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I was hanging out in the forest with the old Bill Bixby's David Banner. We'd spent a lot of time hiking together since becoming friends. We joined Tyler Durden's Fight Club together, me because I LOVE to fight, and him because after Fight Club he didn't get angry as easily. We had much clean fun in the woods, then this very effeminate dude I knew as a child showed up with an axe and the dream turned into one of those freaky chase dreams. Banner didn't even shift to fight back, since he didn't get angry anymore. Dammit, and I would have liked the Hulk, too.

There are some dreams just too weird to share. Sorry.

I remember traipsing around Warrensburg, where my university is, yard sale shopping, but all anyone had was mountains of pink and yellow plastic baby gear (Stupid estrogen!). Then I was back in Illinois, in my childhood home, and we somehow had a pet mini-polar bear. It was about 8 inches in length, and had a baby that was the size of a hamster. I loved tickling the baby mini-bear, as it would growl all tiny and try to maul my hand. Cuuuuuute! But then I'd see the mother mini-bear climb my leg all mama-bearish and she'd maul my knee trying to get the baby back. So I gave it back to her, and she washed it, then growled at the family cat for looking at the baby too hungrily.

I woke up, then went back to sleep. I was visiting my granddad's house in Christopher, and hanging with his houseguest while Dad and he chatted. This houseguest was Joe Pesci, and we played with rollerblades in granddad's kitchen when no one was looking. Dad came in, told me to get my regular shoes on so we could leave (never complained about rollerblades), and I had trouble. I can never tie my shoes in a dream. Then Antonio Banderas wandered up from the basement, don't ask me what he was doing in there, and put on a tango CD. He and Pesci (still in rollerblades) began to dance purely for the silliness of it in the dining room, with Banderas leading. After a few moments of tango, still silly and pretending to quarrel, Pesci grabbed a yardstick and Banderas a broom handle and they proceeded to have an old school fencing match in the dining room. I got a bit weirded out, so I tried to put on my headphones (P!nk's "There You Go" was playing) but the earbuds shattered when they touched my ears. Then I woke up, very confused.

Still not remembering dreaming, exactly. Thanks to the cold meds and fever, though, being awake is so surreal that I don't need to.

When I do sleep, the closest I'm experiencing is delirious flashes of senses: tastes, sounds, smells, etc. before I fall asleep. Usually I wake up for one of them and have to try to get back to sleep. People spend beaucoup bucks for this kind of trip, and I'm getting it naturally. Woo hoo.

I am dreaming, I know that. I just can't remember them other than the sense-disco.

The other day, I was aware of lying on the sofa while I was also aware of sitting up reading a paper that turned to gelatin in my hands. Was this a dream? Or just a hallucination brought on by meds and fever? Screw this, back to bed.

Well, I think the psycho dream redhead might have had something to do with the fever I just found out I've had for a couple of days.

No dreams last night, or today, as the NyQuil does its job well.

I remember sitting in a restaurant/kitchen for a holiday, with all of my relatives around eating waffles. One of my older sisters, with whom I have never gotten along, told me that there was a waffle iron in Mom and Dad's bedroom.

Before this, I was wandering the plant aisle at Lowe's looking for garden plants.

I went into the bedroom and found a rectangular waffle iron, functioning more like a mold. I poured some batter into the hole and set it to heating, and waited at my parents' computer playing a game.

It was very vivid, and didn't bleed over into reality this time, but I didn't have a chance to get to the computer in time and now I've forgotten everything. It was a fun one, too.

Somehow, I was on the Enterprise (Original Series). They had given me a job working in the library, or a bookstore, or something that wasn't on the Enterprise in the series. Kirk and Spock were roommates (possibly more? They shared sleeping arrangements.), and Spock was avoiding their room. Not only was Kirk watching Lifetime Romances, he was broadcasting the sound all over the ship. Nearly had a mutiny on his hands!

The only place safe was the bookstore, and my quarters behind, so the two of us wound up watching the old Bill Bixby Incredible Hulk series. Spock seemed to approve of the storyline.

WTF?????

I tried something a little desperate. I started scanning through TvTropes' High Octane Nightmare Fuel database right before going to bed. I used to use Freddy Kreuger as a lucid dream starter, so I figured what the hey, maybe this might give me a dream alone?

The first one went horribly right. I dreamed that I was in a strange 90s sitcom, with characters from Family Matters (Laura Winslow and a clone?) and Fresh Prince (The short, nerdy one. I never really watched it.) all working at a trendy shopping mall in Japan. I worked there too. We go to see a movie together, there's a theater in the mall. We watch a J-horror film, which involved the ghost of a murdered girl haunting everyone she could (Think Grudge, with more blood). Her MO was to show up wearing a pretty close-fit knit sweater in pink and orange, then point above her left breast and say "Here," at which point a wound would appear and a literal river of blood would start flowing out of her. In the dream, this was terrifying.

We all left the movie scared and laughing, then when we were heading up a flight of stairs taking about heading back to America tomorrow morning we looked up and the creepy Japanese chick was at the top of the stairs. She did her shtick and the river started forming a blood-fall down the stairs, with us stepping away to keep from getting blood on us. We left through a WalMart (One of 2 WalMart layouts that keeps showing up in my mind) that was attached to the mall.

Next thing I knew we were packing our things in a car the next day, heading for the airport. Everywhere I turned around, this chick was about 100 yards away pointing above her left breast and bleeding.

I woke up, and went back to sleep. This time I dreamed about a neighbor who IRL has just gotten evicted. He got drunk one too many times, terrorizing the whole apartment building and running around the neighborhood screaming at about one in the morning. I was the one who called the police, and I was the one who let the landlord know about it. And he knows who did it, and I've been rather scared since. We share a balcony, and it wouldn't take a large brick to break in.

In the second dream that Neighbor finally moved out, but I looked out the front window and saw that before he disappeared he had thrown all of my container garden plants off of our third-story balcony. My berry bushes, roses, herbs, and small trees were all over the sidewalk. IRL, he knows how proud I am of my garden. What he didn't destroy, he stole and sold to our other slimy neighbors. I woke up about the time I started storming around the neighborhood looking to kick his a**.

I do remember that before I saw the destruction, my kid sister (who was for some reason staying with us) had left to hang with one of her trashy friends from childhood, driving off in a red sports car and playing VeggieTales music at top volume. Reflective of our childhood IRL: everyone wanted to show how respectable and Christian they were, so everyone listened to VeggieTales because it was safe for all ages. I hated VeggieTales.

BUT Mom and PsychoEx weren't there. All was welcome.