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    The Tour Guide and the Evil Brother

    by , 09-16-2017 at 04:35 PM (154 Views)
    08-22-2017 -- Unsure how this will come out, how much I'll remember, and whether it will be interesting or not, but we'll give it a try. There were earlier bits, but the first thing I can remember is riding in a sort of passenger van down a street that I've remembered from many other dreams, a slightly smaller road connecting major highways, sometimes in the RPV area, sometimes in Washington, and sometimes in England, kind of connecting Cambridge and London This time is one of the Cambridge ones, and the beautiful blonde 'guide' (for lack of a better term) is commenting how we'll soon be at our destination, and I mention it should be right over the next hill, and then make a big deal about how I remember that from my England trip in '92, even though I have not been back, since.

    There is a guy driving the van, dark hair, fairly slim, but we're told to ignore him, as he 'doesn't exist.' Indication is, the blonde should be driving, and the only person here, but she prefers to have help. She's quite attractive, and a mild flirt, and I can't help but hope something eventually happens with her, but for now she is mostly involved in serving us as a sort of guide. There are several others on the van, including a family with several children, and I am trying to entertain them by picking up some candy and juggling it. There are several small chocolate balls maybe a half inch in diameter, and then I accidentally pick up something that looks much like a Cadbury egg, and hold it up next to the others and comment on "No, that's not right!" and drop it. So I have the three small balls, and I am trying to juggle them, but I can't juggle, so I end up tossing one up and down in my left hand, with two in my right, just tossing them up and catching them with the same hands. The kids know that isn't what juggling is like, so they laugh at my antics, which is what I wanted in the first place.

    Somehow we've eventually arrived in France, and though I don't get the hows or whys of any of it, we all end up strolling into a classroom where the class is in session, and this annoys the professor, who is poking fun at us. The driver, who was the one who brought us here, is being forced to smoke the professor's pipe, and told he needs to cough like the professor before the professor will listen to him. Meanwhile, the professor is blowing smoke in his face. So the guy takes a puff or two on the pipe, then starts blowing odd smoke formations. Instead of 'simple' smoke rings, he is blowing a sort of smoke chain or smoke 'lattice' that kind of reminds me of making balloon chains. Very cool stuff. The Professor seems kind of offended by that, and then asks the driver if he is a secret agent. The driver says no, and the professor answers with 'Well I am, and we've been after you for a while," and arrests he and the gorgeous blonde. Myself and the other passengers are just kind of brushed aside, and left on our own. The blonde tells me not to try and find them, I think, as they are hauled off.

    The family is looking to me for leadership, no idea why, but is ready to throw me off at a moment's notice, so what's the point? They are talking about where to go next, and how to get there, and we get separated for a minute, and I end up spotting the driver and the guide running toward a train station. I guess they managed to escape the folks who had them, and are making a break for it. I chase after them until I reach the ticket takers, who aren't about to let me in without a ticket, but that's ok, I just wanted to get close enough to call out a 'good luck' to the blonde, who has short three letter nickname that is masculine, while she most certainly isn't. It's as if I were calling her Bob, though that wasn't actually it. Anyway, the ticket taker/guard looks at me strangely, but I don't care.

    I run into the family again, and the oldest daughter has decided she wants to go to Publix, because of how great a store it is, and I am kind of surprised to learn that the chain has spread throughout Europe. I'm trying to figure out how to find one, as the others just walk up to a mall directory, and discover a Publix in the mall (which is huge, with something like 6 or 8 'wings' of shops, and much larger than any other mall I've seen before), but of course it is on the entire other side of the mall, and I'm fat and out of shape, so my comment on the whole thing is along the lines of 'of course!' I turn around and discover the family is gone again, so I glance at the map, identify where the Publix ought to be, and try to head off in that direction.

    I'm kind of walking, kind of running, but things get a little strange, as I look in the direction I want to go, and am suddenly moving much quicker, almost like I was riding a segway or something, except there is no equipment, it is just the dream helping me get around more efficiently. I must have made a wrong turn somewhere, as I find myself in a huge hotel on the outskirts of the mall, and since I still need to get to the Publix, I try to turn around to get back where I started. Suddenly I find myself in somebody else's vehicle again, and I come to realize it is Uber, but that Uber is very strange and different in other countries.

    The driver is a sort of a young punk, and quickly runs his very strong car (build like a tank) into the back of a pick-up truck, which knocks it into the smaller car in front of it, which is then knocked through a barricade, as my driver laughs at them. He offers me a couple of tootsie rolls, and I am about to turn it down because I don't like tootsie rolls, when he reminds me that in other countries, Tootsie Rolls are not just the sticks of weird 'chocolate' that isn't quite chocolate, but a wide variety of different treats. I unroll the roll, to discover four pieces of candy of the See's or Russell Stover type inside. Yummy. Meanwhile, the driver has caused another crash that wrecks another car, and leaves his virtually untouched, and he continues to laugh as he explains he is taking out his competition, while refusing to pick up their passengers who are desperate for rides.

    Soon I am back where I started, in the mall, and still trying to get to the Publix, but now I seem to be driving my own French Uber, problem is, I turn onto a highway I hope will take me to the Publix, only to find all the traffic heading directly at me. Forgot I was in Europe, and have to drive on the left side of the road. (Obviously my dream cannot remember that's only the UK!) So I swing off the road and quickly turn around, heading back off the freeway without causing myself or anyone else any trouble. I drive a few meters down, and find the correct entrance, heading the right way, but there is a large gang of bikers parked there. I am worried they might want to cause trouble, but signs and announcements proclaim that biker gangs often help maintain the peace and keep order. What?

    Anyway, momentarily I find myself pushing my way through crowds on a train, as part of another Uber tour where I am just along for the ride, and the person who is in charge is very much like the other punk, and likes to pick up little kids who need to go pee and set them on top of tables so they pee on the tables and when the train shifts, it runs into people's laps, so he can joke about it. These folks are nothing but trouble, and I keep moving along, wanting to make it to the next car, where I find myself sharing space with the gorgeous blonde and her driver again. He's worried to see me, but she's just flirting again, and rubbing up against me, as she tries to 'explain' things without explaining anything. I ask if they heard me call out to them before, but get no answer. Just more flirting from the gorgeous blonde! All I know is I want her, and every time it seems something might happen, he just happens to pop up again, and she says I'll just have to wait and see if he ever lets anything happens! AAUUGGHH!!

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