side notes

Insomnia is striking me tonight. I slept maybe 4 hours :/ now I'm awake several hours earlier than usual, oh well. I have a dream fragment from today and one from yesterday that I didn't remember until this morning.

Dream Fragment from yesterday: I was looking for Hentai (anime porn, lol) on the internet and couldn't find what I was looking for. I think I was looking for something that had a character similar to the Red eyed guy in the dream prior to this fragment, but I couldn't find any with characters that looked like him. Not an important dream, but I'm hoping not to lose my recall and it gives this entry more length.

Dream One(Fragment): I was writing on Facebook, only my facebook looked different. Instead of a blinking line that showed me where my curser was in the text box, I had a beautiful burgundy flower with a gold outline and swirls on it. I typed something about being the queen of fairies, and how my favorite part of the job was my pretty new magic Facebook scheme. Then I went for a walk and I saw tall grass and a horse laying in it. I turned and walked away not wanting to spook the horse. Then I thought about my facebook post and wondered if my friends would think I was weird because I was a fairy now.

If I manage to get back to sleep and dream I will post more later.

So I had a nap, and it was awesome. I'll explain why after the dream:

I was at my grandma's house and leaving. I walked out the door and it was instantly in the cracked map from Call of Duty Black Ops multiplayer. I saw a helicopter overhead, and I ducked under some concrete to hide. My phone makes a little noise, and I realize I have a notification or text message. I check it, and it's a message from a facebook friend. I don't expect one from him because I sent him a message days ago and never heard back so I thought he was ignoring me. I check the message, and he's saying something about gummy bears? lol Then he tells me to drop a line and talk to him sometime. I think this is odd, but then I read that he's the one in the Helicopter and I think this is even weirder and so I am wondering if he can see me. I step out from hiding to wave at the helicopter but he's flying away. I shrug it off and start walking through town. I find myself in a mall with my kids, and I start chasing them around the mall. Someone says Stephen King is there signing books. Eventually I find a Dollar tree where everything is a dollar, and I think I want to go in so that I can get some pretty printed stationary to write notes to my BFF. I can't find what I'm looking for, and a lady stops to help me, but she has no clue what I'm trying to explain to her. Eventually I realize that this Dollar Tree doesn't have everything for a dollar, in fact everything is like thirty dollars or more and it's a complete rip off. So I thank the lady for her help and then leave with my kids. I wake up.

And when I woke up, I really did have an unexpected message from the friend. I found that strange and cooley prophetic!

I should have wrote these this morning before my husband started working on my computer, but I didn't, so now I only remember little bits -_-

Dream One: I'm standing under a swing set in a field. I look up and see that there's a space ship flying in the air above me. It looks strange, and I notice that it has similar textures on it to the roof textures in the Sims games. I say something about it, and point it out to someone who's standing nearby. They tell me it's just a garbage ship, and the ship actually dumps a load of trash on the playground nearby. Then I see a real space ship. Somehow I end up on a balcony talking to people about the space ship.

Dream Two: I'm at a party with a bunch of people. Ar first I'm hanging out with my husband just kind of crowd watching. Then I see a couple of friends, including my dead friend's friend L and a guy I knew back in high school that we called Moose. I think about going and saying hey to L, but Moose grabs me before I can. He's always been the flirty without meaning it type, and he pulls me into his lap and starts asking me when I'm going to get my husband to come fix his cable. He suggests that his cable bill is too high, and I need to give my husband "A little something something" so he'll cut my friend some slack on their cable bills, and I laugh and tell him that if he wants a better deal on cable I'll ask my husband if there are any new packages or specials he can get. Then I see L again, and I ask him if he needs help with his cable too, and he tells me he doesn't have cable. Then for some reason everyone decides to go outside, and we start goofing off and seeing who can jump the farthest. I run and jump with all my might, and go pretty far. I'm really impressed with myself for jumping so far and landing on my feet! Then My husband jumps, and he ends up landing on his butt. As I reach down to help him up, L jumps. He also hit the ground, but he rolls forwards instead of falling on his butt. He puts an arm out as if he's going to take my hand and let me help him up too, so I offer my hand to help. When I help him up, my husband looks at me angrily in the dream and I wonder if helping L up too had crossed some line or something.

Dream Three: My friend S is missing, and I'm looking for her. I'm wandering around looking for her, when I see L. I yell out to him and ask him if he knows where she is. He tells me he does, but that it's dangerous and I should try not to get involved. I insist that if he knows where she is he needs to take me to her. He refuses at first, then I end up force him to somehow. He drives me in this car to a little circle fountain in the middle of a small village or town very similar to the ones in Assassins Creed II and Brotherhood. I start to get out, and he tried to stop me, but I pull away from him and jump out quickly. There are a couple of shady looking guys lounging against the walls, and when they see me and L get out of the car, they ask him if he's brought another one for them to recondition. I think they mean to beat and brainwash me? L starts to tell them no that I'm a friend and not someone for them to mess with, but they push him aside and come after me. I start fighting, I can remember kneeing one of the dudes in the face and getting knocked down. I woke up during the fight so I have no clue who won lol

I was talking to my bff today about this change in my dreams. I'm not sure what exactly caused it all, but ever since that dream about my dead friend's family being in trouble three or four weeks ago, I've been dreaming of his friend and I don't understand why. At first we thought perhaps I was supposed to contact the friend to make sure MY friends family was ok, but the dreams didn't stop afterwards. I also haven't dreamed of Kurasawa since that dream shift. I'm trying to figure out why my night life has changed so much, and how I can change it back. I'd much rather be dreaming of Kurasawa and other random DCs than real people. It's way less confusing that way and easier to tell when I'm dreaming, or when a memory is real or just something I'm suddenly remembering from a dream.

Not much to report as I was visiting family the last couple days and just didn't sleep enough to dream. I'm actually writing from my phone right now, lol. I had a nap today and dreamed:

I'm walking by an outdoor shower, and there's someone inside that I feel an intense loathing for (but I never saw who) I tie something to the showerhouse that I know will call down a dangerous and volitile being that wwill hurt this person. I run fast away hoping that I can escape before it shows up incase it attacks whever is around not the intended target. I find myslf walking in circles thinking I'm going straight and keep ending up at the shower house. Then a beingof white light tells me I need to run before it gets me and leads me home. The being is male, and I think it was vesta but if so its the first time he's appeared in such a form. He never scolded me for summoning a bad entity to hurt someone either, and I felt terrible about it upon waking at the dream house my neighbors are loud when I walk outside to help my husband carry in groceries. The neighbors turn out to be my moms friend in scotland and his family. When I woke up for real, I had a message from him on facebook. It was the first I've gotten from him in months so that was an awesome coincidence! Unless of course, you don't believe in coincidences

I'm walking on the street to some sort of ball or festival dance or something. My best friend is with me. I notice that all the girls around us are wearing long pretty dresses, but my BFF is wearing dress pants and I'm wearing a mini skirt and tank top. We don't fit in at all. To make it even more obvious that we don't fit in, all the other girls are wearing these bright neon pins in the shapes of butterflies and dragon flies on big bows. I decide I want one of those pins because the tank top I'm wearing is white with neon colored butterflies. I Pull my BFF to this little store beside the road where I think I can buy them. The store is up on a hill, so we had to walk up the driveway/parking lot to get to it. I walk in and start holding bows with butterflies up to my dress to see how they look. I settle on a pretty pink one, and then discover that it's not a pin, but a hair bow on a clip. At first I try to clip it to my spaghetti strap, but then I decide to put it in my hair where it belongs. I turn around and there's a long mirror behind us so I start trying to put it in my hair. I start marveling over how pretty and long my hair is. It's straight and halfway down my back. In real life my hair is short and very naturally curly, when it's as long as half down my back it curls so much that it barely grazes my shoulder. Anyways, I start wondering why I didn't grow my hair out this long sooner, then I remember that I've been trying to grow my hair out. It's just that my hair doesn't grow that fast! This has to be a dream! I immediately drop the hair bow and walk out the door. My bff follows me and asks what's wrong. I tell her I'm dreaming, and I'm lucid right now! I tell her to call Kurasawa for me and tell him to meet me in a little gypsy like tent nearby that looks like something a palm reader would be working out of. Then I walk off and leave her b/c dream character Ambies isn't the real thing and I didn't want to waste my time with her. I walk over to the tent, and find that it's got a fire inside of it, and it's not really a tent at all, but some sort of decorative fireplace that only looked like a tent from the distance. I feel kind of disappointed, but there's a building nearby and I think I can go in there to wait. At this point I lose my lucidity though I see my husband inside and he wants me to go somewhere or do something, and I tell him I can't because I'm waiting for Kurasawa. He gets all mad and jealous about the fact that I'm waiting for some other guy, and then I can't remember the rest of what happened.

Yay for lucidity though! lol I'm noticing I can't stand being inside when I find that I'm lucid. I guess since that second lucid I had where I was trapped inside and couldn't open doors because I was afraid they would be locked. Now I feel like every time I'm lucid I have to go outside to do anything, or else I'll be trapped inside in a "normal" world. Every lucid I've had in the last month has been like, "Yay! I'm dreaming!" *walk to the door* I might make it a goal to stay INSIDE during a lucid to break that habit and train myself to be comfortable with my lucidity where ever I am.

Dream One: I'm walking through my dads old neighborhood. I can hear rapping behind me, but no music with it. I turn around to see a girl and boy walking behind me, rapping and tapping out a beat with their feet on the street. I really am not a rap music fan, but there are some songs I like. This song, I'd never heard before, but I remember in the dream thinking it was really good, especially considering it was being sung by little kids! I end up at a house picking up a little girl from a baby sitters. Maybe it was my daughter, but she was grown up to be around 6 or 7. I woke up as soon as I saw her and knew I was supposed to be taking her home.

Dream Two: I'm at a mall, walking into a victoria secret with my husband. I take a quick look around, and instantly know I don't want anything from here. Not only is everything either white or green and totally not my style, but I just don't feel like depressing myself trying on lingerie that's not going to fit. There's a middle aged man behind the desk and he tells me I should look around because everything is on sale today and I will probably find a really good deal! I give in and think I'll probably find SOMETHING I'll like. I start looking around, and stumble across rain coats. My first thought was back to the conversation I'd had a few days ago about how when I was a kid they made coats for rain, and I never see rain coats in stores anymore. I see one of the raincoats is grey with black and white skull and crossbones patterns. I LOVE it, and my mom shows up and tells me to try it on. I decide to try on a medium because I know a small probably won't button. I can't button it on top. I start getting depressed again. I do not want to try a large because I know it's going to sag and hang around the arms and the bottom will probably just drop straight off from the breast making me look fat instead of dipping back in and being somewhat form fitting. My mom suggests that I could buy the medium and just not button it, or button it around the belly and leave the top open, saying it would be sexier that way anyways. I think about it for a second, then go ahead and decide to buy it. I go to check out, and the line is taking forever! When I finally go to check out, the guy tells me how much it's going to be, and I hand him my debit card. He then returns it and says their card machine has been broken for a week now and he can only accept cash. I'm mad at this point, because he could have told me that BEFORE when he told me that everything was on sale. I'm mad because I feel like I just went through all that body image trouble for nothing, I'm mad because I really wanted that rain coat, and I'm mad because it's embarrassing to be told you can't pay for something. I tell him he should have told me before, and he just shurgs his shoulders, so I say "Fuck you!" and throw the raincoat at him and storm out of the store. I'm ready to leave the mall completely, but my mom wants to look around a bit more. So I walk around with her a minute, then decide to walk by myself, for some reason I feel like being around her is only going to make things worse (a really good chance to get lucid, missed.) I pass by a display showing kids beach towels, and I notice there are hooded ones with Nintendo characters and Disney faeries on them. Those hooded towels are the kind of towels my kids like to use when they get out of the bathtub, and my daughters Tinkerbell towel was bleached out, so I think I'm going to find this store and buy a couple for them. The display says Fantastic Towels! on it, so I look for a store called Fantastic Towels, instead I find one called Fantastic Hair and Things. I wonder if that's it, and walk in to ask the clerk. It is, and she shows me the towels, but she's not sure which ones are hooded and which ones are regular beach towels, so we have to unfold them to check. I find the faeries one, and then I find the Nintendo one, and then I see one with a pink horses head on it. I Think the horse one might me a pony towel, and my daughter loves ponies too (so do I, but I was thinking of her at the time, I swear, lol) but when I unfold it, it's a sea horse, and it's head doesn't look anything like a horse anymore. The towel is black and says sea dragon on it in cyan blue with the powder pink sea horse on it. I think about getting it for my daughter anyways, but decide not to. I fold it back up and realize my mom is in the store behind me! I show her the towels I found, and tell her why I want to buy them. She says it's a good idea. I ask the clerk if they accept cards since Victoria's Secret didn't, and she said sure, no problem! But the towels aren't ringing up, and she's not sure why. I wake up. This is one of those rare dreams where I can point out where most of this came from. I had just had a conversation about raincoats with my husband and son yesterday when it looked like it was going to rain, but it was way too windy for an umbrella. As for why it was at Victoria's Secret and I was uncomfortable the whole dream, I had just had a conversation with my mom about the assets I had gained when I was preggo with my kids, and how I'd hoped they'd go away if I lost the 15 pounds of baby weight I put on when I was preggo with the kids. The hooded towels I was thinking about last night as well, and had told my husband we needed to buy new ones. Too bad all dreams aren't so easy to decode, ha ha.

Dream Three (fragment): I'm working at a grocery store and I am supposed to be taking food that is about to expire and is past it's sell date to the local food bank because we can't sell it anymore or something. Later on someone asks me if I took it there, or if I just took it home for myself, because apparently I could have done either. I took it to the food bank though, and they seemed kind of mad because apparently they wanted the food but it wasn't their day to take it. They must have been hoping I'd take it home and they could just go get it from my house or something.

Dream Four: I'm in a small boat with my husband and an Asian lady. The coat is TINY, like canoe size, and we're on a lake probably a hundred feet wide. It's the middle of the night, but the moon is full casting a lot of eerie light. Around the lake are these really, REALLY big creepy trees. There are also lots of these huge trees sticking out of the water as though they'd fallen over and were now growing out of the lake. There's some abandoned farming equipment here and there (big stuff, like tractors and combines and stuff), even an abandoned tank! They're all rusted, and look like they've been in the lake for years. I'm in total awe of how creepy and junky the whole place is, almost apocalyptic, but in the dream I knew the world hadn't ended or anything, the people where ever I was just didn't care about taking care of the environment. The boat was moving really fast through the water, as if it had a motor or something on it, but I couldn't see any motor and I was in the back. I held on tightly afraid it'd tip over. The lake was calm though, so the only waves were the wake from out boat. We were steering by leaning side to side, and a couple times we'd accidentally bump into trees, but we were able to grab the trees to steady the boat, it wasn't big enough to be too heavy to pick up ourselves. Looking over the edge, I saw fish swimming below, and they were gigantic. It was really scary when dolphin sized fish would swim under the boat! I was worried they've capsize it, and who knows if any of them were meat eating fish. We stopped at one point at a house, and went inside because it was someone the Asian lady knew. I remember seeing prints in frames on the wall, and thinking I have some by the same artist ( Princess of the Night : 8th Day Anime, ...and on the 8th day, there was anime <--- one of the prints I have, I don't have time to look for the ones in the dream, if he even makes ones like that for real, lol ) My husband also pointed out some of the DVDs on the shelf. There were a lot called, "The Promise of the Fallen" and I remember the title hitting a nerve, but not why it seemed to make me sad. I looked it up to see if it was a book or movie I'd read, and I didn't find it. (after posting, I remembered this dream, and now wonder if it's related? 6-1-11, Important dreams from the past: We are the star called - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views ) We also saw some dresses, like toddler sized dresses, hanging up and I thought they were oddly fancy and nice for the depressing and murky feel of the rest of the dream. When we got back on the water, we crashed into some trees again, and fell out of the boat onto the land. The lady was getting scared being on land, freaking out about the wild animals, and I kept telling her we needed to get back in the boat then, but she just kept clinging to the tree saying, "I'm scared, I'm too scared! I can't move!" Then I woke up. The dream probably wasn't very long, but I woke up so creeped out by how eerie the whole thing was. I went back to sleep after that, but couldn't remember anymore dreams.

Edited to add dreams from my nap. THey weren't very long so they don't really deserve their own entry.

Dream One: We were trying to figure out how to put a manufactured home on this property along with the house and get around the all new houses need 2 acres law that passed a few years back. We thought we'd figured it out, but then I woke up and realized that the lot and house in the dream didn't look anything like this lot and house. and that we only have 1.9 acres, not 2.9, so the idea to break the land in half and put the new house on the 2.0 lot acres and only give the already built house the .9 acre lots wouldn't work either.

Dream Two: I was hanging out with my bi friend and her boyfriend, who was someone totally different in dream than in real life. It almost evolved into a threesome, but I woke up while making out with my friend :/

Well, now it's my turn to have a stomach bug. Thankfully my daughter's sickness only lasted a day, so I'm hoping mine will be gone by tonight as well On the downside, I was up until 3 am sick, then I got to bed, but woke back up around 7 and couldn't go back to sleep yet. On the bright side, the belly ache is sort of helping with getting lucid. I think the pain was waking me up enough to get lucid but not enough to actually wake me up, if that makes sense. I'm typing up my lonely fragment from those three hours, and when my husband gets home in half an hour or so I'm going back to bed. Hopefully I'll have more to add to this entry when I wake up. I'm feeling like I'm on a real roll right now. After going over a month with no lucidity, I've suddenly been lucid to some degree for three nights in a row. I don't want it to ever end! lol

Dream One (Fragment): Through out the whole dream I hover between lucid and non lucid. I can't remember what happened during the non lucid parts because it's my first dream of the night. I can remember realizing, I'm dreaming. I'm lucid! Then I see a puppet version of an old man. It looks like a cross between that ventriloquist dummy on tv and the old men from the Muppet movie I watched last night. He starts talking about neighbors like Mr. Rogers and I feel lucidity slipping. I literally feel like I'm fighting to stay lucid, but I end up drifting off anyways. I get another wave of lucidity as someone offers me his hand. I realize I'm dreaming. I look first at the room, it's a ball room similar to the one in beauty and the beast. It feels very romantic, and I can recall being lucid earlier in the dream so I wonder if I'm with K. I turn to look at the man holding my hand. I see my own blue dress like Cinderella and my hand in his, then I look up to see his face (I'm 5 feet tall, I always have to look up to everyone, lol) But just as I try to look at his face my head feels heavy like I'm falling. I reach up with my empty hand to touch my head as if to catch myself and step forwards to maintain my balance, but the dream goes black and fades away to the sound of the neighbors car alarm going off at 5:30 am.

Dream Two (Fragment): I realize I'm dreaming. I don't know why I realized, I just did. I see a white cloth flapping in the wind. It looks like a bed sheet. I wonder why that's all I can see, and guess it's because it's an early dream. I'm startled awake by my daughter crying that she's falling. Thankfully, she's not really falling, she's in her bed, right in the center. I find myself wondering what kind of dream she was having, because I've been getting that falling sensation after a lucid ends lately. My husband got home at 9:30, so I went back to bed.

My husband got home at 9:30, so I took a three hour nap (had to be up at 12:30 so I could write this and hopefully find my way into the chat for the dream view academy class.) I slept hard because the stomach ache is gone, not much to report on dreams, just more fragments.

Dream Three: At some point I'm in a library, looking something up. At another point I'm looking at a house. It looks like a rendering n a computer or something because there's no ground around it. All I can see if the house (like a little fairy tail cottage of some sort) and two water walls. One water fall is to the back right of the house, and it forms a pool under that corner of the house that flows out through a tiny creek from the front of the house. The second waterfall is at the front left of the house, also forming a little pool under the house, and this time running out the back. The water falls are so identical, it looks like someone copy pasted them and just rotated them differently.

Took another nap:

Dream Four (fragment): I dreamed I was trying to fall asleep, but it was storming and there was a buffalo outside. Every time I'd start to drift off, the buffalo would ram into either the front or back door making a huge ruckus. My kids were terrified of the storm, so its not like I was nodding off very often. I had to LOL when I woke up, because sometimes real life feels like this, only instead of a buffalo ramming the doors, it's thoughts in my head refusing to be quiet and instead of my kids being afraid of a storm they just don't want to go to bed.

I'm at Toys R Us with my Grandma, she's watering our plants that are at Toys R Us for some reason. I leave to go play in the stores water fountain. It's at least a ten foot pool , with small wooden platforms inside, decreasing in size every two or three feet, and the water flows down them like a water fall. I play in the water for a bit, then I see a sand box, and think I'm going to go play in the sand too. I don't think I ever grew up While digging in the sand, I realize that a guy walks by carrying a tote of plants that look like ours. I flip, worried that he's taking our garden! I run back to where our plants are, and at first I can only see the tomato plants, but then a clerk tells me the cucumbers are "over there" and shows me my cucumber plants. Relieved, I notice they need watering! So I hop off the platform, and go to get the bucket from the sand area to fill it with water from the fountain. Some kids are already playing with the bucket, but when I explain my problem and promise to give it back, they give it to me no problem. I start trying to get water from the fountain, but every time I dip in my bucket, I get tadpoles in it! I don't want to pour the little tadpoles in the plants and kill the taddies, so I pour the water our and move to a different part of the pool. This time I keep getting goldfish in the bucket! It takes me pouring it out and trying to strain the water in without the fish four times before I get a bucket sans fish, but I manage. I carry the bucket to the plants, and water the cucumbers, but there's not enough to get the tomatos in that tiny bucket, so I go back for more. I notice I am SOAKED, and my pink shirt is now see through. I'm oddly not bothered by this, and just go back for more water. The sky's looking dark though, and someone says the sky is so grey, the grey is palpable (I have no clue how to spell that, so if Firefox gave me the wrong word for a spelling correction, sorry!). When I think about being able to touch the grey with my hands, I realize it's the color of clay and I suddenly have clay in my hands and I'm in my room from the old house in Holly Springs, laying on the bed, thinking about what it'd take to make my own Ball jointed doll out of clay and make a mold of it to pour with porcelain. I hear someone talking about a man planning to cattle prod everyone, and this is supposed to put them to sleep for a year, and only one person will be left awake and everyone will starve to death. I'm like, What? No way, I can't let that happen! and I run outside where I see a female Centaur and a regular human male dressed in leather armor.

I stop dead in my tracks, and say, "wait.. this isn't real... I'm dreaming!" I don't need to reality check, I mean, there's a freaking CENTAUR in my DRIVEWAY, the only explanation is I'm dreaming! lol So I tell the centaur and the man as much when they try to tell me that I'm about to get cattle prodded. The female centaur rears back and pulls out a sword to fight me, and I start talking out my ass, "You can't hurt me, this is my dream! I'm in control!" Even though all my attempts at control have failed since my first lucid. I imagine myself growing wings, and though I can't see them, I can "feel" them and I see wings sprout out in my shadow. Yes! So then I try to take it another step and form a scythe in my hands... but since I'm looking at it, the best I manage is some sort of swirly white solid plastic ribbons. Oh well. I jump in the air and the wind whistles around me, practically blowing the man and centaur over. I ride the gust a few feet back and land in a fighting stance, though just barely keeping my balance because I am so not used to it, lol. Then the man yells at this guy in actual like, shiny metal armor who's stumbling along the yard like he doesn't know how to walk in his armor. I see a metal pole in the shiny knight's hand, so I go after him. I think the guy in leather armor called the knight guy "Jay". Anyways, Knight guy tries to poke me with the pole, and I grab it and start trying to wrestle it from him. I try to use the wind from earlier to blow his helmet off, but it doesn't work. The I just grab it and rip it off, and all the rest of his armor falls off with it. He tells me I can't win, he's going to kill me and everyone else. Then comes at me again. I consider for a moment not fighting back, but taking him by surprise and kissing him to see if he'll turn into K like in Catching up the last several days! - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (2-23, dream two) but then I decide against it because he's got this huge bushy medieval style beard going on, lol. I tell him this is my dream, and no one can have as much power in my dream as me. and while I totally know I'm talking out my ass, it's WORKING! I am able to use the plastic strings to block an attack, and then twist the cattle prod out of the guys hands and snap it in two. He demands it back, and I laugh and tell him it's broken anyways, his plans are a lost cause. But then he says it's not broken, and I look at it, and it's made to be collapsible, so even though I "broke" it, all I did was take the pieces apart and if I put them back together I can use the weapon. So of course I put them together and then I start to cattle prod the man and push him back into my house. I tell the dream the door is going to be sealed and he can't come out, but the door is shaking and he's pushing his way out... but then the pushing stops. I can see someone through the cracks around the door moving around though, so I open the door and look inside. Instead of medieval guy, there's an old lady in there. I step in cautiously, and she's in the closet hanging up clothes or something, which is what my real grandma would be doing, lol. I'm wondering if she's going to turn back into the knight guy, so I keep my distance. She turns to me, and says something like, "there you are dear! Are you having a good birthday?" I nod, and tell her, "thanks dream grandma." She smiles, and says she'll be right back with my birthday present. I start to tell her that while she's in the kitchen she should tell K to come see me. Then I wonder if dream grandma can even use the phone or even wonder if I can use dream logic to place him in the kitchen for her to tell. I change my mind, and instead decide that since the neighbors kid is always coming over to hang out with my real grandma, I'm going to tell dream grandma to go into the kitchen and tell the neighbors kid to call K and tell him to come see me. She smiles and says of course, and then tells me my mom left a present for me in the dresser drawer. After she leaves the room I move to the drawers. I think for a moment, I should look at my hands. I've never done that in a lucid and I wonder if that ring I got in a dream forever ago is still there. There's a ring on my finger, and it's pretty and definitely not my wedding ring, but not the one from that dream ages ago either. I try to change it into the ring from the previous dream, but while it changes and smooths out getting closer to the image of that other ring, it never looks right. I give up when it stops changing, and start opening the drawers. Nothing in the top, nothing in the second, in the third though I find a moon stone poison necklace (like the kind they would hide poison in if it were fairy tail) that I had years ago. I still have it actually, but it's broken, lol. In the dream it's not broken, so apparently mom had it fixed for my birthday... but I'm cautious about opening it. So I shove it back in the drawer and close the drawer on it. My mom causes night mares, I don't want something from her to fuck this one up for me. I hear the door opening behind me, and I jump, afraid it's my mom or something nightmare-ish. But it's just the little old lady, and she hands me a package of lotion and lip gloss from bath and body works. I can't help but giggle a bit about it because it's the same set my BFF gave me last month, it's even opened and used as much as I've already used it! I wonder if dream grandma just grabbed it out of the bathroom because she didn't really have anything for my birthday, so I just smile and say, "thanks grandma!" and she looks like she's beaming and happy that I like it. Then she starts to leave, and says, "one more thing dear," and she's stepping into the hallway, "You have a visitor." K steps into the room from the hallway. He's dressed in a black trench coat and has on HUGE sunglasses that cover his whole face. I tilt my head confused for a minute, and ask, "K?" he laughs and takes off the sunglasses while shrugging out of the coat, then says, "of course, I heard you were asking for me." I drop the previous gift and start to run towards him and he steps forwards, and I literally jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him... much like my kids when they don't want us to put them down, lol. He hold me close, and I excitedly tell him, "Guess what? I'm dreaming! And I'm lucid!" he turns his face so he's talking right into my ear and says, "baby you can't get lucid." like he's in total disbelief. I laugh and tell him, "I can! and I am!" He hugs me again and says while laughing excitedly, "Then I am glad I lied!" I guess he lied saying I can't get lucid, lol? Then he pulls back and kisses me, and it causes me to feel like I'm falling backwards,and wake up just like when I woke from yesterday's lucid.

Well I can check off my goal of growing wings in a lucid now and I found K in a lucid too! I'm so proud of myself for not running off to find him first thing. I realize that in the dream I didn't have much chance to run off, but I still feel like I accomplished something big by not looking for him right away like in all my other lucids. Next goal to work on, not getting so excited when I see him in a lucid so the dream doesn't crash around me and I have a chance to ask actual questions. Asking a dream character worked so surprisingly well. I will definitely be employing that in the future! Geeze, my first long lucid in over a month, I'm on cloud nine and so happy I took that nap!

Dream One (Fragments): I'm driving home on the interstate, watching the trees fly past me, marveling at how pretty and twisted they are. Then, the scene shifts completely and I'm watching this guy mowing lawns, he's on his cell phone calling other clients at the same time. Someone doesn't want him to come mow this week, so he starts raving about how if they don't cut their grass the rabid squirrels will invade their yard and they will be doomed! Then the scene changed again, and I', watching my friend T, who's gay, talk about working in a porn shop. I find it really odd that he's working in a place full of naked women. He's so smart he could do better, and being gay, it's not like the naked chic's perk is doing him any good.

Dream Two (Fragments): The earliest point I can remember of this dream, I'm pulling my shirt up and looking at these nasty red lines on my sides that are going up from my hips to right below my rib cage. At first I assume they are stretch marks, but then I remember I don't have stretchmarks that look like this. Stretch marks are thin silver lines, and mine are all horizontal wrapping around my belly, these are vertical and at least a half inch thick. They look more like popped blisters, pink in the center and redder and redder as you get to the edge. They don't hurt at least. Felling like this is odd, I turn to the closest person, my husband, and ask what they are and what happened to me to get them. He refuses to tell me. I wander off in search of someone who will, and I walk into a room with a bed. Rini from Sailor Moon (Chibi Usa if you watch the subs I guess) is on the bed, and there's a man trying to inject her with something. I stop him, and I can't remember if I killed him or just wounded him badly and scared him off. I turn back to the bd, and Rini is acting really mean and evil. She sets a doll on the bed, and walks out of the room. I turn to look at the doll, and it looks like it moved! I get closer, and the doll isn't a doll, it's a baby with red pig tails. I wonder if it's Chibi Chibi from the episodes of sailor moon that didn't get dubbed, but I don't know because I've never seen them. How I failed to become lucid during this weird dream I don't know. I clearly knew something wasn't right with the lines, and I knew that Rini and Chibi Chibi were characters from Sailor Moon. I was aware of so much wrong, and yet didn't think to reality check. At least I can pinpoint what caused the second half of this dream. My daughter <3 s Sailor Moon, and we were watching the episodes where Rini was kidnapped and turned into Wicked Lady yesterday.

Dream Three: I'm on the beach with my husband and two kids. My aunt is there too, playing with the kids. It's time to go home, so my husband and I gather up all our stuff. Our arms are full, and the kids are dragging their feet, so my aunt tells us to take our stuff to the car and not to wait up, she can handle the kids fine on her own. I'm cool with this because she wrangled me and my cousins pretty well when I was a kid! When I load up everything in the car, which turns out to be a blue SUV, I climb inside to wait in the shade. my husband starts the car and starts to leave. I fuss at him to wait, but he insists he's just moving the SUV closer so they don't have to walk as far. He ends up moving it farther away, and I'm mad because there's no way they're going to find the car here! I get out and start wandering around trying to find them, but the parking lot and beach are way different now. The parking lot is HUGE and there's a hotel between it and the beach, and the hotel is HUGE. I spend a great deal of time wandering, making this dream drag out but giving me little to write about. I see a lot of cosplayers around, and realize that this must be some sort of anime convention too. I wander to a point where they're doing construction. I can see the beach on the other side, but I can't get past the construction stuff, so I go inside the hotel beside it. I trip a few times. I try to push through crowds. At some point I wander into an indoor pool area. A creepy redneck guy in a red plaid shirt is looking at me funny and I'm alone. I turn around and leave that room as fast as I can. I get a text message from an ex-boyfriend from like 7 years ago, and he's telling me there's an anime convention in his hotel at the beach. I tell him I already know about the con, I'm there now. Finally I make it out of the hotel and see my kids on the beach with my aunt. There's a guy dressed as a clown there too, and he's got my daughter in his lap making silly face at her. My aunt is glad I'm there, she says the kids were terrified when they couldn't find us! I explain to her what happened, and that I have no idea where my husband and the car are. The last couple minutes of the dream, we're wandering as a group through the hotel trying to find our way back to the car.

I was awake late last night, unable to fall asleep. When I finally did fall asleep, I slept really hard. Waking up only twice when I normally wake up at least 4 times a night. I'm definitely taking a nap today!

Dream One: I'm walking across my aunts yard to my Grandpa's house (same Grandpa's house pig guy tried to start a fire the other day and I blew up at K) I see a group of five people hanging out on and around the porch. The porch is like it was when I was a kid, open to the outside (they made it a closed in porch when Grandpa's cancer got bad) I get closer and see that the people are the music duo Blood on the Dance Floor, and two guys and a chic that must be their fans or friends or something. They say hey, and even though they ask my name and introduce themselves, they treat me like I belong in the conversation just as much as everyone else. I tell them it's cool to meet them, some of their music isn't too bad. I don't know their names, but the cuter, chubbier one offers to give me an autograph, but I don't have any of their cds, I download their music w/ DRM rights from my ISP's music program. They say that's cool, and just give me a cd with an autograph. Cool. Then I turn around and see a mirror. I'm wearing a tunic, belt, and green hat like Link form the Legend of Zelda. I'm really confused by this. Someone else shows up then in matching Link cosplay. I'm asking "wait, why am I in links clothes?" and every laughs and says I must be too stoned because I've been wearing the cosplay the whole time. I keep trying to tell them I've never done drugs before and never plan on it, but they are all just laughing and goofing off. That's not the end, but it's all I can remember.

Dream Two: I'm at the house my mom lives in. It's a HUGE house, and in waking life she wants my husband and I and my Grandmother to move in with us. There's a male presence, he doesn't say anything as far as I can remember, he's just there watching over me. It's got to be Vesta. I spent some time last asking that he come give me some advice since I've given up on being lucid while I'm so stressed. I can't even remember to do reality checks with everything else in my brain :/ Anyways, I'm thinking about moving there and how maybe I made the wrong choice telling my husband no. Then I try to do some magic, I want to do something with a bracelet that will help me with my dreaming. I find I can't draw power or anything. I feel like my magic is blocked or drained away by the place (not surprising as my mom is a self proclaimed psychic vampire :/ ) and I'm even more sure this option is just wrong. Things are good where we are now. I'd just gotten away from mom's stress when I had the dreams that led me to finding dream views, but then the stress started again and the dreams that helped me find interesting things stopped. If I move then I won't feel like I have any power anymore, because her and the stress and problems she creates for me and my family will only be worse. There's a reason why I avoid seeing and talking to her even though she's only twenty minutes away. Upon realizing this in the dream, I wake up.

Warning, begin rant. Another night of stress and barely being able to sleep. I'm up five hour early again. Still arguing with my husband about moving, with no end in sight. Plus, I'm tacking on the added stress of realizing that dreaming has become almost meaningless for me. I don't know when it started, probably around November/December when we started having outside stress from my family and my nightmares starring my mom began... But my dreaming has shifted from being a deeper, more enlightening and all together exciting experience to feeling shallow and pointless. I should have taken note of this earlier, but looking back at my book of discovery the last few days has reminded me how my dreams used to leave me waking up feeling mystified, and yet enlightened. These days they feel like little band aids to patch all the problems I have in life, and not at all spiritual or enlightening like they did before. I rarely see K or Vesta, and when I do they're merely trying to calm me down and make me feel better. There are no more dreams that feel like lessons or tell me what to look for when I wake up. I rarely do more than mundane superficial crap in any of my dreams anymore. Even Lucid dreaming, which I had originally hoped would help me find some of the answers I'm searching for isn't working. The few times I have been lucid, I haven't actually looked for any of the answers I intended to find. I get excited and run around like a smitten puppy looking for K instead of even thinking of the answers I want to find. I know this stress will pass eventually, but right now I feel like I'm on the wrong track and need to turn around and get back on track. /Rant

The only common theme in these dreams was my best friend. Not complaining though, she lives several states away so it's always nice to hang out with her, even if she is just a dc Other than that, there's not a whole lot to say about these dreams.

Dream One: I'm in a blimp with my husband and son. The captain says we're making good time. My family decide to go up some stairs to a viewing platform and look out at the world below us. When we reach the top, there's some sort of turbulence. We start to go back down the stairs to our seat, but the whole thing is shaking and kicking, like it's being bumped or tossed about. We all drop to our knees on the stairs, but my little boy is three steps down from me because he was taking off quickly without holding my hand (as usual, he never sticks close by like he should, ha ha). The Blimp heaves forwards, and the steps are tilted back so the bottom of the stairs is higher than the top of the stairs. I'm so scared my little boy is going to fall off the steps and I won't be able to catch him. I wake myself up when I start to reach out for him and smack my hand on the wall, lol.

Dream Two (Fragment): I'm in the house I used to live in years ago. I feel like I'm a business owner of some sort. I've signed a contract with a man who is supposed to be building something for me, and the contracts says he can use one of my employees to help him and he temporarily becomes their boss. I don't specify what employe he can take though, and he takes my best friend A. I'm mad at first because she's my best employe and I need her organizational and office skills because I lack those skills myself and I trust her with my paper work. But He reminds me of the contract and I have no choice. Then Later I find her in her underwear in the garage. I'm flipping out, she looks upset. The guy had taken her to the garage, and told her to strip that he was going to have a Dr examine her before she could work for him because if she got hurt doing manual labor he could be sued. The guy then walked out and left here there. Thinking a dr would be in she had done as requested, but no one had shown up for hours, she was like an abandoned puppy. I was so mad, I started yelling at the man and telling him to take his stupid contract and shove it where the sun don't shine. He won't treat my best friend like that! I feel guilty for even making the contract in the first place, I didn't know this would happen, but I still feel like it's my fault.

Dream Three: I'm the owner of a grocery store. Or maybe I'm opening one? I'm renovating the building, and making it two floors instead of just one. I'm doing inventory when I feel like I should turn around. A blond guy with short hair is standing there. He smiles crookedly but good naturally at me. He seems familiar, so my dream self decides he's the guy who fixed my shower the other day and must be here to install the escalators. He goes along with what I tell him, and I keep thinking to myself, "Damn, he's so cute!" I'm really busy with my inventory though, so I take him to one of the escalators and tell him here it is, I will bring someone to help him out and answer any questions he has. I go a few aisles up, and i find my best friend A. This time she's in a wheel chair, but in the dream it seems normal? I tell her the guy has shown up, and that he's gorgeous! I ask her if she'll supervise him for me and answer any questions he has. She agrees to, and I feel a bit jealous. I wish we could both stand there and watch him work! lol I push her chair to the escalator, and the installation guy is on the floor drilling something into the floor. I can't help admiring his rear A takes a deep breath like she didn't expect him to be that cute (I tend to like guys with long dark hair, like Johnny Depp, lol. Blondes are rarely my thing... K being one of the very few exceptions, and now I guess this DC can add himself to my short list of hot blond DCs. A likes the cute, boyish men like Heath Ledger, Elijah Wood and Daniel Radcliff. Our tastes don't match well at all, ha ha) Anyways, she introduces herself, and he nods at her and looks up at me. I tell him I have to finish my inventory, and I'll be back to check on progress later. I go back to an aisle of canned goods, and do some boring inventory. After a little bit, I go back to check on them. A is on the floor now, the wheel chair is gone. She's looking so lady like and sophisticated despite sitting on the floor. As usual, I'm blown away by how she can look girly and flirty even in the most ungirly places, ha ha. She's tucking some hair behind her ear and talking and giggling as if she's really interested in what the escalator guy is doing and thinks he's so fun and entertaining. I think Damn, she's fast! I never had a chance, but in the dream I feel like she's more in the position of accepting hot guys attention than I am. Like she's single and I'm not I guess. The guy looks up and smiles at me, my heart practically melts. I catch myself and clear my throat like I have something important to say. All I end up saying though is, "I'm just making sure you guys are getting along ok and don't need anything." HG (lets just call him hot guy for the rest of this, lol) says everything is going wonderfully and he'll be done in no time, and thanks me for having one of my employees answer his questions. I smile, but before I can say anything A chimes in that she's having so much fun talking to him and then goes on to say something to both of us about how she'd like to hang out with him if she got off work early. Kind of a hint to me to let her go, and a hint to him that she's interested I guess. He shakes his head, looks at her softly and says, "That would be great, but I'm not really ready for another..." then as he says, "Relationship" he's turning his head towards me, and the looking me right in the eyes he says, "yet." I can feel my cheeks getting hot and I say, "Oh my cheese! I forgot!" and turn around and act like I had forgotten to do something important and I really had to do it right away. I can hear him asking quizzically "Oh my CHEESE?" and A goes into telling him the story of how we were up really late years and years ago chatting on AIM and stopped making any coherent sense in our conversation and someone said OMC instead of OMG, and then the other decided the C must stand for cheese, and thus our inside joke, "Oh My Cheese!" was born. I only hear half of this story though because I'm all fluttery and practically jumping down the aisle to get away from the situation. I don't handle flirting well, ha ha. I do some more inventory, then I hear a noise outside. So I get up and start to walk out the front door of the store. The parking lot is still just a big square of dirt, and there's an odd oak tree towering in the center of it like it belongs there. There's a white truck parked in the shade of the tree, and HG is bending over the bed of the truck grabbing some more tools. I can't help checking him out again. He straightens up, and turns around. He looks at me, and smiles, then drops whatever he had back into his truck and walks purposely my way. I'm standing in the door way, and he gets only a foot or so away, almost creepily close, but I'm not bothered because I'm so attracted to him and he still feels so familiar. I remember his right arm being up, either like he was propping himself on my doorway or like he had put it behind his head. He asks me if I'd like to go somewhere with him, but I get flustered again, and I tell him I'm sorry I've got work to do, and duck back inside. I can hear him sigh heavily like he's annoyed that I keep blowing him off. I find A, and ask her if she'll come with me for a minute, and she agrees because she says HG is getting some tools anyways. We end up at a gas station that around here we call "The Country Market" (but I think every small town in this area has a "Country Market" and none of them are actually affiliated with one another, lol) and then there's snow on the ground. Then this dude who looks like Ray Williams Johnson wants to race sleds. A and I get in a sled and pass him easily. He gets up and curses a bunch, then I wake up. Just a quick side note, the HG character has me pretty confused. I got the same "I need to turn around, there's something very important and familiar here" feeling I get when K comes into my dreams... but where as K's presence tends to make me feel like I'm tingling along the back of my neck and down my back, this HG only made me feel that tingly feeling around my mid back. I'm sure this sounds crazy, tingling? But every one in real life has a different tingle pattern, and normal DCs just don't for whatever reason. It's like they're empty of tingles, ha ha. I'm curious if this DC is of the same variety of K, or even if it could be K with a hair cut and I just only noticed the back tingling and not the neck tingling because I was flustered. I probably won't know unless I either see this DC again, or see K looking like normal in a dream again, lol.

Dream Four (Fragment): I'm on a wooden trailer being pulled by horses. It's a mobile stage though. A and I are sitting below the actual stage platform. A is holding a white and grey cat, maybe it's her cat mittens? There's a man in a magicians outfit, complete with cape. It's the most beautiful color black cloth I've ever seen. It's obviously black, but it shimmers in different colors like mother of pearl or opal... only it's cloth. The guy has long dark hair, and even a mustache. He's got a black dog with him. A is afraid his dog is going to attack her cat, but the man assures us his dog is well behaved. He climbs on the stage platform with his dog and starts to pull something out of his hat. I wake up.

Dream Five (Fragment): My husband and I are looking for some place. We're trying to remember the number to call for information on a cell phone. Like 411 or something, only my husband swears in the dream it's 919. I tell him we should just google it since our phones have internet and google is free.

I've always been interested in dreaming, but this is the dream that got me motivated to learn more about it and ultimately led me to discover lucid dreaming. This is also the first dream that K, my only re-occurring non waking life DC, made his first appearance. I'm going to copy paste the dream as I wrote it out and sent to my bff that morning when I woke up. I'm not going to change much, just take out the names and maybe add a couple of notes in italics that I think are relevant or interesting to note. There are also notes I wrote to her in () throughout the dream. The dream is written to her, so there's lots of "you know"s and such, so I apologize in advanced for how hard it will be to read. Still I am afraid of rewriting it and ruining the authenticity of it, as when I recall it in my mind these days I'd usually slightly different from this recount I wrote to her.

The first point I can remember I was playing Mini golf with my dad. (This is something we used to do when I was really little and we'd go to the beach, surprising that it came up in a dream this late in life, lol) So I'm trying to get the ball through a windmill hole. You know the type with the windmill that moves and knocks your ball away from the tunnel to the hole. And my ball is yellow, and as I try to punt it through, it goes JUST inside the windmill and stops and starts rolling backwards b/c it's a slight hill. As it's slowly moving backwards, a blue ball flies by me and hits my ball knocking my ball back into the windmill and the two balls get stuck inside the windmill. I turn around to see whos ball it was b/c I didn't recognize it as my dads, and there's this guy standing there with a smug look on his face and a hat on his head with like crazy fluffy hair. (by crazy fluffy, I meant frizzy... like he had curly hair and had straightened it with a straightening iron... it was straight, but wanted to poof out at the bottoms)And in my dream, I've got memories of the guy so I "know" him. In my dream I remember a bunch of stuff all at once, half the memories are really sweet (like hugging me to make me feel better, and even sleeping next to him) but the other half are pretty arrogant (like he acts like he's better than me whenever he ends up showing that he cares b/c he doesn't want to let on or is embarrassed about it. Not really sure how to explain that so I hope that made sense!) Anyways, I get all huffy b/c he knocked my ball and got it stuck, and I'm all "What are you going here?" and he gets all smug and arrogant and says, "You didn't think you would actually make it in the hole did you? I just saved you the trouble of failing over and over again." I glare and then start to stomp off, and my dad asks me who he is, and I tell him he's just a jerk I know, and the guy makes a sarcastic "I'm hurt" type response and then we walk off. Then the dream kind of fast forwards, I know that we finished up minigolf and then went to the mall to check out a new video store or something, but I don't remember any great details, just that I was still hanging with my dad at this point and that the guy was pretty much leaving me alone. Then in the dream I wanted to go to hot topic or something and my dad was looking at music that I don't listen to, so I told him I was going to go look around and to call me when he was ready to leave. I leave, and get about three stores down and the guy from before is siting on a bench a good couple hundred feet away but where he can see that I left the store, and he gets up and falls in step with me like he belongs there, and at this point in the dream I'm feeling really mixed emotions. Part of me is happy he's there b/c I know I care a lot about him, but half of me is wondering why the heck he is walking beside me and not saying anything smug or arrogant. After passing in front of a couple more stores he stop me and tugs me into a jewelry store. I'm like Wtf? "Why are you dragging me in here?" and he gets all defensive and says something like, "I need a woman's opinion and even if your not very girly your the only female I know here so your going to help me. If you wanted a ring, which one would you like?" So I take the opportunity to try and tease him about having a secret girlfriend and he tells me to shut up and pick something or he's leaving. Happy to be spending time with him, and really anxious and nervous over the girlfriend part, I shut my mouth and start looking. I find one that's got a lot of tiny pretty sparkly white stones in it. Like diamond chips or something, you know the kind of ring that's all silver with tiny little stones barely the size of the of the dot on an i covering the whole thing like glitter. Then I tell him that most girls like diamonds so that ones probably a safe bet, and he puts his hand on my head and ruffles my hair and says, "I didn't ask you what most girls would like stupid, I asked you what you would like." And I get all pissed that he called me stupid and tell him that I wouldn't like jewelry store rings b/c they don't make them small enough for my hands and storm off. After storming off I go to the food court to get something to eat to calm my nerves and kill sometime until dads done. I'm vaguely aware of people behind me waiting in line to order, and just as I go to pay for my food the guy steps forwards like he had been the one behind me waiting in line and pays for my food saying something to the effect of, "I have to pay you for your services, even if you weren't very helpful" which gets me some weird looks from the people in line behind us and the guy behind the register. I thank the man behind the counter, and one again walk off angrily and annoyed (thoughts running through my head like "Why would he buy me lunch for something so trivial? Did he just want to buy me lunch? and if he did, why'd he have to be a jerk about it!") (not to mention making me sound like a prostitute, lol)and I sit down the eat. He pulls the chair across from me out and reaches out and starts eating my fries. I snap at him, "Get your own food!" and he's like, "Well I would have if someone hadn't been pmsing and decided to storm off before I could order!" to wich I reply, "Then you shouldn't have followed me" and he says, "I'm not done with you yet." and he starts in on the fact that I didn't show him which ring I would like, and I told him that I showed him one that most girls would like, and he says the girl it's for isn't like most girls anyway and I should just stop complaining and help him out. Then somehow we get on the topic of recent murders, and then my dad shows up and says we have to go. He had just got a call that he needed to go back to work for some emergency meeting. The guy makes a "tche" sort of noise like he's annoyed and tells me I wasn't any help, and then he turns to my dad and says something about how he shouldn't go to the meeting when hes supposed to be spending time with his daughter. And my dad gets all mad and says he has to work to make a living and the guy needs to mind his own business. Then I start to say good bye to the guy, but instead of saying good bye to me, he tells my dad to go bring the car around that he has to talk to me for a moment and that he didn't want to talk about our sex life in front of my dad. My jaw drops and I'm like, "What the hell are you talking about?!" and my dad gets all mad and tells me that he's bringing the car around but that he's really angry and we were going to talk in the car.

Then, when he leaves, the guy grabs my arm and leads me back to my seat at the table and pulls my arm down to make me sit, then he starts saying that the meeting my dad is going to is dangerous b/c theres a demon demanding sacrificial souls or else it will wipe out entire cities to get them. And that the government is having "emergency meetings" in all of it's contracted companies, and that all the people that come are going to be wiped out by a "gas accident" but that it's really the demon stealing their souls and burning down the building covering its tracks. Then he says that he's came here to defeat the Demon, but that he doesn't know if he's going to make it back or not and since I didn't pick my own ring I'd have to be happy with the one he picks for me. I'm like, WHAT?! Demon? are you crazy, and what the hell is this ring thing about? And he's all, "What do you think it's for stupid? I love you, ok? and if I make it back I want to marry you. And if I don't make it back, I wanted you to have something so you don't forget and think I hated you." and then I'm all like if you love me then why do you act like a jerk, and he says he doesn't know, he just feels uncomfortable when he's romantic in public and hes a jerk when he's uncomfortable so thats why, and then walks off. So then I go out to the parking lot where dads in the car and he tells me that he was nice enough to take me in when C (my hubby) and I split but that having C (my son) and C(my daughter) over every other week is rough enough and he doesn't need anymore screaming brats around and that he's not happy to hear his daughter is already sleeping around. To which I try to clear up the misunderstanding and tell him I'm not but that the guy is just a jerk like that who says shit without thinking just to get his way. Then I ask him not to go to the meeting and he says he has to, and I realize that instead of going home we've gone to a school. I ask why we're there, and he tells me to get out and go inside b/c there's some sort of emergency drill and citizens are supposed to go to shelters and that he has a shelter at work. When I try to protest he tells me to just go inside and wait, the drill would be over in a couple of hours. So I go inside, and your there!!! YAY!!! This is where A comes in and saves the day! I'm really confused at this point, so I start asking you about this "drill" and you don't really know much either, so we decide to go into one of the classrooms to watch the news on the classroom tv screens. When we get into the classroom the ground shakes, and we freak thinking it's an earth quake, but then it stops after only a couple seconds. Inside there are people sitting at desks and standing along the walls and sitting on the floor, pretty much packing the place watching the tv. On the Screen there is this huge red and shadowy person as tall as a tree and they're coming up out of a buss and pounding and grabbing at my dads work building tearing the whole place apart. Everyone in the room is silent, and the tv anchor is saying something about how there were people inside the building and that special forces were trying to contain the situation but no one was really sure what was going on so everyone was urged to stay in a designated shelter where they'd be safest. At that point I realize that the guy before hadn't been full of crap, and that there really was a demon and that he really had gone to fight it. So I break down crying, and you get a few people to move out of desks b/c my dad was in that building and you set me down at one of the desks and try to calm me down. You keep saying he'll be fine, they'll get him out of the building, and everything will be ok. And then the tv news anchor starts saying that a group of civilians have appeared on the scene, then the anchor starts freaking out saying that the civilians are shooting some sort of light from their hands and they're not sure whats going on, but it looks like they're trying to help defeat the monster. At that point I tell you what happened at the mall, and tell you about how even though I know the guys a jerk sometimes, I really did love him and he really was sweet when he wasn't uncomfortable or felt like his manliness was compromised. Then a lady walks into the room asking if I'm in there, and I don't recognize her but you wave and tell her I'm there. She comes over and drops a a present on the desk and tells me that some guy had left it in the office a while ago and said that I would be in one of the rooms and to give it to me. The present is wrapped in wrapping paper, but it's pulled up at the top like a bag. I dunno how to explain it other than imagine if you had a large piece of wrapping paper, and you set something in the middle then pulled all the corners and ends of the paper up to make a bag around the object instead of using tape to tape it. So I reach out and start to touch it, but when I touch it I can feel through the thin paper that it's shaped like a jewelry box. and I pull my hand back and gasp. You take the a little folded note off the ribbon that's holing it closed and read it out loud to me since I'm crying and everything is blurry. The note says, "Sorry I couldn't make it back. You know what this is for." When you finish I am crying so hard that I feel like I have to get way from the room, so I jump up and run out of the room, into the hall and then out of the school. You follow me, telling me to stop that it's dangerous out there, and I tell you that I have to go see him, that I have to see him one more time. I can't let him die without telling him how I feel as well. And you try to reason with me that obviously he knows how I feel or he wouldn't be so certain in the mall earlier or waste money on something so expensive, but I won't listen and just keep running. The school is in a city, so we're running on a sidewalk in between buildings, and the ground keeps shaking b/c we're only a few blocks from the demon that's trying to tear the building down.

Ok, I promise I'm almost done now, lol. But this is also where it gets weirder. This whole dream is super realistic, in the dream I'm feeling everything. I can still remember the uneven surface of the jewelry box like I really touched it even though it was just a dream. At this point in the dream though, I wake up crying. This is at about 9:45 this morning right? Well I'm still caught up in the emotion of the dream and I really want to go back to sleep to see what happens and to see the guy one more time. So I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. What happens though, is I get stuck in a half awake half asleep state, but it's unlike any I've ever been in before. I'm sill awake and aware of C(my son) and C(my daughter) and their movements and breathing, but I'm also asleep and back into this uber realistic dream. It's like being two people at the same time, only I can feel both the things happening in my dream and my covers on my body in real life, but I can't move my body at all in real life. It's like I'm paralyzed. It really was amazing but scary at the same time b/c I couldn't move!!!

So the dream continues, and we end up at the scene of the battle. There are two girls, and three guys (including THE guy) fighting this demon. Just as we arrive at the scene, THE guy bursts into this beautiful bright white light that completely engulfs the demon and him and it's like an explosion, loud sound and shock wave and everything. We fall to the ground b/c it's shaking and then when everything clears and settles the guy is standing there in the middle of the street were he had just destroyed this demon thing, and he's bleeding from deep cuts along his arms chest and back and he's got no shirt on and his jeans are ripped half up the legs and he has all sorts of dirt and black smudges on him and I rush forwards to him. He look at me, and blinks a couple of times like he's confused, then he's all, "What the hell are you doing here stupid? Your supposed to be safe inside a shelter!" Then he falls to his knees, and I drop to mine and catch him before he can fall face first onto the ground. He reaches around and hugs me (keep in mind I'm still experiencing this half and half state where not only am I feeling this but also my real body wrapped in covers and unable to move) and I'm crying and telling him that I had gotten the gift and that I just couldn't let him die without seeing him again and telling him how I really felt. and he says something about the stupid office lady not supposed to give it to me until nightfall so that if he was going to make it he'd be there when I got it to so I wouldn't freak out.

Then C(my daughter) woke up and started kicking me and I lost the dream, but it took about 15-30 seconds (and several kicks) before I was able to move again. (At the time, my daughter was only a year and a half old, and slept in my bed with me) I had a dream a few months ago (maybe 7 or 8?) that was pretty realistic, I couldn't wake up from, and I was "paralyzed" after waking up for a few seconds, but this is the first time I've ever been conscious of both the dream and my real body and being so aware of how trapped I am. I mean it's one thing to know your dreaming and can't wake yourself up, it's totally different when your aware of your dream and your surroundings but unable to wake up or move or anything on your own. I know it seems similar, but it's much scarier when your aware that things are going on around you and you can't react to them b/c your trapped in this dream and your real body is paralyzed!

Obviously now I know a lot more about sleep paralysis and what I experiencing, but if not for this dream I'd still be clueless and might never had learned about lucid dreaming. K remains my biggest motivator for lucid dreaming. I want to ask him, Why is he the only DC I dream about reoccurringly? Is he a normal DC, or is he a guide, or even another dreamer? Why am I always exhausted after I dream of him as if I didn't get any sleep at all? I could probably fill an entire journal entry with my questions, lol. He's been in several dreams, there was 3 weeks in a row when I saw him every single Monday and Thursday until I had my first lucid. Now, I can't seem to find him when I'm lucid. I've called him in lucids before, but all I can produce of him in those dreams is his voice. As crazy as it sounds, the second dream I ever had of him he tried to make me realize I was dreaming, and that was before I even knew anything about lucid dreaming. I'm pretty sure now that I am able to become lucid every once and a while, he's purposely making me search for him. When I hit this dry spell, he's shown back up again, almost like he's reminding me that I have a purpose, and I can't just give up on lucid dreaming just because I hit a snag. As for his personality, well it hasn't changed much. He still acts pretty aloof in my dreams, though over the last year we've gone from getting frustrated with one another to being happy to see one another. Who am I kidding? I'm always happy to see him But in the begging it seemed like we didn't know quite how to act around one another. Now he keeps his distance and acts at times like he's carrying a chip on his shoulder, but still manages to soften up with me. I no longer get annoyed or mad when he's aloof or distant, I sort of understand that's how he is and I don't think now I'd want him to act any other way. Anyways, if anyone's interested in reading more, SOme entries to check out are:

2/16/12 - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (First Paragraph)

2-20-12 Nap - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (Part Two)

Catching up the last several days! - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (2-23, Dream Two)

2-27-12 - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views (Dream Two and Notes)

There are more, but I don't feel like looking them up, lol. These are just the ones I knew the dates for. I doubt anyone's actually read this far, but if you did Thank You for your time! And please feel free to comment, especially if you've got similarly important or unusual dream characters. This whole thing was mostly for my own benefit though. I intend to rededicate myself to trying to become lucid. When my recall stopped being great, I stopped reality checking and haven't had a lucid in a month or so. I figure reminding myself why I'm trying to get lucid is the best way to kick start my motivation

My kids just don't seem to be getting better So Sleep has been mostly non existent and dreams short and murky if apparent at all, but here's my catching up for the week:

4/4/12-

Dream One: An assassins creed dream. There were lots of bubbles, and I was on a stealth assassination mission on a tower. I wasn't alone, there was someone else helping me, maybe the game was multiplayer in the dream?

Dream Two: I'm following some one, then I see some police step out. I notice they look like German soldiers from WW II... one looks like Hitler and hands me a business card. The card is for some dating service. I think it's funny, Hitlers trying to help people hook up. An Asian dude walks by with huge headphones on, then looks over his shoulder at a huge billboard that takes up the whole wall of a big city building.

Dream Three: Another Assassins Creed dream. I'm scaling walls.

4/5/12-

I'm at some sort of school dance type function. My old drama teacher is there, as are a couple other teachers from high school. I see a friend I had a crush on back in the day, but he looks a lot different. His hair is darker, and long... while I know his hair these days IS long, it's red not brown like in the dream. I stare at him for a moment not recognizing him, then realize who he is, and talk to him for a moment. I remember feeling in the dream like I was by myself, and I wanted to be near people I knew because I hate being alone and awkward. Funny thing is, I found out later that day via Facebook that it was that guys birthday. I haven't spoken to him in years (I graduated like 7 years ago, and he left school a couple years before me) I'm not even subscribed to his news feed so I never see any news about him, so it was a neat coincidence

4/6/12-

Dream One Notes: Forum W/ White light room, Snow? Aunt (can't remember these now )

Dream Two notes: Security check, Balls (Still can't remember)

Dream Three: I was in a world with Vampires and werewolves (just called them Weres, so perhaps there were other animal shape shifters as well) someone wanted me to make them a ball room masquerade type mask with red and silver paint. There was a well or a cave or something I was nearby and thinking of going to.

Dream Four: I was at a family dinner. There were broken fences in the back yard. I had a lot of cousins over. I needed to pee, so I went to the bathroom. When I got in the bathroom I discovered that I was wearing some sort of form shaping underwear that covered from my arms to my knees. I couldn't figure out how to take it off, so I tried to sit on the toilet and pee while wearing it. It got really wet and I realize what a bad idea it was. Later in the dream, my grandpa was there. Then I went home.

Dream Five: My brothers pet snake Pete was ten times it's normal size, and I was baby sitting. It got lose and was slithering through the house. Everytime I'd see it's tail and start to follow it to catch it, the tail would disappear into a hole in the wall and I'd be looking for it again. I remember searching the car and the bathroom.

4/7/12-

Dream One: I'm in a building, maybe and office or hotel building. I'm either looking out a window or standing on the ledge about to scale the wall. There's a guy with me, I think blonde or brunette, and he's sad because he wants me to stay but I have to go.

Dream Two: I'm packing to visit my best friend. I'm talking to her on the phone as I pack and we are so excited!

Dream Three: I'm in the backyard and the ground looks like it's moving. At first I think it's worms coming out of the ground after rain, but then I realize there are MILLIONS of tiny six to ten inch snakes crawling all over the yard. I try to kill then by cutting their heads off with a shovel, but there are too many. I tell my husband to get the lawn mower and run them over, but he swear it wont work and not to worry about them. I'm so sure they're poisonous snakes and we need to kill them before they're big enough to bite.

6/8/12-

Dream One: My cousins daughter and her daddy are delivering Skylanders to our house. It's dark, and the daughter is afraid to walk in the grass because she thinks she will step on a snake.

Dream Two: I'm on a bus, on some sort of trip but it's dark. I feel like I'm not a student, but not a teacher either. Perhaps a parent helper or something, though I don't see my kids on the bus. We're in my town, and I tell the bus driver I'm from the area and that if she gets lost I can help her find her way. Time skips or my memory is missing, but we end up in a room with a door and a window to another room, like the receptionist at a doctors office would sit behind. There's a lady we're waiting on behind the counter to open a door for us. I see a tall guy with blonde hair and a long face looking at me. I wonder for a moment why he's staring at me, because he's being very obvious and stalker like. I think for a moment that maybe he's K because K has blond hair, but his face doesn't look like K's, and he's taller and more bean poleish than K. I ask him anyways why he's looking at me. I don't remember the reply, I think it was that I looked familure or something. I ask him if he is K, and he says Yes. I tilt my head and shake it, No, he's not K. I tell him he's lying, he doesn't feel like K. Then I feel like my attention is being jerked to my left. I look, and there's K! K starts to talk to me, and coyly asks me if I've been looking for him. I think he asks if I missed him (it's been a while since I've seen K for sure) and of course I do, but I can't remember how I reply because I feel cocky like I'm flirting by playing hard to get. He tells me he's in a band, and asks me if that makes me want to date him and I think he grabbed me around the waist and put his fore head against the side of mine so he's talking right into my ear. I pulled away teasingly, and told him I didn't much care for band members, but if he really liked me I guess I could give him a shot. I look away at the end though, acting like I wasn't so interested after all. Suddenly a really short guy dressed like some sort of gangster want to be (complete with the gold bling necklaces and baggy clothes and silly hat!) jumps up in front of me, and he's shorter than me even (I'm 5 ft, so that's SHORT!) and says, "I really like you! Would you give me a shot?" I'm playing hard to get, so I tell him sure, then look at K to see if he's jealous. He just smiles like he find the whole thing hilarious. I'm pretty disheartened by his response, but when I turn back to the guy I agreed to give a shot He's suddenly a little kid my sons age (no wonder he's short!) and I think it's hilarious and adorable because he's acting just like my son does when there's a teenage girl around and I'm like I'll just humor this little kid for a few minutes and hold his hand and walk with him to where ever we're supposed to go then break it to him gently that I'm way too old for him. We walk through the door, and we're suddenly outside. It's still dark, but the sky up the road is glowing red as if there is a bright red light illuminating the sky. The road is blocked off, and there are some emergency vehicles. Someone's saying there's an airborne chemical in that area that is burning people and they are trying to keep people away and evacuate the unaffected people. I see a girl who reminds me of a Hawaiian friend of my husbands. The dream goes into third person, and I'm watching her go home. There's a little girl there, and she's upset. Apparently the older sister brought some sort of chemical home from work, and the little girl dropped it on the floor and it spilled. She scooped it back into the container, but it had dirt mixed in with it. The dirt made the chemical change, and when the sister got to work the chemical became the air borne chemical that's burning peoples faces. The older sister is worried the mistake will be tracked back to her and she'll get in trouble. The little sister keeps messing with things that belong to the big sister, and she snaps that it's the little girls fault. The little girl gets something black on her hands, and the big sister gets worried that it's the chemical and it might burn the little girl. She wipes the child's hands off and starts crying, then I wake up.

Dream One: I'm staying with an older couple, like they've taken me under their wing when I was in a tight spot or something. I'm going out for the day, so I've just left the house and am walking down the street. I come to a stop sign and three guys in their early twenties step around the corner and start acting like they're going to hit me. One pushes me back and another one steps behind me so I fall back into him. He pushes me forwards again and I lose my balance and hit the ground. Just then a hooded figure comes up from behind the second guy, picks him up and throws him into the other two. They fall over, and then scramble to their feet and run away. I look up to see Altair (of course I did, doesn't everyone dream of that game after playing it? lol) has rescued me. He thrusts out his hand and I take it and let him pull me to my feet. I'm sure there was some sort of conversation here, but since its the first dream of the night I can't much remember it. I just remember wanting to see what was under his hood (So far in the game, I've yet to get a good look at his face, and its driving me nuts, ha ha) He lowers his hood, and he looks like Caspian (Ben Barnes) from the second Narnia Movie. I take him back to the house with the old couple, and they agree to let him stay there because apparently he has no where else to stay while he's in town. I decide that I need to go buy some protective jewelry like this is some sort of real life RPG. I remember being in the store and buying a random pack, then I remember sitting on my bed in this old couples house dumping the contents of my bag in a box to craft my protective jewelry. I notice the room is a very bare room, with grey walls, black linoleum floor, my twin sized bed against the right wall and another bed against the left wall. There's a night stand with a lamp on it between the two beds against the far wall, so you can't reach it from laying in either. When I dump my pouch into the box, all the beads and pendants that fall out are Hello Kitty. I laugh to myself and think I'll feel so tough wearing this :/ but that my daughter would love it. I start to string the pendants and beads onto some wire, and Altair/Caspian walks in and sits down on the bed on the other wall. This establishes to me in the dream that the other bed is his. He's cleaning a blade or something, then my memory skips to being outside. There's snow on the ground, and there's a black Dog that looks like a Husky with me. He has a green eye and a blue eye, and in my dream I think he either is Caspian/Altair or has some sort of strong connection to him. We're playing in the snow, tug of war with a stick, the dog chasing me and knocking me playfully to the ground to lick my face, then making a snow angel while the dog wags it's tail and makes a "tail angel". Then I remember something I needed from inside, and we stop playing to go inside and get it. When I walk into our room, I notice there are all kinds of things tucked under Altair/Caspian's mattress, so much it's poking out all around the bed. I laugh to myself that the things aren't hidden well and as an assassin he should do better! I reach under my own mattress and pull out a substitute Soul Reaper combat pass. I tuck it into my pocket then start walking out of the house. The dog follows me, but when I get down the road a ways, it's no longer there, instead the guy from the "present day" part of assassins creed is following me. (If they've mentioned his name in the game already, I didn't hear it over my loud kids) The road gets rougher and rougher the farther I walk, until it looks like something out of an apocalypse movie. I notice steam coming from a crater in the road, and rush over to it. Inside the crater is water in a huge golden basin, and I immediately recognize it as a "goddess Spring" (from Kid Icarus) The guy behind me is asking me what I'm talking about, and I tell him that the spring will heal us and I climb in fully clothed. From my seat in the spring, I can see a ruined city and wonder if we we will strong enough to stop whatever caused this destruction. This is about the last point I can remember of this dream. Not sure if I woke up then or just forgot the rest. I woke from this dream around 3 am.

Dream Two: I'm at my dead Grandfather's house. There are a lot of other people there whom I don't recognize from real life but my dream self recognized them as "the forum" which forum, I don't know! I lurk on 5 different ones on a daily basis, lol. I'm behind the shed, and I walk out from behind it and I see all kinds of large rectangular things laying on the ground. I recognize these as threads, and start wandering around to read them. I come across one in front of Grandpa's Shop that's titled "How big is your Dragon?" and I see lots of pictures of dragons, but then I also see people are treating it like a big penis joke and everyone's trying to one up each others "dragon" and that the dragons actually look like the Chinese style dragons with long snake like bodies, not European dragons with big round bodies. A man comes up to me and I'm laughing at this thread, so he reads over my shoulder. He tells me he's a mod, and had forgotten all about this thread, he was glad he had noticed someone looking at it so he could reminisce. Then he asks me how many pages the thread was now, and we start to check. We are astounded to find the thread is now 140 pages long. He laughs and says that the thread was a lot more active than he thought! Then he picks it up and starts shaking it like a rug. He tells me he has to keep the forums clean. Then I wake up and it's around 5:30, lol.

Dream Three: My daughter wakes up and wants to go into the living room. I'm still sleepy, so I get up with her to see if Grandma is in the living room. If she is, I plan to let my daughter watch TV in the living room with her and just go back to bed. When I get in the living room, the neighbors daughter is in the living room, as are two other little girls probably around 6 or 7.My grandma says she's babysitting them (my grandma hates those kids, so in hind sight that should have really made me lucid -_-) I accept this, and just tell my daughter to be good for Grandma and go back to bed. I think I woke up around 7:30 with this one.

Dream Four: I'm at a radio Station. There's a really nice DJ, and a really snobby jerk. The nice DJ has long frizzy black hair and a thin sunken face, he's not attractive physically, but his personality more than makes up for it and I find him attractive. The jerk looks like Jonah Hill, lol. The jerk is making some sort of bull shit rules that aren't fair, though I can't remember what they are off the top of my head. Apparently he can get away with it because he's the son of the radio station owner. Everyone is upset, and he's laughing about his total power over the place. I run off and find the nice dj. I'm crying, and he asks what's wrong. I tell him what a jerk the other guy is being, and ask him to do something about it because he has a lot of sway with the station. He doesn't really want to, but another guy walks up then and tells him He'll give him some Peanut Butter and Jelly cookies if he'll help the station out. The guy seems to really like the peanut butter and jelly cookies (and in the dream they're shaped like peanuts and have jelly sandwiched between two of them) because he is swayed by these cookies. We walk back into the room with the jerk DJ, and the nice DJ starts giving a speech about letting shit slide, and how you can't be so strict. Then, he surprises everyone by admitting that he is also the son of the radio station owner and that if his brother doesn't lay off, he will talk to their father and get the whole mess straightened out. Everyone cheers, then people start talking about nice things the radio station can do to help people. One woman stands up, and starts talking about winning a fight against breast cancer, but losing a breast in the process. She asks if the radio station can help her raise the money to buy a prosthesis. The Nice DJ tells her that he makes props and costume pieces for Cosplay, and could easily make her a realistic boob if she'd like. She starts crying tears of happiness, and I wake up and it's about 9.

Dream Five: My husband and I are in a used book store of some sort. There's a table with a lot of older books on it. I see a couple of smaller books on a shelf beside it that are old Sailor Moon merch. One's an art book, the other is some sort of cards set with the sailor scouts as the king/queen/jack/aces/joker. We ask the lady behind the table how much the books are, and she says $90 for the ones on the table. I'm disheartened, but my husband tells her we were asking about the books on the shelf beside the table, and she says those are only between $4-$6. I'm really happy they're so cheap, and my husband buys me both Sailor Moon books. We spend the rest of the dream pouring over them and talking about watching Sailor moon as kids and explaining to the Book seller who Sailor Moon is. Wake up from this one about 10:15.

I decided to include the times I woke up from these as a reference so I can look back and see if there's a pattern to my dream content and when the best time for me to dream is. It also gives a pretty good idea of my sleep pattern. Last night I went to sleep about 1:00 am