JonBingus

This is the kind of dream that was so amazing, at the end of it, fully oblivious of being in a dream state, I looked back upon what had just happened, and exclaimed that it had quite truly been the best day of my life. So here goes the story:

We open up behind a boulder. I hide here with my colleague, although I have no idea who they are. In front of us lies a great canyon, and spanning it a massive bridge. This bridge leads to our capital city and it is the key point of our defence. And then we hear it. The noise we had all been dreading. From behind the rock, we suddenly see something truly awe inspiring. A massive seafaring vessel, 450 feet long and styled as a private yacht rolls up on a wheeled contraption and smashes into the near side of the bridge. Thousands upon thousands of Chinese stealth soldiers pour out of its belly and stream across the canyon floor. Above them, the vessel unloaded vehicles that attempted to break through the defences on the bridge itself. As we hid behind the rock, we watched our countrymen begin their valiant defence.

While behind the rocks, I saw purple energy generators all over the ship beginning to boot up. I immediately knew that they were about to generate a field around the entire battle that would allow space to be manipulated. As they booted up, I focused on a spaghetti noodle on the ground and managed to pick it up and snap it even in the weak, pre-boot field that hung in the air. The soldiers stormed and stormed toward the opposite end of the canyon, a seemingly endless mass pouring from the belly of the beastly ship. As the field booted up, the men all raised off the ground, floating along in one giant formation right at the bottom of the bridge. They had the height advantage but were suddenly set up like pigs in the slaughter. As one last man ran toward them and floated up, I told my Lieutenant to watch. I focused everything on wrenching that man from the air and slamming him on the ground, but all I managed was to wobble his flight path and cause him to drop from the field and land on his rump, to the amusement of all the waiting soldiers who were too far from the battle to care.

And then, the moment I have waited for arrives. The opposing commander, a girl of a darker complexion than the soldiers and dressed in black commando garb comes out of the ship. She wields a pink beam, like a lightsaber that is flat and wide and comes out of a pistol grip. In this moment I remembered that I had stolen a similar device from one of her guards another day, and it was in my gear. The only problem was that I had no power cells. All I had was my Lenovo laptop, the greatest piece of shit the world of computers has ever seen. But I knew she would have just enough juice. Quickly, I rigged the grip to the bottom of the computer and wired it up to the battery. When she came near the rock, I hit the shitty power button and the blade came out. It was a sad and shitty thing compared to her own, but even a foot long solid state laser can cut a woman in half. I ran up behind her and lay a deep and vicious cut in her side. She cried out, I smacked her in the face, then leapt and flew through the air to join my comrades. On the other side were many of my friends operating as the commanding officers. And with myself out of the line of fire, I ordered David to boot up the ultimate defense. We didn't have the fancy psionic and laser powers that the enemy had, or some crazy big boat. No, what we had was a bridge made of invincible beams, and a rotary cannon with 22 barrels, each 22 feet long and 22 inches wide. She fired at 2000 RPM and could instantly rip a whole army to shreds. And that she did. The poor soldiers all squished together under that bridge melted like butter unter a blowtorch. With only an eighth of her army remaining, now hiding behind the pillars, I flew over to the opposing commander. She was struggling with my crude laptop beam, trying to figure out if it was our tech or hers, and how to operate it. When I came close she tried to turn it on and finish me.

"You see, the problem that you're having here is that your laser beam is great, and that laptop is a piece of shit."

She threw it aside angrily and reached for hers. I slapped her hand away and disarmed her, throwing it over the side of the cliff. In the background the cannon booted up again and turned their boat into scrap metal. She tried to initiate hand-to-hand but the cut I'd given her cost her any chance of winning. Instead I held her, and showed her the battlefield.

"You've lost. Understand that part, just forget about the battle. However, I could be persuaded to let you join me."

My hold on her slowly loosened into more of an embrace. We stood together on the cliff face, watching the fireworks unfold as pink lighting and fire shot from the dying ship. Slowly, I turned to her, and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. She was paralysed in confusion. I looked into her eyes. "You put up a good fight, better than anyone yet. I'm impressed." I laughed. Her confusion intensified, but I could see the intentional defiance and pride in her eyes. She knew I saw it too and shied away into the cliff face. I let her go, and turned back to watch the sights. Suddenly her arms were on me, reaching for my throat, trying to find a hold to finish my life.
I threw her, first in a judo sense, and then in a darth vader sense. She calmly floated down the cliffside toward my side of the canyon. I followed, and dropped her on the soil of my homeland. She stood up, and could understand my power. This was my domain, and I did not need any technology to be in control. And yet I did not exert anything over the world, happy to let it play out. She stood up, grabbed me again, and kissed me hard. We stayed this way for some time. I broke it off, smiled, and said to come with me. We slowly walked into the mass of my men, and I lost her in the crowd.

And now the ultimate moment of my plan. I found Samuel, my giant Sudanese commando, and told him to detain her. The poor misguided girl would spend her time in jail for killing my countrymen. He and some men ran to find her, and I began the debrief with my commanders.

Standing over the battlefield, one of my friends asked me how the battle went. I turned, looked at them, cracked a smile, and said

"All things considered, this was hands down the best day of my life."