire dream segment was. I feel it was probably around 30min. Maybe longer. I am not sure. There are a few memory gaps in the beginning but this is the best I remember.

Ex in-laws
I am staying at my ex in-law's house. My ex wife does not exist. My current wife and my ex's brother brother is there. There was some long dialog. Something about his birthday party. I sit and listen to the convo. I go into deep thought like I usually do. I feel dislike for this guy (I never liked him IRL). I think about why I am even here. I remember that I dream this a lot.

I remember some SP but my focus was low

Downtown event
I have a FA. My wife and I are leaving the ex in-law's house. First we were driving now we are walking. My wife tells me that her "brother" R is going to give an anniversary surprise during his birthday party. I feel disgusted and want no part of it but say nothing.

It is really early in the morning and still dark. It looks like we are downtown Webb City. There are a few curbside bistros open and large groups of people are flocking to them. Most of them are nicely dressed in evening dresses and suits. As we are walking through I comment on this to my wife but decide there must be some event going on and these are famous places to eat. Anthony Bourdain comes to mind.

I sit in a folding chair next to some woman in a black evening dress. I look around and notice my wife went into a building. I just *know* that she had to use the restroom. This woman looks familiar to me but I don't know her. I felt an indescribably strong connection to her. Like a close friend or a family member. She is older with shoulder length gray hair. She is well kept and beautiful for her age. I get the feeling that she is ultra rich and well known. In spite of that, she is super friendly and down to earth. We have a really long conversation. I forgot almost all of it. I can only remember telling her that I was really confused. I told her that I had a brief lucid dream and I just woke up. I told her I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt really sleepy still. I don't remember her reply if any.

I start missing my wife and look behind me. I see a bunch of folding chairs set out full of people and a woman at a podium. My wife is taking a seat in the middle. The woman at the podium says something about a church service. I feel annoyed. I just woke up. I am tired and I am in no mood to sit through some church service in the middle of the street. I march over to my wife. I sit beside my wife, put a hard hand on her shoulder and ruffly whisper in her ear, "What is this bullshit!?" The woman turns to look at me. It is some blond woman. She looks shocked an a little scared. I feel extremely embarrassed. "OH! Um sorry. I thought you were..."

I run off to find my wife. The shock of this triggers lucidity. I remember that I took G and was trying to get lucid.

I am in bed with vibrations.

Memory gap

I have another brief FA to lucid here but I can't remember enough to record anything.


Blanket Attack

I am back in bed with vibrations. This time I feel like a retard. I very quickly remember the dreams and how I was so close. Now I am more focused and determined.

I transition out of bed but I am unstable. The blanket suck to my head and I can't see any more. I try to fight it but my hands can't feel anything. I give up and turn to leave blind. I am thrown back into SP.

DEILD

The Colosseum - Another failed attempt at TOTY

I transition out again. This time it is better. But I am blind. I feel my way out of the bedroom. I try opening my eyes for a bit but I realize that I keep opening my real eyes. I see the dream and see the waking world. Finally I stop and focus seeing through my eye lids. Now I can dimly see. This time instead of heading to the front door I wonder what the back door will be like. My vision improves once I reach the back door and have a hand on the door knob. I try to visualize a Colosseum. I think of the line I used last time. I open the door but I see a moon lit back yard. I close the door and try again. Still the same. Not wanting to push my luck and wake up I walk out side. At this point part of me wonders If I am sleep walking. As a RC I try to float. I see me feet lift off the upper level of the back deck. Yep it's a dream. Now, I uncontrollably float over the rest of the deck and do a nose dive into the ground. I flip and roll end over end. Undaunted, I get up and brush myself off. (Brush myself off? lol) It is still really dark so I look up and ask the dream, "I need some light here" Oops I forgot to be polite. "Please." Nothing happens. "Can I please have some light?" I look around sort of wildly. I see a full moon and some stars. I try to focus on the moon but it is like looking through unfocused binoculars. It is really unstable and blurry. I look to the east and see the sun is just beginning to light up the sky.

Encouraged, I decide to fly to Rome. I "feel" like Rome is to the east. My flying stinks but I remember a trick I learned from Robert W.'s book. I see the closest tall tree and focus on the tip. I go into warp speed. I see the small focused point of the tree but my peripheral vision is a blurry mess. I sort of lose vision for a sec but feel the tree branches smack into me. I blindly grasp and feel something small thorny branches. There is a dull pain but I don't dare let go. I see another tree in the distance. I repeat the exact same thing.



I look farther out. I see a tree covered mountain range. The sun is rising behind it. The mountains look really far away. They are small and on the horizon. I pick a spot with trees and focus. I fly/teleport. Again, I grasp branches and hold on. I lose vision briefly again. I think that this has to be far enough.I let go and drop to the ground. I land hard.

I pick myself up off the ground and notice the sky is dark again. I try to imagine the Colosseum again. A huge spot light comes on be. I begin to hear a roaring crowd chanting something. I think, This is it! I pretend I have a sword sheathed on my left side. With my right arm I make a drawing motion. I can hear it come out but I feel nothing. All I can see is my shadow on the ground in front of me. I am a bulky muscular man with a Gladius in my right hand. I am in a fighting stance and ready for battle. At that moment the dream collapses.

Haunted?

DEILD back into bed. This time I give the SP a little more time. I focus on the feeling and relax. I just wait and watch like I do when I have HI.

I begin to see a bright blue blob of color. I focus on it. It looks like some sort of animation on a computer screne. I sit up and reach for it. It becomes a tablet in my left hand. I continue to watch the strange blob. I ask the the dream, "What is this?"
I hear a reply in my mind, "EVIL..... THIS HOUSE IS HAUNTED."
I become afraid. I shout. "YOU FAGGOT! SHUT-UP! NO IT'S NOT!" (faggot? really? Sorry folks, I never use that word IRL) Then I realize that I pretty much just called myself a faggot. I think about stupid it was. The dream collapses.

The Creep In The Mirror

I DEILD again and remain calm. I sit in SP again. I am beginning to realize that if I give SP some time and not rush things I will be able to see better. After some time I can see the room. I get out of bed. This time I try to focus on using the bathroom door to teleport to the Colosseum. It is the closest door. I remember the non-lucid awhile back that when I opened the door it led to a park outside. I try to visualize the outline of wall again. I open the door. Nope. Normal bathroom. I try again and the room is a black void. I feel encouraged and walk in. I imagine a Gladius in my hand and try my WILD tech in dream. I make a repetitive chopping action with the sword and wait for the Colosseum to form.

Suddenly the lights come on. I am just in my bathroom. I can see the sun coming from the window. The light is bright and warm like noon in the summer. I decide to just play around now.

I go to the sink and look in the mirror. I notice the medicine cabinet is all wrong. It has a sliding glass door rather than a hinged one. I look really creepy and distorted. My body is all jittery and wavy like I an underwater. I focus on my face. My eyes look bloodshot. My goatee is gone and I look like I am 16 again. I gasp and let out a laugh. When I do that there is this strange zooming focus effect in the mirror with the background behind me. I am taken aback. I focus again on my face. I am making crazy faces at myself. I am still wavy and jittery. My reflection give me a half smirk. It looks like someone is photo editing my mouth in real time with a smudge tool. I realize I am not smiling. Then I notice that I have a black, smoky aura around me. I gasp and again the strange zooming effect. It was almost like reality bent and flexed around me. I focus on my face once more and it looks sort of normal. I feel really creeped out and decide to move on.



I think about going outside so I look out the window. I pull back the blinds but find that I can't see past the screen. Its just really bright light coming in. I decide to head to the front door.

I walk through into my son's room. And become distracted. I see him asleep in the crib. I lean over him and say "BOOOO!" He makes a face and puts his hands to his mouth. He looks like he is about to cry. I feel really bad that I scared him. I try to comfort him and kiss is forehead. Then I wonder if I am really astral projecting and worry that I am waking him up. Then I get an idea.

I rush back into my bed room to try and see myself. I go back through the bathroom. There is breif darkness. Then I an standing next to my bed in the dark. My wife wakes up and half-way sits up. I see my body lying in bed in my right side with my legs slightly bent. I notice that MY HEAD IS MISSING. I jump in the bed next to me. It feels like a plastic dummy. It has a shirt and shorts on. I reach into the neck of the shirt but it feels like smooth skin. I remember the headless boy dream the scene destabilizes.

Concentration is Lost

I begin to DEILD again. I feel the vibrations buzzing my body. This time I become distracted. I realize that have had a long dream. I feel like I am going to forget is all. I try to think back while keeping the SP going but this much thinking fully wakes me up.

The time is exactly 7:00AM. I feel a little confused because the room is so dark still. I swear to myself that I am still dreaming but after several clock RCs and awareness checks I quickly realize I am not. It is just cloudy outside.

The Walking Dead

We were over ran by zombies and trying to find a safe place. A lot of people died. We make it to a church. We are inside it and there is a man and woman there. I am up on a stage and there were doors. I hear and see a zombie moaning and turning a doorknob. Open it to kill it but two cups fall out. One was blue and one was turquoise. I treat the cups like they are full of zombie viruses.

I notice some tomatoes pilled high in the corner. I go back to the people and I see Laurie and Hershel from The Walking Dead. I assume now that I am Rick. I sort of hint to Laurie about the tomatoes and how we made "Something" from them to create explosives. She gets it and lets me know we will use them later.

I am now on a 4-Wheeler in my state trooper uniform and hat. I worry that I will attract all the zombies back to our place but I am looking for something. The landscape looks like Texas in the summer. Dry open pasture land. I see a old run down sign that looks like something from a Fallout game. It says something about a resort.

Then I get a flash of memory about how I went there and knocked on the door wanting in so bad. But the people inside where cruel and evil. I barely escaped alive.

But no that's not what I want. I see a trashed out mobile home. The metal frame looks good. I want it. Then I see it hauled off by something.

Now I am standing in an open parking lot. I see three of those mobile home frames outfitted to be solid bug sort of caged looking. They are stacked and hanging from one another independently from a crane. We have attached bits of broken rope and rags of all colors so that it is easy to climb up them and be high up and away from any zombies. I climb up and wonder why it is so easy and why I don't get tired. Then I see a severed thumb with a silver ring hanging from a rope. I am shocked at first. I pause to examine it and then quickly forget about it.

Now we are all in a comfortable living quarter inside one of the mobile homes. It is fully furnished and complete with everything we need. We are entertaining the kids with some sort of projector video game.

I wake up.

Another Poop Dream
I am at my parents and we are getting ready to go to General Convention (a church thing). I am pissed off and don't want to go. I am sitting in a recliner and my wife is next me saying something. I am annoyed because I am trying to read the Bible but she is talking. I get hateful and tell her to leave if she wants to. That I won't beg. As I am saying this I see a bookmark that says "Preach it, Thomas". I think this must be my grandfathers who is now dead.

I go up stairs to the bathroom. I am still grumbling how I don't want to go. I need to poop so I sit on the toilet. Then I find myself suddenly on the floor in front of the open door. I start to go but I see my mom may a face like what are you doing and then she waves me away like go ahead. I stand up and think no I should be on the toilet.

Then I remember that I dream this a lot and I say, "Am I dreaming? Am I dreaming?" I say the words but I don't really ask the question. It is just like something I was supposed to say and had no meaning.

I sit down on the toilet and hear the poop plop in the water.

Alarm clock wakes me up.

Aids:1/8 tea peppermint oil WBTB
Methods:MILD - Half assed
Morning Supplements:500mg L-Lysine, 500mg C, 595mg Potassium Gluconcate, 1 Super B-Complex
Sleep Quality: Felt refreshed in the morning. Slept solid. Solved pillow issues.

Trying to LD 2:00AM
I am jogging down a familiar street. I see Jeremy and Becki. I invite them over. We are now in my house. But this is my first house. Jeremy talks about how he can tell me how many ghost are here. I tell him I don't want to know. I feel happy and safe here and I don't want to ruin it.

Then I am in my first truck. I am in the passenger side trying to sleep. My wife is in the driver side sleeping but tossing and its bothering me. I am trying to WBTB. I have an audio induction and I want to hear it. I adjust my headphones and try to sleep. I couldn't help but notice that my headphones feel like underwear on my head. Then notice that is light outside and rainy. I see Chris driving up to her daughters house who happens to be my neighbor. I am a little surprised. I hope that she doesn't notice me and my underwear. She is all but starting at me now. I just sigh and close my eyes. All I want to do is have a lucid dream and If I have to do corny things like listen to my underwear then who cares. I actually hear some music. It is a Ke$ha song believe it or not.

*I hear the intro music*

"Maybe I need some rehab,
Or maybe just need some sleep
I've got a sick obsession,
I'm seeing it in my dreams"....

(Very appropriate! Except Lucid Dreams is my drug. Bahahahaha LOL)

I feel irritated and tune the music out. I feel like I am being watched and I just want privacy. The truck drives around the block. I don't notice it but I am driving it with my mind. My wife is in the driver seat but I am controlling where to go. Then I remember we left the kids in the house alone. And I think we should hurry even though we are just going around the block. I look out the window to the right and see a distorted iPhone. It says Brooklyn on it. The woman in the truck with me is now my ex-wife and she starts bitching about how much money she spent on that phone for my niece and now its ruined.

Now I am in a bed trying to WILD. Something wakes me and I look to the left and see my sisters husband with a bed pan under him. He is squirting shit through his clothes.
I say, "OH GOD! YOU NASTY FUCKER! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?"
He jumps us and runs to the bathroom. He slams the bed pan on the floor and I see chunky shit splatter up on the wall. There is shit on the bed. I am disgusted but I feel sorry for him at the same time. I know he is sick and can't help it. Then my dog goes sniffing at it. I grab her too me and hold her. I lay there not wanting to deal with the mess. I half expect to smell something horrid but there's no smell. I close my eyes and wake up.

I Don't Want to Die!
My wife and I are in a hotel. She is not pregnant and we are partying. We are drinking and she starts to smoke pot. I am shocked but I'm like well we don't do this often. She leaves the bong on the couch and my dog daisy starts to hit it. She runs through an open door into a yard. Then she howls as she ex-hails. I find it strange that I see really black smoke come out. I am surprised at the color of smoke but I just laugh. She is trying to get more. I hand the bong to my wife who is in the recliner watching TV. Then I say wait let me. I take a long drag. I notice that there is no smell no burring in my throat and no taste. Then I ex hail. I instantly feel fucked up. I make a comment about how fast that hit me. She says she knows.

I leave the room for some errand. I walk outside and see a nice area with a pool. There are only a few people. I jump in and then leave.

I go inside a bar and walk through to the bathroom. I notice a bartender and a dart board in my periphrial vision. I sit down to shit in a stale but the toilet is so high people can see me. Some take notice and just sigh and finish up. When I walk out of the bathroom I am now in a church and service is about to start. I take in the whole scene. I notice people to my left conversing and greeting. I see a crown scattered about and people in various conversation. I see all the pews and the stage up front. The stage is blurry and I dont focus on it too much. I see another bathroom down a ways and too the right. For whatever reason I walk to that. I walk past the womens and enter the mens. It is dimly lit and there is one toilet on the right and a sink on the left back wall. The entire right wall is glass. I can see through into the womens bathroom. The bathroom is identical to the mens and I see a large woman pulling her pants down and sitting on the toilet. It seems that she cant see me and it think it must be a two way mirror. I try to respect her privacy and advert my eyes and quickly leave the restroom.

Then I am in an elevator. The interior is minimalistic, plush and cream color. (now that I think about it... like a casket!) I push a button. The elevator begins to malfunction. I feel it tilt back and get smaller. I an now lying at an incline. I push some other button. Then it compacts into a ceiling with metal beams. I hit the stop button. I am so stuck I can't move.

I quickly WILD to have an OBE to go get help. I see a lady at a desk. I tell her my body is stuck in an elevator and I need to get it out before I die. I move out of my body. It feels so natural and familiar to do this. I go through the wall and see a lady at a help desk. She is an African American woman in a red blose. I quickly explain to her that my body is trapped. She tells me a bunch of instructions. I dont remember. Maybe I am still stoned?

I go now to do whatever it is she told me. I am now walking through the spot where the pool is. I see a lot more people there and I don't bother to take a dip this time. I walk to a concrete walk and spot an elevator door. I feel that this is where my dying body is. I pry the door open with my hands. There are more doors behind the first. They are red with purple trim. I get through a total of four doors and my body slips out. I catch... me. My body is limp and cold. I find it very odd to touch my body from outside of myself. I drop... me. And I try to use my mind to enter back into my body. It does not work. I am getting panicky.

I scream, "I don't want to die!"

I lay down next to myself and try whatever I did to exit now to re-enter. Nothing is working. I look to my right at myself and see a hand with a respirator to my body's face. I see hands doing chest compressions. I am still not back in my body. The light fades and everything goes dark.


*Holy Shit. I think I will avoid elevators for a while.