Fantasma

This is my dream journal! Hurra!

Something that comes and goes in my dreams are my gender... sometimes I'm a female but then suddenly I'm a male??

When I'm a female in my dreams I'm often in a arranged marriage or relationship my mother chose for me.

1. One dream was me being married with the most evil man on earth, basically. He told me he would kill everyone I cared for as painful and slowly he could if I didn't move into his house. But I didn't listen since he already had written "married" on my hand/arm with a knife so it was covered with scars. I did never return. (But I did as a male to my sister's baby shower tho)

2. Someone was using me for an experiment, so when I ran away and found my husband. He was already married to 5 other women. I desperatly tried to tell him about all the horrbile things someone did to me but he refused to listen. He accused me for being mentally ill and that he was glad to have married other women who were "healthy" in mind.
I even begged my best friend's husband to listen and he did. But the other men quickly told him not to pay me any attention since I wasn't worthy any of his time. I was soon brought back to the same place to contuine the experiment.

Dreams are different when I'm a male though.

1. Girls/women have tried to take advantage of me or even tried to rape me.

2. A girl claimed that she was pregnant after rapeing me which made me worried.

Something else happend in a dream that was very odd:

I was being chased by some odl classmates and I thought to myself that I didn't want to do it anymore. So suddenly I kind of split into two pieces. I saw myself running away with the guys runnig after and at the same time I was standing still. I quickly noticed that I was a male and the female version was still being haunted. For some reason nobody paid any attention to me expect one woman that was sitting on the ground further away and she was smiling at me. She was even calling out to me and suddenly I felt very stressed like I didn't have much time left. So I hurried on my steps and yelled: "Mother! Run!" but the woman didn't do as I told her. She watched me getting closer and her smile disappeared.
This time I screamed while crying: "MOTHER!" and suddenly - BOOOOOOOM!!!!! I flew backwards and landed a few meters away. When I looked at the place were that woman should've been, I felt so heartbroken when I stared at the huge hole in the ground. - It was all that was left.

The woman didn't look anything like my real mom. Not even a bit. But still I called her mom and she called me for some name I don't remember.