NyxCC

Date: 13 June

Not very funny FA and LD chain

Total sleep time: 4 hrs

Comments: Tonight definitely was a bad time to go for a lucid. We had a sleep over guest and I was nervous I had to wake up the same time as our guest and no idea when that would be. I repeated the same combo as yesterday (but had different results?), did SSILD to help with sleep and induce ld. I got into a rather nasty FA chain. The resulting lucidity was not to be envied either.

Pre bed: Gingko

WBTB: I was woken up, had 1/2 RB about half an hour later. Trouble falling asleep.

Fragment: A DC that looks like my father shows aggressive attitude

FA1: I am in bed and guest is knocking on the door, saying he is leaving now. I hear him and partially see him, but I also see some other layer with my reflection on it. I decide that I am dreaming the second layer, while he is trying awake me irl. I tell him to leave me alone and come back later because I am just either lucid or missing a FA.

FA2: I am in bed, and there is trash, food leftovers and other stuff on the bedsheets. I find it a bit strange but swipe it aside and continue sleeping.

FA3: I wake up and go to the toilet. I look myself in the mirror. I look terrible, my face is swollen. I think "What have I done, this is probably because of the supps/RB". As if that isn't enough, I feel a very strong pressure in my head. Ahhhh

FA4 and DILD: I wake up and go to pee. Some nonexistent pipe breaks down and starts rhythmically pumping out water. I think this is too bad to be real life, and question the nature of reality. The pipe keeps pumping water, flooding the place, so I run into the room where our guest is sleeping to ask for help. He comes in the bathroom but it is not him at all, but a strange looking DC that has something not very human in his posture? I finally conclude that this can only be a dream. I go to the corridor, the strange DC next to me and an older lady. The dream gets distorted, images from other places appear in my mind, while I am thinking of an efficient way to leave our place. The dream disintegrates.

DILD2: I renter some place but the DCs there keep getting in my way so I cannot go as I would like to. the dream fades

DILD3: I am in another apartment, a geeky looking DC is trying to get my attention. I don't want to be here. I notice a large cupboard and am tempted to try passing through it. I am mostly wondering if I will be able to overcome the solidity and also see what will happen once I get in there. The cupboard is initially solid, but I push myself forward and it suddenly swallows me into the darkness with a strange gulp like sound. There is something very watery to that ex cupboard space, and I feel as if I am underwater. Very interesting, I think to myself. I swim forward ending in the void, the underwater sensations fading away. Back to my physical body, I may have even moved my real hands a bit while in the void.

DILD4: Another dream starts and I am in an apartment again. A number of daring DCs are here as well. I try to go on my way, but this DC woman gets in front of me holding a bread knife. I notice that we are in the kitchen, and try to make her engage in slicing the bread that is there, instead of behaving menacingly. I meet resistance and am unable to control her much. I am adjusting my mood as not to expect her to do anything to me, trying to be as non-reactionary as possible. She has the knife in one hand and gets a cleaver in the other. I struggle with her hand, also attempting to grab the knife from time to time, while being careful not to cut myself. I know this is dream and I don't care so much, but I am annoyed that things aren't going my way. There is someone else pushing me, causing me discomfort and mild pain. I move away a bit, feeling exhausted and desperate.

Since the dream is going nowhere, I allow the DC woman to get me, but now she has other intentions. I organize a pleasurable indecent scene and wake up shortly after.

I wake up and go to the restroom and check out my reflection in the mirror. I look terrible. I RC. Tired, nervous and annoyed I consider if I want to go back to sleep. Shortly journal, then try to fall asleep but it is too late.

This nightmare approximates to official count of 2 Lds? and 2 micro lds.

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Date: 14 June

Total sleep time: 8 hrs

Sleep quality and recall: Deep restorative sleep, below average recall

Pre bed: Gingko

Bedtime dreamlet: There is a discussion about the advantages of living in China vs living in France. It seems that living in China is much better. I am entering China, zooming in trying to determine my location. Very hard to describe I see the land and plants as if I am on the ground yet it is in the shape of the map of China. There are blackberries that represent each city in China, and are very close together which means very crowded.

I realize that I am falling asleep and pull back from the dream, trying to commit it to memory.

WBTB: very tired after yesterday's lack of sleep, so I just couldn't do it

Dream1: I am on the street and there is a house to my left. Xanous comes from there. We talk about something. A friend of mine comes, I can't remember now if Xanous knows him.

Xanous is now gone somewhere. Me and my friend are trying to have a shared dream via DV but actually don't know that we are having a shared dream with each other. What are the odds? I tell this realization to my friend and we are happy. He invites me to his place where I have been in dreams. I check out the furniture. He leads me through the corridor, but I insist on having a look at the bedroom. There is a sliding door, double bed with white bed sheets, and a wardrobe with a mirror to the left.

Fragment2: My class meets again, this time boys only. I don't know why I am here and they behave like idiots. I look at them and have a strange feeling that something is not quite right here (as in this is a dream!) but continue being involved in the scene.

Progress with goals as the 14th morning:

- Do 100 RCs (15/100) *
- notice real life DS 100 times and RC (17/100)
- 10 proper WBTB attempts -> days (6/10)
- 10 morning RCs (3/10)
- 2 proper WILD attempts (0/2)
- task flexibility
- journal flexibility

*I am also practicing some ADA, so it is not as bad as it seems, although I need to increase the RCs

LDs: 12 (official count)
micro-lds: 4 (not counted)
suspicious events: 2 (not counted)

Experiment night 3/7
Experiment: falling asleep while imagining a white letter “a” on area below navel (from dream yoga book). Usual effects for me – increased dream vividness and a greater chance of LD

This evening: somewhat hard to concentrate on the white “a”, some trouble falling asleep after a rather heavy meal. Nevertheless, the first dream was quite strong and detailed, perhaps about 5 hrs after sleep onset.

Dream 1: I was in what looked similar to my grandmother’s building, and it turns out this very important for me irl person, a main DC now lives. I am going up and down the stairs, in the hope that I will finally meet him along the way, but he is not there. I leave the building, standing on the stairs that lead outside, looking at a person that is walking down the street. At first I don’t recognize him, he is wearing a white hat or strange blouse, but then I finally see that it is the DCs I was waiting for. As if this were a real life situation, I try to hide my excitement of seeing him (haven’t seen him for 12 years irl) my eyes shyly looking to my left, then allowing myself to smile and going to greet him. He is being polite, greets me, and says that he hasn’t seen me for a year. “Well, it’s because I don’t live here anymore”, I reply. He makes some remarks about different countries which make no sense at all, I correct him with my knowledge, which by the way is also wrong. Then, the conversation seems to be over for him and he likes to continue on his way. “Wait, why don’t you tell me what you have been up to these days”? I really don’t wanna let him go. I pat him on the cheek the way I do with my bf. That is really strange and embarrasses me, I begin to apologise myself, and then, I do it again! I tell him that I pat my bf the same way, he reacts in some strange way, and his face starts to distort and now he has some facial features similar to my bf. I am quite worried about what he thinks about me in this dream and apologize for my weirdness again and try to change the subject. [end]

8:30 Our neighbours wake me up. I write down this dream and I decide I will try to WILD at 8:50. First WILD attempt ever. Initially, I was too alert, a lot of thoughts in my head, then I finally manage to relax with some nice thoughts. I wake up at 10:35 - WILD fail. I remember a dream but decide against writing it down because that will wake me up too much. I try DEILD. DEILD fail. I continue sleeping. BF is already up, walking around.

12:30 – I finally wake up, disappointed, and I have no recall of any dreams whatsoever. I isolate myself with my notes and want to remember. Nothing. Did I dream about a school? Yes! Finally, some fragments begin to emerge:

Dream2: This was the one immediately after the WILD attempt. It was the first day of school for the year and I am in my high school (DS). My mom is with me and I don’t like that. I try to send her away, telling her that I am going to class. She leaves the building. I have other plans too and leave the building, looking for someone familiar outside. There are fewer people than I expect. Some guys are playing, throwing a tennis ball that lands in my hands, I awkwardly toss it back, having trouble controlling my movement, it goes in the wrong direction, but they manage to catch it. I wake and know that I have failed the WILD.

Dream3: [Fragment]After watching some factories, I hear my friend DC from school (DS) tell me some arguments about China. He says that they had a country only for 80 years or something like that. He was discussing the development. I told him that he is wrong, and there had been China, for some 5000 years, though not in its present form. Tribes and clans that have come together and apart over time. I tell him that some 3000 years BC the Chinese were already highly advanced, and I refer to a pottery that exists irl (I saw on wiki December 2011), that he can check online if he doesn’t believe me. I feel guilty for arguing with such a fervor with him…

Dream4: There is some kind of international festival, where young girls wear national traditional dresses. I am looking around, and become part of an “active audience”, which is part of the set. There is a cupboard with some objects that faces the stage, rather than the audience. This is where I stand. I start messing with the objects that are placed on the cupboard. There is a miniature watch, which literally falls apart in my hands. I try to fix it, but small parts keep falling to places that I can’t even reach. I try making the watch or whatever it is stay in one place, then I hide it somewhere at the back. I look at the objects on the cupboard, I made such a mess there, I feel embarrassed, hoping that no one will notice and that this does not influence the play in any negative way. A DC woman with authority comes and looks at the mess. She doesn’t notice anything out of order and I feel relieved. She is more concerned with finding some suspicious individuals, a renaissance picture and a news article is presented to me. It tells briefly the story of three pirates, a man and two women, one of them, I identify as myself. The DC woman tells me that these are dangerous and it is possible that they are around. I become worried that she might discover my true identity, but luckily she doesn’t. The performance is about to begin. Now it is more like a theatre act than a dancing performance. I make remarks that it isn’t the plot? that people are here to follow, but rather the performance and play of actors. That’s what it is all about.

Dream5: I was talking to a DC real estate agent. He looked at the nearby river and found it really disgusting. He said that he would never live near a place like that. I agreed with him and told him that I felt sick from the river. I would rather live somewhere high up the mountains. I looked and there was a green-yellow hill with some houses on it. Some misty clouds were over the hill. I would rather live there, I thought. Then I fly/zoom over the hill, looking for a place where we could move to. I reach some kind of city suburbs, with strange buildings, not industrial, but rather they look like some past communist memorials. I remember in the dream that this was exactly the path of the processions from the day before that I saw on dream TV. (fake memory?) In front of the memorial are some Czech enthusiastic young people, they are members of a youth communist organization and seem to be celebrating. I try communicating with them in an eastern European language that I make up at the moment, something like eastern European Esperanto. [end] The movie that my bf is watching in the other room is getting too loud and I finally wake up.

Mood after Dr1 Wake: Sad
Mood after final wake: A bit irritated with myself as no LD, and initially no memory of dreams