Trial and Error

I was pregnant when the dream started, no explanation, and was making many trips to the abortion clinic.
They were telling me all sorts of things I wasn't listening to. I wanted to be sure of what I was going to do before I did it. I decided that this was my choice to make and no one would sway me in my pursuit of finding what was best for me.

I didn't want to just abort the baby with out the consideration of outside adoption and those sorts of things, but I also did not want to add another baby to a foster home or something. And I would not be able to take care of it while going to college.

So I kept it for awhile.

I did normal things, like watching netflix with my friends (the house looked like one from a friend in CO) but I was unable to focus, I all could think about was what I wanted to do with it.

I made more trips to the clinic. I went into a room with a large group of people sitting most of them watching a TV suspended from the ceiling. It looked like a large scale doctors waiting room. I looked a the TV to see some sort of cheerleading routine. I watched for awhile and thought that it would be a much harder decision if i was pursuing some sort of physical career or engaged in some sort of sport. I felt my stomach and realized that I could feel the child inside me.

My dad took me to the next appointment. (I do not have a good relationship with him irl). As we were walking to the door, I felt the baby inside me and officially decided to abort it. I realized that I did not have time to be the mother I would want to be to it, and that there is a lot more I wanted to do first.

Suddenly the baby's arms and legs started ferociously kicking and shoving the inside of my stomach, all four limbs thrashing. I could suddenly hear him screaming and gasping. He began kicking my pelvis and then turned around to scratch my organs, still screaming somehow. Finally he pushed his whole form against my stomach until almost his entire form could be seen, him still inside me. He was having a meltdown, freaking out that I had decided to kill him. My dad stops walking but does nothing. He continues to scream.

I touch were the side of his head was and told him to calm down, I wouldn't do it. He continued thrashing, screaming and gasping. I began crying and pleaded with him to stop, it hurt. I told him sorry and begged him to calm down. Slowly but surely his breathing returned to normal and he returned to where he had been.

I grabbed my stomach freaking out, and woke up.

Had a phantom baby for awhile. So strange.